Inanimate objects which are pricks

Every modern car. I don’t need to be told I don’t have my seat belt on. I don’t need assistance to keep me in my lane which is bloody dangerous when local roads are built the  way they are. I don’t need a sodding screen to turn the heater on. I don’t need tinted glass to look like a drug dealer. I don’t need tyres a few cm deep because I actually prefer a comfortable ride. I don’t even need a car that does 71mph. I don’t need a bumper that crumples when you brush some thing.

I bloody well don’t need a modern car but the wife thinks they look good.

Facebook Messenger. I now a have a message on my phone telling me I am lucky enough to now be able to set up a 6 digit security key.  Who the hell cares? it is Messenger not the hot line to the Kremlin.

Can I opt out? Nope!

UK plugs are over engineered for a reason.

The majority of European countries had RCDs way before they were common here. We had those awful wired fuse boxes. Terrible things. So they didn’t need the extra protection that the 3 pin plug gives you.

UK plugs are over engineered for a reason.

I’d argue that they are adequately engineered, and other plugs are under engineered.

These pair of pricks

I’d argue that they are adequately engineered, and other plugs are under engineered.

I’d agree with you there.. I much prefer the standard 3 pin UK plugs to the crappy 2 pin Spanish ones, purely from an ergonomic point of view…  especially when in extension blocks.. for example, they are either super difficult to insert properly, or don’t feel like they are held in securely and waggle about.

The pull tab on foil lid under the cap of the milk bottles from the supermarkets.

They just seem to be stuck to the underside of the cap. So you open the new milk and the pull tab is gone. Thus you need long finger nails or patience or some such thing to open the milk without wearing it.

Morrisons and Sainsbury’s are the worst.

UK plugs are one of the few remaining good things about the UK. Other country’s plugs just seem shit in comparison. Like they were designed by idiots. Wobbly and cheap looking.

In the prick category I’d like to nominate the fridge with a small freezer compartment built in. The ones that slowly ice over until you can get nothing in there. They should make a **** massive one and the arctic sea ice would be back in full effect within a fortnight.

Also microwaves, all of them. Stupidly loud beeping noises, ridiculously complex controls and just generally shit at heating things up as advertised.

Threads. Every time I come up with a contribution someone gets there first… Skoda update nonsense^^  👍 and tops inside milk container lids^^ 👍 (Aldi in my case)

Matryoshka dolls. Full of themselves. Pricks

Ford Transit custom wet belt engines. I want one but the pricks keep blowing up apparently.

On our work version of PowerPoint,  the spell checker decides which one of about 4 random European languages it will use in every text box, usually a different one in each item on a slide.

It doesn’t make any difference what language is set as default, or even if you uninstall all languages bar English.

When it’s really on one, it’ll choose different languages in the same sentence, the cynical ****.

Keys. Today I locked the garage and dropped the garage keys along with the car key on the kitchen table – that was what I remembered. Later I needed the garage key to get the drill out, the car key was there but no garage keys. Half and hour of looking yielded nothing, doubt set in, where have the keys hidden themselves? More hunting then I remembered I’d shut the garage door wearing my ski pants which have nearly horizontal pockets that things fall out of, and the first thing I’d done on entering the house was go to the bog. Lift the drain cover, get the hose pipe and clear out the trap they’d have ended up in – nothing. Madame joined in the hunt and an hour and a half after the hunt started found them in her bag which was hanging on a chair near to the kitchen table. The keys had somehow lept from the kitchen table into her bag, pricks!

😆

That thing about the crash detection system in cars has reminded me. Our Skoda has some sort of system that integrates the parking sensors and longer-range adaptive cruise control, and can alert us if it thinks we’re going to hit something while we’re driving.

Every now and then, when driving at around 20mph, this will trigger at the front of the car – and then, a moment later at the back of the car. When there’s clearly nothing there.

The first couple of times it did it, it properly shook me. It’s now happened enough times that my son will remark “have we just driven through another ghost?”

