Inanimate objects which are pricks

The problem is that the machines are not designed to cope with the utter stupidity of the average airline passenger so if they’re 4mm out of line or blink at the wrong time, the machine will throw a fit. Although I’m still willing to go with 10% machine fault and 90% fault with the moron passenger trying to use it.

This is half the trouble of the supermarket machines. They know half the users will be morons and sometimes overcompensate for this so that the machine is constantly bleating at you to do things which you are in the middle of doing already, or locks down everything and calls the attendant at the slightest hiccup when the problem is easily fixed by removing the speck of dust that just fell onto the scales or something but NOOO it’s got to be checked by the attendant, who half the time doesn’t know how to control the thing anyway, scrolling through the menus when the relevant button is right there under their stupid nose.

That was a long sentence.

Tip: in Tesco, always try to use the cash & card machines, not the card only ones. The “ready for next item” time after scanning is much faster, so you can actually scan things one after the other without having to wait for a second or two after every single thing you put on the scales.  I think I even timed it once (that’s how sad I am), the card only machines are about 1.5 seconds slower. May not sound like much but it’s enough to be really frustrating.

Ice skating mongooses dancing the Bolero

Or a turner seascape perhaps?

Packing areas on self service tills, why are they a tiny tray 4 foot in the air with no sides?  I often shop on the way home by bike, I have panniers for the shopping, but, they can’t be stood in the bagging area so I have to leave then in the trolly or on the floor while trying to balance my shopping jenga style on the scale with the heavy items at the bottom.  Then, I have to reverse the whole process to pack the panniers with the heavy items first.  How hard would it be to have a baging area that actually allowed the use of bags other than carrier bags?  Pricks.

This is half the trouble of the supermarket machines. They know half the users will be morons and sometimes overcompensate for this so that the machine is constantly bleating at you to do things which you are in the middle of doing already, or locks down everything and calls the attendant at the slightest hiccup when the problem is easily fixed by removing the speck of dust that just fell onto the scales or something but NOOO it’s got to be checked by the attendant

Yeah, the ones in Poundland are buggers for that, to the extent that I refuse to use them. The ones that Wilco had were excellent, just a scanner ‘gun’ on a cable, on a till without a human, so it was such a doddle to just touch the ‘Start’ button and scan the barcodes, press ‘finish’, and tap your card. Exactly how the process should work, but no, the shops have to over-complicate an otherwise simple task, by having unnecessary bag sensors, etc. What’s that acronym? KISS – Keep It Simple Stupid; that should be the guiding principle behind any customer-facing service machine.

Packing areas on self service tills, why are they a tiny tray 4 foot in the air with no sides? I often shop on the way home by bike, I have panniers for the shopping, but, they can’t be stood in the bagging area

If you ask the attendants they can set the machine so you can pack directly into your bags – I do it all the time.  P)ut it on the machine, press ” using own bags” and sometimes it will accept them but if not the staff can accept them

Ice skating mongooses dancing the Bolero.

Thank you, Arnold.

it’s got to be checked by the attendant, who half the time doesn’t know how to control the thing anyway

My local is an anomaly where they assume everyone is a shoplifter until proven otherwise, but that particular store aside, nine times out of ten the attendant just clears whatever alert has been raised without checking anyway.

If you ask the attendants they can set the machine so you can pack directly into your bags – I do it all the time.

Literally every one I’ve used, this is a standard option on the front screen, no attendant required.

When I say ‘can’t be stood in the bagging area’, I mean because they can’t be perched on the tiny scales.  It’d be easy if I could pack the bags while they were in a trolly but that would bypass the scales and I’ve never come accross a store that’ll let you bypass the weighing process.

USB plugs.

Not the small end, the big end that goes into computer or plug adaptor.

There’s only 2 sides, so its 50/50, but chances are you’ll always get the wrong side if you try to plug it in without paying extra special attention to which side is which.

There must be some law of the universe at play with them things.

There’s at least three sides to USB-A plugs, I’m sure. There’s the wrong way, the right way, and the right way you had correct first time around but it wouldn’t plug in because it’s a malevolent prick.

Umm, dildos?

(to answer the original question)

Even worse are the washing machines that play what feels like a 45 minute ‘tune’ to announce they’ve completed. I wouldn’t mind if I could turn it off and use a separate time but I can’t!

I like my Samsung rendition of The Trout. There, I said it.

There’s no malice, it’s just that USB plugs exist in a higher number of observable dimensions than most- they have the usual three spatial dimensions plus time, they just also have ‘how many time has someone tried to plug me in recently’ as a further dimension that must have the correct value (>3).

I’m not proud of this, but when I got my first USB-C device I thought I’d just finally got good at putting USB plugs into sockets, after years of failure

There’s at least three sides to USB-A plugs, I’m sure. There’s the wrong way, the right way, and the right way you had correct first time around but it wouldn’t plug in because it’s a malevolent prick.

They exist in a quantum state until observed. A bit like Schrödinger’s cat.

You actually have to look at the orientation of the plug and socket before you can plug it in.

Once you accept this Universal truth, (the clue is in the name Universal serial bus) it’s far less stressfull.

I now put a X on in pen showing ‘Up’ on all my USB’s

Umm, dildos?

isn’t the whole point of those that they’re NOT pricks ?

I now put a X on in pen showing ‘Up’ on all my USB’s

I’m pretty sure all my USB-As have a USB symbol on the “up” side. Of course it still requires the obligatory 3 attempts.

isn’t the whole point of those that they’re NOT pricks ?

