Bulimia (includes mention of suicide) – tips on support required

A friend’s daughter (early 20s) has been suffering with bulimia and tried to take her life at the weekend (drink and pills). Thankfully a friend happened to be staying over and found her unconscious. She’s since been taking into a mental health ward. Apparently she’s doing all the (therapy?) sessions etc but not speaking to either parent.

This is all happening 250 miles oop north where she’s lived for 2-3 yrs, whereas her parents are down here. They themselves are going through a split (with potential divorce) but are putting that aside to figure out how best to support their daughter. The problem is that nobody in the ward/hospital is really telling them anything and so they don’t know what to do, i.e. stay put or head up there.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? What might be going on in the girl’s head? Bear in mind her profession has taken her up north + she’s never had the closest of relationships with her parents (boarding school etc). It’s easy to say “Both parents should drop everything and go and see her …” but is that really the right thing?

Cheers

from knowing similar, there is usually a cause, some trigger, problem is knowing what it is.

From too many cases i have met, the feelings will always be there, she may be able to control the urge, but often when there is nothing you can control, self harm seems the only way of being in control. Is her job stressful, her own relationships etc.

Parents, they may be the cause or they may be able to help, all you can do is be there, do not judge offer support if wanted.

And this is the harsh part, if someone wants to commit suicide they will. That she did it when someone could find her suggests to me that she wants help, although she may have no idea what that help might be.

an aunt of mine suffered from bulimia.

she, too, tried to pop some pills, but my mum found her and rushed her to hospital to have her stomach pumped. she was kept in for a while and her family tried to get her sectioned/have her mental health looked at. a doctor asked her if she would do it again if given another bottle of pills. she said no. the doctor was then happy that she was of sound mind.

two months later my mum and another aunt found their little sister hanging by the neck from the bannister.

not much help, sorry, but good luck.

Bloody hell alpin, sorry to hear your account. That’s terrible 🙁 Will bear in mind the outcome when I hear more about any possibility of the girl being discharged. I can’t even comprehend the variables involved in making that sort of decision.

We’re hoping she does indeed want help and maybe the signs ARE there. Hmm.

The problem is that nobody in the ward/hospital is really telling them anything and so they don’t know what to do, i.e. stay put or head up there.

If the hospital wanted them there, they would let them know but from what you have said there may be issues which are being addressed and the parental presence might be counter-productive. As she is an adult, the lack of info could also be due to patient confidentiality and they are not allowed to discuss the case with anyone (even parents) unless the patient authorises it.

Hope she gets the help she needs.

Is her job stressful, her own relationships etc.

Yes, very. She has a rolling 3 month contract so has to perform. If she doesn’t then she’ll be off the team and will likely lose her house/car/etc as she won’t be able to get another job in that field. She’s been ill for 2-3 months too so that no doubt didn’t help.

Has never wanted to live down here – she hates it. Don’t know why. Ideally her parents want her to be discharged on the basis she attends therapy down here so they can step in and look after her. Naturally they don’t want her to be sent home only for her to try the same again.

EDIT: Re relationships, she doesn’t appear to be in one. There’s a possibility she’s gay as she’s never had a BF too.

I can’t even comprehend the variables involved in making that sort of decision.

From the few people i have known who have committed suicide,

you look at your own life, you can’t control it, you see no solution, no one can help. A couple of cases i can remember the person hired a car, then drove to a quite layby and gased themselves. No real idea why, they had had a few relationship issues and weren’t a particularly upbeat person to begin with. Another they had been abused as a child by their dad and i don’t think they ever really coped, drink, drugs etc, eventually they hung themselves.

What ever the cause this is not about the truth, it is what the individual perceives. Which is why i would be careful about what you do and do not say.

What ever the cause this is not about the truth, it is what the individual perceives. Which is why i would be careful about what you do and do not say.

Sadly I concur … Yes. And yes.

This sounds worse that I feared.