How to stop someone in the family from driving?

My Aunts husband. He’s circa 75. Both my Aunt and my cousin have told me similar stories- the car has circa 170bhp turbo diesel and he drives fast- 100mph+ regularly but isn’t ‘quite there’ in terms of both reflexes but also concentration levels. Both my Aunt and cousin are scared witless when in the car with him.

I’ve not spoken to him about this- partly because when I do visit its to see my ill Aunt whose recovering from surgery and its very difficult to talk about this further when there due to her pain etc. The fact I know about this now means I can’t ignore it.

What can I do? He needs to be off the road before the car is (wheels up). Shop? Speak to local traffic police?

Anyone had experience of this?

Definitely don’t talk to him and go straight to the police. In fact, you should go to the papers first, then police. Maybe he’ll finally get the message, but for gawds sake DON’T TELL HIM YOURSELF!

speak to local traffic police, they can put ouyt an alert about the car

knoble the car.

Legally though, if the chap has not commited an offence and been caught doing so, than there is nothing the police can do.

Knoble the car.

Tell your aunt and your cousin not to get in the car with him? Tough to do i know, but might make him think. Word with the local police to keep an eye out for him will tackle that side.

Have concerns about my Mum driving, but no definite issues as yet. Institute of Advanced Motorist used to do driving assessments for seniors to help advice those having problems.

Drive the car to a building site and torch it.

Your aunt should discuss this with her husband.

Where does he find the space to regularly drive at a 100mph+ ?
Does he have a history of motoring accidents/ offence’s ?
They’re scared witless but still get back in the car ?
Maybe you could arrange to get a lift with him and assess his driving yourself before involving anyone else?

Your Aunt and cousin seem to be over-egging it a bit if they’re both happy to be passengers. Given they have first-hand experience of his driving and you don’t, I suggest you take a metaphorical back seat.

Any younger relatives, you know, the ones more likely to be involved in accidents, you also have concerns over?

Is his car full of dents.

Have same issue with my 79 year old father in law. He is currently banned for three months under totting up procedure, but will soon be back on the road. Has had multiple accidents every year for the past five years or so and written off at least three cars, but until there is sufficient evidence to convict him of something serious he can continue to drive.

He won’t listen to any of his family and is in a state of denial about the whole thing. His doctor signs the form saying he is fit to drive and that is that.

I haven’t allowed my wife or kids to travel in the car with him for nearly ten years now, but beyond that there is precious little anyone can do.

Convince the wife etc not to get in with him. Lie a little if needed. Then get wife to talk to his doctor over doing the lack of concentration. It may help. Local police might be prepared to help.

We went through this with my grandfather
– family all had concerted ‘words’ with him, some refused to travel in his car.
– the (family friend) GP was respected enough by my grandfather – the doc simply asked for his keys and said ‘you are not safe Bill, I’m not letting you drive home…’ That did it.

Let the air out of all the tyres. Tonight .

Potato up his exhaust.

What stopped my grandfather driving was his insurance premium. He’d had so many minor prangs that eventually he was priced off the road.

His view was that hitting a wall or kerb or occasionally a parked car in the supermarket carpark was just “something that happened”, insurance would sort everything out but unfortunately for him the insurance company didn’t have the same point of view.

He’d ignored all advice to stop driving and sell the car even when he got pulled over by the police (ironically enough because he was driving too slowly, so slow that it was incredibly dangerous for everyone else on the 50mph limit carriageway).

Advise your aunt and cousin not to go in the car with him, whether they do or not is up to them. Apart from that there’s nothing you can do. What would you tell the police ? “My uncles a really terrible driver” him and so many others 🙁

WTF does it being a diesel have to do with the price of fish.
Evening, circa , waffle, waffle, waffle.
Just tell him he’s dangerous and shouldn’t be driving instead of fannying around.

Potato up his exhaust.

seems a bit harsh, can’t you do something to the car instead?

Advise your aunt and cousin not to go in the car with him, whether they do or not is up to them

This has the be the best starting point. If he gets banned the situation will be the same so they may as well get used to it

Just tell him he’s dangerous and shouldn’t be driving instead of fannying around.

😆 I guess you’ve had little experience of stubborn old men !!

police would either have to see him (or a good witness report of him ) driving in a manner which leads to an offence committed, but even then unless it’s horrendous / very serious, then they most often get out for report to court at a later date . . . So still can drive.

Similarly, if they see poor driving ability, the police can send a report to the dvla regarding concerns of driving ability, but what happens then is that the dvla will send a letter to the persons GP, who then has the say on suitability of keeping license.

I guess you’ve had little experience of stubborn old men !!

You’ve not met my dad have you. 😐

That the Aunt, of his generation, will still get in the car with him is probably a result of upbringing and attitudes back in the past. She might find it really difficult to differ from his viewpoint.

Police, you have to try them first.

My Aunts husband.

Not your uncle, then?

