Chaps: did you always know you'd want kids?

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  • Chaps: did you always know you'd want kids?
  • Premier Icon stilltortoise
    Subscriber

    I think the conclusion I’m coming to here is that the responses to the OP’s original question (“…did you always know you wanted kids?”) has little correlation to people’s opinions on bringing up their children. I seem to be one of the few on here who knew – from an early age – I wanted kids. Knowing how bloody hard it has been at times it never fails to surprise me how people deliberately go into it with indifference….if that is indeed possible ๐Ÿ˜€

    {edit} – blinkers I guess ๐Ÿ˜†

    dirtyrider
    Member

    yes, wanted them,

    had the first just a few days before i was 30,

    makes me feel like i wasted my 20s, time rich, money rich, went to the pub

    Premier Icon stilltortoise
    Subscriber

    makes me feel like i wasted my 20s, time rich, money rich, went to the pub

    lol this is a great observation. OP, if you do decide to have kids, please make sure you can look back and say “I made the most of my time” because when you’re running around changing nappies, wiping up sick, having sleepless nights and being grumpy with everyone you will DREAM of just a spare hour or so to ride your bike ๐Ÿ˜‰

    deadlydarcy
    Member

    It is exactly like that, (which is no bad thing)

    No, it hasn’t. It’s been an assortment of replies saying no, yes, but mostly indifferent and that once they arrive you love them unconditionally. It’s been pretty far from everybody bleating on about how extraordinary their kids are. Is it any surprise that most blokes love their children once they arrive? So, no, it hasn’t been “exactly like that”, no matter how much you might want it to be.

    TiRed
    Member

    They take all your time, space and money. Your life is never the same again. But it is better.

    I always wanted kids, and wanted to be a father by 30. Came in one month early. I would have been happy to adopt in the absence of a relationship too.

    That said, I did have to drag a broken-nosed 16yo out of a coma to go to school this morning, just to challenge my patience. It’s not all diggers and dance classes ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Freester
    Member

    I really wasn’t interested, and neither was my wife. But as time and her clock started ticking it became obvious her feelings had changed and she wanted to start a family.

    I still wasn’t that bothered but realised how much it meant to my missus. So I agreed. Did a deal where she’d do all the horrible stuff and I’d get to do the good bits.

    But when little F came along it just felt so right and natural. I’ve never been into holding other people’s babys / toddlers but my own felt right and I just rolled my sleeves up and got stuck in with all of the parenting stuff.

    Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all great, sleepless nights, social life, living on one salary. But to me it’s worth it and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Why didn’t I do it sooner?

    I’m a woman, and don’t want kids. Various reasons, some that probably some might consider selfish (i.e. don’t want to lose my freedom, financial independence, put my career on hold, and don’t really like babies and small children, but meh – horses for courses) and some that are related to health issues that I don’t want to pass on, and also that might make pregnancy complicated/risky.

    I’m happy to see that a lot of the guys who really weren’t sure about kids before they appeared, have warmed to fatherhood. I know a fair few guys who either remained ambivalent or actively try and avoid doing much or spending much time with their children (stay at work late, gym, hobbies, out with mates, banging younger, childless work colleagues, volunteer for long business trips) and leave the women with the grunt work. I think a few of the guys may have had their minds made up for them, mind you (as in wife/gf stopped contraception without their knowledge). Good on the guys here for being active involved dads (even if they weren’t sure to start with!!) and being a big part of your kids’ lives.

    Great thread.

    Premier Icon steveoath
    Subscriber

    To OP. Always knew i wanted kid(s). Ended several relationships over it. Now sitting in maternity ward with a morphine enhanced MrsOath waiting on our daughter to make an appearance!!

    On the other hand one of my close friends and his mrs made a decision early on not to have kids for freedom, financial and othe peesonal reasons. But both are very actively involved in nieces/nephews lives.

    djglover
    Member

    I wanted them at 25, fortunatley I waited until 32 and had 7 great years spending money on going out, abroad and on bikes.

