@ willard

Not sure what else to say other than, best of luck.

On the childcare front, I think having happy parents is quite important in the whole state of affairs, so if working is your thing, then crack on with childcare. On the theory that its better to have slightly less but quality time, rather than lots of time you hate, with your kids.

or like they should have had a kid of the opposite sex?

I’ll be honest and admit I wanted a boy more than a girl. That’s not to say I wouldn’t have embraced having a daughter with the same enthusiasm etc.

On a similar note, I think one thing to watch for is ‘encouraging’ your child(ren) to do things you want them to but they might not. I saw this a lot as a tennis coach and it’s stayed with me ever since.

or like they should have had a kid of the opposite sex?

Like most blokes, I wanted a boy. Ended up with two daughters. Looking back now I’m glad I had daughters cos everyone I know with boys has a complete nightmare trying to control the testosterone fuelled little horrors 🙂

I hate kids & never wanted them.

I’ve got two who I wouldn’t swap for the world, other peoples are a different matter & I’ll scream (& move a long way away) if mine say ‘your’e gonna be a grandad’

Depends on you paternal instinks!

Mine two are blokes now BTW.

OP
I never thought I would be grown up enough to have kids,but then ,as others have said ,things change and you find it hard to imagine life without them.

Willard
For years we didn’t think we could have kids and went through some tough times ( as lots of couples do).
Good luck and be strong for each other.

Never really thought much about having kids (certainly didn’t wake up every morning thinking ‘I want/need a son/daughter’), I now have three girls that are the centre of my universe and I certainly wouldn’t be without them.

Kryton Mrs S has a semblance of normality. The pleasant looking Ms Klum has some odd dressing up habits!

A nice re-assuring thread for me – we’ve got our first one arriving in February…..

Mine has stolen all of my time, money and sleep. I have never been so happy or fulfilled.

No. But met wife and thought yes, this is the mother of my children. Not wanted them before then at all.

Does add complexity to planning family holidays though… 😉

I was never too bothered but really happy I did. Babies do suck though, it gets good about 4 or 5.

Does add complexity to planning family holidays though…

Not here 😀

photo (1) by ianvincent, on Flickr

Never wanted kids, if I went back and did it all again I’d probably avoid having them that little bit better, but for better or worse I’ve got three, I love them all very very much and think they are all ace.

Except the boy when he pisses himself, that’s really really annoying.

I think babies are ace!

or like they should have had a kid of the opposite sex?

I solved that one by fathering one of each. There is a 6 year gap, give or take 2 hours between them, which is quite a feat, especially when they are half-brother and sister 😳

Love/loathe them to pieces and wouldn’t change anything in the world apart from trying to get #1 to move in with us permanently.

Oh, nearly forgot…
Binners +1

The OP is asking the wrong question to the right group of people.

Asking parents if they wanted their children is only ever going to produce an overwhelmingly positive answer, so it’s a rubbish question.

It does give STW the chance to do that ‘Look, look at my children, aren’t they the greatest thing in the world, they’re my children, did you know I had children?’ thing that is so, so endearing…. 🙄

What you really want to know is

1.) How much will what I do now change if I have children?
2.) How much financial impact will it have on my life?
3.) What if the relationship goes wrong?
4.) How many dysfunctional children/people are a product of their parents relationship?

The number of relationships that end, the number of divorces, splits and so on that affect children is huge, yet still happens, for all the ‘My children are my world’ comments above.

So few parents are capable of objectivity, particularly in any kind of public forum, that you’ll never get a sensible answer to your question.

1.) How much will what I do now change if I have children?
2.) How much financial impact will it have on my life?
3.) What if the relationship goes wrong?
4.) How many dysfunctional children/people are a product of their parents relationship?

1.) Lots
2.) Lots
3.) Thai Brides are an option
4.) Lots

In true STW fashion I haven’t read all this thread, just the first couple of posts, so not even sure what the current argument is about 😉 But basically Binners post summed it up for me.