It was either the Skoda (Octavia) that I had or the Civic, driving along one day using ACC, all of a sudden it screamed and stood the car on its nose like I’d just thrown a boat anchor out the back, it’d shat itself over a ****ing crisp packet in the road.

Self-driving cars, right.

Autocorrect which you don’t realise is on. In typing this post it has decided that when I type startle I meant to type start, and swear becomes sweat. **** right off, I know what I mean!

Dear autocarrot: it’s never “duck.” It’s rarely “aunt.”

See through plastic blister packs containing potentially useful, yet inaccessible, scissors.

This one time, at band camp in Lakeland I think, I saw a pair of blister pack scissors… in a blister pack. Great idea but to get into them you’d need… it’s turtles all the way down, isn’t it.

Every modern car. I don’t need to be told I don’t have my seat belt on.

The Hyundai I had, I nicknamed it Crosby because every time you did anything it went “bing!” Speck of dust on the passenger seat, bing!

Bing!

Bing!

Bing!

Bing!

Bing!

Bing!

Bing!

Bing!

Duck off.

Oh, and,

I understand how difficult it is to program a progress bar. (I think there’s a Tom Scott video on that too.) But for gods’ sake, “100%” – so why are you still going, then?

Autocorrect is a massive prick. I swear Apple, **** deal with it.

The small bit of paper with irrelevant information instead every pack of paracetamol. No one reads it. ****t

It’s a nesesary evil… Otherwise you’ll get people overdosing on paracetamol and suing because they weren’t warned.

See also ‘warning: contains eggs’ warnings in the small print on… Cartons of eggs.

The small bit of paper with irrelevant information instead every pack of paracetamol. No one reads it. ****t

No matter how often I open a pack of tablets, even to the point of thinking “I always do this, I’ll do it the other way” and second-guessing myself, I invariably open the end of the box which has the paper wrapped over the tablets.

Pricks.

Whatever system British gas use to track customers status. My father was surprised to find out this morning that he was dead.
Mind you they were still billing him so….

How could we forget https://www.saddlespur.com/ ?!

Autocorrect is a massive prick. I swear Apple, **** deal with it.

I’m sure you must be aware that Windows had autocorrect before Apple came along, and Android has autocorrect as well, and don’t forget, Google was developing Android before Apple introduced iOS.
iOS isn’t perfect, but it’s become good enough to predict complete words, even sometimes complete sentences and phrases, depending on the context, which it’s done several times in this sentence.
It’s often as good as I am, sometimes better, because it’s learned by the context of my writing.

Oh, and 👇🏻: some things are nothing but pricks! 😉

I’m sure you must be aware that Windows had autocorrect before Apple came along, and Android has autocorrect as well, and don’t forget, Google was developing Android before Apple introduced iOS.
iOS isn’t perfect, but it’s become good enough to predict complete words, even sometimes complete sentences and phrases, depending on the context, which it’s done several times in this sentence.
It’s often as good as I am, sometimes better, because it’s learned by the context of my writing.

I’m aware but currently use and Apple device and it autocorrects swear words every time. The prick

For those who don’t like seatbelt noises, there’s a plug under the passenger seat to unplug, you’ll have a warning light on the dash but no beep beep when you throw your bag on the seat (Dacia/Renault, other cars may go into limp mode or require a towtruck and reboot if you unplug the seat – no idea).

The Bluetooth in my Mini that struggles with the only job it has to do. Connect the car with two different iPhones. Mini in their wisdom removed the built in SatNav (I get why, I’m not a luddite) and instead relies on the driver using car-play, then installs a Bluetooth system so pedantic and finicky that it sometimes requires you to remove the phone it was happily connecting with just moments ago, and re-install the same phone which it will now recognise. If both phones are in the car simultaneously, it has a minor epi-scopie trying to figure out which one to connect to.

Idiot.

Back to washing machines. Delay start functions that work back from the finish time. Programme runs for 4 hours and 15 minutes, it’s 11:15pm and I want this dry and ready to go by 6:30am. Why am I having to do complex maths whilst my brain wants to sleep? A simple don’t start until after 2 hours 45 minutes have elapsed timer would be better.