    Now they are here (twins, 5) I adore them and enjoy being a dad

    However, the thought of going through it all again with a newborn fills me with dread and dispair, I am looking forward to the day they move out.

    soobalias
    Member

    absolutely never wanted kids.
    knew this in my early teens, still know it now, twenty some years on

    I’ve always been ambivalent, and my late Mrs was definitely against – no complaints we had a great life together without children. But recent unexpected events have forced me to confront dormant paternal feelings! Age is somewhat against giving those feelings further consideration.

    Premier Icon chakaping
    Subscriber

    Now they are here (twins, 5) I adore them and enjoy being a dad

    I might have been ambivalent about wanting kids, but I’m god damn certain I never want to have twins!

    Premier Icon dannybgoode
    Subscriber

    I wasn’t sure at all but I knew it was Mrs Danny’s one and only true dream in life and I knew what I was signing up for well before we got married etc.

    Now babybgoode is with us I wouldn’t change it for the world. He is just awesome:

    hora
    Member

    I walked into the toilet tonight and 3yr old hora was sat on the toilet (for ages) flicking through a kiddies book on his lap.

    Its the little things that makea me forgive him for me having to sell my Subaru Legacy sportswagon.

    joolsburger
    Member

    I didn’t want kids as I thought I’d be a crap dad and didn’t fancy cocking it up, my good lady seemed to think otherwise and who was I to argue. I’ve two boys who seem to be well adjusted, happy little lads so she’s done a good job with them I’d say. ๐Ÿ˜†

    Premier Icon wiggles
    Subscriber

    I didn’t think I wanted them, I was 20 when my first was born, sh*t myself and genuinely didn’t think I could do it as I never liked anyone elses kids (still don’t really like other peoples kids) but I wouldn’t change a thing sure I missed out on a lot of nights out with the lads etc but i don’t regret it for one second.

    Just don’t think blokes are programmed like women, the instincts don’t really kick in until you hold them and realise you will do anything for them.

    Got two now and everyday is full of noise, stress and mess! Can’t remember what quiet is tbh

    Mugboo
    Member

    At 37, about to marry my wife, she informed me that she wanted a kid. I was absolutely sure that I didn’t. I had time & money to spare and as far as was concerned life couldn’t be better.

    I’ll spare you all the boring, painful stuff in between but suffice to say I am the very proud dad of a soon to be 3 yr old boy and it turns out that I would have missed out on true joy and happiness if I’d said no.

    Torminalis
    Member

    I might have been ambivalent about wanting kids, but I’m god damn certain I never want to have twins!

    We have twins and it isn’t so bad. That said, they are only 7 weeks atm so I reserve the right to change my position on the matter.

    Kip
    Member

    As I’m not a chap I can’t answer the question but I’d just like to say what a wonderfully heartwarming thread this has been.

    Well done all you chaps, you are a credit to your children!

    peterich
    Member

    do it its great
    I hadn’t really thought of it but my mrs was the same when we met so I thought what the hell and did it twice – best thing ive done with my life

    Premier Icon NZCol
    Subscriber

    Prevaricated for a long time, neither of us were convinced. 8 month old girl and quite frankly while i often think ‘jesus this never ends’ I would not swap it for the world. You can write a big list of all the stuff you think you will lose and then you get a massive smile and a giggle and the list is irrelevant.

    dan1980
    Member

    I’ve always wanted kids, and as I’ve gotten older, and learnt more about myself as a person, I’ve come to realise that it’ll never happen for me.

    Knowing that makes me sad to my very core.

    JCL
    Member

    I’ve always wanted kids, and as I’ve gotten older, and learnt more about myself as a person, I’ve come to realise that it’ll never happen for me.

    Knowing that makes me sad to my very core.

    Balls to that. Be happy for the planet and all the other species we steamroll by not adding to the plague of humanity.

    user-removed
    Member

    dan1980 – assuming your user name alludes to the year of your birth, why on Earth would you say that? I just had my first at the age of 39.

    I was absolutely certain I didn’t want kids. But just to echo the other 200 posts on here, I love him completely 90% of the time. I do suffer constant fear that I’ll be found wanting as a father though – I have almost zero dad-skillz.

    No real idea how to fix a combustion engine or any other bits of a car, DIY knowledge negligible, panic at the thought of looking after him alone ( I do it frequently but I still panic ) – basically all the stuff that my dad and stepdad do effortlessly. Must be a generational thing.

    Best of luck OP, if you go ahead and commit.

