Well Kryton I guess your journey will be fraught with worry and end up with you having no nails left.
You do know it’s just a car, a car that will be fine and just maybe you’ll like driving it and hauling your bike in and out of. I totally understand the primary role for your car, I too have similar issues with stuff being locked away out of sight but chosen a Van for bike carrying duties. I sometimes carry my bikes (one at a time) on a Saris on the back of my convertible and its a bloody worry I don’t need nor want and it’s such a pain going anywhere then stopping off on the way for a coffee or pee.
But you don’t want a van, understand that.
I think once you get over the purchase and first few weeks of settling into ownership and getting your bike in/out that you’ll love it, most do it’s only the folks with a lack of a heartbeat that moan about simple jiggly bits that sometimes go wrong and become annoying.
Having said that that Red Volvo you showed a pic of looked Ok, if the Alfa turns out to be a bit meh then you still could buy that.
Best of luck with your choice, sure it’ll be fine.