Have I done the right thing – freak out content

Well I wouldn’t be as harsh as him – but this does sounds broader than just the fear of flying.

Things come to a head sometimes. You’re open about being a generally anxious chap. I believe your mind is telling you it’s had enough right now.

Get yourself to see that GP, be honest about the breakdown you’ve just had and keep an open mind about the options.

Work wise, can you dodge the bullet by being honest about the stress? Perhaps admit it’s partly caused by being in a role that you’re perhaps not suited to? Can they find another job for you without targets?

I wouldn’t presume to lecture you not to covet material goods, but I know it can be tempting to seek happiness in a new bike or whatever.

I genuinely feel for you and wish you the best. Keep pedaling (but maybe take a break if you need one).

Sounds like a crap situation all around Kryton. Go see the GP, have a serious conversation with your wife and get in touch with your employer to apologise. They’re the first steps I’d take if I were in a similar situation.

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esselgruntfuttock – Member

Sorry I’m no help but if you can go on your jollidays you can go to work.

“Can” isn’t the problem. You can choose to put yourself through things for your own reasons, that are unreasonable for a company to ask of you. The company also has a duty of care to its employees that as a civilian you don’t have to yourself.

And at the end of the day, these things are irrational- expecting irrational things to outfold in a rational way is irrational.

OP- you do have more than a fear of flying here, the level of anxiety and inability to make a decision beforehand shows that imo, I recognise that very well from myself. Do seek proper help, not for your employer or your job but for you. Anxiety is a complete bastard of a thing, it doesn’t sound it to people who’ve not experienced it but in its own way I’ve found it worse than depression or physical injury, in the way it just jams my brain in ways I can’t anticipate or rationalise.

Wise words from Northwind

Panic and anxiety sufferer here, and also flying-disliker.

I’d be completely frank with your employer about your reasons for not taking the flight. Just because you’ve been able to fly long-haul previously doesn’t mean you were able to do it today.

That’s the thing about mental illness; you can’t just decide to not let it affect you, in the same way you can’t decide to stop having a broken leg. Sure, you can learn techniques to manage anxiety, but ultimately it’s not just a case of telling yourself to MTFU and crack on with it.

Not sure if it’s appropriate in your situation, but if I were in your position I’d give my line manager a call as soon as possible, regardless of the fact it’s the weekend, just to explain what has gone on. That would give them a bit of time to disburse any anger that might be felt when you walk into work on Monday morning, when they’re expecting you to be in the US.

As an aside, I think I have a two hour flight coming up in April that I’m not supposed to know about (note to partners: when organising a surprise birthday trip for your other half’s 40th, don’t name the Whatsapp group you’re using to arrange it with other attendees ‘[PARTNER’S NAME] [LOCATION] SURPRISE’ and then leave your phone lying around where they’ll accidentally see it). I’m quite excited about visiting the place, but already feel the growing fear in anticipation of getting in a metal pipe and going airborne. Like others have said, it’s not the plane falling out of the sky that’s the fear for me, it’s lack of control and knowing that I can’t just say, “Can you pull over here and drop me off, please? I don’t like this.”

There is an obvious difference with family holiday flights.

He is surrounded by the distraction and support/pressure (take your pick) of family.

Travelling to the airport, checking in, waiting in departures on your own with no distractions to take your mind off your fears and anxieties is quite different.

I’m not an especially anxious flyer but I’d much rather have some company and distraction in the run up to a flight. If I were Kryton (mega anxious) then that might be a huge factor in going or not.

Just wondering how you’re doing Kryton? Hope you are feeling calmer and looking forward to the ride tomorrow. Should help clear your head.

On a slightly different tack from the other comments, has the job change from delivery to sales triggered this? Sounds like the trip you binned is the usual sales kick-off bollocks that most large organisations go through the at this time of year. You mentioned sales performance last year was not great but in your original post you were doing training. Find a role you enjoy doing and everything else will fall into place, but I know this is easier said than done.

As I said in your previous thread I share your fear of flying but as I often have to do it for work/play I just grit my teeth and get on.
As mentioned earlier I kinda adopt a fatalistic attitude which seems to work.

I was in a similar position, would start getting stressed weeks before flying and dreading flying home as soon as we landed. For me hypnosis worked really well, think I had 3 or 4 sessions at first then go back for a top before each holiday.

Happy yo chat about it here or email if you think it will help.

Thanks all. It got a bit worse yesterday as for no apparent reason I blacked out for a few seconds yesterday while building lego with my 4yo daughter, enough to collapse and to remember her shaking me saying “Daddy wake up”. This very thing put me in tears this morning at the thought of a lilttle 4yo girl and the trauma for her.

