Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 192 total)
  • Anyone else’s family relationships falling apart over Brexit?
  • Premier Icon convert
    Full Member

    I’m hoping this is not actually about the pros/cons of brexit but the consequences of it being a thing and does not require absorbing into the monster thread….

    My wife’s family has lost the plot in the last few days over it – disturbing. She comes from a working class family both halves of which grew up on council estates. All seemingly reasonably comfortably off. My wife and her sister first in the extended family to stay on for 6th form and get degrees followed later by a couple of cousins. The brexit/remain divide is exactly along education lines and over the last couple of days its got very spicy. Despite the brexity lot in her family posting countless memes about brexit interlaced with racist/ Islamophobic content my wife sharing the link to the current abolish article 50 petition (no comment, just a share) has resulted in a ranty phone call to her father (who has not spoken to me since xmas when I disagreed with him over the subject) from an aunt ‘demanding’ she remove it if she wants to consider herself part of the family. It has unearthed huge feelings of animosity towards those of them that got an education – an assumption that they think of themselves as better than the rest. It really has pulled them apart – some of her previously politically mute cousins are posting pro Tommy Robinson links now. My wife now views her family in a very negative way (as much with their inability to debate and discuss but just attack as their actual opinions) and has found herself having very mixed feelings reflecting back on her upbringing and a world she now feels divorced from.

    The world I live in is unanimously pro remain so dipping into her family’s social media is a look into a way of thinking I struggle to comprehend. Whatever happens next I can’t see her family going back to as they were. Extrapolate that up and as a society it could get pretty messy before it gets better. It’s almost not about the nuances of the benefits of being in the EU anymore.

    Premier Icon RobHilton
    Free Member

    Life’s too short to have to put up with toxic people.

    Premier Icon Drac
    Full Member

    No.

    Never discuss politics with friends or family.

    Premier Icon MoreCashThanDash
    Full Member

    My parents are Daily Heil reading Brexiteers. It’s been interesting. I respect their decision and understand why they feel the way they do, but they seem to have no concern for the effect it may have on their teenage grandchildrens future.

    Premier Icon Tom-B
    Free Member

    One of my cousin’s took issue with me sharing some anti Brexit post…..I promptly deleted her and the rest of my ‘family’ on Facebook other than my sister. They’re all racist and I’ve got **** all in common with any of them, I actually dislike most of them. The fact that my aunt phoned up my mum about really **** pissed me off though, my mum doesn’t do/understand Facebook so was quite upset by it. Me, meh as I say I didn’t actively keep in touch with any of my cousin’s or aunts/uncles (I come from a small family) mainly because they’re racist morons with zero in common…..I’m my own person and despite not being that old (32) am still far too old and wise to give two shits about the opinions of people that I literally don’t care about one way or another.

    Premier Icon mikewsmith
    Free Member

    At least my folks are remainers, they still read the Daily Heil, and love to quote stuff from the headlines, when I’m up there they restrain themselves a little but mostly w withering look helps and asking them if it’s more crap from the mail.

    Premier Icon Houns
    Full Member

    Just look at the areas that voted for Brexit (and the areas with the fewest responses to that petition) poorer area = Brexit voters, sadly being from the West Midlands means there are plenty of them around here (and plenty on my fb feed)

    Thanks to the likes of the ERG and right wing media, these folk wrongly blame the EU for their lot and they’re too stubborn to listen to reason

    Premier Icon Rubber_Buccaneer
    Full Member

    No. I will always argue devils advocate to anything my dad says but none of this would ever make any difference to the underlying relationship

    Premier Icon doomanic
    Free Member

    It’s a taboo subject in my parent’s house. The voted leave and as soon as they realised that losing FoM applied to them used their house in Cyprus to claim residence status and get themselves Cypriot passports.

    Premier Icon PiknMix
    Free Member

    Thankfully all of my family and my wife’s family are all on the same political page. That said if they were pro brexit then that’s their choice, I certainly wouldn’t be drawn into any arguments over it.

    Premier Icon postierich
    Free Member

    FB feed is a war zone ex army so looking at leaving various groups due to the racism, various friends have their unexplainable reasons for wanting Brexit and I will try not to hold it against them. Getting very bored of my younger brother and his views but his life is very toxic at the moment Most of the cycling community seem to be remainers.