Our machine works in increments of 30 minutes on the delay start, so it’s either going to finish early or late and that will be the wash that has something in tit that prevents the clothes drying completely. When it dies  I will build a trebuchet and launch into low earth orbit.

Cutlery drainers.

No matter how often I open a pack of tablets, even to the point of thinking “I always do this, I’ll do it the other way” and second-guessing myself, I invariably open the end of the box which has the paper wrapped over the tablets.

Pricks.

Every. ****ing. Time.

Our printer isn’t a prick, and I’m still surprised every time it just works, like I’ve undergone 30 years of conditioning to expect it to just sit there and blink it’s green LED defiantly.

I presume it’s because we’ve gone for a subscription one and HP have realized that people either:
a) will pay a ransom for a working printer each month
b) won’t keep paying them if it doesn’t print.

I don’t want to attribute it to maleficence, but it’s hard not to.

Sixty. I counted them. Needy little attention-seeking prick.

We bought a fancy Samsung heat pump tumble dryer.

It’s finishing chime is referred to in our house as the National Anthem of Laundrylandia and everyone stands for it.

I’m not even convinced it’s an actual tune, it doesn’t sound like 4/4 time at least, I think it’s just a random jingle of beeps.

For those who don’t like seatbelt noises, there’s a plug under the passenger seat to unplug

Don’t do this. That’s likely the sensor that tells the car that there is someone in the seat and on a modern enough car how heavy they are – the airbags etc can modulate to give the best possible protection. If it thinks that there is no one in the seat then they might fail to go off completely in a crash for example.

I believe part of the regulations is that it must be possible to disable seatbelt warning noises without touching wires – to prevent people from messing with the wires for reasons like this (and other unintended consequences).

Google it for your car model – there will be some hidden combination of buttons to press etc to turn it off.

Delay start functions that work back from the finish time. Programme runs for 4 hours and 15 minutes, it’s 11:15pm and I want this dry and ready to go by 6:30am. Why am I having to do complex maths whilst my brain wants to sleep? A simple don’t start until after 2 hours 45 minutes have elapsed timer would be better.

Bucking the trend I know, but in praise of my washing machine – if you set “delay start” via the front panel then it delays the start – but as it’s a clever thing the cycle varies in length. However… if you click the button to enable the app control then you can use your phone to set the exact – the machine does a quick test spin to “weigh” the clothes and then starts at whatever time it needs to so that it finishes on schedule. And gives a phone notification when it’s done. Which means that the ridiculously long “i’m finished” jingle can be swapped to the “simple beep” option.

Having just read the above back I’m off to join the Dull Mens Club group on Facebook.

USB plugs

When do they ever go in the right way up first time.

It’s finishing chime is referred to in our house as the National Anthem of Laundrylandia

Ours (Samsung) plays, or rather murders, some Shubert (a part of piano concerto) A bit of me dies every time it ends inexplicably half way through a bar. Just a couple of more notes Samsung…why?

USB plugs

When do they ever go in the right way up first time.

logo on the upper side of the plug. works in every horizontal slot

USB plugs

When do they ever go in the right way up first time.

No matter how often I open a pack of tablets, even to the point of thinking “I always do this, I’ll do it the other way” and second-guessing myself, I invariably open the end of the box which has the paper wrapped over the tablets.

Pricks.

I’m not alone 😭

My wife thinks I’m mad but I swear they do this deliberately. Anyone trying to make quantum computing just needs to get hold of Big Pharma’s secrets, they solved this secretly years ago for the sole purpose of making Schrödinger’s Paper to insert into the tablet boxes.

Google it for your car model – there will be some hidden combination of buttons to press etc to turn it off.

You could just put the seatbelt across the empty seat and connect it?

Every modern car.

Have you tried older cars?

With points? Carburetors? “brakes”? Rust? Oil leaks? Seats without headrests? Leaks around all the glass? No central locking? No rear seatbelts? Unpowered steering? Demisters capable of blowing mildly heated air only at one small spot on the passenger side?

They were pricks.