No, the point is it doesn’t come with another prick attached (other opinions are available) 😂

I like my Samsung rendition of The Trout. There, I said it.

Mine goes straight into the power down jingle after ‘The Trout’. It’s in a different key. I’m far too traditional to enjoy that kind of modern, discordant stuff.

With points? Carburetors? “brakes”? Rust? Oil leaks? Seats without headrests? Leaks around all the glass? No central locking? No rear seatbelts? Unpowered steering? Demisters capable of blowing mildly heated air only at one small spot on the passenger side?

Perfect!

Points were easy so were carbs but who touches them anyway. New cars rust and leak. Who needs head rests, centyral locking, seat belts, power steering

The front bonnet area on a BMW i4. A massive space where a powerful 6 cyl motor can live. Would have made a spacious front boot as it’s a EV so no engine but no, BMW filled it with enough lazily routed pipes and hoses that’s it’s un-useable.

My right contact lens – its been missing somewhere round the back of my eyeball for about an hour now and its an absolute prick!

Parking meters.
You have one job . Eat my money and issue a ticket. It’s not hard , really it isn’t. Stop spitting my money out , or refusing to read my card . It works everywhere else faultlessly. Ringo is a pita , and why do they make it odd amounts . The bastards know if it’s £1.20 they are most likely getting £1.50 or £2. No change given . Why am I not surprised. No I’m not a horsebox or car and trailer. I just want an hour of parking
Why are they designed to make life way harder than it needs be?

Parking meters.

Apparently Ilkeston station car park costs more if you pay on the app than at the machine. Being a Luddite, I didn’t know this till a younger colleague moaned about it.

There’s an app for that.

costs more if you pay on the app than at the machine

And they have the nerve to call that a ‘convenience charge’. It is more convenient, but for the people collecting, not for me, so why am I the one paying for it?

Why is it I always find several of the type of USB cable I’m NOT LOOKING FOR and none of the type I want???????????????

There’s at least three sides to USB-A plugs, I’m sure. There’s the wrong way, the right way, and the right way you had correct first time around but it wouldn’t plug in because it’s a malevolent prick.

They’re spin half particles. You have to turn them round twice to get back to the start. It’s the only answer.

From last week,

Oral-B iO toothbrush.

I thought you might enjoy this.

Parking apps, not an object but definitely a prick.

I rarely use them and when I do it’s normally with a company or hire car so the last time the process was:

Download the app.

Log in or sign up.

Select sign up.

Enter email and password.

Ha! You can’t sign up as that email has been used before (did I use this app on an old phone?).

Select sign in and forgotten password.

App says reply to e-mail.

No email received.

Go back to sign in and request text.

Receive text and click link.

Create new password.

Enter carpark ref.

Look at details – Reg listed is for a hire car from years ago.

Spend several minutes trying to find how to change vehicle.

Enter new reg.

Payment card has expired.

Enter new payment details.

Finally……

Carpark is full, you can’t pay for parking.  WTF? It’s not full, I’ve just parked alongside a row of empty spaces.

Check sign, it says, ‘limited spaces, please pay for parking before leaving car’.

Move car to the other carpark and pay at meter.

That night, (18 hours later) receive password reset email.

Oh, I’ve had that.

Sign up, “email address already in use.”

Oh, OK, forgot password, “email address not found.”

The Playstation Network did this to me a few years back. I ended up creating a new profile.

Public EV chargers are prick-cousins to parking meters. The kicker being that many of them don’t even have a way of just paying for a charge, you have to download a specific app, register for the service, validate your card and THEN find there’s a fault with the charger. JUST PUT A CARD READER ON THERE AND LET ME PAY FOR SOME ELECTRONS.

Kitchen scales, it really shouldn’t be that difficult. Put it on a flat surface, turn it on = ERROR. Pick it up, put it back down in exactly the same place and it works. Cycle through the settings to find grams, zero it again because it has somehow found 30 grams of air to weigh in the last few seconds. Try to weigh item but its turned itself off, turn it back on = ERROR, repeat until I am tempted to lob it at the wall and guess how much flour I need.

My boiler at the moment. Grrrrr

Toilet Seats that won’t stay up are annoying. But soft close toilet seats that let you to think they are going to stay put are pricks

Cairngorm funicular. Its a lazy expensive prick that does not work

Save As dialogs that force you to navigate back to the folder you opened the file in, in the first place. The very same dialogs that don’t include the folder you opened the file in, in the recent list. Massive pricks!!!

Inow put a X on in pen showing ‘Up’ on all my USB’s

That might work until you hit an AudioPro speaker. The bastards have theirs in upside down.

USBs… pretty sure all my USB-As have a USB symbol on the “up” side…
The some twit at Sennheiser decides, “Ah, poor little ‘down’ side. You deserve a badge too. Infact, that would be a great place for my logo, (a hifty bit of free advertising for… [another version of the product you already own])”.
T’Dar! To every typical middle aged person, with typical short sightedness… Both sides; inde-flippin-stingiusable from each other. #the procks that make inanimate objects look like procks

Inow put a X on in pen showing ‘Up’ on all my USB’s
That might work until you hit an AudioPro speaker. The bastards have theirs in upside down.

Yes – ‘up’ relative to what? I have to transfer files between a PC laptop and my CNC machine with a thumb drive. The ports on the two machines are different ways up – which ones upside down?. The ones on the back of my iMac are sides ways – so is ‘up’ left or right?

Anything that you inadvertently rap your knuckles on in the cold.

Yesterday was the bumper of the van when replacing a damaged door holder thingy.

Absolute unrepentant bag of dicks of a thing.