    Premier Icon chewkw
    Free Member

    (as much with their inability to debate and discuss but just attack as their actual opinions)

    What is there to debate or discuss about?

    It is not as if you will change your mind to accommodate theirs vice versa.

    Be yourself and them be themselves coz that is the norm.

    🤔

    Premier Icon zanelad
    Free Member

    Not had any affect on my relationships with family or friends. But tben I don’t do social media, so I don’t post endless crap on social media belittling those who have a different opinion to me. Don’t discuss religion or politics, criticise their driving and you’ll get on with most people.

    Premier Icon Alpha1653
    Free Member

    Luckily the vast majority of my family on both sides are remainers, though when my dad revealed he voted leave he got told in no uncertain terms that as far as I was concerned he had jeopardised his only grandson’s future and that he should feel ashamed. I didn’t disown him but he got my opinion straight. However, his reasoning was based on the economy/finance and he genuinely doesn’t object to immigration or other deeper seated objectional views.

    In your circumstance, it’s difficult but if I had a load of family who were racist, bigoted morons who refused to listen to reason or even entertain the possibility that the Daily Mail might have an ulterior motive, I’d cut them loose. You don’t need toxic people in your life, family or otherwise.

    Premier Icon mikewsmith
    Free Member

    Not had any affect on my relationships with family or friends. But tben I don’t do social media, so I don’t post endless crap on social media belittling those who have a different opinion to me.

    For somebody who don’t do social media you seem to have some strong ideas about what goes on Social Media 😉

    Premier Icon chewkw
    Free Member

    Don’t discuss religion or politics, criticise their driving and you’ll get on with most people.

    Actually it is better to discuss everything in order to choose who you want to be with before developing into long term friendship … if you are brave enough that is.

    Premier Icon munrobiker
    Free Member

    My mum’s side of the family, around 30 people, are all racist and the majority (all of those that didn’t have business interests dependant on the EU) of them voted leave on the migration issue. My wife is an immigrant, and while they deem her to be acceptable (“you’re different”- ie, she’s white) they are delighted to spout on about how her difficulties getting a visa don’t tally with their experience of someone of a different ethnicity who just waltzed into town with as many benefit payments as they could get their hands on (a nonsense, obviously).

    After the Brexit vote we realised that these weren’t the sort of people we wanted to hang around with and as a result we’ve seen them all once in the last three years.

    Premier Icon swedishmatt
    Free Member

    I’m Swedish living in the UK and have been since -04. My in laws voted leave.

    I’m pretty disappointed and I don’t look at them the same way.

    They originally voted leave mostly as a David Cameron protest and had no idea leave would win. But now they are ardent brexit supporters.

    Premier Icon kimbers
    Full Member

    That sounds very tough.
    your wifes family sound pretty horrible tbh!

    my parents & 1 one of my brothers voted leave, dont discuss it with my parents now, as its caused too many arguments. (same educational divide story as OPs wife too)

    have a had a few arguments with my brother about it on FB, his wife is worse though, shes openly racist and that my parents turn a blind eye to it really annoys me, ive called her out a few times, so she keeps quiet around me now.
    Does piss me off my brother & his wife in particular always looking for people to blame their poor choices on- theyve racked up tons of debt even tho both on good salaries, my parents provide all childcare for free, but have to have new cars/gadgets/sky tv/ very expensive holidays etc- yet somehow my SIL has managed to blame immigrants getting council houses/the EU for her struggling to get by?!?
    What really really annoys me is that shes openly racist around my nephews also thinks 7years old is too young to be doing homework so their eldest kid is really struggling at school, I love their kids and it depresses the hell out of me that they are going to grow up thick & ignorant like their mum!

    Been complicated as my dad recently had a stroke and health isnt too great, hes deliberately baited me a few times recently, hes become increasingly bitter & angry I really dont want to be arguing with him at the moment.

    My kids love their grandparents & get on really well with their cousins, if it wasnt for that I dont think Id be having much to do with them.

    sorry doesnt help your wifes situation, someone needs to set up a brexit family counselling scheme!

