Bumbling about being happy with a general sense of well being

How’s that work then? What’s the secret, really?

Ecstasy.

it’s a choice… people (mostly) choose to be miserable or happy. Once you get your mind into it, it’s all good.

I’ve had a ‘testing’ year… but it’s not thrown me… I just smile and find happiness.

How Weeksy? I can’t get my head around how people do that.

Kryton57 – Member

How Weeksy? I can’t get my head around how people do that.

For me it’s a mortality/other people thing.

I look at life and think “FFS, at least I’m not dead/terminal/crippled” etc.

Even this year we lost a house sale as we had a 40m wide lake lapping at our doorstep for a week, it was 24″ deep and about 3mm from flooding. But you know what, there were people 1 mile away who HAD flooded, lost their posessions, home, etc. We were lucky. Once you see the positive aspect, it’s all good.

I’m also the eternal optimist, I believe because of the person I am, good things will eventually come. They’ve now fixed the flooding/drains, our house exchanged last week and we’re buying our dream home. It’s all good.

IME, the really valuable and worthwhile achievements in life that make you happy, bumbling around with a general sense of well being, are achieved through stress, anxiety and fear. Other things as well, of course, but these are the fuels that make the fire rise.

One of life’s paradoxes, learning how to balance the two forces.

Moping about being miserable with a general sense of foreboding….FTFY 🙁

I agree with Weeksy – it’s predominantly a choice. I don’t think we’re born with a glass half full/empty disposition but it’s how we perceive the world.

Once I worked out what actually made me happy (not the BS that the media men tell us does) then I found the choice much easier. It is entirely possible that I become less tolerant as I get older but I still see the positive in things 😉

Hmm. See now, whereas I constantly fight pessimism. I’m in McD’s in Kent awaiting the office to open annoyed at getting up at 5am to get here, only to find out my colleagues with the office keys couldnt be arsed. Now, to take your stance, I’m sitting confortably enjoying a warm drink as the sun comes up across the Medway towns – there’s worse to life.

Nope, I still feel in black mood.

Now, to take your stance, I’m sitting confortably enjoying a warm drink as the sun comes up across the Medwat towns – there’s air worse to life.

And being paid for it. And have a nice car to drive to get there. Bit of music, bit of peace and quiet and FFS, what’s to be unhappy about.

If you were sitting there about to visit your dying mother, or the tax man you owe £10,000 to, then sure, be gloomy. But you’re not. You’re going to spend a few hours in an office, warm, dry, comfy, drinking coffee.

You are sat in a McDonalds drinking coffee and you are moaning because you can’t be at work? Have a sausage and egg mcmuffin.

Don’t aim for happy. Aim for content. Much more achievable.

Now, to take your stance, I’m sitting confortably enjoying a warm drink as the sun comes up across the Medway towns – there’s worse to life.

You could actually live there! I’d be grateful I’d travelled to the place and will be leaving it again later.

Well, I’ve a few other fairly issues which I’m not going to air, I just used that as an example. But yes, no one is dying.

I’m really wondering how to get from glass half empty to glass half full on a permanent basis as I’m fed up waking up glum. As Nobby eluded to, we are not born that way, kids are an example of that. We learn it, so it must be possible to unlearn / un apply it.

Back to the OP then, how do others achieve it?

Well, I’ve a few other fairly issues which I’m not going to air, I just used that as an example

As do we all mate, most days… everyone has varying levels of crap going on on a regular basis. But WTF can you do, let it drag you down, or accept it, move on and get on with the things you can do.

Sorry to be all scientific, but I find this helps me. Your mood is goverened by chemicals in your brain. More of them (serotonin for one, I think) and you feel happy, less and you feel sad.

It’s really got nothing to do with your conscious mind or your life – it’s chemical. That’s why two people can look at the same situation (see this thread) and one can be happy and one miserable. It’s also why you can feel wonderfully happy by taking a simple drug. It’s the equivalent of turning up the happiness dial on a robot.

