Getting in contact with an ex-

I’ve recently got in contact with an ex-girlfriend. We lived together and separated because of family pressure on her side, not her fault and I don’t blame her. Anway, she started to appear ocassionaly as a viewer in Linkedin and I decided to invite her into my network to see what would happen. To my surprise she accepted and we now converse, through email, quite regularly.
I can only assume her husband doesn’t know about this. My question is to you married types as I think it’s a bit strange.
How would you feel if your partner got back in contact with an ex?
And that they were prepared to move countries to be with them.

How would you feel if your partner got back in contact with an ex?

Slightly weird I guess.

And that they were prepared to move countries to be with them.

Maybe very quiet alarm bells at this juncture.

And that they were prepared to move countries to be with them.

Maybe very quiet alarm bells at this juncture.

😯

I’d have thought massive air-raid type sirens …

I’d have thought massive air-raid type sirens …

Indeed. Massive sirens.

That’s me, the king of understatement. 🙂

And that they were prepared to move countries to be with them.

I think this needs clarifications somewhat though.

There is a bit of a leap from a minor tickle on an Antisocial network, to crossing borders to be in stabbing distance.

Nostalgia is great, but you can’t go back in time; only forwards.

What ScottChegg said

And that they were prepared to move countries to be with them.

It felt unclear as I was writing it… 😀
She was living with me and got a job in the UK, she had decided that she was going to accept the job and live in the UK with me until her mother stepped in with some quite heavy emotional blackmail stuff. She left and we went our separate ways until about 8-12 months ago.
I’m quite cool on it as I’m single, I’m just trying to look at it from her side and that I’m guessing that she won’t have told her hubby and secrets can’t be good in a relationship, can they?

Nostalgia is great, but you can’t go back in time; only forwards.

That’s all very interesting, but I don’t see how that relates to the question… 😕

Ah right, it read like she was prepared to move countries right now.

As you were then.

What are you hoping to get out of this?

How would you feel if your partner got back in contact with an ex?

Depends… Facebook friends with occasional “how’s life” or “cute kids” comments on photos: no problem at all. Regular private messaging: alarm bells.

Depends if she is holdign back form her husband or not. Personally I tell my wife every time an ex contacts me – just not worth the hassle.

You split up 12 months ago and she is already married….???

So the moving countries bit is ancient history – not sure why it’s relevant now then.

Re the contact, depends how things were left – i.e. had they split up and developed a platonic friends relationship prior to loosing touch that might be different. Also, would depend a bit on the current state of your relationship. Finally might depend on the circumstances- I had some contact with an ex after a mutual friend died but I see that as different to getting in touch for virtual flirting.

You should be hearing these:

Don’t prolong her episode of effectively cheating on her hubby. Secrets in relationships (unless it’s about xmas/birthday pressies) can only precipitate disaster. Swift disconnection I think sir.

You split up 12 months ago and she is already married….???

I think they split up ‘x’ months/years ago, and she got back in touch 12 months ago …

I’d ask her if her husband/partner knows she’s back in touch with you.

She sounds a wrong un to me. Keep well away.

out yourself in the other guys shoes

Nostalgia is great, but you can’t go back in time; only forwards.

That’s all very interesting, but I don’t see how that relates to the question…

Because you are asking about ex-girlfriends and asking about moving countries to be with someone. It didn’t come across that this was all in the past and you are just having a conversation via mail.

By all means keep on good terms with ex’s. Even the mental ones. There’s no reason not to be nice.

As for the emails, she might be upfront with her husband and tell him that some bloke she used to see is sending her mail. Why not, it’s harmless and not unreasonable. You assume she won’t tell him. Why? Did she have secrets when you were together?

Unless there is some strong content in the mail you are not mentioning it’s all innocent. Could you be reading too much into it?

Any pics ?

out yourself

Yes dondon, it’s about time you outed yourself. 🙂

Well, once you have got back together and she’s had time to notice the same failings in you that she sees in her husband, you too will probably get the chance to see things from his perspective.

I’d **** run mate

I’m currently trying to ignore an ex who got in contact, flirted a bit and I foolishly reciprocated and now she wont go away

I’m not going into it in any more depth [oh no, I’m not] but trying to conceal the texts and emails from the current Mrs jota is becoming stressful 😐

I am in touch with a couple of ex-girlfriends. Mrs Druidh knows this, has met them, and it’s all cool. It’s the secrecy bit that’s the problem.

I think this needs clarifications pics somewhat though.

FTFY

On a related note and ex phoned me a few months back and my missus picked up the phone (as in physicaly, not answer it) and asked who X was (her numbers deleted to remove any temptation, but the sim still remembers the name/number), I said no-one and let it ring out.