It does give STW the chance to do that ‘Look, look at my children, aren’t they the greatest thing in the world, they’re my children, did you know I had children?’ thing that is so, so endearing….

Whereas, it actually hasn’t been like that at all.

Jfletch and crickey make very important points about objectivity, self-deception etc. Reading this with interest coz I’m getting on a bit and 50-50 myself.

What you really want to know is

1.) How much will what I do now change if I have children?
2.) How much financial impact will it have on my life?
3.) What if the relationship goes wrong?
4.) How many dysfunctional children/people are a product of their parents relationship?

Some of the changes became subsumed in the breakdown I had when my mother died in 2000.

There was a largish shift in our (man/woman) relationship. She would do all she could for the kids, I held back some for me-time. (I was shift working for the first 15 years of my eldests life).
The biggest financial impact was from me and my actions.(A second breakdown in 2008 didn’t help things)!
The relationship nearly broke down, I eventually got my head from my arse and sorted things out.
I may have contributed to some of my daughters failings by my actions.We are nearly right again after 7 years of pain and grief. Her problems are complex and I may be a little me,me,me over this.

They are resilient creatures children and I have good relationships with both of them. We talk on the phone every week to both of them. I sometimes have to ask Mrs S to tone the motherly disapproval back when she is dealing with our daughter.

It’s complicated.

So few parents are capable of objectivity, particularly in any kind of public forum, that you’ll never get a sensible answer to your question.

As are the childless… We are all limited by our experience and situation.

I was always determined not to have kids, i couldnt think of anything worse frankly. Then, purely by accident my partner fell pregnant, and all of a sudden the stance changed. Hey presto 14 years later my lad is almost a too-good-to-be-true teenager. He is biking mad, and will some be kicking my arse, which is great, even if it costs me a fortune basically having to replicate all the stuff i already own, but on a yearly basis as hes growing like a weed, and eats the house empty about 6 times a day. I swear to God how Tescos profits have dropped is beyond me. His 6 year old sister is heading the same way as well, loves her bikes, great personality, though i suspect she’ll be a little shit of a teenager…

Make no mistake, it can be bloody tough, tiring, exasperating and expensive, but I truly love being a parent and would happily die for my kids. (Especially) when they are really young the love you get back in return is like nothing else. Go for it, no matter how much you are aghast at the idea, and i really couldnt have thought of anything more horrifying 15 years ago, it is just the best.

Hang in there Willard – most parents have had similar bumps along the way. It’s tough but things will improve with time.

Ransos. You have a beautiful child – seriously lovely. I am sure they can be devilish though, the angelic looking ones usually can!

Never wanted kids, I knew that from day one.

Mrs PJM1974 already has twin boys, it’s sometimes difficult as their father is still part of their lives and has a very odd attitude to raising them, but for the most part it works fine. I do love them both, I’ve gone out of my way to provide them with every opportunity and encouragement in life but I’m aware (and actually quite glad) that they’re not my kids per se.

I have two wonderful boys. However there have been some crap times with my eldest spending two of his first four summers in hospital. I remember the horrible horrible feeling of not knowing if he’d reach his first birthday. I’m conscious some parents have it much much worse. The intense love you feel for your kids can tear you apart when things aren’t going well

I think my point is that I agree with Crikey in that the fantastically positive responses on this thread are probably a result of the way you asked the question. There are some terribly sad stories out there too.

When it’s good there is nothing better and it’s pretty top notch at the moment, but I can’t pretend to be able to advise you one way or another. I can answer your question though; yes, I always knew I wanted kids 🙂

None here, got to the point where it wont happen and no real regrets, happy to keep living life. As someone said a page ago your asking the right question to the wrong people.

However if your good lady is on the countdown you may either have to put up or shut up.

I have been from definite no to ‘maybe’ to don’t see myself meeting someone in time to not be too old to yes that seems a good idea now.

