Coping

Just read through this sc-xc. Good luck with everything mate. Again this thread is proof that good things can come of a bunch of strangers. My ex left me over Christmas past, and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. Time has worked wonders for me.

All the very best with it, hope it works out in the end.

Glad to hear that things are looking more positive, but remember to remain cautious about the eventual outcome.

(Been there, done that etc). ((On more than one occasion)).

I know. I expect things will get a lot worse before/if they get better.

Not necessarily, they don’t always, but it just pays to be mindful in the event of any future dips.

But you do seem to have handled it all in a very mature way. Good on you – your kids have a great dad there.

It might be an odd way of thinking about it, but you’ve really nothing to lose; if she comes back and it gradually works out, all good. If she comes back and it doesn’t, she’s already hurt you as much as possible, so you’re no worse off than you are now.

Mrs crikey said much the same to me when I returned. She suggested that I couldn’t make her feel any worse than when I left, so she was much less concerned about it happening again.

Then she stabbed me.
With a breadknife.

Not really… 😉

Thanks fellas. I hope it works out, but there is work to do.

And I’m only doing what I know all is parents would do…you have to put a brave face on it all don’t you?

If I could buy you all a beer, I would.

I’m sure we can all forward our pay pal gift details!

Not really…

carving knife?

I have been warned against using paypal gift on this site…. Otherwise I would.

🙂

Seems more like we should all be buying you a beer fella, not the other way around.

Good luck with it all.

Honest with you about there being someone else and her feelings
Did the honourable thing and moved out
Discussed finances in a civil manner
Honest about how she now feels

Those things say to me she likes and respects you and probably for good reasons. You’re still the guy she married, father of her kids and the guy who’s stuck with her through difficult times. The fact you’re distraught says she means a lot to you.

If she really wants to go let her. If she wants to come back welcome her with open arms. Which is the reason I’ve posted on the thread, I disagree with those who suggest caution, if you still love her show it.

That’s sort of how I see it. A kind of respect for her….which feels mad considering what has happened.

Thanks for a different viewpoint. Every single part of me wants this to work, but I have my eyes open.

sc-xc. Been through a difficult divorce so just want to say good luck. Calm communication is a big positive. You seem to have the measure of the options, I’d only add one of my life lessons “regret what you don’t do, not what you do”. Meaning if it feels right to you hen usually better to go that route.

I have to say I’m glad to hear that you are talking. There are quite a few bitter pepole on here, and I was expecting to hear the usual cries of ‘run!’

It’s good that you are being open minded about it all. Life isn’t black and white, not like the movies. Relationships can be very complex and strange, and still work. I’ve known a few people who have unsual relationships, including one where the girl would have regular infatuations with someone else, for a few weeks at a time.

From experience of working with stroke patients, Strokes do affect your thinking, sometimes minimal but sometimes quite a bit,and its those closest that suFfer, try some counceling GP and Relate etc.

Hope everything works out, but it takes 2.

Talk
Lay everything out in front of her and make sure she is the one that tells the kids and family’s
if she continues on leaving you.

Would it last ? probably one or two years. But make sure YOU are not the one leaving the home !
Another wake up call would to be putting the home on the market, which certainly not be her idea of what was going to happen.
Get professional help and advice

You do know how good ‘making up sex’ is don’t you 😉

Another wake up call would to be putting the home on the market…

No don’t do that, it would just be seen as “punitive” behaviour, or just cutting your nose off to spite your face.

TBH sc-xc from skimming the thread you’ve behaved about as maturely as anyone could have hoped to under the circumstances, well done on that score.

Now is the time to remain calm, clearly tell her just how much she has hurt you and potentially your family, be clear that you do not consider yourself to be “responsible” for the situation, do not tell her you want her home just yet, simply state that you want to get to the best resolution for everyone (you, her and the kids) and then leave it up to her to propose something.

Same thing happened to me some years back – like you I had no inkling. Then she dropped her bombshell, adding that she wanted to have his child, which she proceeded to do. Like you, I just wanted her back. Hopefully yours will have a happier ending.

Best advice i can give is to lay off the booze completely and keep it civil as you are, admirably.

Good luck.

Hope you’re doing OK SC-XC.

Just an update, we are going to make a go of it. She has gone to see the stroke association who have referred her to a psychologist…it seems she never mourned the stroke/loss back then, and whilst my wife would not want to look for excuses, it seems this type of behaviour is not unheard of.

It appears this other guy was right words, right time. We are working through it, because no matter how much I try and be the tough guy…I love her, and want to support her and our family through this.

Once again, thank you all so much. It was a 24/7 support service. I am renewing my subs as a kind of thank you, and will happily buy anyone a pint if they are ever in the area. Stu/houns/Daz I will make this happen sooner rather than lat.

I owe you all one.

Fingers crossed for the happy ending you need.

😀

yeh, best of luck !

Nice one!

That is indeed excellent news! Well done!

Forgiveness is the most liberating and loving thing anyone can do. And when we truly forgive, our lives become clearer.

Respect.

Good news and good luck.

Good news OP, hope it works out.

Good luck & best wishes to you both.

Made my weekend.
Good luck.
Rich.

What slackalice said about forgiveness.

Good luck 🙂

Nice one Tom.
Doesn’t mean you’re getting out of a ride with me though.

Well done!

LIKE. 🙂

Most of us don’t know you (the couple) very well. You (the man) no doubt have friends that do, some you may have already confided in and there may be others you’d be happy to talk with. I have a question for them, “what do you think makes our relationship work and what does she see in me?” A friend once told me that out of the blue. I was initially surprised but realised he was right and have since made sure I live up to it.

If she’s on the pill offer to take responsibility for a while to see if she feels better. There are more side effects than they list in the packet IME.

Really do hope it goes well for you both. Forgiveness is very liberating but be careful. It will take a long while to work it al out. It seems to me that you are a thoughtful and sensible bloke who should be proud of how you conducted yourself through this nightmare.

That is good news. I hope everything works out for you both on this new stage of your journey together.

Fingers crossed for you both, and your kids.

All the best mate. Hope it works out.

best wishes for the outcome you want..

I followed the start and end of the thread and not the middle. You struck me as very responsible in you approach to a very difficult time. From your posts I do feel that there is a strong possibility that this is really all about your wife’s stroke and not about you your relationship as such or the other man.
I hope she heals and so does your relationship. Best wishes for you and your family.