Going for a beer/coffee with members of the opposite sex

pictonroad – Member

😆

What an odd thing to bring up.

why odd? it’s obvious that options vary greatly as can bee seen by some of the responses.
I’m amazed some men cannot think of a reason to spend time with members of the opposite sex unless they are their wives/girlfriend/mother/sister ??!? 😯

I just think, living in Town, it’s just a huge melting pot of all shapes, sizes, colours, gender and it’s kinda hard not to have friends of a different gender.

Jealous spouses are the ruin of Humanity I reckon.

What a terribly depressing thread. Are we really all so conceited that socializing with friends must mean something else. Or so insecure that we would believe an ulterior motive if our partners want to socialize with friends?

.I’m amazed some men cannot think of a reason to spend time with members of the opposite sex unless they are their wives/girlfriend/mother/sister ??!?

I’m amazed you can! I can’t even begin to comprehend it.

I have a charming and very attractive female neighbour who also works from home. We have coffee most days on the communal lawn. It isn’t weird.

She thinks her house is haunted.

Actually it might have gotten slightly weird when her boyfriend thanked me for advising her about March 14th.

Err, yes, of course I would. Not really sure why it would be a problem, in fact I’ve never been considered it as a thing until this thread. My wife has a few male friends too that she meets up with, no issue there either.

They’re just mates who happen to be female, maybe I’m naive, not sure.

I’m amazed you can! I can’t even begin to comprehend it.

I gave one – because we both like the same bands, and my wife doesn’t.

That said, her gender’s irrelevant to that. The fact she’s a lady is incidental, as far as it matters she’s a friend who likes the same music as me.

Sometimes we also talk about our kids – they’re in the same class at school. Not sure how that fits in this stereotype clash though…. me, a man discussing childcare type stuff!

I’m also a bit alarmed by some of the responses in this thread. Do people really find unremarkable to admit that they can’t imagine a conversation, as friends, with an actual woman? They do post on here you know (maybe less than once was the case?) about the same sort of tedious stuff as the rest of us.

I don’t have time for much socialising full stop now, but used to go out with female friends very regularly – drinks and going to visit them.

There is no such thing as a purely platonic relationship imo. There will be an attraction at some level.

So you are saying you fancy your best mate?

I make no apologies for how bad that is or how childishly amusing I’ve always found it

if they’re going to go on and on about how rubbish the coffee is, stale beans, how the nespresso-hyper-steam-machine is set to the wrong grind/pressure matrix, the crime of wearing the wrong cut/thread count/selvedge pattern jeans, can’t understand the artistic merit of a photo etc. then

they are probably already on singletrack so be careful what you write…

Some people need to grow up: I have female friends who are in relationships with other men: one of which I slept in the same room with on a uni field trip this weekend. I took my best mates gf, now his fiance, to Kew gardens, whilst he was at work, plus other instances. They are friends. That’s how you treat friends. Others I have, and wouldn’t hesitate to again, been out for drinks with, without their partners.

Loads of my friends are the opposite sex. Beers or bikes including weekends away without partners is the norm. I hope some of the answers here are a joke or trying to shock.

A classic who’d have thought it single track thread

I think I’m mainly in the have female friends don’t really think about it too much. Yes we do stuff bike rides, swimming, beer.

I think I might think more about going to round to their house if they were home alone. I’m not saying I wouldn’t I’m jut saying I’d think about it

Nopes, not for me. Although i don’t have any female friends… at all.
I can’t ever imagine a reason why i’d want a female friend. It’s either sex/relationship or not…. simple as that. I can’t for a second imagine what we’d talk about.

This is the stand out comment for me and I do try and come on here to accept the world as it is and not always change it.

I did a triathlon last year with 4 female friends and one of their blokes. So alot of the conversations are just like on here. So lunch today it was hows my new gps watch and bike ride last night. She’s on about how her swim session went. Then another friends reading a physics book so how is that going. OK they don’t quite do technical bike details like we do on here but other than that its very similar

Weirdos.

I think I probably qualify as part of the STW older generation and I don’t have any issue with meeting single/married women or for my wife to meet single/married men.

In things like hillwalking, cycling etc, women often find it hard to meet up with like minded women so I’ve often been out riding, walking etc with them.

