[Closed] How does the materialistic content of your kids life compare to yours when young

You bought them.

Sounds like your daughter is spoilt rotten.

My boys have roughly the same as I did when I was their age. They do not have and will never have their own tv so no use for multiple games consoles.

You bought them.

Here, is wisdom.

BMX
Lego
Airfix
Many books.
Some stuff wot I found (fossils, etc).

The local woods (n.b. I didn't actually [i]own[/i] these).

I was pretty happy aged 10.

Yeah, do spoil her a little (only child).

She does have a work ethic that we try and instill - chores for pocket money etc.

The good stuff only comes at Christmas/Birthdays BTW

Elfinsafety - Member

You bought them.

Here, is wisdom.

Stating the obvious is wisdom?

I never stated I didn't want her to have them.

We buy them very little for birthdays or christmas, but buy them more throughout the year as and when we think they need it.

we had the farm next door, the stream at the bottom of the garden and all the fields and woods in between. We had some lego, books a few toy cars etc, but never got any branded presents from the folks.

My first bike was a unisex "shopper". I did get a dawes racer when I was 14. Our first spectrum was a present but after that my brother and I had to save pocket money and present money to buy an Amstrad 464 and our first 286 PC.

Jr has various puzzles and toy cars. The only branded stuff is thomas the tank engine bits and pieces. He's only four. Im sure as he grows up he'll get spoilt with more branded stuff....

Pretty similar tbh

Growing up we had a TV and then a computer from about age 10(Amiga), video not until I was 14ish.
Various bikes throughout the years, a couple new, most second hand
Shared a room
Personal Tape Recorder/Walkman, stereo as a teenager

My daughter has

No TV, but we have family laptop and 22inch monitor for DVDs
Use of a computer but not her own
Various bikes throughout the years, some new, some second hand
Own room
MP3 player

Every parents' dilema. Deciding what children should have and what they could have.

My daughter has pretty much the same but I will never have a television in any other room than the living room.

EDIT: and the fact she takes them all for granted is undoubtedly your fault. Lack of guidance? And a "She wants, therefore she gets" attitude?

My kids have loads more stuff than I ever had, and yes it was bought by me. I like to think my parents bought me what they could afford, and thats what I do for mine. We just have more disposable income now.

Stating the obvious is wisdom?

No, you seem to have missed the point somewhat.

[i]You[/i] bought the items, [i]you[/i] pandered to your child's demands for stuff/gave her stuff [i]you[/i] thought she'd enjoy, then [i]you[/i] complain that she displays little sense of value of things, and a lack of gratitude.

If people are used to having stuff supplied for them, then they will simply take it for granted, and not even be aware they they ought to be 'grateful'.

You express exasperation at your daughter's attitude, yet don't seem to see that it's you that's probably the cause.

I have never and would never have a tv in any other room than the living room, bedrooms are for sleeping not kids being anti-social. Had a family computer, never owned any games consoles saved for 18months to buy my Kona (which I still have 17yra on) as for kids at 8 having mobile phones....flipping heck!!

My parents were bloody miserly - at the time I was happy with my Lego, Famous 5 books and rugged countryside to play in. However, being idle dole stealers, they seemed to do ok for themselves, yet my reward for being a child seemed to be that if I wanted owt, I had to buy it myself.

Mebbe I over-compensate with my daughter.

Just to compound the statements about my parents - being a bit older, when I was around 21 I had a whisky bottle full of coppers, silver and pound coins - my mother stole about £100's worth of pound coins, because apparently she was skint and needed it more than me.

For my 21st birthday, I wanted nothing more than a couple of part worn tyres for my car - she still owes me the money, thus I got nothing for my 21st. I refer to 'she' as that's my mother. I never expected, nor received anything whatsoever from my step-dad.

You don't want them to be grateful when there 10, save it till there 40!

No, you seem to have missed the point somewhat.

You bought the items, you pandered to your child's demands for stuff/gave her stuff you thought she'd enjoy, then you complain that she displays little sense of value of things, and a lack of gratitude.

If people are used to having stuff supplied for them, then they will simply take it for granted, and not even be aware they they ought to be 'grateful'.