As probably expected I was exhausted last night. Hence no response, I’ve just slept for 12hrs. I’m thinking of the above advice to write a short apology to my boss (who’ll be in the states). However, my inclination is to make it brief, see the doc tomorrow and on thier return ask for a face to face meeting including HR to explain the outcomes. I just feel its better to do this, get it all out on record and not hide behind “Kryton shit himself over flying” jibes that I imagine will be happening in a bar this evening.

shinton – Member
On a slightly different tack from the other comments, has the job change from delivery to sales triggered this? Sounds like the trip you binned is the usual sales kick-off bollocks that most large organisations go through the at this time of year. You mentioned sales performance last year was not great but in your original post you were doing training. Find a role you enjoy doing and everything else will fall into place, but I know this is easier said than done.

That is the event yes. Not training but my probationary year in Sales yes, hence I’m still here despite the numbers I brought in – this time next year I’d be looking for another Job. I appreciate Sales is principally measured on target alone, but I’ve demonstrably excelled in the activity effort and growth of capability in year one, to the point that my first quarter this year has the potential to meet 3/4 of my current (unofficial) 2017 target – vis a vis I’ve built my business and pipeline to that point. Its probably worthing pointing out that not many established people made thier number this year, I’m not alone, but I am the only newbie.

The whole end of year pressure, “owning” a number, the ups and then downs off the movement into 2017 of my big opportunities for 2016, the fact I’m for the first time in 10 years on basic salary alone etc are all probably contributory factors in anything stress related, and unfortunately for me that culminated in the most stressful activity I could consider.

Thanks for the offers, in the last 10 years I have had CBT, Hypno 3 times, TFT and some councilling. Fear of flying courses don’t make sense for me becuase im not scared of noises (flaps/wheels etc) its just turbulence and “fear of falling” that lives with me throughout the flight. Rationally I read – many times – and viewed there videos of why this can’t happen and shouldnt be a worry. I do feel I should go on the Course (Virgin have one 5th March) just to wave the certificate at work and prove I’m trying, I’m not sure. I also think I need councilling for my general anxiety.

Anyway, despite the face its wet and cold I should probably go and turn a few pedal strokes. Cheers.

Get a new job. Screw the money, your health and family ain’t worth it.

for no apparent reason I blacked out for a few seconds yesterday

This changes things.

This is not a thread about fear of flying, nor is it (primarily) a thread about work.

You are ill. You should go to the doctor’s first thing in the morning.

Entirely missing the source of troubles here maybe, but a thought for further long haul trips.
If short trips are manageable, you could island hop as such. Northern airport to Iceland, stop over (because Reykjavik is a nice place, so why not? Blue Lagoon close to airport) and then Iceland to Canada followed by rail or internal flight if you can handle it.

It doesn’t solve the problem, but is a different approach to travel.

Get a new job. Screw the money, your health and family ain’t worth it.

does seem like the bst advice. The blacking out does make it sound stress related along with the stuff about being able to fly for holidays (well, only just) but not for work. Not easy of course though but you might find that even just making the decision to start looking makes a big change in your outlook

You are ill. You should go to the doctor’s first thing in the morning.

Agreed – mention the blackout and don’t downplay things. You should be signed off work for at least a week or two IMO.

No doubt you’re still in a bad place now, but use this as an opportunity to tackle the roots of your anxiety instead of keep trying to cope. It will get better.

🙂

PS. No flying for you in future. It’s not that big a deal.

I’m sorry man, you sound like you’re having a tough time. It’ll get better.

For what it’s worth, I agree with those that speculate it’s more work related than not.

I too was in a job that I had been in for a fair while and got to a senior-ish level like you. And then new management (american – but oddly they were not the problem) and the nature of my role ‘evolved’ from operational to sales based…..it happens. Well, I was still responsible for ops too…. 🙂 (Of course)

And it became unbearable, but not so unbearable that I couldn’t do it day to day but it was taking it’s toll. I don’t suffer from anxiety, but it made me feel bad. I found a way out eventually.

Sorry for the ramble, but what I’m trying to say is what you are doing now is maybe not what you want to do, even though the money is good. And it sucks when you work somewhere and you feel ‘trapped’ maybe?

Good luck though.
It’ll be ok.

🙂

You are ill.

Call in sick, seek help.

Lay off the bike, lay off the training, hug your wife.

Haven’t read the whole thread so apologies if I’m repeating anything.

Just wanted to say I sympathise with being able to fly with family and not work. I’m sure there are plenty of things I would do so that my wife could see her family that I wouldn’t do for my employer.

