Impending fatherhood (Getting drunk on a Sunday night)

So…..since the gf is preggers Fri and Sat night can be dull (**** dull). So tonighr I'm using up my weekly alcohol content. Is this the norm for impending fatherhood?

is the GF Gohan's ex?

Make the most of it. I would bank some sleep though. My daughter will be a week old tomorrow and haven't had much since she arrived.

Two week old and a 2 year old here! Look forward to withdrawal symptoms…

Make the most of it while you can mate.

Two week old twins here, don't worry you'll soon be too knackered to be bored 🙂

The only one thing worse then being woken up by a screaming child is being woken up by a screaming child when you have a hangover …none of us are joking

Sheesh, not there yet either. We used to go out to bars now its a restaurant and I have to drive us there/back. Shall I leave my nuts labelled in a jar?

is the GF Gohan's ex?

Fatsimons. You know, he sires all of Englands newborns.

Spend as much time as you can being nice to your local relatives or you'll find getting out anywhere difficult , my family all live within an 8 mile radius but have extremely busy social lives , the last time me and mrs carlos went out together was 2 months ago and 9 moths ago.
We always knew we couldn't rely much on our families but it's worse than we ever imagined.
I've just got my afternoons back as master carlos just started school and to be honest I'm at a loss what to do with myself apart from more regular rides on my local loop.

Haven't had a 'proper' night out for years now, got a 4yr old and the second (and last!!) is due today but still no sign of it but it is going to be a long time before I get my weekend nights back….

Can't you ask her to drive? My wife is pregnant which means no need to discuss who is driving home, I get taxi'd back from the pub / restaurant which is ace. Only problem is that I seem to be developing a sympathy belly due to this…

having children will be the single most life changing, fantastic, rewarding thing that ever happens to you
my kids are 21 and 19 now, and i wish i could do it all over again
i am jealous of you

matthewlhome she has always been a light drinker and…..never driven. Its almost painful. There are pubs over Holmfirth/Stalybridge that I love, ney could live in… However 🙁

having children will be the single most life changing, fantastic, rewarding thing that ever happens to you
my kids are 21 and 19 now, and i wish i could do it all over again
i am jealous of you

You can have mine if you want!

hora I feel your pain.

Squeeez how are you finding twins? Ours are 21 wks old tomorrow and are now sleeping 7 to 7 ( a few dummy runs during the night though . Managed two nights out with my wife and two with friends since they were born too. Usually have a couple of beers with evening meal instead of big nights out though now. 100% worth it though 🙂

You can have mine if you want!

and mine. How much do you want me to pay you ontop as well?

Get all the drinking and sleeping you can in now, as people are saying, you won't be doing much of either fairly soon and the weird thing is you won't miss it at all.

I had spent years going through phases of cutting my drinking down as low as i could and still drinking most days, and now with no effort at all i have 2 or 3 pints on a friday and thats me for the week

Get all the drinking and sleeping you can in now

I still have a hangover.
Noise-canceling headphones?

I also have a non-driving, teetotal wife.

It's so wrong.

It's so wrong.

Lets just dwell on those words… The downsides are massive.

– You have a digital flight recorder that replays back to you in minute detail every detail of what you did the night before.
– A night out can require mammoth planning. Saying 'oh **** it then I wont drink'…sat in the restaurant fidgeting.

hora – on a boring note just be careful with the alcohol intake. Don't know how long you've got to go but you really don't want to be sh1tfaced if she goes into labour early. This was brought home to me after one particularly good night drinking with the neighbours after which I realised no-one was in a fit state to drive.

hora – on a boring note just be careful with the alcohol intake. Don't know how long you've got to go but you really don't want to be sh1tfaced if she goes into labour early. This was brought home to me after one particularly good night drinking with the neighbours after which I realised no-one was in a fit state to drive.

Agreed – the general rule is no getting off your face from about two weeks before D-Day (longer if you have any reason to expect a sudden early labour such as twins).

the general rule is no getting off your face from about two weeks before D-Day

I stopped a month before. That was over four years ago and I've barely touched the stuff since. It's just not worth the hangover when the nipper(s) will be up before 7am.

I wouldn't change it though. Best thing I ever did. (The kids that is, not going teetotal).

Have a few wild partys at yours while you can, they dont happen with kids-ever, i know we used to have them all the time.
just invite the pub to you…

Our baby was two months early.

I'm not looking forward to the inevitable two-month-and-one-week drink ban next time round.

Ah. Soo obvious yet not so. Saying that, we have two taxi companies near us who I call the Asian Schumachers so she would be in hospital before I even put the phone down calling them…

I am missing something here?

