Another neighbour problem – potentially spiralling into confrontation. Help!

We live in a semi-detached house. The adjoining house has two kids – about 2 and 4.
The 4 year old boy sleeps in the bedroom directly next to our bedroom.
Since this family moved in about 5 months ago, it’s been a bit of a noisemare.
Now during the day, I can handle the sound of kids stamping around and screaming etc..
It’s life.

However, the boy wakes me up at least twice during the early hours. He wakes up crying and starts to shout
for his mummy and then his daddy. He then starts to SHOUT and SCREAM for them. He sounds distressed but the parents
do nothing. I am crap at getting back to sleep so it’s really starting to affect how I feel.
Last night, I banged on the wall – it was about 02:30. This succeeded in getting a response from the dad who came for the kid. BUt he also rapped on the wall and said “bang again and I’ll bang your effing head.”
So now we have a problem.

Any thoughts you lot?
FWIW – we don’t have kids.

this is only going one way.

fire fight 😀

they may be trying to break a habit of him wakign and demanding their presence.

I’d go round and try and stay calm. Explain the problem you’re having, ask if they’re trying to change his behaviour at night by letting him cry like that. See if they propose to do anything like move him to another room whilst they do this. If they just see it as ‘the norm’ and they don’t have a better side you can appeal to then maybe work out where their room is and set a stereo up in the next room that comes on when their kid starts howling 😉

We were always fairly worried about night time noise from our kids but I know some people are less concerned.

[edit] trying to deal with it by exchanging shouts through the wall at 2am is only going to end badly.

Go around with a peace offering, Temazepam maybe?

🙂

Live with it. A few years ago in our old house we had the same. I had to physically stop mrsHora from going round and kicking off with the neighbours. I said what do you want them to do tape up the kids mouth? They would OBVIOUSLY either react very badly and will have had even less sleep than you. As you don’t have to get out of bed or suffer the demands of a small child around the clock.

Our neighbours – I feel sorry for them (no I do). Their daughter works shifts in a Childrens Intensive care ward and must get woken by our lad but has never ever said a word to us.

or

Reply at 4am with this NSFW

NSFW at all
NSFW

You’re grumpy today since you’ve had no sleep. It’ll likely be the same for them too. Current advice from health visitors round here is “controlled cry” for kids who won’t sleep, which basically means let them cry and don’t give in and take them to your own bed. Tough all round. Man up and say sorry for banging, and if it doesn’t stop soon, soundproof the wall or move. Could you switch bedroom to not be right next to him?

Could you switch bedroom to not be right next to him?

Lol maybe talk to neighbors and see if they will swap rooms

mikewsmith – Member
Could you switch bedroom to not be right next to him?
Lol maybe talk to neighbors and see if they will swap rooms

Mmm – a couple vs a family, shirley easier for the aggrievee rather than the aggriever to move.

Go round and apologise though

I believe that current wisdom suggests not running to a yowling kid every time it wants attention, as that simply perpetuates the issue (ie, the kid learns that screaming its head off all night is rewarded by attention). So I can understand the ‘do nothing’.

Similarly, I can understand a parent who’d been kept awake for nights being short of patience and reacting in the way he did. Though if that parent were me I’d go round and apologise the next day.

Way as I see it, you’ve got two options. Talk to them, or don’t.

If you don’t talk to them, you’ll spend the next few years with an elephant in the room, avoiding the neighbours and feeling generally awkward. If you do, then the noise situation might be improved, or relationships worsened depending on how he reacts, but at least you’ll know where you stand. I think that’d be preferable. Can you catch the mother on her own, maybe? Don’t be confrontational, just explain that it’s really loud in your bedroom and is there anything they can do, maybe move the bed / cot to the other side of the room away from the adjoining wall?

Is there anything you can do? Earplugs, move your bed, sleep in a different bedroom even? I know you shouldn’t have to, but needs must and all.

My son suffers from night terrors (Google ’em, they’re very different from nightmares).

This means he can start screaming at the top of his voice whilst he’s still asleep.

I really feel for my (semi-detached) neighbours when this happens, but there is nothing I can do about it. I’ve been to speak to them about it and luckily they’re cool with it and understanding.

If I got banging on a wall at 2am, it’d get a similar response from me as from the OP’s neighbour. No parent wants their child to scream and will try everything they can to quiet them down, because it’s extremely embarrassing. Banging on walls doesn’t help one bit.

Mmm – a couple vs a family

Household vs Household, anyone with a degree of common sense and dignity would be ashamed at putting their neighbor out wouldn’t they?

Get some proper ear plugs.

I’ve tried loads of different types, and not been impressed, but these are awesome.
I can easily miss my alarm clock completely 🙂

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/20-Pairs-Hearos-Ear-Plugs-Ultimate-Softness-Series-Bulk-Pack-/180958483697?pt=UK_Guitar_Accessories&hash=item2a21f754f1

You say it’s a semi detached house and that your neighbours have 2 kids each with their own room. As semi detached houses are generally mirror images I’d guess that there are at least three bedrooms in both houses so why not change the room you sleep in?

Take the opportunity to make sweet love to your wife, unless she’s woken up too.

Household vs Household, anyone with a degree of common sense and dignity would be ashamed at putting their neighbor out wouldn’t they?

Possibly, but in practical terms, you have one couple in a 2 or 3 bedroom house and a family of 4 in the same type of 2 or 3 bedroom house – who is likely to be able to swap rooms easiest AND
who cares more about the noise

Sometimes practicalities trump petty battles with neighbours.

mikewsmith

have a go on this whilst you’re at it..

also very very NSFW.. NSFW[/u]

Sleep in the shed?