The odd thing about this, is that don’t despise my job. I’ve rather enjoyed learning the new skills and the busy-ness that goes with it – I hate being bored. On the flip side I can’t keep up with the politics and materialism that goes with it, so tend to avoid those.

I did a 60k easy ride today for some head space, during which I came to the conclusion things have been bubbling up. One of my 2015 appraisal comments was to work on “emotional outbursts” in that I should remain cool calm and collected at all times at work, which I have done. The other issue is that I’ve had two relatives die recently – uncle and aunt – which although I’m not close to them has to affect me in some way. Maybe then this has been a mental anguish letting in disguise.

Physically I’m in good shape, low BP, HR etc and I don’t “feel” stressed, and normally any stresses I have are relieved on the bike, turbo or not. But maybe I’ve been holding back and there was something bubbling under the surface.

Re expectation & materialism – the thing about these types of jobs which I am realising, more than any other is that there are those few who have smashed targets, been promoted and will be wandering around with new suits, shiny cars and big watches and planning extensions to their already large house. They’ll be others like me having worked very hard yet on basic pay looking for a cheap family holiday this year and satisfying themselves with a beer & pizza at the weekend at best. I guess thems the brakes, I’ll be happy I have my family around me and bikes to enjoy a ride on and a job that pays a wage.

Interesting times.

Be even more interesting if you were to loose your job..

Hug the Wife.

satisfying themselves with a beer & pizza at the weekend at best. I guess thems the brakes, I’ll be happy I have my family around me and bikes to enjoy a ride on and a job that pays a wage.

You might find you’re happier than the people that are walking round with the big watches and shit…

Unwinding your position isn’t easy, but you sound like you have no choice.

I’d have emailed a brief apology straight away, and I’d be offering to reimburse the company for their considerable spend that they incurred unnecessarily.

I’d be explaining that there’s a bigger issue that you’re going to seek help to understand,starting on Monday, before asking for a meeting to discuss it all with them (almost certainly discussing an exit strategy that works for both of you).

Good luck.

Unwinding your position isn’t easy, but you sound like you have no choice.

exit strategy

Eh?

There is NO suggestion that the OP’s job is at risk because he was too ill to go on a trip.

Well, I don’t he’ll be thought of highly because of it but that’s not my point.

All of the OP’s posts suggest he doesn’t see a future in the new role, and I don’t know why you’d want to stay there longer than you need to if hats the case… Better to get on with it in a controlled way, surely?

Regarding re-imbursement, I’d imagine the company have travel insurance and will be able to (though might not bother) claim back costs if the OP is able to provide a letter from his GP saying that he was too ill to travel.

Better to get on with it in a controlled way, surely?

Krexit 🙂

Regarding re-imbursement, I’d imagine the company have travel insurance and will be able to (though might not bother) claim back costs if the OP is able to provide a letter from his GP saying that he was too ill to travel.

Agree completely, but I’d still be offering.

I hadn’t checked in for the return flight so BA’s 24hr policy applies – no charge for cancellation. I also informed the event manager to cancel my hotel asap. Yes the medical note will help potential reimbursement of the flight out, but in my view the company and my manager took a risk in encouraging and booking travel arrangements for an employee with known issues, and who has made alternative arrangements in recent history (Scotland, Germany in 2016) to avoid flying.

I also turned down the same opportunity last year becuase it was made clear it was optional then – this year it’s been described as “in my interest” to go.

They took the risk, they now assume the risk for the cost and any time off im told i will have – although tbh I don’t feel I need time off

As others have said, it sounds to me that you’re ill. If you’d had to cancel the trip due to a broken leg, glandular fever, etc, that would be just something for your employers to accept; it’s no different when a bit of your brain (the bit that rationalises risk?) is broken.

From you last post it sounds like you accept that you’re ill, so go with it. Good luck.

OP, any update from work on this?

No.

I’ve not had a reply from my boss within the 24hrs I sent an email. Still waiting to get a docs appt as well. I don’t really want to self sign myself off from work any longer than today.

Woke up with a thumping headache and weak legs, but read the first chapter Damon Hills autobiography, which is a revelation as far as this episode is concerned as anyone who’s read it will understand.

Kryton57 – How’s your head?

Isn’t there a question as to why work would compel people to fly to the states when a lot of stuff can be done through video links ups. I no there’s not the networking but it sounds as though this was a strategy meeting and not one where a lot of discussions were happening.

I am not sure how the ads work on here but half way down this thread I have an advert for military air tattoo!

(Good luck by the way Kryton57).

Any more news Kryton? Hope you’re doing okay.