Avoidant personality disorder.

Maybe it’s just social intolerance of people who live in a different way then.
However. It’s kinda hard to push past the low self esteem , failing to maintain eye contact , alcohol as a crutch , self harm , suicidal thoughts , couple of friends , refusing to see my family at Christmas , avoiding going out, trust issues , refusing to believe anyone could actually like me , 1 girlfriend in my entire life, no one night stands , no holiday flings , no kids , crying alot randomly, feeling sad all the time , finding reasons to avoid social gatherings, add in imposter syndrome and you start to think that being locked up in a car outside a pub, in the dark, for hours repeatedly by a parent might have had some sort of psychological impact, amongst lots of other things

Singletrackmind

It really does seem like a bit of help could benefit.

Personally i am a big fan of exploratory or person centred counselling rather than directive.   The aim is to help you come up with your own answers.   Ive had a fair bit of this over the years especially recently.   The key thing is the relationship between you and the counseller. So don’t be afrais toshop around

Its important to go in with an open mind and to be honest and open with them

I am not sure the person i used has expertise inthe areabut i can check when i am back home

Good luck.  You have started the journey and a journey of a thousand miles starts with that first step

My daughter was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. On her first meeting with her therapist her therapist said to her that she’d had other clients with it who don’t have it now. The message was that this is in many cases if not all curable. In her case for certain her therapist was right. A change that was not just profound but years later is sustained.

I suggest you don’t say things like ‘being a bit odd’ is the lower end of the autistic spectrum then.

I don’t think TJ meant any offence by what he said, in fact I took it as more of a bit of self reflection on his part and about himself more than the op.

We all know folk that are a bit odd
We’re all a bit odd! It’s that some people are more aware of it than others. NB Not to dismiss people with real issues, but we can all find a bit of OCD, Paranoia, Imposter Syndrome etc in each of us if you go looking.

I’m pretty damn certain that a fair number of people consider me ‘a bit odd’, especially a few people I’ve worked with, because of my refusal to conform to what they considered the correct way to dress, the correct sports to follow, the correct type of music to listen too, and especially so for a man of my age.

I also refuse to pander to their narrow-minded prejudices, because I’m absolutely certain that those who are behaving in a way they feel is socially acceptable and appropriate are hiding their own faults behind carefully constructed stereotypes and behaviours; what are they doing behind their closed doors and curtains?

Honestly, there is no such thing!

A flippant quote I know but “There are only two types of people in this world, those that are f***ed up and those  that know they are f***ed up”.

We’re all wandering round worrying about our oddities not realising that all the “normal” people around us are doing exactly the same…

I get what you’re saying but there are definitely levels to it.

If you’re at the point where you have the symptoms the OP is describing (particularly the suicide ideation) then it’s gone beyond the ‘normal’ part of the spectrum.

Many people can function exceptionally well in some situations but others have them resorting to self-harm and/or suicide attempts just to cope.  This can often lead to accusations of faking because the contrast between the situation where they perform exceptionally well and the situation where they fall apart is so stark.

Once you’re at the constant suicide ideation or self harm stage you are not ‘like everyone else’ anymore.

Saying that, it’s very easy to look at a list of symptoms and self-diagnose with something.  That’s why a proper evaluation is so important.

singletrackmind – I have sent you a PM

Bumpity bump as I don’t thing singletrackmind has seen my PM and I hope it has some useful stuff in it

Message received, many thanks

I decided that at the age I was there was no point in chasing a formal diagnosis.

I had this conversation with a “social prescriber” a few weeks ago. He said that a diagnosis isn’t necessarily just for the patient’s benefit but for everyone else’s. Eg, your employer. I’d never really considered it like that. I’m now on a waiting list.

Don’t be too quick to think there is something wrong with you.

I’m increasingly of the mind that it’s a numbers game. What we call neurotypical is, well, just that, it’s “typical.” There’s more of them. If they were a minority we’d have support groups for them. Eg, “stop staring into people’s eyes when you’re talking to them, it’s threatening and weird.”

I had this conversation with a “social prescriber” a few weeks ago. He said that a diagnosis isn’t necessarily just for the patient’s benefit but for everyone else’s. Eg, your employer. I’d never really considered it like that. I’m now on a waiting list.

Its very much a balance.  If I had been 30 then a diagnosis might have been useful in gaining me access to services and to help get workplace adjustments, at 55 this was much less so.   You have to consider what a formal diagnosis will give you and if there is any benefit to you directly or indirectly

Its also partly philosophical – as a nurse working with old folk I was always far more interested in abilities and disabilities than labels.  Social model of disability rather than medical model if you like

Hi Singletrackmind the first thing that sprang to mind when I read your thread title was Bowlbys “Attachment theory” – as one of the four basic attachment styles is “avoidant”. I then went on to read a subsequent post and wondered whether knowing about attachment theory might help you at all. It’s less self diagnosis I think, more a help to understand self and others.

I find it fascinating; essentially Bowlby who was a psychologist working in the 50s and 60s, theorised that our social and emotional development as children is directly linked to the relationships and experiences we have with our primary caregivers. We then take this into adulthood. He concluded that there were fours basic styles: secure, disorganised, avoidant and ambivalent. They sometimes get called slightly different things. Even though his work is some decades old now, it still stands and is taught in relevant subjects. It has been added to by more modern theorists who have included other styles.

So absolutely everybody has an attachment style, and they can also be mixtures. I have found it really helpful to think about my own, as it demystifies to some extent why I react the way I do. It also helps me to understand others a little. The good news is that it is suggested attachment styles don’t have to be permanent.

There is tons about it on the internet. You may know about it already, but if not it may help you to make a bit more sense of things, to go along with any other reading and courses of action you have decided on as per above. This is one website I just found which I think explains it well.

https://www.verywellmind.com/attachment-styles-2795344#:~:text=The%20concept%20of%20attachment%20styles,ambivalent%2C%20avoidant%2C%20and%20disorganized.

Take care 🙂