It wont be forever but could effect your relationship with your neighbours. Talk to them. Don’t let it ruin anything.

Children are off-limits.

A couple of weeks ago at the end of a ride we rode slowly past a woman with a screaming toddler and I laughed (not at her but kinda understood her pain)- she stared at me….as we were putting the bikes into the cars she walked the otherside of the road and I (stupidly) wanted to apologise that I didn’t mean to laugh so I said ‘excuse me’- she lookedover and shouted WHAT DO YOU WANT? I went quiet…

How much do ear plugs cost?

How do you get on with the nieghbours currently. Situations like this can easily get out of hand. Sadly living semi detached means this can be a common problem.
Perhaps now they know you’re getting woken up they may take steps to reduce this?

at this point I remember we moved to Oz and live in a detached house like nearly everyone else 🙂

I think we had our first night terrors last night – not a happy event – child was inconsolable. To anyone listening in, it would have seemed like we were just ignoring.
I probably would have reacted badly to banging on the wall.

But I continue to be amazed by what a few parents consider to be normal

FWIW – we don’t have kids.

Therefore you probably have little or no idea of what it’s like “nurturing” toddlers through their sleep patterns. Hence it’s a case of “accepting” this is the way it’s going to be with the kid for a while. You either, as has been said above, put up with it, move rooms or have a polite word.

Man up and say sorry for banging

This. You were annoyed because it was late and you were tired. Hopefully it was the same for your neighbour.

At the end of the day, it is a small child you are talking about so you should consider this when getting uptight.

Saying that, I have apologised to our neighbour on several occasions for our kids making too much noise (but he always says it isn’t a problem and they don’t really bother him).

we also have noise problems but not the kids the parrents so i understand where your coming from the only thing i will say is having a 2 and 4 year old, the parrents are feeling it just as bad as you

but they CANNOT give in to the child and go in and tell him to be quiet, all he will do is see that as a new way to get them in and that turns into a cycle.

its MTFU time!

Go round and apologise for banging on the wall. If its stressful for you, imagine how stressful it is for the parents who actually have to get up and deal with it, and have probably had to for a couple of years. Having been in a similar situation before they are knackered and embarrassed and running on empty.

We had a similar thing with our neighbours, we were particularly concerned as next works on shift as a train driver. Everything is cool now but for a couple of months she shifted her bedroom to th other side of the house so it didn’t disrupt her to much. We massively appreciated her doing this and there’s a good relationship with them now.

mikewsmith – Member
at this point I remember we moved to Oz and live in a detached house like nearly everyone else

is the RIGHT answer

*is slightly disturbed that some stwers don’t live in detached houses 😯

if it doesn’t stop soon, soundproof the wall or move

or the neighbor could soundproof the toddlers room…

better yet, mic up the kid and install some PA speakers in the room – blast back the toddlers screaming in antiphase to cancel it out…

so I said ‘excuse me’- she lookedover and shouted WHAT DO YOU WANT? I went quiet…

If only you’d had some clothes on at the time…..

geoffj – Member
mikewsmith – Member
at this point I remember we moved to Oz and live in a detached house like nearly everyone else
is the RIGHT answer

*is slightly disturbed that some stwers don’t live in detached houses
and how in the good socialist (champagne or otherwise) mood offer to buy their poor neighbors a detached house 🙂

Don’t you just loathe the type of individual whose answer to everything is physical violence. I can’t get what I want by discussion and adult means so I’m gonna threaten violence or carry out actual physical violence, absolute waste of humanity.

They need to be responsible and consider their neighbours when the baby is doing this – they know its unreasonable to do this to you but there is pretty much F all they can do about it

The threat may just be frustration but I would go round and talk [ nice friendly letter first to say you sympathise but you also want some sleep and talking about how best to achieve this] IMHO they should at least move the baby from the room next to yours-our neighbour agreed to ours being next to their lazy assed teenage son 😉
YOu need to accept it is not going to be silent and they need to do their best to make sure you are not woken up

Its a difficult one but you do need to talk

Just leather him fgs, the dad not the kid
😉

Sleep with his wife. Let the third child that cries be yours.

Don’t you just loathe the type of individual whose answer to everything is physical violence. I can’t get what I want by discussion and adult means so I’m gonna threaten violence or carry out actual physical violence, absolute waste of humanity.

Oh, I don’t know, really. Don’t knock it til you’ve tried it! Maybe you should try punching someone you don’t like, really, really, really hard in the face. Then let us know if its changed your opinion 😀

Just curious – was the house next door invisible when you bought yours ? If you live in a tenement, apartment building, terrace etc then well, you have to expect there will be other people.

My neighbour upstairs makes heaps of noise, I hear when he flushes the look, turns the kettle on, walks across the floor, has the TV on loud, stomps out to his work at 0700 if I’m still there etc. Installs underfloor heating, seems to be constantly working on his house. I say live and let live, have never said anything.

He had the nerve to get shouty and abusive at me, hammering on my door when I had some music on (not loudly) and he came home from his work drunk a couple of times. Some people are just p****s.

If you don’t like it, buy a house in the middle of a field. It’s not like they are torturing the kid on purpose to get at you.

The parents were either doing the controlled crying thing, or were in there trying to get the child to calm down. Either way, banging on the wall didn’t help the situation, did it?

Report the parents to a childrens charity,you never know if its abuse or just a temperamental kid, let them decide.

Remember to have a good supply of plywood to board up the windows, when the neighbour smashes them.

Seriously though there may well be something mentaly ill with the child, perhaps talk to the parents as they must be really stressed and upset, at the child not being well, and possible neighbour disruption.