Dating – am I playing with fire?

So I have somehow ended up going on a date tonight. The date is a workmate whos husband, who was also a workmate, died earlier this year. Somehow I ended up saying we should go for a drink earlier. Is it too soon, have I dropped a clanger? Bearing in mind she’s still signed off at work and I havent seen her since before her OH died.

It’ll be fine. She’ll want someone to talk to, you can say 15 words all night, she won’t stop talking, and think you are amazing for just sitting there listening.

Date? To both of you?

Sounds like a concerned workmate unless you were more overt.

Either way, have a shower & pack your toothbrush just in case 😉

Does she think it’s a date?

Probably most honourable to avoid anything physical, and be a good listener. But you’ll have to play it by ear and see what she needs.

There’s going for a drink and there’s going for a drink.

If she’s still signed off work after her husband died I’m not sure she thinks it’s the same kind of evening you’re thinking of.

It came about by her saying men were hardly forming a queue these days, later turning to her asking my current gf status..

So I dont know what it is..

She might not be thinking of it as a date but as social event and a step of getting out of the house. If she does start coming on strong I personally don’t think you should reciprocate. If you like her you should take it slow as she may still be vulnerable and it would not nice to take advantage. Just an opinion mind you, your the man on the ground.

mightymule – Member
Does she think it’s a date?

Exactly! The person has lost their partner. Ask yourself why you are there.

LeeW – Member
If she’s still signed off work after her husband died I’m not sure she thinks it’s the same kind of evening you’re thinking of.

Plus one.

Please post on EDL later 🙂

If she’s still signed off work after her husband died I’m not sure she thinks it’s the same kind of evening you’re thinking of.

I was thinking the same thing.

Plus one

Gooseberry.

She might not be thinking of it as a date but as social event and a step of getting out of the house.

This.

CaptainFlashheart – Twaat
Plus one
Gooseberry.

😉

She’s got her eye on someone else and is using you as a stepping stone towards getting out and about again.
Pretty sure she’s not going on the same date as you are.

It came about by her saying men were hardly forming a queue these days, later turning to her asking my current gf status..

So I dont know what it is..

Am I the only person who saw this? Sounds like a date to me.

Probably best to ask her right at the start of your evening, rather than relying on spurious presumptions and guesstimates from an Internet forum, especially this one. 😉

Listening is good, very good. Irrespective of any ulterior motives.

Enjoy 😀

Boinking is very much playing with fire. How would it go for you at work if it got messy?

Dear me, you lot!

It came about by her saying men were hardly forming a queue these days, later turning to her asking my current gf status…

She’s thinking more of it being that kind of evening than you are by the sounds of it! Whether you think that it’s the right thing or not depends on you and what you know about her (that we don’t).

Just have a good evening and as long as you’re happy she’s happy, have a ball and go with the flow.

She’s had a shit time and quite possibly is ready to move on, have fun and be with a bloke on a date. All perfectly normal 🙂

Given her situation I would try and curtail any shenanigans even if she instigated it. Friend zone only.

Every chance that she’s feeling lonely and hurt and unlikely (although possible) that she’s thinking with a clear head after such a short time since the death of her husband.

Alternatively she might have done him in for the insurance and is wasting no time lining up a new mark.

Play along, see how it goes – and if you get an offer rely on chivalry and say “I think anyone would need time to get over what you’ve been through, and I think the worst thing in the world would be for me to take advantage if you were still vulnerable, but if you still feel the same when you are properly over it, then I’m here for you”

win-win

read ninfan’s post in a Terry Thomas voice and it make a lot of sense.

😀

So, looks like we’re all agreed.
Best save this for a second date at least.

If there is a hell, you will be going there if you put the bite on her!

Is it crass to ask how her husband died?
Did it involve him tumbling into a steel bath of sulphuric acid?

I *so* would!

Experience tells me you *so* shouldn’t…

Establish early on if it’s a proper date, or two friends/ work colleagues having a drink. Then all good, act accordingly. You must know in your own mind if you asked her out because you fancied her or because you wanted to be a nice friend. Tbh, whilst I accept I make most drink spillages look deep, if you are just meeting up to offer a shoulder and talk about the deceased and how she has adapted, kill me now!! But being blunt, someone’s going to get there first if you don’t, and if you fancy her fortune favours the brave in my book. But if you just want to be a mate, steady on the booze and knock one off before you go. Just don’t be a prick.

Establish early on if it’s a proper date, or two friends/ work colleagues having a drink

DTF?

“toyboywarehouse.com”

Still signed off work?

‘Skin hunger’, apparently. I am told by a friend who was widowed a few years ago. She says ‘google it’, but describes it as a craving for lost intimacy as a sort of sticking plaster. Itch that needs scratching. But not necessarily in a… anyway, google it.

duckman – Member
If there is a hell,

If?….

See you there.

Ding dong……

Has she got massive….sorry I won’t go there. Just see how the night goes. Chat/listen and be a friend. What will be will be. We are all adults and it’s not for others to judge

From you say, it does sound quite date-y.

Basically, I think the worst you can expect is that you have to be completely responsible for your own feelings.Even if she does give out mixed messages. She won’t have the emotional bandwidth to understand what she is doing to you.

Might also be worth thinking about the potential reaction of friends and colleagues shared by you, her and the deceased……

I n R a t s

Going on a recently widowed colleague, who’s signed off work, what could possibly go wrong?