I know I'm going to sound ungratefull but here goes…..
We're on our second year of marraige and four years into our relationship.

We're both pretty skint having bought a house, car etc and all the necesary married gubbins that life requires you to have.
As a result we have little cash to spend on oursleves and my beloved Orange Five is drifting into diss-repair due to lack of mechanical skill on my part and the ability to even stretch to basic supplies like inner tubes some months.

I don't think she really appreciates that I genuinly do find one of my few life affirming sollaces to be riding my bike and cutting through single track in 'the zone' etc. Not to mention the sorting-out-your-head joy of many hours on your own just turning the pedals and getting the world to make sense whilst you do it.

I have spent many months dropping hints about little basic affordable ideas- a new set of cables here, a new chainring there (I have even sent her links to CRC pages), not to mention the anvil like subtelty of " I wish I could find time to ride my bike more or just sort out a few of the worn out bits".

B-day is coming up and I thought the unwrittend rule of B'days is you listen to your partner figure out what makes them happy and then buy them something like it- eg that perfurme they like but can't afford or that dress they looked longingly at in the shops.

So how the hell am I supposed to look happy and not be gutwrenchingly mortified at a joint weekend in a wood making a willow chair?

I really want to go on the local Notts Tonyas Challenge off road event in three weeks and also have a crack at the Great Notts Bike ride this year, but at the moment I need to get my bike sorted and am having to write them off now as I've got to sit cross legged with Beardo the Weirdo whilst he shows me how to make a chair- I'm a trained carpenter for heaven's sake!

So how do I break it to her nicley without her breaking my legs?

Oh did I mention she's made her and my entire family chip in too, so this is teh only presnet I'll be getting.

"joint weekend in a wood making a willow chair?"

PMSL! 😆

So how the hell am I supposed to look happy and not be gutwrenchingly mortified at a joint weekend in a wood making a willow chair?

😯

gutted for you mate!

Get out now!!

Could be cool – go with the flow. I'm biased though as I like making stuff.

As you grow older you will learn to realise you will never get the presents you really want – only you will give yourself those! Our family brought in a £25 max limit so you never get a proper worthwhile pressie but big money is not wasted either. It does mean a lot of thought is either put into making presents or thinking hard about how to spend it which is more the point surely. It sounds like she has thought about it – it's not a "first thing off the shelf" and fat face type gift.

Good lordy.

Just tell her what you want and don't drop hints. Looks like you'll have to take this one on the chin.

Epicly bad present. As above, genuinely gutted for you.

It's not funny!

OK well maybe it would be if it was someone else.

Come on guys, send me a fake invite to Buckingham Place, Kidnap me ANYTHING!

As per convert here..

Could you not make a love stool instead of a chair, would be more fun in the future! 😆

Go along. It's not worth upsetting your Mrs. You might enjoy it 🙂

Anyway what's wrong with the 5? I bet you could get STW to chip in and help get it on the road.. I'll help if I'm nearby.

It's not like I don't like making things- I am "Practical Matt", that's kind of my point. I can make something in my own time anytime – and I frequently do. Odds are I could lead the class not take part in it.

I can't magic up a Fox forks service kit and a middle ring with teeth on it though. Not to mention the bearings that have all been dutifully cleaned and oiled for three years now but are really due a change.

Am I living in a sitcom? – woodland crafts! FFS

As a female point of view I would say don't tell her! There is no way you'll be able to say it without her becoming at least slightly upset/insulted, especially when she's asked around for other people to help.

You never know you might enjoy it… My dad organised a "suprise" weekend for my mum for her 50th – she thought she was getting a shopping trip to New York when it was actually a stone wall building course in the Cairngorms somewhere. She was not too impressed but ended up having a fun weekend just learning something new and getting away from normal life.

Looks like shes getting a willow chair for her birthday then. 😆

Looks like shes getting a willow chair for her birthday then

Genius!
😈

Are you really that hard up Matt?