    Premier Icon johndoh
    Free Member

    My MiL and FiL both voted leave. A few weeks ago the subject came up over Sunday dinner and I fully expected them to admit they were wrong but no, they still believed they were right and wanted a no-deal exit. I was so angry I could barely speak to them again for the rest of the day.

    Premier Icon mikewsmith
    Free Member

    Quite a few times recently I’ve very calmly explained that I spent 6 years living as an immigrant in another country, that immigration was good for me but that the worst part was as a white guy I was easily accepted and avoided much of the anger directed towards both non white immigrants and citizens who were not lucky enough to be white.

    Explain that slowly and calmly enough and a lot of people take a step back.

    Premier Icon ajantom
    Full Member

    Luckily all of my family and my wife’s voted remain.
    Out of all my friends the only one who has constantly spouted pro-brexit shite on social media is one who now lives in NZ and is married to a NZ born lady of Sri Lankan descent…..go figure!

    Actually, my BiL voted leave as a protest. But he’s a ****.

    Premier Icon zippykona
    Full Member

    With my in-laws I just join in and out gammon them.

    I had a rant about people who are forced to live in cul de sacs and the Eu might as well just make them live in a concentration camp. Also moaned about words where c is pronounced s and how our culture is being destroyed by the Eu.

    You can also have a massive rant about those nazi sympathising, terrroist funding Swiss bastards and their WTO. You don’t even need facts just make it anti foreigner and totally bizarre.

    Premier Icon tomhoward
    Full Member

    Dad feels that no deal doesn’t go far enough, Europe hates, and is the surge of, Britain and has been taking advantage of us for years. essentially believed everything the mail has spouted over the last 30 years

    (also believes Trump is an excellent and very successful president, if a slight flawed character)

    i try to avoid political conversation

    Premier Icon xcracer1
    Free Member

    The thing I have noticed is that a lot of people cannot accept, or respect someone elses decision on Brexit.

    Premier Icon mikewsmith
    Free Member

    (also believes Trump is an excellent and very successful president, if a slight flawed character)

    Strangely my boss thinks trump is doing good and America just needs to sort out it’s trade policy…. I just left it.

    Also have a colleague that thinks the magic faires will make everything OK no matter what happens with Brexit, irony is he is Diabetic.

    Premier Icon jamj1974
    Full Member

    My aunt is a leaver, but she is also a Daily Mail true-believer. Some of my extended family too believe the UK should leave – including some who have never lived in the UK and are foreign nationals…

    My mum despairs over the current situation, but I am truly glad my dad is dead. Because of the colour of his skin, he would have suffered prejudice he believed largely consigned to history. As an ardent democratic socialist, the increased prominence of the right-wing would trouble him as would the ongoing erosion of the welfare state and the departure from the EU.

    Premier Icon Simon_Semtex
    Free Member

    Convert…….. Know exactly what you mean. I had the audacity to move away from Belfast and be the first in the history of my family to attend University. I’m regularly characterised as the “odd one.” “The arrogant one.” The one who has lost his accent. The one who has forgotten his roots and “The one that “thinks he is better than us.”

    Took me ages to work out that the people who say such things have REALLY low self-esteem. They live in a tiny little bubble, fear change and are riddled with insecurities. Their actions say way more about them than they do of you.

    People like that don’t have the ability to reflect on their own actions. As far as they are concerned “they are right” and EVERYONE else is wrong. Can you imagine if they DID reflect on their own lives? Bet they would be met with a catalogue of difficult relationships, failed careers, squandered money, wasted potential, low education and unachieved goals. All this is too painful for them to face so they try to pass the hurt onto someone else.

    “Hater, gotta hate” as the saying goes.

    NO-ONE (family or not) has the right to make you feel crap about yourself. Don’t waste a single breath worrying about it.

    Premier Icon chewkw
    Free Member

    If you really want to live “happily ever after” one side must give otherwise let the norm be the norm or stand your ground.

    Premier Icon olly2097
    Free Member

    My mother and stepfather are leavers.

    They sprout all sorts of claims and can’t back it up.
    Mother blames the 70mph speed limit on motorways on Brussels.

    They post stuff on Facebook and I call them out on it. My mother got ticked by it all to put it politely. It has caused friction.

