genius football chants

Shoe shoe shoe bomber
Newcastle fans to Middlesbrough’s Egyptian striker mido due to his resemblance to Richard Reid the shoe bomber

Your just a shit Andy Carroll

England fans to zlatan just before he scored a hatrick

Proper lol guys, MrsBouys looking at me sideways whilst I giggle.

There’s only one team in Talinn, one team in Talinn… When Estonia just decided it wasn’t worth turning up to play Scotland, they’d rather watch it on the telly

Christian Nade: “You’re just a fat Eddie Murphy”
Jordan Slew “You’re just a thin Christian Nade”
Genero Zeefiuk: “You’re just a fat Christian Nade”.
Then “You’re just a good Christian Nade”

Though, it does give the impression that Christian Nade was the first black man a lot of scottish people ever saw.

The Hearts Europe Song. To the tune of My Way:

And Now, The end is near
We’ve followed Hearts from Perth to Paisley
We’ve travelled far, by bus and car
And other times we’ve went by railway.
We’ve been, to Aberdeen
We hate the Hibs, they make us spew up.
So make a noise you Gorgie boys
We’re going to Europe.

To See H – M – F – C
We’ll even dig the channel tunnel
When we’re afloat on some big boat
We’ll tie our scarves around the funnel.
We have no cares, for other players
like Rossi, Boniec, or Tardelli
When we’re overseas,
the hibs will be in Portobelly.

We all can laugh at Hibs
When we play Chelsea, Metz or Inter
They’ll travel far, to see Stranraer
and visit Airdrie in the winter.
While Hearts, go marching on
and show the Hibs the way to do it,
they lost at Ayr, and we don’t care,
we’re going to Europe.

The days, not far away
when we will reach the heights of glory.
We’ll follow Hearts through foreign parts
and Gorgie boys will tell the story.
How we scored three, at Napoli
took care of Bierhoff and Vi&ldots;erri
when we’re overseas,
the Hibs will watch us on the telly.

And ok, using gay as an insult is crap, but there’s still no sound like tens of thousands of people singing OHHH PAUL HARTLEY IS GAY to the tune of Seven Nation Army

Is it true that when Man City were looking at being relegated the kippax were singing “we’re sh*t and we know we are”

Also re Ji Sung Park:
He shoots, he scores,
He’ll eat your Labradors!

Ireland’s fans singing “We all dream of a team of Gary Breens”…”and number 1 is Gary Breen, and number 2 is Gary Breen…”

(To the tune of Yellow Submarine)

Not sure if this one is true, but I heard that Utd fans used to sing about goalkeeper Tim Howard, who suffers from tourettes:
Tourettes tourettes
He’s in our nets
Fu*k, fu*k, fu*k

“Your teeth were offside, your teeth were offside, Luis Suarez, your teeth were offside”, when Suarez was on the wrong side of a dubious offside flag in front of the Bobby Moore Lower.

The whole stand doing Rocky impressions at our goalkeeper always makes me laugh as well “Adriaaan!”

Also when Graham Rix was assistant manager at Chelsea and was up in court for an under age girl. “There’s only one Graham Rix, one Graham Rix, with his packet of sweets and his cheeky smile, he’s a dirty paedophile”. To be fair, I could only get a ticket in the home end at Stamford bridge for that game, and once the west ham fans started singing it, the whole Chelsea end fell about laughing then immediately joined in.

Also liked the one about Stern John.
He’s big / He’s fast / His first name should come last / Stern John / Stern John 🙂

Sang at Molineux to Brighton fans
“We can see you holding hands”
To which they replied “Your too ugly to be gay”

Posh Spice Is A Slapper
She’s Shagging Roond The Toon.
When She Thinks Of Beckham…
She Thinks of Craigie Broon

Craig Brown era of Scotland !

Bolton fans, to the tune of ‘No Limits’ by 2 Unlimited:

Mixu,
Mixu, Mixu,
Mixu, Mixu,
Mixu Paatelainen

“Two Andy Gorams, there’s only two Andy Gorams” Celtic fans on Andy Goram after it was revealed the keeper was diagnosed with schizophrenia

Was actually first sung by Morton fans who were the first team he came up against after the announcement.

This is the match here.

aw naw no annoni oan anaw noo

At the kop whenever Liverpool looked like scoring the spurs fans chanted
“Calm down calm down
Calm down calm down”

Seemed to last the whole ninety minutes

To Arsene Wenger (not at all pc) to daydream believer

Cheer up Arsene Wenger
what can it be
to be a French homosexual
with a shit football team

Genius football chants… Oxymoron 😉

More please 😆

Not sure if this one is true, but I heard that Utd fans used to sing about goalkeeper Tim Howard, who suffers from tourettes:
Tourettes tourettes
He’s in our nets
Fu*k, fu*k, fu*k

Yeah IIRC it was
“Howard howard is in our nets,
Howard howard has Tourettes
S**t, F*ck, Sh*t, F*ck”

“we’re not brazil we’re northern ireland” is the most famous one round here.

