Another neighbour problem – potentially spiralling into confrontation. Help!

mikewsmith – Member
at this point I remember we moved to Oz and live in a detached house like nearly everyone else

IIRC, that was at the request of your ex neighbours 🙂

Either way, banging on the wall didn’t help the situation, did it?

probably more understandable and reasonable than the threat of violence that was the reply

I just shouted sorry and took mine downstairs the one time it happened to me

Im sure you banging on your wall was just the last thing he needed.

We have a 2 yr old who is teething at the moment, my wife gets stressed when she cries during the night worrying about keeping neighbours up – this only ends up making things worse.

Move, become more undertstanding, wear ear plugs, ignore, MTFU whatever but stop banging on their wall like a moron.

Banging on the wall like a moron? Why should their problem become Starbellies problem? They chose kids, their choice. Why are we all expected to subvert ourselves to those that procreate? And don’t get me started on Supermarket parking…. 😉

Seriously though there may well be something mentaly ill with the child, perhaps talk to the parents as they must be really stressed and upset, at the child not being well, and possible neighbour disruption.

FFS – “excuse me is there something wrong with your child?”
“No he’s got **** night terrors, its a natural process that many children get and they grow out of eventually, but it can take months or years”.
“So why did you threaten me?”
“Because we’ve had no sleep for months because our apparently mentally ill child is keeping us awake”
“But why don’t you shut him up?”
“Because that is not the correct thing to do. Night terrors happen when you move into the next phase of sleep, to shut them up you have to wake them up, if you wake them up the same thing happens in a few hours”.
“But you stopped them when I banged”
“Yes because despite your banding being quieter than the screaming we heard it, just like we hear every **** noise your wife and you make but have never been rude enough to complain about. We appreciateted you were disturbed so decided to wake our 4 year old and let him suffer so you could feel better!”
“Can you stop it happening again?”
“Sure there are three options you pick:
– suffocate my son?
– wait till they stop, the more good uniterrupted nights sleep the better this is likely to be.
– make you feel unwelcome enough that you move out and someone who understands that party walls aren’t perfect moves in”

boblo – those who procreate are making people to pay my pension and care for me in old age…

Its odd i would not be happy if this was my sleep pattern tbh and as a parent – its not like you are enjoying this- you have a duty to your neighbours to minimise the disruption IMHO

I appreciate this is not always easy tbh

The parents were either doing the controlled crying thing, or were in there trying to get the child to calm down. Either way, banging on the wall didn’t help the situation, did it?

probably true, would have been best mentioned in a “Junior’s not sleeping well is he” conversation in daylight

as for the solution, very loud energetic sex, the parents won’t want to explain to him what’s going on, they’ll be too embarressed to say anything and the kid will get moved to another bedroom

HTH 😉

“Sure there are three options you pick:
– suffocate my son?
– wait till they stop, the more good uniterrupted nights sleep the better this is likely to be.
– make you feel unwelcome enough that you move out and someone who understands that party walls aren’t perfect moves in”

Option 4) switch rooms so that the noisy child is next to an outside wall and the quiet one is next to the party wall.

It’s give and take really, isn’t it. You have to expect some degree of noise from a neighbour, but they should try to minimise that where possible. Bit of courtesy from both sides.

Kick the front door in, that’s what my neighbour did last year and it ended up in a brawl in the street. As everyone in the street is no doubt awake too you may as well provide some entertainment.

poly – Member
boblo – those who procreate are making people to pay my pension and care for me in old age…

That’s it right there. The slightly smug ‘we’re fullfilling our social obigations we are’… Tsssk. Parents. All the young uns I know are currently spending their way through Uni on Student Loans and working out how to avoid paying them back or contributing anything at all to your old age Poly so good luck 🙂

Can’t understand how builders and local planners thought, or still think it is acceptable to have attached dwellings. Causes so much grief.

The problem with the UK is that there are vast numbers of really rather ugly and impractical dwellings, jammed into very limited space.

It’s ridiculous that they are so expensive too.

Seriously though there may well be something mentaly ill with the child

Except you clearly aren’t being serious are you. Are you?

You seem to have answered your own question as to why we dont all have detatched houses – clue space and expense

Can’t understand how builders and local planners thought, or still think it is acceptable to have attached dwellings. Causes so much grief.

Absolutely old boy. I live in solitude in my huge detatched home, surrounded by 100 acres of rolling countryside. I don’t know how anyone lives in any less. Should anyone enter my land I have a snipers rifle to take them out. That’s if they make it past the dogs!!

that’s not his house, it’s his mausoleum. You’d have to have very noisy kids…

I’ve got a toddler, and I’d have some sympathy for you here. We’ve always tried to be careful about baby noise in our terraced house, the kid is in the room with no party walls, and we do go to her if she shouts in the night. And I do think that whatever your view on leaving kids to cry or shout at night, a terraced house or semi-detached, on a party wall is not a good place to have a kid making loads of noise at night without comforting them. .

But then if they’ve got a 2 and a 4 year old, and the 4 year old is the one waking up, that’s surprising and unpredictable. They may well have put the 4 year old in that room because they didn’t want the 2 year old disturbing the neighbours and then the 4 year old started waking up in the night.

Like some people have said above, it is hard to know what it might be, whether it is night terrors, waking up after nightmares, waking up hungry or needing the loo, or what, and whether it is something that you can comfort them out of or not.

