Dealing with a breakup.

Hey come on, don’t keep looking on the bad side of things, give yourself a stern talking to, pull yourself together and make a big effort to look positive on everything you do. Smile at people, make friendly conversation with people, its a state of mind and it can only come from YOU!

I’m sure its daunting, definitely not easy, but you have to really put some effort into this or you’ll sink into the sea of despair. I’m sure most of us have gone through similar situations (I have)and some are better at dealing with it than others, but you can do it if you try. Getting out with you Mates is really important now, as is doing lots of other things with different people. Come on you can do it!

Thanks for the responses.

I have been getting out, seeing people and doing things. But behind all that it’s just really tough. It’s like I wont let myself get better, I feel I don’t deserve to be happy. Something else controls me and I don’t know what it is.

As for dealing with my past relationship, I keep allowing myself to relate things and places to that relationship, so when I go out and go somewhere I seem to just think about ‘I remember when I was here with her’ or ‘She used to have something like that’. I know it’s ridiculous. This new girl I’m seeing is great and I should be starting to make new memories and have new experiences with her. But I can’t seem to let myself do it.

@st_c moving house is always disruptive. You made a positive decision and step in moving out of your parents house, a step to change things and move forward and that’s what you are doing. Life is often 1 step back to make 2 forward. You are seeing someone, that’s good.

I’m guessing the current housemates are content with the way tings are, ie dirty, as above just do some cleaning yourself and don’t ;let it get you down. You may end up doing all the cleaning if the others are just messy but don’t let it bother you too much, just clean it the way you like it.

Definitely get the CBT rearranged. You’ve posted above about how you are not letting yourself be happy, you are clearly self aware enough to see it so get some assistance with working on the solution.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Well you’re bloody lucky you’ve got a new girl, but trust me if you don’t get your act together, she won’t hang around for long.

I know what you’re saying, but you’re basically feeling sorry for yourself and its time to pull yourself together and get on with the rest of your life!

I know what you’re saying, but you’re basically feeling sorry for yourself and its time to pull yourself together and get on with the rest of your life!

If that were only the case. Depression isn’t a case of ‘pulling yourself together’.

OP – go see your doc. And good luck!

May sound daft, but i think the best thing you could do is print out your sections of this thread and take it your GP, you have probably been able, due to anonymity to say and express things here that you would struggle to do in a 10 minute appointment with GP.

It is clear though that you would benefit from formal treatment, to nag your GP into getting you back to the CBT and take the counsellor a copy of the thread to, again it will save them the first session and will explain a lot to them.

I hope that things improve for you, i have been lucky mentally but my job means i speak to people a lot that have been in traumatic experiences and often referred to CBT and other forms of counselling.

Get out of this rented room asap. Tell the Landlord its not what you expected- its dirty.

Its been 5months. I think its been long enough to mourn a relationship gone and you have been seeing someone else. Why are you dwelling on the past?

Why are allowing yourself to run, literally run you down? You are your own worst enemy it seems. Start looking at the positives in life.

I may not be qualified to talk on his behalf nor do I pretend to but what about the bloke who did amazing stunts on a roadbike, heck on any bike then within a stroke hes not walking again. He’ll be going through dark days over massive issues affecting him alot more than you. Sorry only you can help you. I do think you need to start looking at the positives of life now. You’ve fed on your situation and magnified it.

Stop it. Get your life back. Start living again man.

st colin – Member
This new girl I’m seeing is great and I should be starting to make new memories and have new experiences with her. But I can’t seem to let myself do it.

Don’t let past experiences spoil you new relationship. Let it go. Be strong.

This happens to me recently and it spoils my relationship. Let bygones be bygones. Don’t make the same mistake twice. I know I will not make the same mistake again.

Re the depression and man up argument. For me, there must be different types of depression. I was in a spiral over a nasty parent/death and subsequent large chunk of money that I didn’t want. I lost a stone in a short period of time and drank alot. I talked to myself and slowly got myself off the floor. I admit it took willpower and I still have off days but I have bikes, a great girl, a lovely son and Rum 🙂

I admit my situation may be polar-opposites to you but I your situation is down to a broken heart. That lost love. Not an unknown ‘life seems draining or I can’t snap out of it/not knowing why’.

we are all different Hora and some folk get depression after a break up and some get laid a lot and enjoy it

Saying what works for us is just saying what works for us.

Well, another update. In a quick turn of events I’m off to London next Wednesday for an interview. It’s with a supplier that I deal with through my current job. I have a great relationship with them. It comes with greater responsibility, but I think it would be an amazing challenge. I’m thinking that the new change of scenery and a fresh start with my career could be a good thing. I’m actually feeling positive about this…could this be the turning point?

Some of you may have noticed my thread on places to ride in the North West, that’s the area I would be responsible for in the job.