Spurs fans to Leighton Baines at Everton last year:

You’re just a sh!t Bradley wiggins…

Chelski wherever you may be
Don’t leave your wife with John Terry
His Dad deals coke and his mum steals tea
And he cries when he misses a penalteeee!

When FC United started off at level 10 of the football league playing teams from small backward Lancashire towns…

To the tune of the Adams Family.
Your sister is your mother
Your father is your brother
You all f*** one another
The Nelson (or any other small town with two syllables) family”

The visiting Bolton fans worked out that this was also quite good for Wigan a few years back too 🙂

The ‘Van Persie, when a girl say’s no’ chant always makes me wonder.
To make it fit with a random 90’s Garage tune takes quite a talent.

I’ve been to one premiership match. Newcastle v Arsenal.

At half time Arsenal were 4-nil up, Newcastle pulled it back to 4-4 by the final whistle.

The chant went

“Four nil and you ####ed it up, four nil and you ####ed it up..”

Neville Neville, they’re in defence
Neville Neville, their future’s immense
Neville Neville, they ain’t half bad
Neville Neville, the name of their dad

Neville Neville your future’s immense
Neville Neville you play in defence
Neville Neville you ain’t half bad
Neville Neville is the name of your dad

(Sung to the tune of David Bowie’s ‘Rebel Rebel’)

Gary neville your face is a mess

Phil Neville your face is a mess

Was on holiday once and some celtic fans turned up. In amongst the religious cap was

“When the ball’s in the net, if it’s not Jorge cadete it’s diCanio”

Two of my favourites were at a cup game Hereford v Tranmere-

Hereford – clap your hands if you all hate scousers – then bemused when the Tranmere fans started clapping

It was during the BSE scare monger phase –

Tranmere fans – We only eat beef from Ireland, eat beef from Ireland

As a Liverpool fan from a family of scousers – the Man U Park song should bother me, but it is really quite funny to be fair

One of the few redeeming features of being a Newcastle supporter is the quick-witted humour of the crowd. Often at the expense of Middlesborough. The best example I can think of is a match quite a few years ago at St James Park. The clouds cleared and the sun came out, and the whole ground spontaneously turned to the ‘boro fans and sang ‘What’s it like to see the sun?’. And of course the away fans wearing gas masks and chemical suits at the Riverside which was sadly banned by the killjoys.

A lot of toon songs are a bit sh*t but the best is probably the Fabrizio Coloccini song (to the tune of ‘I love you baby’ by Frank Sinatra):

Oh Coloccini, you are the love of my life,
Oh Coloccini, I’d let you shag my wife,
Oh Coloccini, I want curly hair too…

Rafael Scheidt when at Celtic had a rather obvious one.

“Ooh ah Cantona, I say ooh ah Cantona”

Showing that not all Leeds fans are mindless hooligans* when Cantona didn’t turn up for Man U the Leeds fans changed the chant to –
“ou est Cantona?”

*Before anybody complains I should point out I have the misfortune to be a Leeds fan myself.

Cider swilling Bristol City fans sing this to the tune of KC & the sunshine band’s give it up:

Na na na na na na na Natch
Cider in a can, in a can
Cider in a can.

Don’t blame it on the Biscan,
Don’t blame it on the Hamann,
Don’t blame it on the Finnan,
Blame it on Traore,
He just can’t, he just can’t, he just can’t control his feet…

I cried with laughter the first time I was at the County Ground to see Swindon v Watford and heard the Elton John chant, which clearly cannot be reproduced.

Also, have we done:-

Celery,Celery
If she don’t come I’ll tickle her bum with a bunch of celery

And:-

In the Liverpool home, in the Liverpool home
They look in the dustbin for something to eat,
They find a dead cat and they think its a treat
In the Liverpool home

He cheats, he dives, he hates the Jackson 5, Suarez Suarez.

Stoke v Liverpool in the FA Cup a few years ago.

Celery, celery…

Didn’t that result in heads of celery being banned from some football grounds?

Your mums your dad,
Your dads your mum,
You’re interbred,
You Burnley scum.

Also:

Small town in Yorkshire,
Small town in Yorkshire,
You’re just a small town in Yorkshire.

Also sung to those inbred Dingles.

If you cannae beat the hibs beat your wife….

Sung to Gazza after Rangers took a thumping by the hibs …and Gazza smacked up his missus

Oh Balotelli he’s a striker…
He’s good at darts
He’s allergic to grass but when he plays/ He’s **** class.
Drives round Moss Side/ with a wallet full of cash
Can’t put on his vest. But when he does he is the best
Goes into schools Tells teachers all the rules
Sets fire to his gaff With rockets from his bath
Doesn’t give a **** Cos he did it for a laugh
Runs back to his house For a suitcase full of cash
Oh Balotelli

Many years ago just after Leeds Utd had declined to sign Asa Hartford after a medical showed he had a possible problem with his heart when he next played at Elland Road the Leeds fans sang:
“You’ve got a hole in you heart dear Asa a hole”

Also after Peter Shilton got caught s****ing a woman who wasn’t his wife he had to endure 90 minutes of Leeds fans singing “Does your wife know you’re here?” and “Did you use a condom?”