You express exasperation at your daughter's attitude, yet don't seem to see that it's you that's probably the cause.

It was merely a comment about the appreciation of kids these days (and not knowing how lucky they are compared to 20 years ago) Elfin, not yet another open ended opportunity for you to try and analyse/rip to pieces someone else's way of life, of which you repeatedly know little about, yet seem perfectly qualified to judge.

My daughter, 10 this week, has

- TV in her room, but not hooked up to aerial so Wii and DVD's only, and only really used when she has friends round.
- Nintendo Wii, which is everyone's, but recently put in her room as only she and her friends use it.
- Nintendo DSi, half the money from us for Christmas, half out of her savings, and on condition that she gave her 2yr old DS to her little brother.
- bicycle
- iPod (Grandmas old one).

Nothing else out of the 'big' ones. She's not getting a mobile until she goes to secondary school. She was told no to a laptop and a computer in her room.

Boy, 4 next month, balance bike and second hand DS, plus a moderate amount of the usual small boy tat

Baby, baby stuff.

Think that's about ok.

9 year old has access to much more than I ever had, but seems happiest running up and down the street playing sword fights with his mates, using sticks.

Calm down dear.

It was merely a comment about the appreciation of kids these days

No, it was a comment based on an observation of your own child, who by your own admission is over-indulged. Yet when someone points out that it might in fact be you that has (unwittingly) created the 'problem', you become all defensive. If you don't want people to comment openly, the why invite it by starting a thread? I'm only expressing my opinion, after all.

I know plenty of kids who aren't given tons of stuff, and ones who are. Guess which ones are the most spoilt, unappreciative and poorly behaved? Ironically, it's the more affluent parents I notice who don't overindulge heir kids, whilst some of those from poorer backgrounds vow to give their kids as much as they can, almost as some form of compensation for their own deprivation.

Mebbe I over-compensate with my daughter.

Well there you go. I'm not having a go at you for that, in fact I can relate to it. But as long as you understand where your motivation to give your daughter as much as possible is coming from. Maybe in future cut down on the amount of stuff she gets, or tell her other stuff needs to be sold/given away in order to get new stuff.

If you don't have much, you tend to value what little you do have.

Artist

I'm guessing you are over-compensating due to the crap upbringing you had, nothing wrong with that.

While my sons have lots of stuff/electrics etc, they don't particularly have more than I did at their ages (except the stuff that wasn't invented).

And one thing my youngest son doesn't have is a TV in his room - and that is based on my experience of having one.

My youngest son now 14 has a PC, but no games machines.
two guitars and amps, he worked as a gardener part time for a year to buy one of each.
One bike, very good but all hand me downs.

Me single parent family in the sixties no TV or phone in the house.
One toy a year at Christmas.
Always had a bike though.

It goes way beyond appreciation of materialistic possessions though Elfin

Guess which ones are the most spoilt, unappreciative and poorly behaved?

Here you make a generalisation that over-indulged kids are generally spoilt, unappreciative and poorly behaved.

As it happens, our child isn't spoilt in the sense that she behaves in the way of a 'spoilt brat', she is the best behaved 10yr old I've encountered, but back to my OP, doesn't quite understand the measure of the worldly goods she possesses. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things as the things she really appreciates, such as love for her family are unquestionable.

Is the point of this thread to gloat in your own social mobility?

I like to think we're pretty good with my lad but he certainly has more than I did as a kid.

There's a family computer and an xbox (which is mine) and he'll use them (although when and how much time he gets on there is an ongoing battle).

Esxpensive things that are his... He has a touch screen phone which we bought him this christmas, a little notebook, a road bike and an ipod. Although to be fair he bought the notebook himself out of money he'd saved up.

I remember spending days just damming up streams, walking around with frogspawn in my wellies, riding my bike and flying kites. But you tell kids that today and they won't believe you.

My apologies for missing your point.

What was it?

Here you make a generalisation that over-indulged kids are generally spoilt, unappreciative and poorly behaved.

Nope. I'm commenting on what I've observed. The ones that are indulged more, are generally more spoilt and less well-behaved. In my personal experience.

Is the point of this thread to gloat in your own social mobility?

