The Ok er.

Blockbuster about about a man in quality control.

Hostbusters – A crack down on the B&B trade.

Pup Fiction a story by dogs, for dogs

Tar wars, in a secure housing estate far, far away an evil empire does battle to repair old people’s drives….badly

Luc – On what starts as a promising story Luc Besson takes lots of drugs and babbles incoherent shite for the next hour of the movie. Somehow a car chase with French police will be shoehorned into this and carnage ensues.

Horsebox Gang Ban

County-lines drug drama – provincial town police struggle to control mobile crack-house action and eventually set up a panto-horse sting operation. You won’t believe what happens next …

2 days later. A Brexit story.

The Empire Trikes Back

Having screwed up everyone’s drives in Tar Wars the Empire’s trucks sink into the uneven surface and are set upon by angry Surrey commuters.

They make a hasty retreat on children’s tricycles stolen from the back gardens of their customers.

Onan the Barbarian. Sword and Saucery,

Jaw. An Amity island cop obsesses over David Coulthard.

Gone in 6 seconds: Story of a man punching way above his weight.

The Butterly Effect – convoluted story of punk singer turned butter advertiser.

Sale’s lot, it’s grim up North.

The Davinci Cod – A secret society is uncovered that has kept a secret that could rock the very foundations of fish & chip Friday.

Finding Emo – one fish’s search for a classic eighties radio comedian.

Saving Private Yan. A group of soldiers desperately hunt for the sole surviving brother caught up in the Vietnamese war.

The Bi Sleep. A tale of exhausted swingers in Ruislip.

Bily Elliot. All this dancing’s playing havoc with his digestion.

Rear Widow. Pornhub category makes it onto the big screen.

Old finger. Don’t ask!

A River Runs through I. Bob Marley’s contribution to the Picolax thread.

Apocalypse No

The Hut Locker- An explosive drama about shed security

The Itcher . Rutger Hauer battles the midges on the West Highland Way.

The Fat and the Furious: Scots go about their daily lives.

West Side Tory – a youngsters from a New York City gang falls in love with capatilism, but tensions between his friends build toward tragedy.

Godfellas – The story of Henry Hill and his life in the Anglican diosce syndicate.

All Quiet on the Western Font – A young typesetter faces profound disillusionment in the soul-destroying horror of printing endless Michael McIntyre gig posters.

Independence Da – a divorced 45%er struggles tae bring up his weans wi breek pishin’ results.

Killin Zoe – a young woman from the Trossachs becomes entangled in a sheep rustling heist which quickly gets out of hand.

Seve – a murderous Spanish golfer
The ion King – king of electrically charged atoms
Lice in Wonderland – a headlice follows the white rabbit down the hole.

The Magnificent Sven – A small rural Mexican pheasant team hires a mercenary manager to help with their end of season crunch game against deadly local rivals, Los Bandidos.

El Amino.

A young Latino man seeks to escape the brutal world of underground competitive bodybuilding.

About Tim – a working title

The Martin – the story one man’s fight for a cheaper life

Irates of the Caribbean – docudrama, the people of Tunbridge Wells go on holiday

Batma Begins – A single mother overcomes great odds to become a cricket legend.

Weekend at Ernie’s – Burt spends a weekend at his best mates place. Shenanigans follow.

Reurn of the King – One princes journey to find a new receptacle for the remains of his father. A Werner Hertzog film.

Dead Ma’s Chest – highly specialist scottish necrophilia makes it to the big screen

Cool Hand Uke – docudrama about Eric Clapton’s less well known brother and his more portable stringed instrument.

It’s Wonderful Life – Pennywise the clown has a new bike day and goes to BPW.

Roni – an angry man from Northern England chases a moped rider at high speed through the streets of Paris. He catches him and after explaining who he is attacks the film’s director for the spelling mistake in his name.

Tomb Aider – A lone woman dedicates her life to protecting sacred and ancient burial sites from another lone woman who’s dedicated her life to stealing shit from sacred and ancient burial sites

Shat

Nerves get the better of an otherwise cool detective

No Country for Old Me

See the “How Pathetic a Middle Age Man are You” thread

aws – a lone, killer, web service

Irates of the Caribbean – docudrama, the people of Tunbridge Wells go on holiday

Is this a sequel to Irates of Penzance?

Three Men and a Bab

A scatalogical look at the West Yorkshire social scene