And whilst it is no excuse for threats of violence, they probably are pretty stressed out if they are being woken up all night and having to deal with it too.

Personally I’d see what they were like next time I saw them. If they were ‘sorry about last night, kids been having sleep problems’, then okay, fair enough, it is a pain, but at least they are apologetic. I wouldn’t be going round apologising though – not to someone who threatened violence last time you spoke to them.

boblo – you appear to be a person with issues around procreation (and therefore the survival of your species if not the continuing existence of civilised society); are you:

(a) firing blanks
(b) so socially inept that you have no real prospect of finding someone to bread with?

Cougar – not sure that moving bedrooms is recommended best practice for a child with night terrors – it adds further disruption to their ‘sleep hygiene’. Any presumably there is no guarantee that the younger sibling is sleeping or will continue to sleep through the night.

STW gold…

Thank you all.

(b) so socially inept that you have no real prospect of finding someone to bread with?

Dirty Poly! Ughhh, bread based breeding comments….

Neither of your options apply, I’d just like to have the choice without having everyone else’s spawn inflicted upon me and mine. And as for civilised society…. Do me a favour and have a look out of the door 🙂

Cougar – not sure that moving bedrooms is recommended best practice for a child with night terrors

Fair enough, assuming that’s what it is of course. Not something I know anything about.

presumably there is no guarantee that the younger sibling is sleeping or will continue to sleep through the night.

Good point, well made.

Guess banging on the wall wasnt the best way to start a conversation about the issue.

without having everyone else’s spawn inflicted upon me and mine

boblo fails the Turing test.

Drum kit!

Tell social services they’re beating their kids….

Kidnap the kids and keep them in your soundproofed cellar!

Seriously though there may well be something mentaly ill with the child, perhaps talk to the parents as they must be really stressed and upset, at the child not being well, and possible neighbour disruption.

WTF? You’ve never had kids have you?

wwaswas – Member
without having everyone else’s spawn inflicted upon me and mine

boblo fails the Turing test.

Yawn, stretch… yeah, yeah ….whatever.

boblo – you appear to be a person with issues around procreation (and therefore the survival of your species if not the continuing existence of civilised society); are you:

(a) firing blanks
(b) so socially inept that you have no real prospect of finding someone to bread with?

Cougar – not sure that moving bedrooms is recommended best practice for a child with night terrors – it adds further disruption to their ‘sleep hygiene’. Any presumably there is no guarantee that the younger sibling is sleeping or will continue to sleep through the night.

Go green, abort your next baby. Also…do us a favor by not lowering the average IQ level of the UK by having one.

Can’t understand how builders and local planners thought, or still think it is acceptable to have attached dwellings.

yes, at least semis should be built with central passageways and decent thickness walls between the dwellings.

But the neighbor also choose to live in a semi detached – which should mean that they are aware of the need to keep to socially acceptable levels of noise – which means not putting a kid with ‘night terrors’ next to a party wall.

At least they should have come round prior to apologize for future noise and discuss how best to accommodate it.

When our d1ckhead neighbors moved in we asked them why they moved – they said they didn’t like being overlooked by next-doors garden.

So then they put a trampoline in the garden so their kids, complete with the most wimpy, annoying voices, can overlook our garden from a great height.

Combine that with

1. continually either kicking footballs into our garden to await retrieval (they have a big collection so they can avoid coming round to grovel for them)
2. kicking the footballs into the garden fence which is my responsibility (the balls are now foam to minimise further destruction, but it’s too late now – cue big bill coming)
3. badly practicing guitar in the garden

and we will probably be moving soon…

People with kids just seem to have a completely different set of priorities that seem to all be based around viewing everyone else as either threats or underlings.

simple confront and then go to the Police
if it continues you tell the Police you will keep calling them

People with kids just seem to have a completely different set of priorities that seem to all be based around viewing everyone else as either threats or underlings.

Oh please… do have a word with yourself.

Children are off-limits

AND you also declared that LA is no longer your hero.

Well done, you’re really coming along leaps and bounds.

😀

Oh please… do have a word with yourself.

I have, but it is still true…

People with kids just seem to have a completely different set of priorities

And so they should. It’s just that some go too far.

Some people with kids become obsessed to the exclusion of all else. I understand how your offspring might be the most important thing in the world, but not the only thing in the world. People

I’ve watched previously well adjusted friends become empty shells, living their lives by proxy through their children. They’re unable to form a sentence without forcing some reference to the child even if it’s utterly unrelated (“went to buy some new pants today but the baby doesn’t need any”). Facebook profile picture is the baby, LiveJournal / blog essentially reads “babies babies babies babies babies babies *breathes* babies babies…”

Here’s the thing. No-one else shares their obsession with their child, it’s just them. Other people exist in the world, and whilst we’ll try and accommodate their obviously perfect little angel we’d quite like to be left in peace occasionally too.

jesus, whats wrong with you lot? life is a set of compromises, its how you deal with them that define what kind of a person you are. maybe try and work that out first, then work backwards and find out how to behave. if you have to ask strangers on the internet how to behave, well…
and are you sure you don’t make any noise? never play music? have the telly on? never had a party? super loud sex? all of the above at once?

Good thread this. I don’t even need to add any of my normally moronic ill judged comments.

Apart from this one obviously (and no selective quoting you ****nuts)