    They stand by it and won’t see there children’s point of view. They are retiring soon. We have 30+ years left work wise and between us we have young children. I would have like to have thought they would have gone with what we wanted as a family but no.

    They also have lived in Spain and Cyprus but that’s irrelevant.

    My stepfather posted something about the yellow vest protestors in france the other day. The pro Brexit article was discussing the brutality of the the “EU police” in the scenario. My sister called him out on it, pointing out the police are actually french police and the EU doesn’t have a police force so to speak. Baring in mind both my mother and stepfather are educated I find it really hard to watch and listen to.

    So yes. It’s caused tension. And yes I think less of them for their views as they have not thought of their children/grandchildren in the pursuit of red phone boxes, spitfires and no darkies when in reality they will be dead in the next twenty years if not sooner.

    Premier Icon chewkw
    Free Member

    They sprout all sorts of claims and can’t back it up.

    Why? 🤔

    Premier Icon deadlydarcy
    Free Member

    All hail the killfile. 🙌

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Full Member

    Certainly reminds me of what I’ve read about the first English Civil War and its build-up.

    Premier Icon Gunz
    Full Member

    I’ve tried to tiptoe round it for a while in my own head but every Remainer I know has a reasonable level of intelligence and the Leavers are thick as a whale omelette. Doesn’t stop me loving them, I just can’t be bothered engaging them in taxing conversations (I am not, by the way, trying to make out that I’m some kind of Einstein but I try to make an effort).
    One person in our village, who was a good friend, has started FB’ing slightly anti-Islamic posts. Good riddance, no loss.

    Premier Icon chestercopperpot
    Free Member

    No don’t be silly.

    Brexit has certainly been revealing though! Brought some ugly issues to the surface that some people assumed had just disappeared like magic. The machinations of power laid bare for all to see. Knee jerk responses leading to bizarre justification of authoritarian practices.

    Although the levels of vitriol on social media/mainstream media don’t relate to the reality I live in. It all feels like The Day Today’s war sketch and we seem to be having American style **** you polemic politics forced down our throats!

    Premier Icon tjagain
    Full Member

    I have an aunt and a cousin that are daily heil readers and brexit fundamentalists. They post a load of carp on Facebook. Sometimes I call them out on it. However we have kept it civil and my cousin posts things like ” oops – set you of on a rant again! ” rather than falling out over it.

    Premier Icon Poopscoop
    Full Member

    I hardly ever talk about Brexit in real life any more.

    A fair few people I knew and respected at one level or another have made their anti EU opinions clear though and I felt genuinely upset by it.

    I virtually never set foot on FB thank God so I avoid most of the nastiness Brexit has awakened on there.

    Premier Icon batfink
    Full Member

    My sister’s husband is (and always has been) a bigot and a racist – I don’t know if it’s Brexit or Trump, but he certainly feels more emboldened to say/type bigoted and racist things these days.
    Unfortunately my sister seems to be moving in that direction with her own views too – I think she’s drawn to the simplistic arguments of the right (“just send ’em all back” etc).

    We don’t really speak to them or meet-up any more – we haven’t fallen-out as such, but I think we are just choosing not to be in contact with each other, knowing that spending too much time in each others company would inevitably lead to an enormous barney.

    Premier Icon nickc
    Full Member

    Neither of my parents are on FB, and neither am I, so there are no clues about what they think, haven’t spoken to either of them about how they voted, and have no interest in asking them.

    My brother makes Marx look like a part timer, and I suspect he probably voted for leave. Haven’t asked, not interested.

    Premier Icon bikebouy
    Free Member

    Stretches further than just family.

    I’ve stopped chatting to two people I know because they voted for brexit. Also, being part of a club it’s surprisingly easy to see which side of the fence you sit on. And I seem to have picked the majority of friends that vote/think like I do, so really it’s testament to my life choices.

    But it goes deeper, I’ve always been a live-and-let-live kinda guy.. not now though. Now I think all brexiteers deserve all the shit they get, I won’t be helping them. I’ll go out of my way not to help em’. After all, it’s their selfish attitude that started it, so I’m just apply the same towards them.

    Division in today’s society?

    Absolutely.

    But that’s what they want, so they’ve got it.

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