It is your GF who is pregnant, not you. It is her who is having the baby so she can look after it.

How will her having a baby affect you other than she will be doing more washing so your bike kit should always be clean and waiting. She won't be working either so your clothes should be ironed and the house a bit tidier too.

The only one thing worse then being woken up by a screaming child is being woken up by a screaming child when you have a hangover …none of us are joking

you are so right

I am missing something here?

It is your GF who is pregnant, not you. It is her who is having the baby so she can look after it.

How will her having a baby affect you other than she will be doing more washing so your bike kit should always be clean and waiting. She won't be working either so your clothes should be ironed and the house a bit tidier too.

WCA are you also from Yorkshire? I've had this conversation with her strangely. It involved swear words and 'you wish'

hora – that's just her hormones playing up. She be fine with it once she has dropped the sprog. Best leave her alone in the house a bit during the first few weeks though to adjust to it.

Best leave her alone in the house a bit during the first few weeks though to adjust to it.

Thats what a mate of mine is doing at the moment. He has alot of work in the far east at the moment (coincidence)….its gone down very well with his missus… (not at all actually!)

Yeah, I got bollocked for a 3 week trip to Canada which coincided with MrsWCA going to hospital.

Um, not I diodn't. It was my mate, honest. My wife wouldn't talk to me like that.

I wear the trousers in my house, she just chooses them ,-)

MF-the two little darlings have destroyed us by teaming up to cry and feed all night twice now 🙁 but mostly they're on a 3-3 1/2 hour regime wth the bigger one going longer. I now have a couple of beers to take the edge off after monstering the coffee all day. It is the best thing ever though and thanks to the Mrs I got 6 hrs sleep last night 🙂

Hora you need to read this ……

FOLLOW THESE 14 SIMPLE TESTS BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO HAVE CHILDREN.

Test 1 – Preparation

Women: To prepare for pregnancy:-

1. Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
2. Leave it there.

3. After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.

Men: To prepare for children:-

1. Go to a local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the
counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself
2. Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to
their head office.
3. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.

Test 2 – Knowledge

Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their
methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance
levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild. Suggest
ways in which
they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table
manners and overall behavior.
Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all
the answers.

Test 3 – Nights

To discover how the nights will feel:

1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag
weighing approximately 4 – 6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some
other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to
sleep.
3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.
4. Set the alarm for 3am.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.
6. Go to bed at 2.45am.
7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.
9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
10. Make breakfast.

Keep this up for 5 years. LOOK CHEERFUL.

Test 4 – Dressing Small Children

1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hang
out.
Time Allowed: 5 minutes.

Test 5 – Cars

1. Forget the BMW. Buy a practical 5-door wagon.
2. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
3. Get a coin. Insert it into the CD player.
4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.
5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
Test 6 – Going For a Walk

Wait
Go out the front door
Come back in again
Go out
Come back in again
Go out again
Walk down the front path
Walk back up it
Walk down it again
Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least 6 questions about every piece of
used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way.
Retrace your steps
Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbours
come out and stare at you.
Give up and go back into the house.
You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

Test 7
Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.

Test 8 – Grocery Shopping

1. Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can
find to a pre-school child – a fully grown goat is excellent. If you
intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.
2. Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your
sight.
3. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.

Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having
children.

Test 9 – Feeding a 1 year-old

1. Hollow out a melon
2. Make a small hole in the side
3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side
4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to sthingy them into the
swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.
5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the
floor.
Test 10 – TV

1. Learn the names of every character from the Wiggles, Barney,
Teletubbies and Disney.
2. Watch nothing else on television for at least 5 years.

Test 11 – Mess

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out:
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains
2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean
walls. Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look?
4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor
& leave it there.

Test 12 – Long Trips with Toddlers

1. Make a recording of someone shouting 'Mummy' repeatedly. Important
Notes: No more than a 4 second delay between each Mummy. Include
occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet.
2. Play this tape in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years.
You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Test 13 – Conversations
1. Start talking to an adult of your choice.
2. Have someone else continually tug on your shirt hem or shirt sleeve
while playing the Mummy tape listed above.
You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a
child in the room.

Test 14 – Getting ready for work

1. Pick a day on which you have an important meeting.
2. Put on your finest work attire.
3. Take a cup of cream and put 1 cup of lemon juice in it
4. Stir
5. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt
6. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture
7. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel
8. Do not change (you have no time).
9. Go directly to work

You are now ready to have children.
Good luck and enjoy.

Could we make this thread a sticky/warning to other people? 😐

I doubt other people can stop you breeding so why warn them?

I doubt other people can stop you breeding so why warn them?

😆 moderator in rare funny shocker 😉