Interesting responses to this question so far.

A good few years back, a female member of this forum said she was going to be in Cardiff and asked if anyone would meet up with her for coffee.

I was going to say yes, and even asked my wife if she thought it was okay. Although Mrs SR did indeed say it was fine, I decided not too. I have no recollection as to whom it was, nor do I have any idea what she looked like, but for some reason I decided that my saying ‘yes’ just would have felt weird. No reason; just gut feeling.

In any case, I have to meet with people of both sexes on their own quite often, and a rule of thumb – one that was drilled into us when we were training – is that we are never, ever to meet with anyone of the opposite sex, nor anyone who could be considered vulnerable, in a situation that another person could even begin to construe as ‘compromising’.

I was going to compose a few replies but this is more succinct:

What a terribly depressing thread.

I have male and female friends. I’ve stayed over for the weekend at a female friend’s house who is an ex ummfriend. Not only did nothing “happen” but nothing was ever even remotely likely to happen because we’re proper regular friends; even if that ship hadn’t sailed a very long time ago and I wasn’t married, nothing would have happened. No more that there would be any risk of me playing Hide The Sausage when staying over at a male friend’s house, at my sister’s house (if I had one) or at a pet shop.

If you can’t have female friends because you can’t trust yourself to keep it in your pants, or are chewkw and frankly just wrong in the gourd generally, you should probably have a good hard look at yourself.

Lots of selfish views here.

It’s also your indirect responsibility to that other person’s partner, not to be in situations that could be viewed as questionable. No matter how awesome you are with lashings of self control.

How do you think affairs/doubts/insecurities and the such-like start?

trailwagger – Member
There is no such thing as a purely platonic relationship imo. There will be an attraction at some level.

Bollocks.

I have male and female friends. I’ve stayed over for the weekend at a female friend’s house who is an ex ummfriend. Not only did nothing “happen” but nothing was ever even remotely likely to happen because we’re proper regular friends; even if that ship hadn’t sailed a very long time ago and I wasn’t married, nothing would have happened. No more that there would be any risk of me playing Hide The Sausage when staying over at a male friend’s house, at my sister’s house (if I had one) or at a pet shop.

If you can’t have female friends because you can’t trust yourself to keep it in your pants, or are chewkw and frankly just wrong in the gourd generally, you should probably have a good hard look at yourself.
THIS! Especially the para I’ve put in bold.
I have quite a few female friends who are exes, who have been married for years, who I’m still friends with after many years, and who I could, if circumstances allowed, like being in the same place at the same time, happily have a coffee with, because there’s no sexual attraction now, just a really good friendship.
One friend in particular phoned me quite late one night, with two of her drunk friends, just to prove that I was someone she could trust and be able to call on for help, if necessary and at any time, and which has actually happened with one relationship she had which got very creepy and unpleasant, and her words “Ady, I need help”, were the most chilling thing I’ve ever heard from a very dear friend, who I love very much, and I’d do anything for.
We spent a couple of hours on the phone, the end result being her going to stay with a female friend, and getting a locksmith to change all the locks on her doors the next day, and I’d have bunked off work and driven to the other side of the country if I’d had to to help, because she’s my friend!.

It’s also your indirect responsibility to that other person’s partner, not to be in situations that could be viewed as questionable.

Aside from the fact the question was “opposite sex” and not “other people’s partners,”

Their insecurity is their own issue and absolutely not my responsibility. If they want to be a jealous, paranoid arse then that’s their own funeral, maybe they should start trusting their partners that even if someone (me in your example) was to be untoward they’d get kicked back?

Why would you be with someone that you didn’t trust? How do you cope with them going out to work every day? Where does that end, get ’em a hajib to be on the safe side?

If my wife said, “I’m going down to London to catch up with old friends” I wouldn’t think twice about it, regardless of the friends’ gender and sexual preferences*, not because I trust them but because I trust her.

(* – Incidentally way to heteronormalise the issue, everyone. How would you feel if your wife was going meeting a lesbian friend?)

Now you’re talking.

🙂

I knew that was coming.

Er, so to speak.

Why would you be with someone that you didn’t trust? How do you cope with them going out to work every day?

