!!SWIMMING LANE RAGE!!
From http://www.independent.co.uk/news/swimming-rage-in-the-ego-lane-1151716.html
The Piranha: Vicious middle lane inhabitant. Irritated that not quick enough for fast lane and relieves frustrations by nipping heels and elbows of the unwary.
The Beluga Whale: Floats along languidly in middle lane, causing vast hold-ups and splashing water in all directions.
The Penguin: This unshapely creature waddles ungainly to pool side. In water, however, effortlessly – and infuriatingly – swims past all but the fastest.
The Leopard Seal: Most aggressive species, usually male. Hostile. Wears goggles, cap and nosepin. Will charge over or under those in his path.
The Jellyfish: The slowest water-borne species. Will simply float along, often walking with arms aloft wearing a slightly puzzled expression.
The Sea Horse: Congregate for conversation at the shallow end, forcing you to shorten your length or fight to the lane’s end.