    Edit: JCL – if you truly believe that, go chuck your sorry plague-ridden arse off a bridge, eh?

    willard
    Member

    Cheers for all the kind words. We’re both staying positive and we are trying again, but it is hard thing to think about sometimes.

    One of the big things I have is that I’d always wanted kids whilst I was young enough to enjoy doing stuff with them, stuff that I’d done when I was a kid. I know my body is pretty knackered, with my knees and elbows pretty much in tatters, so before 40 was what I’d sort of planned on. Despite seven years of trying, that’s not going to happen. BUT…. We are going to keep trying!

    Maybe this time next year I’ll have better news.

    JCL
    Member

    Edit: JCL – if you truly believe that, go chuck your sorry plague-ridden arse off a bridge, eh?

    Suicide is no joke dude. I’ll just not be adding to the glut like the consensus trance breeders who do.

    Premier Icon wiggles
    Subscriber

    Yeah the human race would be doing great if everyone gave up on this silly reproduction thing that we’ve been doing…

    deadlydarcy
    Member

    Suicide is no joke dude. I’ll just not be adding to the glut like the consensus trance breeders who do.

    Sounds likes your genes will be a real loss for the race. Hopefully, we’ll manage as a species though.

    Premier Icon curiousyellow
    Subscriber

    It’s never the right time to have kids.

    But it’s always the right time to make love.

    *puts Barry White CD on*

    Premier Icon ransos
    Subscriber

    I’ll just not be adding to the glut like the consensus trance breeders who do.

    So who’s going to wipe your bum when you’re doubly incontinent?

    Junkyard
    Member

    Always new i would have kids. Expected to wake up one day and say ok now I am ready but it never happened so like many had them mid 30’s.

    Wished i had them earlier tbh.

    Premier Icon andyfla
    Subscriber

    Willard, have you thought of adoption ?
    We had a birth child then 4 years of IVF (fun, fun, fun) before adopting Thing 2, I was very unsure all the way through but partly went along with it,
    So glad we did, got a 1 yr old so missed the pointless

    Premier Icon andyfla
    Subscriber

    Willard, just found your original post, I am so sorry, must have been horrible. Good luck,

    It’s never the right time to have kids.

    But it’s always the right time to make love.

    *puts Barry White CD on*

    ๐Ÿ˜† Nice one Curious!

    Premier Icon curiousyellow
    Subscriber

    Cheers buzz!

    If you had kids then this could be your 10 year old one day!

    http://www.pinkbike.com/video/335165/

    Eyepic
    Member

    Always planned to have kids…had conversation early with lass I later married. Eldest came along earlier than we planned, best accident ever. Hard decision to decide exactly when was the right time to have a second…sure in my mind that every time could well be a compromise.

    27 years on wife and I are looking forward to grandchildren one day.

    toxicsoks
    Member

    Chaps: did you always know you’d want kids?

    No, in fact I was anti kids. The missus wanted SIX! We “compromised” and had three. Outside of marrying Mrs Sox they are the best things I’ve ever done (…..can I say that?). All three are grown up, now but they’re all well adjusted human beings, successful in their fields and are more than happy to spend time with they’re folks and each other.
    Love ’em to bits.

    Sui
    Member

    CY that vid is cool, that crash at the end looked painful though.. ๐Ÿ˜ฏ

    mindmap3
    Member

    I was never hugely fussed – I always thought it may happen one day but was in no rush. This was partly due to me happy coasting along mucking about on bikes etc and partly due to concerns regarding money etc.

    However, I am due to join the ranks of parenthood soon and I am happy and petrified at the same time! The fear is partly selfish (i.e. not being able to ride my bike as much, go to the rugby etc) and partly regarding money. However (soppy bit) emotionally it felt right to start trying. Like many blokes I figured it’d take a while so I’d have a few weeks / months of ‘trying’ to enjoy bit it happened rather quickly. Within the first couple of attempts.

    The other half and I have been together for a long time (nealy 14 years) having met in the first year of uni and are pretty settled so that all contributed to feeling like the right time. I’m not that keen on other people’s kids but have a really good relationship with some younger cousins having been very close to an aunt and uncle so I have a good idea of how tough it’s going to be.

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