F##k cancer

Sorry that this is another negative post from me. I just need to vent somewhere as I’m struggling with some really sh1tty news.

Things have gone from bad to worse with my dad. About 2 years ago he had a huge op to remove cancer from his neck and head. Lost his right ear and ended up with some serious damage. Then it was 30 session of radiotherapy. Over the last year recovery has been slow, lots of scar tissue issues and infections from the wounds. Over the last few months he has been having a lot of pain in the same area and ended up having another scan about3 weeks ago. Result came back on Friday. The cancer is back and it’s not curable. He is waiting for a full body scan to see how far it has spread. The MRI scan showed it has spread to the neck bone(s). There is a possibility of immunotherapy which could give him another 1-2 years, but that is unknown right now until this next scan.

He’s really been through it this year too, losing his mum in June, and continuing to cope with my mum having late stage dementia and being in care. Some of you know I live here in England and they are at home in Belfast, so this is really quite tough to deal with. Speaking to him over the weekend it is absolutely heartbreaking to hear him so dejected. He doesn’t know how long he has to live right now.

I feel so sad, so angry, and so frustrated. I’m on the verge of having a breakdown myself on top of my own anxiety. Life can be really really cruel and it seems that life has turned into one huge sh1tshow after another.

I really hope he can get as long as he possibly can. I wish I knew what to do.

That’s hard news to handle. Just be there for him as a sounding board, helping hand when you can and a shoulder to cry on when needed.

Don’t forget to look after yourself as well. If any counselling is available to you, take it. It will help you and in turn you can hopefully help your dad.

Cancer really can **** off!

As far as shitty situations go, that’s an absolute 5-star doozy. Really sorry you’ve got so much crap to deal with. Sending best wishes, for whatever that’s worth from a forum random.

I can’t advise on what to do, except make sure you get some time to yourself up in the hills to clear your head and stare at the view. It really does help.

And yeah, cancer can **** off. My dad had a successful operation last month so is now down to just two cancers, and an uncle I’m close to is wrestling with it too. It sucks.

Fu©k cancer indeed!

I never really know what to say to people in these situations, I do understand what you’re going through. My sister has stage 4 thymic cancer and has just been told her cancer is growing again. We’re now in the position thinking this Christmas could be her last again, after getting a reprieve over the last year or so. There is talk of more chemo, and possibly immunotherapy, but God knows if anything is going keep it at bay now. My mum is broken, bless her.

Stay strong buddy, cry when you want, shout when you want. Big man hugs coming from us.

So sorry to read this.  There are more eloquent words above than I can muster. Such an awful thing to deal with. Take care of yourself as well as your Dad. Vent on here. Big hug. **** cancer.

It must have been tough to write that, yet alone be living it op. You have nothing to say sorry for.

Have you got friends/ family to chat to? As great as this place is, sometimes having a literal shoulder to cry on can help you bear the huge weight on your shoulders.

Life can be crushingly brutal at times. I sometimes “handle” things by becoming a bit of an automatron, just surviving one day at a time. Sometimes one hour at a time.

I keep a quote in me head a lot these days even if it seems like a bad joke sometimes, “this too shall pass.”

Most definitely F$%$ cancer!
Thoughts and understanding with you.

Thanks for the replies everyone. I’m trying to sort out working from Belfast for a few days as I’d like to get home to see him as soon as I can.

Wow, that’s a tough read.  Best wishes to you and your family; I hope things go as well as they can for your dad.  Good plan to get home & see what’s really going on in his mind

Separation makes things worse. My dad had the joy of cancer during COVID.

So may as well have been an ocean apart.

stcolin
Free Member
Thanks for the replies everyone. I’m trying to sort out working from Belfast for a few days as I’d like to get home to see him as soon as I can.

Fingers crossed you can do that mate, it would help you both. Keep us updated when you get the chance.

I’m sorry that your dad is having to go through all of this… it sounds unbelievably cruel and tough for all concerned. I hope you get to spend some quality time with him and that he can at least be comfortable and feel loved.

All the best mate.

**** cancer.

So sorry to hear this. Best of luck to your Dad!

Just gone 2yrs in remission here myself, so there is always hope…

Yea, I spoke to his sister over the weekend, something she said to me has stuck with me “where there’s life, there’s hope”

Have sorted to fly back for 5 days from this weekend. I hope he gets this next scan ASAP.

Well done for getting over there. You’re a good ‘un.

It’s not going to be easy, that’s for sure.

My head is all over the place. I’m not the most constructive at the best of times, but today was a right off. Did manage a quick ride this evening, but that seemed induce a little bit of a panic attack when I got home.

Really sorry to hear that. Been there and have the socks (literally the F##k Cancer pink ones)

Employed? Ask for compassionate leave and get to Belfast. Work as you can remotely. To be honest, when I was in your situation I was little use to work anyway. Compassionate leave isn’t just for after someone has gone.

I had to take holiday. Not what I was hoping for but I’m in no state for arguing or asking why.

Well I thought I would update this. More bad news. He had another scan to see if things have spread, and unfortunately they have. Into his lungs/lymph nodes. Biopsy tomorrow. It’s really really difficult right now, he is so down about it all, as am I. We can only hope something can be done. I’m going home this Christmas, more than likely his last, so it’s going to be very difficult.

Don’t know what to say of any use. But a friend recently had a terminal diagnosis at 47. He’s not exactly upbeat, but he’s dealing with it by remembering the good times. We had a renuion of Uni friends and it was great, giggling away at all the good (and stupid) memories. So, trying not to be too trite or brutal recognising its a grim situation, remember the good times and accept the fate that has been dealt.

That probably doesn’t help, sorry.

remember the good times and accept the fate that has been dealt.

Having lost my mum to lung cancer (diagnosed in September 2010, surgery over Christmas and died the following June), and lost my dad without any warning (he was in hospital, but he was expected to make a full recovery), I have to agree with the above sentiment. We all go, but at least you have the opportunity to focus on making the most of the time you have left with your dad.

Again as per Jimmy, it probably doesn’t help, but getting old is privilege, so many people die so so young. Help him appreciate what he has had. I wish I had done this, with my own parents instead of mopping around, not know what to do. It is a terrible time, but do your best.

Sorry to hear that. Remember to look after yourself as well, and seek support in the ways that would work for you. MacMillan are a great organisation that can give you someone to chat to, if you feel like it.

Being stage 4, I think I can say this… One advantage of cancer is that you do at least get to have some control or decisions over your final days, months or years. Some people die so abruptly, at such a young age, that they never get to do this. I feel that living beyond 50 or so is a rare privilege that we should treasure. My died also died a few weeks ago following a lengthy illness. Appreciate and remember every day.

OP please stay strong.

@stcolin – I didn’t want to read and run, but it’s hard to know what to write.

Its a very tough one for you both. Try and look after yourself so you can be the ‘best’ for him;

If he wants to be quiet/morose; crack open a couple of beers/some whisky/gin and quietly join him.

If he wants to forget about it for the day and enjoy Christmas make sure you do to.

Thinking of you. It’s rubbish 🙁