Hoof him in the slats

Just because he “drives at 100mph” doesn’t necessarily mean he drives at 100mph. Your Aunt and/or Cousin just might not be very good passengers. Your Aunt has had surgery; did she drive herself before? Is it a new experience to be driven by him?
You don’t mention accidents. He may well be a very good driver, just a bit quicker than Auntie is used to.
He could also be dangerous, but until he starts having accidents he won’t accept this. My father was like this. A couple of hedge excursions didn’t persuade him but when he crashed into the back of a bus he saw sense.
The Police were ambivalent. It made no difference that he was handing his licence in; they wanted him to do a speed awareness course first…

What would you tell the police ? “My uncles a really terrible driver”

How about,

He’s circa 75… he drives fast- 100mph+ regularly but isn’t ‘quite there’

I guess you’ve had little experience of stubborn old men !!

Sums my grandfather up too. He knew best. Neighbours, family – well we were all just interfering and how could he cope without a car and it wasn’t his fault he hit the wall because what idiot would build a wall there….

If my Aunt says 100 I know it is so. She’s a very capable driver. In Yorkshire winters she can get anywhere where others abandon and had a fair few Jags in her youth. He’s stubborn and not very talkative.

It is very difficult to get a driver off the road outside of the courts unless their doctor writes to the DVLA.

With Christmas coming, why not buy him a “refresher course/driving MOT” from a local driving instructor? A good ADI would be able to tailor a couple of hour session to establish his capabilities and give some remedial training if required. It might be all he needs to get his standards back up.

Rich.

Lots of (mostly younger) drivers round here wanting to “press on a bit” too. Can I dob them in or should I wait for the police / speed cams to do that for me?

If you Aunts Husband is speeding everywhere and not being flashed then it would appear there is nothing wrong with his observational skills.

It’s on motorways, he floors it but then ‘drifts’ (forgets? or daydreams)

Cheeky Boy’s right – just punch him out every time he reaches for the keys.

Note : I only read the first six words.

Buy him tickets to his favourite show/hobby/band show; but really it’s a speed awareness class.

Talk to their GP. Explain to them and their GP that you’re concerned their insurance will probably be invalid if they are not fit to drive. It probably is invalid if they’re that bad.

Tricky one. Often other family members want elderley people to keep driving to keep their independance / not become a burden on family needing lifts etc. My parents were nearly mowed down in their own drive by my Grandmother before they took her keys off her. All hell broke loose when they did and they eventually had to go to her GP to talk about it, who told her to stop as dementia was affecting her abilities… and also made her insurance invalid.

If you want horror stories read up on “pedal confusion”. Particularly common with elderley drivers.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-30578887

If you really want a very sad read ….
tell them

More likely compared to the average 75yo, or compared to somebody who reportedly drives dangerously? I get the stats suggest it’s more important to address the younger drivers as a group if you want to reduce the accident rate, but that doesn’t mean it’s not more important to address the individuals outside that group who are clearly an accident waiting to happen. Lots of very capable older drivers, but enough who are a problem to suggest finding ways to focus in on them might be useful.

Hidden camera in the car?

My mum got done for no insurance – automated through DVLA, she’d failed to renew because she didn’t understand when the insurance company said they no longer took cheques, and then ignored all the notices telling her she wasn’t insured – lots of other stuff she was ignoring, but that’s another story. She also ignored the fixed penalty notice (well she tried and failed to renew again at that point as she thought that was all she needed to do), but fortunately we caught up with it before she ignored the court hearing. I clearly wrote far too effective a letter – or didn’t make it clear enough that I would be happy for them to disqualify her – as she ended up with a fine the same as the fixed penalty and NO points! Not that she has driven since – we kind of persuaded her not to drive by keeping her away from her car, and her licence has now expired.

Don’t underestimate the impact that losing the freedom to drive places will have on an elderly couple. Clearly the best option would be if the uncle modifies his driving. If he’s still unsafe them you can consider other options at that stage. Someone needs to talk to him.

The DVLA actually have an easy process for you to share your concerns:
https://emaildvla.direct.gov.uk/emaildvla/cegemail/dvla/en/drivers_med_03.html

Of course how effective that is, and whether you should be talking to him first are different issues. Given the coverage of the Glasgow bin lorry, and another not dissimilar recent FAI I’m surprised it hasn’t been easy to conveniently have a discussion about general fitness to drive which would at least give you some idea of his views. He might then be open enough to say he has his own concerns, but cite particular challenges if he loses his license.

Don’t underestimate the impact that losing the freedom to drive places will have on an elderly couple. Clearly the best option would be if the uncle modifies his driving.

I had a similar discussion with my gran a few years back. She worried that by losing the car she wouldn’t be mobile, as she used the car to only go to the shops or to nearby friends in the same town. I then sat down with her and showed that by ditching the car and all its runnings costs, the money would more than pay for a taxi everyday to cover those same trips . . . all without the stress and worry of having to drive herself.

We had the same with my grandad, he used to drive HGVs and still thought of himself as a ‘professional driver’. He was becoming increasingly immobile and senile but the GP kept signing him off. He’d drive everywhere at 40 up the motorway, through the village, wherever. He got to the point where he couldn’t look properly to exit the junctions so would just pull out. He’d also get really piss with all the other drivers for responding to his shit, dangerous driving. In the end everyone was refusing to travel with him and had told him why but he refused to accept it. My mum reported him to the police and DVLA but to no effect. He stopped driving when his diabetes meant his foot got too bad to drive and he had to have it amputated.