Our brains usually produce more or less of these chemicals based on external stimuli or thoughts, but if they don’t – boom, you’re miserable. It’s like being diabetic but in your brain.

As Nobby eluded to, we are not born that way, kids are an example of that.

Don’t believe that. It’s very easy to see which one of my kids is going to struggle with her state of mind when she’s older.

Bumbling about being happy with a general sense of well being

Sounds like me. Great marriage, great kids, work two days a week and the rest is spent with my kids or just being general house husband. I’m skintish but my quality of life and contentedness has never been better. Don’t need three holidays a year or a new flash car.

I’ve always been a glass half full kinda guy and never more so than now when I am probably materially poorer than at any point in my adult life.

I’m really wondering how to get from glass half empty to glass half full on a permanent basis as I’m fed up waking up glum. As Nobby eluded to, we are not born that way, kids are an example of that. We learn it, so it must be possible to unlearn / un apply it.

I’m not entirely sure this is true. Whilst we have vastly more flexibility in our thought patterns than say are height, there are limits to how much we can alter either of them. If you are malnourished as a child you won’t grow to your full height. No amount of eating later in life is going to compensate.

tis monday and you got out of bed on the wrong side again.
Stay calm and dont let crap wind you up. Have something to eat.

Yeah, Weeksy’s right. It’s perspective. You can look at almost anything in a positive light.
I was over in India in the summer. I am glad to live here in the UK.

I’m a happy person. I’m lucky to have been born healthy, intelligent, male, white, handsome and in a first world country. That’s winning the lottery of life.

I also think a lot of people’s unhappiness is due to following what is considered ‘the way’ – get career job, get married, get house, have kids, get car etc.
A lot is sacrificed to it. Your time, and you go into debt for it. Once you are in debt you become a slave to your job. And stress.

I’ve always been very careful about money. Don’t take out finance on things, don’t have sky tv for example. Always find a good deal.
My monthly bills are £207.
I paid £2k cash up front for my car. My pal spends £300 odd a month on his Honda Civic AFTER paying a few grand up front.

By not being in financial servitude I can do what I want. For example, quitting one of my jobs in the new year. It has become stressful and I won’t work in a job that causes me stress. My other job is only 1.5 days a week, but I manage my own workload and it more than covers my financial requirements.
So, I’ll hand in my notice in February and walk away in March and start going camping, cycling, woodworking and playing in a band again. Knowing I’m doing that has dropped the stress off of me.

Honestly, if you’ve never worked part time (as an adult) it is a revelation. You realise how much working full time takes from you. And you end up needing the extra money as you have so little time you can’t do things that save you money. Brew your own beer. Cook big fresh dinners that will feed you for lunches for the rest of the week. Have to pay someone to come cut your grass or fix your car because you don’t have time.

Sorry to be all scientific, but I find this helps me. Your mood is goverened by chemicals in your brain. More of them (serotonin for one, I think) and you feel happy, less and you feel sad.

It’s really got nothing to do with your conscious mind or your life – it’s chemical. That’s why two people can look at the same situation (see this thread) and one can be happy and one miserable. It’s also why you can feel wonderfully happy by taking a simple drug. It’s the equivalent of turning up the happiness dial on a robot.

Probably preaching to the converted on here but that is why you should go ride your bike, or whatever form of exercise you can squeeze in, as often as you can manage it. Don’t skimp on this. If man-flu/being busy at work/bad weather keeps me off my bike for any length of time I end up in the slough of despond in pretty short order.

It never ceases to amaze me the positive difference it makes to my default mood setting across the board, never mind during the time I am actually engaged in the activity itself. It has to be doing something to my brain chemistry at a fundamental level.