Shh. It's still the holidays. Leave the heavy socio-political analysis stuff until next week...

My kids have far more than I had as a kid but then again, I have far more now than my parents had to amuse themselves.

I'm hardly going to deprive my kids to prove a point when I'm surrounded by the fruits of rampant consumerism myself.

I don't even bother mentioning the tin tub and outside bog.

My point was generally about kids not knowing how lucky there are with what's available in comparison to 20-30 years ago.

I should have known better than put the last sentence on here without expecting the judgemental posse to come out in force, so mebbe my bad for not explaining my point properly and opening the thread up for abuse.

I don't expect her to bow down in front of us and be eternally grateful, it's more of a case of when it's pointed out to her, it's an uphill battle to explain how lucky she is in comparison to our youth and for that, many kids today including some of her mates.

djglover - Member
Is the point of this thread to gloat in your own social mobility?

Not sure if I'm too thick to understand your question, or if your question is too contrived to be understood.

We lived opposite a farm, so long hours were spent playing in the barn and fields, horse riding and mucking about in the woods.

Clothes were bought in the winter from the catalogue - maybe a few jumpers, a skirt and pair of trousers. Summer catalogue, a couple of tops, shorts the rest of the time we were in jeans and our school uniforms.

All phone calls were to be 3 minutes or less and only once or twice a week.

Presents only at Christmas and birthdays.
One telly in the lounge (same today).
I even bought my own pony.

Nephew is only 7 so doesn't have any mobile or telly yet, only a wii and psp. Dreading the day when he 'wants' more.
Also he seems to get presents all year round, bikes, scooters, plenty of clothes. trips out and treats from his mother. So when he stays with us I don't spoil him at all and he seems to respect us for that.

I am always shocked at how spoilt the children of my friends are (mainly the older ones aged over 8).

How does one define spoilt?

Is it in respect of money spent and possessions gained, or is it the attitude, behaviour and general demeanour of kids that one deems to be 'spoilt'?

I remember when all this was fields.

spoilt.... grown ups giving children stuff, rather than time and attention.

http://www.commercialexploitation.org/

Check this website. The CCFC is run by people at Harvard, Boston and elsewhere and they come up with some interesting ideas and campaigns as well as research.

For me the definition of spoilt is the child is constantly given things that aren't appreciated (which doesn't seem to be the case for your daughter TAFKAASTR).
A spoilt child often doesn't realise the value of the things bought for them and in many cases just expects more, not even giving a thankyou in cases.

Bunnyhop... A spoilt child often doesn't realise the value of the things bought for them and in many cases just expects more, not even giving a thankyou in cases. That reads like its the childs fault.

I'm guessing Santa never visited RudeBoys house

My point was generally about kids not knowing how lucky there are

You seem to be suggesting that the things she has are positive, therefore something to feel 'lucky' about owning? They're just 'things'. They have no life enhancing value in themselves.

Is it too early in the thread to post this?

Jeez iDave - are you only lucky if you have good health and a solid moral upbringing?

There are many definitions and interpretations of many words you could choose to use, and this one is in a materialistic sense - that was never in question.

The moralistic high ground is strong here once again.

She's also lucky that she didn't have the waste of an excuse for parents that I had, but that's a different matter.

I had bugger all when I were a lad.

I don't have kids.

I have most the toys I want now.

noteeth - never too early for teh 4 Yorkshiremen 😉

lazybike -

That reads like its the childs fault.

Jeez iDave - are you only lucky if you have good health and a solid moral upbringing?

No, but then neither are you if you're spoiled

So yet again, my child is accused of being spoiled.

What justification do you have to back that up?

She has a few more 'things' than others and a few less than some others.

At what level of 'possessions' does your definition of 'spoiled' become applicable and by what do you measure that assessment?

What justification do you have to back that up?

Your own words, and also the extensive list of things you have bought her maybe? And her lack of gratitude, as expressed by your initial post. They tend to indicate a spoiled state of affairs.

Yeah, do spoil her a little (only child).

How could you not predict the reaction from the STW sanctimonious lot?

Chances are that our kids have more than we had, we had more than our parents, until you get back to the child who only had a groat, and wasn't grateful for that either! WHen you were 10, how appreciative were you of the things you had?

