Is sex the most important thing

Not heard from the OP in ages – do you think he’s been scared off?

Yes I am 🙂

Difficult to discuss very personal things in public like this, but for me it feels like a lack of interest or understanding (yes, probably mutual), rather than just the absence of “hide the sausage” that is the problem. So when sausage time does come around it is more like 2 people masturbating simultaneously.

Yes trust you’ll get laid and faith it’ll happen again.

A wise old woman once told me to get the sex right first and everything else would fall into place. If it isn’t right in the beginning, it never will be. And I concur up to a point, if the sex is below par, the relationship will never be as good as it potentially could be. That’s why I think it’s best to test drive or borrow a few different models before signing a long term agreement…

I don’t think it’s as simple as thinking about your own sex drive, more the chemistry between two people.When I was married we would row and be quite nasty to each other but we always had banging sex, which probably kept us together after we had developed different interests .Now I’m with somebody who I get on with in every way and who is good to get on with…but the fizzy bomb fireworks aren’t the same ,things are less intense but there’s not the urgency or desire in the same way .

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-25094142
Do we have a reporter in our midst?

I feel no urge to speculate…

This is good; there’s no rush – take your time. No-one likes a premature speculation. 😉

*spits coffee*

4.9 times a month?? Jeez… After a quick tally-up for November, I guess there must be a lot of blokes getting nothing at all to give an average of 4.9!

But some couples do have a big mismatch in sex drive, and that may not necessarily be fixable, if the partner with the lower drive (not always the woman)

This is true in my experience. After believing that women have no sex drive as a young yoof, nearly every woman I’ve had a vague semblance of a relationship with has thoroughly enjoyed sex and it’s been a big part of our time together.

Like I previously said maybe the OP should try swinging, sex is like food, if you have the same thing every day you will soon get sick of it.

Agreed to a degree. Assuming you like the person you’re eating with, there’s no reason not to try everything you can on the menu (so to speak).

I really must read the OP’s original post to make sure I’m not going completely off track.

Swinging or extra-marital/NSA/FWB relationships may just show the OP the deficiencies in other areas of his relationship with his wife. You’d need a really very solid relationship to do this with your wife/with your wife’s consent, and it would be a shitty thing to do without it.

Dr Jplease beup front with her about how you feel, unless you know you want out. I didn’t handle it brilliantly when I was in your shoes.

Have you not read the rest of the thread?

Have you not read the rest of the thread?

Well yes, but I just thought it was a classic case of mountain bikers spending more time washing their bikes than their balls…

Dr J please be up front with her about how you feel, unless you know you want out. I didn’t handle it brilliantly when I was in your shoes.

Definitely; total honesty is always the best bet. Why not use…

when sausage time does come around it is more like 2 people masturbating simultaneously.

It may not be the most tactful but it’ll cut to the chase…

🙂

TBH and I mean being honest. If my SO wanted it and I refused her it not on medical grounds (i.e medication) I just was not in the mood for it anymore with her and I then subsequently found out she went on to cheat on me. Who would I blame?

Who would you blame in that circumstance? I’m not saying the OP etc should cheat. I think there needs to be a very frank dicussion. Everything out on the table. See if there is a middle-ground or if ultimately it provokes a trial split. 🙁

On this final point, should you feel ‘guilty’ for being so childish to want sex. It could feel that way but part of you is miserable.

Agreed to a degree. Assuming you like the person you’re eating with, there’s no reason not to try everything you can on the menu (so to speak).

I should clarify, as this is the internetz: I think you can have a fun, interesting and fulfilling sex life with one person, but it does take imagination and time. And sometimes toys.

Not read the whole thread, so apologies if someone has done this already, but we have the opposite problem. I’m a medicating Bipolar sufferer, and one medication side-effect is it reduces libido, and of course when I was a raging Bipolar I was sex mad, so the poor missus knows what she’s missing.

Sometimes I actually find the whole sex thing a bit ‘been there done it’. Ditto porn. I’d happily chop my tackle off and be done with it.

so what is considered ‘average’ for monthly horizontal jogging? i thought most guys could never get enough?

Average is about 5 times per month according to that BBC report. Going by that the missus is short changing me a couple of goes each month 😕

freddyg – have you gone back 7yrs in your discussions?

Did the pregnancy and/or childbirth scar or effect your SO? She might not have said anything OR she might not have even verbalised it herself. Get her to talk about it. There can be less sex post-birth however to go to zero is very unusual. Sometimes the answers are right infront of you and just need the pieces to click. Don’t talk about not doing it, go right back talk about the pregnancy and birth.

“Do the two of you have enough time with each other alone, and when neither of you are tired/stressed/drunk?”

Probably the most important question to ask.

@hora – I posted a reply to this some three pages ago. The cessation of intimacy was not just post childbirth. It started many years before, when we were first married (1990!). The 7 years refers to the last time!

Holy moly, life is too short to be wasted this way!

On the plus side you’re obviously extremely patient so at least channel the time into making progress with counselling. IMO though you should be prepared to declare you won’t tolerate a future where you’re this frustrated and unhappy, so ultimately you would leave or openly play away. If someone loves you they shouldn’t put you in this position in the first place, but they should at least try to respond if you get serious about it and try to work patiently towards an outcome that works for both of you. You deserve better than this! Everybody does.

Different circumstances for me, I was starting from a good situation but wanted more. Anyway what worked was texting not just about fantasies, but suggesting opportunities to be briefly intimate with tasters. This demonstrated I’d put some thought into it and that I really desired her. That boosted her confidence so much so that she has since become the more sexually voracious and experimental of us.

Wait for it…

wait….