How do I tell my wife her choice of B'day surprise for me is terrible?

Thanks Matt for sharing…this thread's really made me chuckle this morning! 8)

I think going to a wood and making a chair together sounds quite relaxing. You'll bond and become closer, instead of getting those selfish bike parts and going off on your bike ON YOUR OWN!!!

Just because it is your birthday doesn't mean that you have to be selfish.

Konabunny –

When you're out on your bike, do you enjoy yourself only once you get to the place you're going, or do you enjoy yourself while your riding too? And while you're riding, are there good bits and bad bits, or is it downhill all the way?

(DHers are the equivalent of prostitute-using johns here, I suppose: they pay for the uplifts so that they can only experience the pleasure but they never really form relationships with the hills). (I'd better stop with this metaphor, I'm sounding like Swiss Toni).

This is the best metaphor for bike riding ever. FACT.

"As a result we have little cash to spend on oursleves and my beloved Orange Five is drifting into diss-repair due to lack of mechanical skill on my part and the ability to even stretch to basic supplies like inner tubes some months.

I don't think she really appreciates that I genuinly do find one of my few life affirming sollaces to be riding my bike and cutting through single track in 'the zone' etc. Not to mention the sorting-out-your-head joy of many hours on your own just turning the pedals and getting the world to make sense whilst you do it.!"

im so glad you wrote this matt.im in excactly the same life situation.but riding hepls make it all bearable.i asked for some cash towards bike bits at xmas (as the things i need are so random)did i get any?not a penny.go loads of other crap i dont need tho..
i actually dont look forward to birthdays because of this dilemma coming up, but when i get a nice fat parcel fro CRC that I have ordered, im like a five year old on xmas day all over again…
It was such an issue on year i just said "give some money to charity" as i have all the things i need (which means-i buy what i need!) they couldnt even do that!

if she's so into suprises, how do you know what it was going to be?

Wow, 2 years into marriage and she can't get a b'day present right?

Early days yet, you'll get to an (inevitable) point where nothing is a surprise, nothing is novel, and even that your relationship means you don't particularly bother with none-essentials like presents.

T'was my 40th last year, got a medium sized camelbak, still "on a promise" for my proper present, doesn't bother me what/when, it'll arrive at the right time.

If you can't see you chair making workshop adding anything to your life, then go on it, use the weekend as an excuse for a prolonged piss up, or, use the skill, sell some of the product, spend hard earned on the bike stuff you require.

PMSL too….. :lol:check your paypal mate £5 sent towards your bike parts cause that was an Ace story!

😛

But on my special day – no way

How young do you have to be to still think of your birthday as "my special day"? (12?!)

Brill thread. 😀

That'll be you not getting an invite to his party then dez. And there'll be trifle and everything. Har-har!

Gents (and I think it is mostly gents here that will benefit…). I really do recommend suggesting the £25 present max thing. It stops excessive present inflation (was it £400 pp that we were all meant to have spent last xmas?) and makes it more personal with small thoughtful gifts rather than overblown expressions. "Big" presents were cool when you were a kid and had little access to your own money, but when you are older and have your own disposable cash it's far more meaningless and really a bit silly with everyone more or less spending the same on each other but spending more than they should. The added spin off is that as a couple we have more cash spare to spend on joint things when the time is appropriate rather than because it falls on a particular date. Oh, and yes, there is more in my pocket for that cheeky bike purchase 😉 .

if she's so into suprises, how do you know what it was going to be?

Because it is/was next weekend so I was told to keep it free.

I reserve my B'day to be the one day where I revert to being a child, I organised a BBQ last year and my mates got me loads of stuff from the pound shop and we ended up shooting foam darts at each other in my garden wering dinosaur masks whilst getting hammered.

Back to work next day, suit and tie go on, 364 subsequent days of maintaining a dignified mask and never talking about my private life.

Surely I'm allowed one day a year?

I just remembered (still brought on an involuntary shudder) the missus getting 'me' a goat for an african family one christmas. While I can appreciate this as an excellent altruistic gesture, the selfish part of me thought 'this is s**t, I wanted the latest grand theft auto'.

Get her to book you both in to the STW weekender, spending a weekend together but doing something you love instead – your birthday after all 🙂

Donk – that is genius, pure genius!

I am hugging my monitor in gratitude.

Just to really p*ss you off:

It's my wife's 40th next week. To celebrate (this was her idea!) we are going to Spain for 10 days where I will be riding my bike and she will be chilling / doing what she wants. The only rule is I can't ride on her actual birthday!

Sorry if this has already been asked – only read the first page as at work, but how did she get everyone to chip in? Did no-one say "ooo – hang on, that may not be a great gift as Matt's already a carpenter…"?

The only rule is I can't can ride on her on her actual birthday!

There. Fixed that for you 🙂

"a goat for an african family"

I got one of those. The african family weren't happy as they live in a 1st floor flat in Croydon.

igmc.