My other half goes to foreign countries where strange men touch her waist and shoulder (she does Tango dancing)
Fortunately for me we have a relationship where trust and respect are a given, I haven’t felt the need to go to her tango classes and thump the fella who happens to be touching her. I’m not that insecure or emotionally juvenile. 🙄

Don’t get it.

I have very few very close friends, of whom three are (hetero) women. One younger, one the same age as my wife and one a decade or so older. Two of whom are also the best friends to get hammered with. Never was any sexual chemistry/physical attraction either way (and we’ve discussed it) – the thought is laughable, it’d be like boffing my sisters!

Weird that so many people seem to think all people are sexually attracted to each other?

If we’re doing it as a generational study then I’m nearly 50 and have plenty of female friends that I see for meals, drinks, walks etc. Don’t see any problem with it at all. It’s more than half the population, the idea that in all those people there’s no one that you’d get on without feeling the need to shag is a bit daft.

My wife has a couple of male mates, i have no trust issues with her at all

I just still can’t grasp why I’d want a female friend.

(* – Incidentally way to heteronormalise the issue, everyone. How would you feel if your wife was going meeting a lesbian friend?)

already included that in my response, although people assumed it was CFH due to the use of ‘comfortable shoes’ as a euphemism

Sorry, yes, you’re right, I was generalising.

Cougar – Moderator
If you can’t have female friends because you can’t trust yourself to keep it in your pants, or are chewkw and frankly just wrong in the gourd generally, you should probably have a good hard look at yourself

bearnecessities – Member
Lots of selfish views here.

It’s also your indirect responsibility to that other person’s partner, not to be in situations that could be viewed as questionable. No matter how awesome you are with lashings of self control.

How do you think affairs/doubts/insecurities and the such-like start?
^^^ This nail it.

Besides what interesting topics does she want to talk about that I haven’t heard yet or interested in … seriously …

Cougar – Moderator
Their insecurity is their own issue and absolutely not my responsibility. If they want to be a jealous, paranoid arse then that’s their own funeral, maybe they should start trusting their partners that even if someone (me in your example) was to be untoward they’d get kicked back?

Yes, they might not have a solid relationship but you might have added to their problems. They might have a chance to mend but who knows your action might change one of their mind and cause a breakup.

Besides what interesting topics does she want to talk about that I haven’t heard yet or interested in … seriously …

Busted.

Malvern Rider – Member
Besides what interesting topics does she want to talk about that I haven’t heard yet or interested in … seriously …

Generally speaking like … so don’t flame me. 😆

Politics? Religion? Gender? Wealth? Society? Music? Seriously everything has been discussed by you lot on STW anything else are just repeat or vice versa … 😆

^^^ This nail it.

If you live in Saudi perhaps.

Yes, they might not have a solid relationship but you might have added to their problems.

How?

They don’t have a solid relationship. She cracks on to me. I say, “no ta.” What’s changed in their relationship by this?

your action might change one of their mind and cause a breakup.

My “action” being “spending time with a friend”? If that causes a break-up then a) their relationship was screwed long before that and b) she’s probably better off away from Christian Gray.

No topic is static, even history gets retold in the context of the present day so all topics are fair game, the same as they would be with friends of the same gender. If this wasn’t the case what would anyone talk about? We’d all hit 30 decide we’d covered all the topics and remain mute for the rest of our days unless we want to ask someone to pass the ketchup.

That’s what gets you into bother, saucy conversations.

Cougar – Moderator
If you live in Saudi perhaps.

How?

They don’t have a solid relationship. She cracks on to me. I say, “no ta.” What’s changed in their relationship by this?

My “action” being “spending time with a friend”? If that causes a break-up then a) their relationship was screwed long before that and b) she’s probably better off away from Christian Gray.

Doesn’t have to be in Saudi coz people can be weird.

Okay okay … your way and that’s you so I am fine with that.

I don’t even know who that Gray bloke is until I googled his name … he looks a bit psychotic isn’t he.

What I am saying is that it’s not my style …

STW: Come for the bikes; stay for the Mumsnet-lite.

Never change people!

people can be weird.

That was essentially my point yes, but probably for different reasons. People can be weird, but that’s their monkey.

What I am saying is that it’s not my style …

What, to treat women as equals capable of making their own decisions?

I just still can’t grasp why I’d want a female friend

Why is a female friend different?