Yep. Sell all the crap you don’t need or use. Don’t get into finance for anything (except a house if you really have to) and appreciate what you’ve got rather than aspiring to own more/better/shinier/whiter/blacker/greyer/wider/thinner/fatter/rounder/flatter. Mute the advert breaks on telly and take ‘Fresh Goods Friday’ and other new product pages with a pinch of low sodium salt substitute. Don’t do Christmas, do loved ones’ birthdays instead. Grow your own veg if you can, brew your own wine/beer and live as simply as possible without resorting to mud huts and pooing in a ditch.

Socialism isn’t wrong or bad, it just hasn’t been given a proper go 😀

edit: +1 for just riding a bike for a bit. Even a short 5 miler on a steel clunker will have you grinning like a buffoon for most of the day.

edited again: Yes, ‘content’ is good. Happy is built on content.

Don’t believe that. It’s very easy to see which one of my kids is going to struggle with her state of mind when she’s older.

Then surely you should try & deal with it now?

I’m not entirely sure this is true. Whilst we have vastly more flexibility in our thought patterns than say are height, there are limits to how much we can alter either of them. If you are malnourished as a child you won’t grow to your full height. No amount of eating later in life is going to compensate

I was speaking purely from personal experience. 25 years ago I was very much the pessimist & went to a very dark place during a full meltdown. With some help and a lot of soul-searching I turned a corner & retrained my default position to positive – not saying it’s easy but it’s achievable.

In the last few years I’ve watched a family member recover from being a catastrophist to a happy, contented person so believe it can be done. We are, after all, pretty sophisticated machines.

Whilst we have vastly more flexibility in our thought patterns than say are height, there are limits to how much we can alter either of them

Yep. If your brain chemistry is a particular way, you see everything through shit coloured glasses that you cannot take off.

Biking, for example, can seem like a right chore. Trails are muddy, bike is ****, can’t be bothered riding badly round the same bloody trails again and again. Riding round Moab might inspire me but I can’t afford it and will never go.. etc.

Then surely you should try & deal with it now?

What do you think we do, every day? 🙂

not saying it’s easy but it’s achievable.

Not for everyone. Sometimes telling people they can fix it helps, sometimes it doesn’t.

“Great, so it’s my fault I’m miserable. That just confirms what a useless git I am” – and so on.

I’m in a great mood, even on a Monday. I woke up to a stunning sunrise over the hills. So I set off to work early, and stopped on the pennine bridleway to take some photo’s of the amazing views over the hills

It also helps that I’m a simpleton. Idiots generally tend to be happier 😀

“I’ve always wanted to be happy, so I decided I would be”

Neil ‘Nello’ Baldwin

I don’t think it’s as easy as some think – I know I should be very content these days, but there’s still times I get really grumpy for very silly reasons. It seems as a “glass half empty type” the first reaction will be negative, no matter how much I don’t want to be like that. Mind, having read this, I’m now going to try to be positive about working with a difficult colleague today – but there I go, I’m not even at work yet and already calling him difficult!

to take some photo’s

I’m in a decent mood most of the time, and it was going to cheer me up further to be able to remonstrate Binners on his apostrophe usage. Then I realised that “photo’s” is an abbreviation of “photgraphs”, so now I’m not sure if he’s right or not.

Stupid Binners, he’s killed my high. 👿

I’m a glass half full type of person. Saying that, there are times stuff can get to me, but when that happens, I actively shift myself back to a positive place.

I have “ready made” thoughts, music and things to look at for when I need to boost my mood – and I will often have a word with myself if I find myself getting edgy.

All it takes is to build your mood management tools and learn to talk yourself back to positivity and you’ll be amazed by the improvement it makes to your wellbeing.

There’s a very good book by Jack Canfield called The Success Principles which covers a lot of this stuff as well as lots of other very good things. Highly recommended.

🙂

IHN – Member
to take some photo’s

But herein lies part of the issue; My photos – mostly of a dark dreary A2 on the way into deepest Kent at 6:00am from inside my car – would have a vastly different perspective than Binners, regardless of whether I was smiling behind the camera

[/complex metaphor]

Perhaps being content is a better goal than being Happy all the time.