Where the **** does does everyone get off in thinking someone who has trained as a carpenter (wears a suit and tie to work, so thinking probably does not actually do it for a living) which (different to a cabinet maker) is all to do with electrical rip saws, planes, jig saws etc and weaving willow? It's about as similar a riding a bike and juggling!

PJ- my guess is that they just followed her lead- she says "he really wants this" they just follow for an easy life.

A policy which I have adheered to for many years on the understanding I get to go out on my bike sporadically.

Convert- ah, the voice of experience. From your previous posts can I come on a course with you instead?
I posted someplace back- yes I trained as a carpenter and joiner as I felt it was important to have a trade skill in life, but make my £s working for the Police. I fill my spare time doing carpentry jobs for free for needy causes and mates. Did I mention I also volunteer with the scouts teaching woodcraft?

In principle I can see her thinking, it's just a years worth of hints, plain old asking and spoonfeeding via links to webpages was hoped to have done the job.

You sound unhappy. 🙁

PM,

I have to say, I'm with your missus – if you're an 'outdoor' kind chap like a lot of mtb'ers seem to be, her train of thought makes total sense. Traditional woodcraft skills like hand hewing that you won't know about – weekend in the woods together round a fire – sounds great.

if she'd booked a weekend shopping somewhere, I'd be gutted for you.

you sound a bit closed minded to me.

Paul

I am with the OP on this – he is a carpenter so why learn how to do carpentry? A bit odd really, especially as he hinted about what he would like.

Think you need to sort things out a bit on the domestic front. Always important to make some compromises in a relationship but also important that you get to do what you enjoy. Think you need to be a lot clearer about your expectations and make sure you understand hers as well.

I am with the OP on this – he is a carpenter so why learn how to do carpentry? A bit odd really, especially as he hinted about what he would like.

Willow chair making is not carpentry. 🙄

it's traditional woodcraft skills in a wood, not carpentry. She's trying to pick something that's totally 'him' and join in. very selfless on her part. the OP says he's into woodcraft but would hate her present of doing it with her.

gutted for her.

More than happy to have you in – just off to the workshop now to veneer up the birds eye maple fascias for the cupboards doors for my new bike mobile /campervan.

If you really do fancy a course in the future though try this place – to declare an interest I've just been added on the board of trustees but it is truly exceptional what they teach. Barnsley Workshop. It's a registered charity intended to keep the traditional skills alive, paid for by selling the (very expensive) pieces they make. Whilst most of what they do is teach apprentices on 5-7yr apprenticeships, they do also have some (much shorter) fee paying places.

Willow chair making is not carpentry

Okay, so not directly carpentry but as Matt said in the OP he is a trained carpenter so clearly feels it is a very similar skill.

Very, very funny……. I just spat coffee all over my keyboard….. so sort of thank you!

If you hadn't sorted it out…

I would've suggested playing Dolly Parton – D I V O R C E all the way there in the car.

Okay, so not directly carpentry but as Matt said in the OP he is a trained carpenter so clearly feels it is a very similar skill.

I've just done some pie-charts….

I also kind of get the feeling that he is more disappointed that his wife doesn't understand him as well as he would hope.

A couple of years ago we were sat having a curry and I mentioned to my wife that I would really like to do a curry cooking training course sometime. She almost burst into tears as she had just booked one for me for my birthday some three months later – so she knows and understands what I like without me having to say anything.

I kinda feel that the OP would like his wife to understand him in a similar way.

I've just done some pie-charts….

Lah Lah Lah! I'm not listening!

Practical Matt, the way I see it you've two options.

Either you can speak to her, gently and nicely, saying that you're not sure you want this as a birthday present. BUT you have to have a decent alternative option for her, and it has to involve both of you.

Or you can go along with it, BUT you have to change your attitude towards the gift. Chances are it will be a really nice weekend, and if you go along with an open mind then you'll get lots from it. It might sound crap, but give it a fair go.

One thing I would say – you really have to tell her how important mountain biking is to you, exactly as you have done to us at the beginning of this post.

Bunch of townies!

Did none of you lot spend your youth whittling with penknives, setting fire to stuff, climbing trees and drinking ale? Can't just be me! No fans of Ray Mears here??

/dispair/

Great thread – lucky no-ones around, they'd think I was mad for laughing so loudly.

I hope you love what's she's got you instead. Please tell me you really do want to learn how to ride a penny farthing.

Think yourself lucky she's given it some thought and got you something, mine doesn't bother unless I draw up a list for her.

A friend of mine told her hubby she wouldn't give him ideas for Christmas presents and that he should use his imagination.

The following year he got a full and detailed list from her 🙂

Think yourself lucky……

Every rule has an exception, the rule in this case being 'something is better than nothing'.

That truly is the most rubbish gift I've ever heard of, I'm thinking you should divorce her anyway now.

I'm thinking you should divorce her anyway now.

+1 😆

What I'd do – get up really early on your birthday and sneak out on your bike. All day. Sorted.