Does your O/H fart?

Inspired by the unwelcome cauliflower farting Mrs in gruntlefucks thread, whose fairer sex partner let’s rip unashamedly?

I fart like the bloke I am, but have honestly only heard Mrs STR possibly twice in 23 years – and she was asleep then

No. I can’t understand how she hasn’t exploded yet.

Never in 20 years

All the time.

Not farting is just plain wierd.

Or ladylike?

Yup, often amd loudly. But she has the good grace to laugh at farts

Or ladylike?

At home, who cares ?

Some people are far too uptight, it can’t be good for you.

Mine holds them in. I can only assume they float up her spine and into her head, would explain all the shite she comes out with.

Only ever on the dunny. And then it’s like the sound of a milkman falling down the stairs of a tower block onto a kitten.

That’s what happens if you don’t squeak regularly, kids.

Again only on the toilet, Jurassic park trumps I call them!

Like a trooper, no shame at all

Gently and sweetly… She calls them fouffs…
Mine sound like an accident in a trombone factory 🙂

Two words. Slimming World.

I’d sue but can’t face reliving the horror.

Once a day, first thing in the morning. A good indicator that it’s time to put the kettle on.

Most wimmin’ don’t stop talking long enough to build up enough pressure to need to fart…

She does, but at 36 she hasn’t grown out of the shame yet.

Once, in 3 1/2 years, and she was asleep so she claims it doesn’t count!

I on the other hand more than make up for her… Not on purpose you understand, it’s just that You’d have to jam a knife into my belly once an hour to release the pressure build up if I didn’t!

Burps though… Never in my life have I met someone that burps so loud, so deep and for so long as my GF! She staggers me, as she’s not exactly a big girl… She doesn’t even have to try either, they’re naturally horrific enough without any extra effort.

God yes.

But because she’s a lady, she won’t hi-5 after the good ones. Women, eh?!

Like a force 10 gale. 😕

Yes, particularly since being pregnant. Hardly ever smell though, unlike my rancid releases.

My ex once farted so loudly in her sleep that she woke herself up, though she blames my laughter as the reason she woke up.

Not sure that’s any better tbh

Oh yes, all the time, loud rasping ones too. Apparently it’s her high protein diet that’s to blame, whatever it’s is, it stinks.

You know when you’ve been going out with a lady for a while and you want to take it to the next level…. so you Dutch Oven her for the first time.

Mrs R cupcaked me back 5 mins later…..

It was then I knew she was the girl for me.

Yes.

For someone weighing 8st on a good day, they are surprisingly powerful.

Generally I can tell by the shame written all over her face. It’s like an advance warning that I should go into another room for a few minutes.

Are we taking front bottom or bottom bottom here?

When my wife leaves the bedroom in the morning it sounds like she is treading on a load of ducks!

As luck would have it im led in bed reading this and the missus has just let an absolute ripper off! She’s now rolled to face away from me to ensure maximum exposure!!

They used to horrify me but luckily they don’t smell.

It used to be rare, but since pregnancy a lot less so and usually at the dinner table. I used to encourage girlfriends to fart for fun because of the embarrassment and now that she does I wish she didn’t but it would be extremely hypocritical to ask her not to.

On occasion, but her frequent burps would put most blokes to shame.

We were on holiday in Florence a few years ago staying in a hotel near the centre. There was a tiny lift that took you up to our floor. My wife held a fart in all the way back from a restaurant just so that she could let it out when we got into the lift.

Since mine is the current wife with the cauliflower farts the other night, this morning, she went to the bathroom and thought she was going to levitate out again, sounded like a kids brass band. I must admit to holding the gassy trump card in the house, but she does try……

Lentil and invariably spicy veggie meals do make a good Girl rip one out at least 5 times a day. I swear some days I married a bloke.

First time we ever shared a bed whilst she was asleep she let one go (whilst asleep) that made the windows rattle.

That was 15 odd years ago, she hasn’t stopped since.

Although her’s are always “unplanned” where as mine are always “forced”.

As I always say, “Better out than in”.

I think I’ve been aware of about 3 in the entire 25 years we’ve been together. I really cannot comprehend hows it’s possible

Very rarely & only the odd ‘peep’ when she’s on the loo. Mind you I have no idea what she’s like when I’m not about.

All the time, she swears its because of having kids, I think its because she likes her own flavour.

I used to date a girl who would burp and then blow it in your face.
The first time she did it to me I just wished that I’d thought it up first.

My Mrs never used to at first but after a few months, she lost all self respect, living with me who farts all the time.
I have been doing yoga for years, and its mostly women in the class, and they are always farting especially when they are new.
My 14yr old daughter finds it hilarious and starts laughing uncontrollably!

Twice in 25 years. Once caused by uproarious laughter, one was an “Oops, that wasnt supposed to be audible…”
I think it happens more often than I hear….

Usually too busy snoring to fart.

Occasionally manages both at once, the clatty bastart.