The point I think is that there is so much more to buy now than there was 20 or 30 years ago - games consoles are now common, mobile phones are common, TV's are common, but the type of entertainment has changed - it's much more about technological entertainment now than ever before, and a lot of it is "normal", so kids aren't appreciative - it is all they have ever known.
You wait for the next generation - they'll have far more than our kids.

I know tafkastr - he is the most grounded bloke i have met with proper family values. His daughter is not spoiled, he is merely stating that kids have access to many more things than we did as kids and see them as being the norm.
Some of you need to learn to read AND understand rather than skim and jump on the things that you THINK you have read.

Oh and the bloke whose 4yr old has a DS - get a ****ing grip!

Some of you need to learn to read AND understand rather than skim and jump on the things that you THINK you have read.

Then:

Oh and the bloke whose 4yr old has a DS - get a **** grip!

❓

iDave - Member

What justification do you have to back that up?

Your own words, and also the extensive list of things you have bought her maybe? And her lack of gratitude, as expressed by your initial post. They tend to indicate a spoiled state of affairs.

Yeah, do spoil her a little (only child).

There's a difference between spoiling a child with material objects and that child subsequently turning into the definition of 'spoiled'.

Her face on Christmas morning was an absolute picture and subsequent claims of it being the best Christmas ever were very gratifying - not only in a materialistic sense, but in the sense of the family being together after I've spent a long time working away.

I didn't express a lack of gratitude - I expressed that she didn't appreciate fully what she had sometimes. Again there's a difference, which I've explained at times within this thread.

Cheers Rob/ralph 🙄

elf - are you genuinely retarded or do you just pretend?

You're not very good at this 'debating' thing are you? 🙄

I didn't express a lack of gratitude

Try bloody well explaining it to her to gain a bit of gratitude and you may as well speak to the frikkin wall.

iDave - lol, I'll take that one.

That line should have read appreciation 😳

She's always grateful.

idave - he is to debating to what you are to sensible diet advice

elf - are you genuinely retarded or do you just pretend?

What d'you reckon, genius?

you're definitely not one of them ergo you are retarded

Right, ok. Thanks doctor.

a) which bit of my diet advice wasn't sensible ralph?

b) based on what, other than your opinion?

dave most iirc

Never mind, you might understand these things more accurately one day.

Not sure how to word this but kids 'appear' to have little sense of value, they have so much with no responsibility?
The purse strings are one of the very few things left I as a parent have total control over.
I actually don't mind what he has, but I try to make him think about were things come from. I also like to get him to try and see past the hype and peer pressure.
Other things I like to do, if for example he wants something pretty expensive I'll try and get him to contribute in some way, like extra jobs and reduced pocket money. I wouldn't be so cruel as not to get him what he wants if he has done his best.
Also not having credit cards helps.

Why would you expect gratitude from a 10 yr old that doesn't know anything else?

Bit of an odd expectation IMO.

Class thread, I'm staying well back as my kids are proper spoilt brats & they know it, but then they are teenage women & they know how to get what they want, I'm just thankful that they have seemed not to of applied their know how to boys yet!

I'm just thankful that they have [b]seemed[/b] not to of applied their know how to boys yet!

😆

Try to remember back to when you were a teenager. Did your parents know everything [i]you[/i] got up to? Hmm?

Thanks Fred, but thankfully I never relied on technology that is traceable to make my plans 😉 *

*That's what I tell myself & I have no wish to go any further thanks.

TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsSTR - can I ask why your kids need all this?

Im due to be a dad for the first time in a few days and granted I have a lot to learn but I'm astounded why you need to give so generously to a child.

What is she getting at 11? I've heard there are canny deals on helicopters and veyrons at the moment.

EDIT - I have just read

've spent a long time working away

What's the problem, how much does all the stuff in the op cost £800-£1000 i.e. nothing - Unless your bitter enough (Fred) to have a problem with the more affluent people of the forum spending a minimal amount of there wages on there children

Do affluent people have effluent spelling?