Now the proud Dad of a four year old and 18 month old. Between the two of them they can evoke every human emotion there is in just a blink of an eye and very often conflicting ones at the same moment.

Kids rock but only if you can cope with the lifestyle changes.

It’s 2013, how can any man even think about having kids?
Think of the carbon footprint. Polar bears will drown!

Yes – I always did want them. And they’ve been brilliant so far, even through the breakup of my relationship with their mother, and the start of a relationship with someone else.

Best thing ever

But – I totally get people who don’t want them

I’m pretty sure that without little butt around there wouldn’t have been a One Direction family dance off in the kitchen last night nor repeated blowing up and letting off of balloons this morning before work. Depends whether that type of thing floats your boat really.

Before we had a son I used to think people who split when their child was <3yrs were the lowest of the low. Now I completely 100% understand why some people split.

Go into it with eyes fully wide open.

Me, myself and me. That was pretty much my attitude till GF of the time showed me the little blue stripe. Initially i thought life was going to end and i suppose it did. As others have said now have less time, money, hair and material things.
One of them drives me nuts at times but both bring that feeling of unconditional love on levels that even the dog can’t evev approach.
As someone has already said. Evolution sees you right. I even find myself looking in prams whilst out and about and smiling at the contents. I can watch a movie in less than absolute silence. Sticky fingers on my stuff do not bring on a bloodlust. Someone knocking my new bike over at a cafe stop does not need beheading.

Crikey, your points are certainly quite valid – but the OP painted a picture of domestic harmony regarding his other half.

If he’d said “I’m not 100% on my missus but we think havign kids might fix our relationship” I’m sure he’d have got a different response from the doting dads on here.

crikey – Member
The OP is asking the wrong question to the right group of people.

Asking parents if they wanted their children is only ever going to produce an overwhelmingly positive answer, so it’s a rubbish question.

That’s not really what I asked – I asked if you always knew you wanted children – it’s not the same as asking if they wanted their children. Generally (wide generalisation!) at the point of conception, most people have decided they want kids (granted, accidents happen quite regularly 😉

My point was whether blokes grew up always knowing they wanted kids at some point in the future. And the short answer seems to be no, much indifference, but once you have them they are amazing/best things in the world etc.

crikey – Member
What you really want to know is

1.) How much will what I do now change if I have children?
2.) How much financial impact will it have on my life?
3.) What if the relationship goes wrong?
4.) How many dysfunctional children/people are a product of their parents relationship?

No. I can figure that bit out on my own! 🙂 My question wasn’t “should I have kids and how will my life change?”

deadlydarcy – Member
It does give STW the chance to do that ‘Look, look at my children, aren’t they the greatest thing in the world, they’re my children, did you know I had children?’ thing that is so, so endearing….
Whereas, it actually hasn’t been like that at all.

Um, which thread have you been reading?

It is exactly like that, (which is no bad thing)

Asking parents if they wanted their children is only ever going to produce an overwhelmingly positive answer, so it’s a rubbish question.

Well no, because as I said, I am poor, tired and have no free time. The point is, I don’t care.

Willard, the wifes best mate and her husband have been trying IVF for 7 years now… they’ve had failure after failure… It’s cost them a fortune.

However, last week, they had a 14 week scan on a pair of fit and healthy twins !!!!!

We both agreed that we’d never have kids – horrible messy things that get in the way of a quest life and nice holidays.

That slowly morphed into “well, maybe in the future”.

Then, for reasons I can’t remember, we decided to try – not really expecting anything would happen I think, just in a spirit of enquiry. Got pregnant almost immediately.

Still wasn’t sure it was a good idea right up until the thing popped out, then was suddenly sure it was the best thing we’d ever done.

@maxnormal – yes. It just seemed predestined, never considered that not having a family was an option, just the timing.

16 years in and still brilliant fun/experience, to be honest we should have them earlier (I was 32) and we should have had more. 😀