So how the hell am I supposed to look happy and not be gutwrenchingly mortified at a joint weekend in a wood making a willow chair?

Stop lying!

You could get "somebody" to send her a link to this thread? What's her email address?

Just get your revenge when it's her birthday.
There's an abundance of sh1t things to do out there, shouldn't be too difficult to find another one. Night fishing perhaps?

she thought she was getting a shopping trip to New York when it was actually a stone wall building course in the Cairngorms somewhere.

😀

I agree with Alpine girl. It looks like there was a lot of though put into it (but without considering Your hints) and I know that it would mean at least 2-3 quiet days if something like that happened between me and my girlfriend and she would never ever, ever forget that, would just be somewhere there in the back of her mind ready to pop up at the right time. 🙂 Plus everyone who chipped in might be upset as well.

Just go and make that chair if You still want to have a happy marriage ;-). That is all.

It's not like I don't like making things- I am "Practical Matt", that's kind of my point. I can make something in my own time anytime – and I frequently do. Odds are I could lead the class not take part in it.

Now you do sounds just a tiny bit arrogant there! OK, I'll declare my hand. I'm Head of Design at a very expensive independent school that specialises in the creative arts & my dept are probably the lead proponents of schoolbased furniture making at this level in the country. I have a first class Design degree and work in wood (amongst other things) every day of my working life. You call yourself "practical matt" – that makes me practical ben with knobs on! I once went on a course that did not sound that different to yours – making a ladder back chair using traditional arts and crafts techniques – based in a wood! I learnt stuff & I could not have lead the class. The only people who deem themselves too good to learn from others are those with closed minds….

Think of it another way – she has bought you an opportunity to spend some time together on neutral ground on something neither of you have done before. I would get worried when she buys you gifts that mean she doesn't have to spend time with you!

Go on the course, sounds like she has made a lot of effort and no point upsetting her

Anyway what's wrong with the 5? I bet you could get STW to chip in and help get it on the road

What you short of? i've got some new tubes you are welcome to and probably dig out some cables as well along with a SRAM PC59 chain if its any use
Don't ride much these days and got enough spares to see me out

What if… its a decoy, and she's leading you to think this entirely on purpose??

Am I the only one who saw the present and thought "that's quite nice, I'd like to do that"?

Though it's a bit different if you already have the skills!

school that specialises in the creative arts & my dept are probably the lead proponents of schoolbased furniture making at this level in the country.

Sweatshop 😉

Am I the only one who saw the present and thought "that's quite nice, I'd like to do that"?

Quite probably, sounds bloody awful to me, now a wheelbuilding weekend

I wish I could think of something this elaborate to blag some spare parts for the bike.

If she's encouraged to believe you enjoy this sort of thing, I wonder what she'll come up with for next year?

You'll probably be able to adapt your newfound willow skills to other springy woods and make presents for all your loving in-laws.

I understand brambles are quite springy.

Make some wicker parts for your Orange.

Instead of a willow chair you could make a willow saddle. You get an upgrade and a happy wife-sorted!

Edit spongingmachine, you just beat me too it!

Funniest thread for ages. Thank you.

Its such a poncey laughable present that its got to be a wind up. Perhaps youll get there and she's really organised a weekends riding with your mates? If not, I'd consider divorce, she clearly dosent get you. 😈

try expressing your discontentment in the style of one of our ape cousins, scream, run around and fling poo at her. If she doesn't get the subtle hint that maybe you rather shave your eyeballs than make a chair with some beardy weirdies it's time to get a mail order bride 😀

Just send her on a bike maintenance course for her Birthday.

mate if its like this after 4 years together, the rest of your life is going to be a bitch…

Maybe it will be the only time your missus will get a nice bit of wood! 😉

Making pictures from old clock parts looks like fun too

Not much of a surprise present is it?

Compromise. Make a wicker wheel to the best of your ability…

Wife: But that's not a chair?!?

Hubby: No. But look, it's wheely good…

IGMC