To a large part, It’s all about perspective and realising that getting wound up about trivial things is a waste of your time and energy. It also helps to be able to let go of things and appreciate that you can’t influence or change everything you would like to in life and realise that it really is ok to accept that.

Have a watch of this video, IMHO it makes some very valid and helpful points.

Its all about perspective. Some people are unhappy, when in reality they don’t know they’re bloody born. I’d recommend losing absolutely everything. Its a hellish thing to happen to anyone, but when you come out the other side of it, it doesn’t half make you appreciate what’s really important. And it isn’t the meaningless crap we’re constantly told is meant to matter

Sorry Molgrips, just read that back & I didn’t mean it to sound like it’s written! 😳

Not for everyone. Sometimes telling people they can fix it helps, sometimes it doesn’t.

“Great, so it’s my fault I’m miserable. That just confirms what a useless git I am” – and so on.

Fantastic example – I read my point as “great, there is something I can do to make myself feel better”. Perhaps I should try & think ‘half empty’ before I type…

Your mood is goverened by chemicals in your brain

Not if you have teenagers it isn’t. It’s governed by chemicals in their brain.

I used to be a pretty happy cheerful sort of person but the combination of some very stressful times at work and living with a particularly stressful teenager means that now I just pretend most of the time. I feel as though a part of me has died.

Riding a bike helps. I still find it impossible to be unhappy on a bike.

Agreed on perspective, there is always somebody worse off than you and it is about lifting your dead up and looking around to notice it.

I also think you need to look at your life and find the things that make you unhappy and do something about it. I know so many people who dislike their job, area they live in, partner, certain family members, weight etc but don’t do anything to change the situation. All these small annoyances add up and bring your mood down.

Not for everyone. Sometimes telling people they can fix it helps, sometimes it doesn’t.

“Great, so it’s my fault I’m miserable. That just confirms what a useless git I am” – and so on.

Extending that to this place and the genuinely depressed individuals, I remember some poor sod standing up and expressing a desire to end his life and being told to go take a gander at the ‘Bruders Thread’ to get life into perspective or something similar. It demonstrated to me a complete lack of understanding of depression TBH.

Similarly, the other day I was expressing an unshakable urge to pop off – the method was the undecided aspect – and the words “Yeah, the weather has been a bit grey and overcast recently, hasn’t it?”

In my head – ‘Oh, right. I’ll just move to the ***kin’ equator or somewhere the sun is shining regularly, then…’

Some folk will never understand the meaning of the word ‘depression’.

I also have to echo that being content is achievable and maintainable but happiness is almost always a fleeting thing…

Extending that to this place and the genuinely depressed individuals, I remember some poor sod standing up and expressing a desire to end his life and being told to go take a gander at the ‘Bruders Thread’ to make get life into perspective or something similar. It demonstrated to me a complete lack of understanding of depression TBH.

Similarly, the other day I was expressing an unshakable urge to pop off – the method was the undecided aspect – and the words “Yeah, the weather has been a bit grey and overcast recently, hasn’t it?”

In my head – ‘Oh, right. I’ll just move to the ***kin’ equator or somewhere the sun is shining regularly, then…’

Some folk will never understand the meaning of the word ‘depression’.

I also have to echo that being content is achievable and maintainable but happiness is almost always a fleeting thing…

Kryton isn’t depressed, he’s just a miserable sod today.

Not if you have teenagers it isn’t. It’s governed by chemicals in their brain.

😆

Some folk will never understand the meaning of the word ‘depression’

Yep. Thankfully I don’t suffer from it, but my wife does to a moderate extent, and I’ve gained some insight trying to talk to her when she’s low. If she talks back, that is, which she usually won’t.

And yes – Kryton isn’t depressed currently but depression is an extreme form of his half-emptiness…

Spend quality time, without distractions, with your family.
Avoid materialism.
Make/fix stuff with your own hands.
Ride your bike.

Whenever I’m not satisfying this list I get grumpy but it doesn’t take much exposure to least one or two to sort life out.