Found my old sim (which does still contain said ex’s phone number), deleted of that one too now.
[high horse]
I think this makes me a better person than you
[/high horse]

The way I see it is this… At some point you shared your life together, that ought to be celebrated, you also cared for each other, that too ought to be celebrated, you split up for some pretty solid reasons too, that ought to be noted (otherwise you’d still be together) And now you find yourself in contact again..
Excellent.
Keep it at e-mail level, keep it healthy and not “oohhhh I soooo misss you” stuff, build friendship again and keep it that way.

Simple contact with Ex’s can be quite nice, I’m in contact (about once a month or so) with a previous incarnation of MrsBouy and all’s very well indeed. We chat about sailing, where she’s going, her new boat, her life at work.. in fact it’s pretty much how it used to be with us two.. She’s in a relationship now, no idea if he knows we chat and if he’s a decent bloke he’ll not pry but respect her decision to chat to me, if he’s not then i’d be sorry to loose a friend who i spent the best part of all my 30’s with, and that would be very sad.

I’d say keep the distance, that’s healthy.

tinas – why did you lie?

I am in touch with a couple of ex-girlfriends. Mrs Druidh knows this, has met them, and it’s all cool. It’s the secrecy bit that’s the problem.

I think it’s the “I’ve recently got in contact with…” bit.

My wife is still friends with one of her previous BFs, but I have no problem with that as he was part of her wider circle of friends and they used to see each other a lot even after they split up just because they used to meet up as part of a bigger group.

OTOH, if she suddenly decided to get in touch with someone who she’d fallen out of contact with, I’d find it odd.

Get on Second Life, what happens in the virtual world stays in the virtual world…….and it seemed to work out just peachy for this lot

rightplacerighttime – Member

I think it’s the “I’ve recently got in contact with…” bit.Nah. When Friends Reunited was the current big thing, everyone was at it.

I can’t say I’ve ever thought “I wonder what happened to…. I’ll just try and contact them”, but I guess it could happen with the right reason.

I think this is a symptom of a bigger disease.

All the mails and Bookfacing and texts are all fine; it’s when you have to lie about it it becomes corrosive.

Tinas is building himself up for a massive poo-storm by his offhand dishonesty.

If a phone rings why not just say “It looks like my ex’s number; I don’t want to answer that”?

When the ex escalates things and sends scented letters to your house, you will have a bigger hole to get out of.

There again, anyone who can blithely write this…

to remove any temptation

…is on the way out of a relationship by the direct route.

I can’t say I’ve ever thought “I wonder what happened to…. I’ll just try and contact them”

No, but I bet you’ve googled’em 😉

Just me? oh. 😳

my mumma always towd me dat men wid taddoos r narsty men an deyl cheet on u an beet on u. do u hav taddoos donald simone?

Tinas is building himself up for a massive poo-storm by his offhand dishonesty.

Naaaa, by not picking up a random one-off call from an ex?

She was hot, we got on well, she was a fruitcase, it’s not that I don’t trust myself, I just might forget the third point, so by not being in contact as friends I get to avoid this bit;

When the ex escalates things and sends scented letters to your house, you will have a bigger hole to get out of.

If a phone rings why not just say “It looks like my ex’s number; I don’t want to answer that”?

Why instill paranoia in her? She’ll accept ‘no-one’/friend form uni/other explanation, “my ex is randomly calling out of the blue” is going to arrouse suspicion!

thisisnotaspoon – Member
Why instill paranoia in her? She’ll accept ‘no-one’/friend form uni/other explanation, “my ex is randomly calling out of the blue” is going to arrouse suspicion!

Have you done something previously that would cause her to have this distrust of you?

Indeed. There is a stink of suspicion around this relationship.

That can’t be healthy.

but the sim still remembers the name/number

no it doesn’t, you have only deleted it from the phone, not the sim.

[stirs]Looks like you want to keep in touch…[/stirs]

Indeed. There is a stink of suspicion around this relationship.

Around which relationship?
We were out of contact for more or less 10 years and she popped up again. No, I don’t know whether she has told hubby or not. I invited her to join Linkedin in an attempt to bluff her, I thought she didn’t realise that I can see who visits my profile and when, and thought that the invitation would frighten her off, but no. Friendly emails have followed.
I’m not trying to justify my actions, simply to understand how people in relationships would view their partner getting in touch with an old and serious flame. I’m clear on the telling/not telling of hubby but even so, why would you get in touch and stay in touch?
Clearly it has made me think a bit.

No, but I bet you’ve googled’em

Just me? oh.

You can go a lot beyond Google if you really want to, Stoner….! 😉

secrets can’t be good in a relationship, can they?

Eh? What are you on about man, if you said everything you’d-

I’m single

Ahh, that explains everything! 😆

(Just ribbing you – no harm meant!)