Seeing my nieces' Facebook posts over Chrimbo, I am shocked at the things kids are bought nowadays - 10yr olds getting Blackberries and laptops etc.

i think what the OP has listed is quite normal tbh.
my oldest two boys are 8yrs and 13yrs and have lots of gadgets and game stuff , but so do most of the other kids at their schools.
i cant compare it to when i was a child as these things were not invented then. 😀

when i was little i had an older sister (still do), kids these days seem to have a bruvva from anuvva muvva an a sista from anuvva mista, signs of the times, innit 😯

the real issue here is not 'are our kids unappreciative of what they have' but are we as a society.
the true cost of all our disposable gadgets and trinkets that we surround ourselves with to help forget the tedium of our lives that contain so little danger and challenge is yet to be measured.
these kids are going find that cost out though.

JT.... I think I get what you are saying, have to say I disagree. Plenty of danger and challenge here, along with the disposable gadgets and trinkets.

Do affluent people have effluent spelling?

The ones I know don't, but that's probbly cos they've had a decent education...

Thanks Fred, but thankfully I never relied on technology that is traceable to make my plans

Heh! A friend of mine's son was hotly denying 'using' tinternet after everyone had gone to bed. Unfortunately he hadn't counted on Remote Desktop... 😳

The point I think is that there is so much more to buy now than there was 20 or 30 years ago

I wonder how much parents spent back then, relative to now? An equivalent amount? Less?

I do think there's more pressure to spend these days, and easily available credit makes stuff far more attainable. It does seem that more people have more 'disposable' income, but I think more folk spend more on something like Christmas.

I also think the 'overcompensation' as admitted by STR is quite common too, I know folk who do this.

come off it there is no danger in suburban living
all of us on here put ourselves in danger on purpose, riding bikes up and down mountains because our lives lack natural danger
my point really was where are these things going to go when they are tired of?
there is so much plastic floating around the oceans for instance that the world health organisation has just upped the limit as to what is deemed to be acceptable levels in our food. so what was unsafe before has been deemed safe as we have passed that point

carbon337 - Member
TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsSTR - can I ask why your kids need all this?

Im due to be a dad for the first time in a few days and granted I have a lot to learn but I'm astounded why you need to give so generously to a child.

What is she getting at 11? I've heard there are canny deals on helicopters and veyrons at the moment.

EDIT - I have just read

've spent a long time working away
and it now all makes sense. When I was a kid a few mates Dads were working away types and they were all the same too. Is there a subconscious guilt thing here? Away from the possessions situation do you have issues about being away from her for periods of time?

My 'kid' (note singular) doesn't 'need' anything that I've listed.

At 11 she'll have whatever we can afford that we see as fitting and deserving of her wants/needs/our financial wellbeing.

I've only been working away for the past year and don't feel a need conciously (or subconciously as far as I'm aware) to over-compensate.

As ivixxiv points out, none of it actually costs that much to be honest. To be fair, I was going to hold back on one or two things this Christmas, but then I considered what I spend on myself and general living, then equated that to what I earn and in the end I thought sod it, she's getting some good gear this year.

She'd love her own laptop, but hasn't got one yet. She had a portable TV/DVD in her bedroom when she was 8, but never used it - now she has no TV in her bedroom. She actually didn't even 'want' an XBox (but I did) however now she's got one she loves it.

She's not experienced us being 'poor' and until that happens (I'm now self employed so there's every chance) I don't feel the need to hold back on pleasurable possessions. If the time comes, then she'll be educated thus.

none of it actually costs that much to be honest

Overindulgence needn't cost much at all. Sweets and crisps don't cost much, in the general scheme of things, but I think we can agree that overindulgence with such things might not be that good an idea/

STR; I'm not suggesting your child is spoilt. In fact, you have. I think you've raised a very valid point about kids today not valuing things in the way that people before them have done. I don't think your little girl is alone in this, nor particularly excessively overindulged. I know people who give their kids far more.

I do find it interesting that people from poorer circumstances tend to indulge their children more than those from more affluent backgrounds. Possibly because people value different things; materialism seems to be more apparent in those from less affluence. In my experience anyway. I'm sure some kids from rich families are totally spoilt (Osborne kids??? Paris Hilton??????).