Ever eaten something that made you puke immediately?

I bought a tuna salad baguette from a beach “cafe” in Ramatuelle.

I was really hungry and took a commensurately large bite of the sandwich. I immediately knew something was wrong. My nose and mouth were filled, almost pressurised with a fetid, seemingly sewer-borne taste and smell. I think the mayo had been at too high a temperature for too long a time and Billy Bacteria and his retinue had called round.

A massive gastro reflex ejected the offending matter within seconds much to the alarm of those dining around me. Good innit how your body prevents the ingestion of BAD stuff.

A massive vagal reflex

It dropped your pulse?

An over-cooked baked potato once. Lived in a house with an outside toilet, which was the nearest door to me at the time. Pebbledashed the walls. Can’t believe I left it like that!

One of the bristles came out of my electric toothbrush head the other week and got stuck exactly on the spot in the back of my thoat that you touch to make yourself sick.

Sure enough there was immediately a brief moment of gagging followed by a slice of toast and a cups worth of tea hitting the sink.

Elderflower champagne made me feel extremely nauseated instantly, but I didn’t actually chuck.

Sweetcorn flavoured sweets from China!
Texture of a flump but tasted like sweetcorn. GROSS!

Durian.

Apparently they taste a lot better than they smell – I wouldn’t really know as the moment it hit my tounge I sprogged 🙂

Also Tequila – got hammered on it once, had a great time (I’m told), since then the smell of it makes me feel nauseous and the taste brings on ralphing in seconds.

A table spoon of castor oil. It had an effect on the other end too 😯
Reminds me of a girl I used to go out with. We were in a restaurant in oz with a group of friends and her brother. What ever they ate made them both poo them selves at the table. Very funny. Turns out they were both allergic to coriander. Tom just walked out on to the beach and went for a swim but Kate was in the loo trying wash her messy thong. She didn’t expect to see Tom, back at the table dripping wet, laughing and pointing at her yelling” did you followed through as well” Don’t quite know why I got a slap across the face 😀

Tudor Crisps – the chocolate flavoured ones. Me and my mate chipped in for a packet on the way home from school and we both vomited instantly.

The other flavours were great though!

Sperm. But I hid it.

Once drank a chocolate milkshake which settled for around 2 minutes, It was about 2 years out of date but still tasted nice (well the first time)

does bong water count ?

Pickled Beetroot (Devils Testicles) – aged 7, barfed on the kitchen table. Still can’t eat it some 36 years later.

Pmsl @ Chomp

On a similar note, I was riding on Sunday and was unfortunate enough to see a puppy tucking into a pile of fresh horse shite. Not pleasant. Two little kids were pointing at it shouting “mummy he’s got a load of poo in his mouth.”

does bong water count ?

just the smell of it when i drop it on the floor makes me gag. **** drinking it…

Tomatoes

I like tomato soup, tomato puree, tinned tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, tomato ketchup etc etc etc

But if I try to eat a full size ‘normal’ tomato I want to puke (although I am able to keep it down – just).

nachos with cheese and weirdly cooked red cabbage….i can and do eat literally everything else

Mastiles, me too. It’s the seeds and juice that makes my stomach turn.

Milk skin does it nowadays, never used to though.

mushy peas, the ones that you soak overnight with that tablet thing. just the smell makes me gag. as a kid the tiniest amount on any other of my sunday lunch had me running for the toilet

Eugh! HC that spoonful’s gotta a whiff of the Marc Almonds about it.

I first tried KFC when I was 8, I puked it straight back up, haven’t eaten any since.

My mum gave me these Multi-vitamin with minerals and added fibre when I was a kid, they made me puke as well.

Mango chutney and sweet cooked mango makes me feel nauseous, so I don’t eat it, I’m fine with green mango curry.

I went was shown around Milan by the daughter of a friend of my Dads…got a bit drunk and the next day she met me at a fancy bar in the city centre.

Took one bite of the expensive toasted panini thing she bought me and had to rush of to the toilet to vomit.

Didn’t get anywhere with her…apparently she didn’t like my shoes.

Absinthe. Awful, awful stuff.

Steak, the wife cooked a stunning piece of steak just nicely pink in the middle and tender as. As soon as forkful number five hit my throat that was it everything back big style! Can’t eat steak now but ok with beef mince and stewed! It was either that or the broccoli but that’s always made me gag.
What a lovely thread, quite hungry now, scrambled egg anyone?

Baileys, dooleys, corkeys etc, if I try I can fight the gag reflex, but it takes some doing and thankfully drink with people who like grownup shots.

Catering chilli sauce.
One bottle (minibar spirit sized) was supposed to be diluted among hundreds of portions of chilli, think it was nabbed from an army catering van.

Anyway, half a shot glass, felt fine for about 30 seconds.

Then…………..

Burning in my mouth

A horrible pain spreading right the way down my throat

Then like someone slowly turning a dimmer switch it dissolved int my stomach.

Apparently I then curled up on the floor sobbing before putting my head upside down in a bucket of water and trying to inhale before vomiting under water :s

Despite all that I still pulled the girl my mate was after without the aid of a toothbrush!

Strong black tea on an empty stomach

Old pub story/folklore (probably) of chap who asked for a KFC fillet burger without mayonnaise.
Sat down with said burger, took a bite and wretched.
Returned to the counter to complain about the mayo, staff member was certain he hadn’t put any on.
Poor chap had bitten into a chicken fillet with a cyst.
Queasy even thinking about it.

A shot of some horrendously strong vodka on my 21st birthday. Circa 75% alcohol. Vomited instantly

Some old blue goats cheese I was grading yesterday made me heave. Usually anchovies do it for me.

The last dregs of a litre of Bells I drank to my self when I was 16… Just as well really as I don’t think I would have woken up in the morning!

Four day old oxtail soup.
Made the effort to make a big pan of proper oxtail so no way was I chucking any out.
Projectile Chuck it out I did, just as I finished the bowl.
Felt right as rain immediately after, thankfully my body has better judgement than my brain.

tequila/port all ruined for me now by my younger self, cant even abide the smell of them now

I cannot – absolutely cannot – have rum at all. Even rum toffees or rum fudge. I will barf like a fountain.

My record was keeping down a very very cold Bacardi Breezer for 78 seconds, then I redecorrated the bar and was asked to leave.

KFC

A ham and mushroom pizza at Reading Festival in 1987. Was definitely down to the mushrooms, and had nothing whatsoever to do with all the (free) Gold Label I’d been pouring down my neck in the guest bars backstage… 😳

Only when pregnant…then anything really

I didn’t boke, but i came close. God knows how this stuff is actually supposed to make people eat more (its prescribed to anorexics & cancer patients).

Some super strong vodka, dunno what it was, on top of chilli vodka, several pints and a curry. Immediatley vommed it back up into my mouth (and some of the chilli vodka too, ouch) and had to swallow it again.
It has to be said I didn’t know it was super strong vodka just as I didn’t know about the chilli vodka earlier, young, stupid, birthday, someone hands you a shot you neck it.
Idiot.