A strongly worded letter…

It’s too long.

And I’m not sure whether your intention is abject sarcasm or you feel bad, at least from the letter.

Option 5) get a projector and project it through his window so he can read it on the back wall.

Just make sure that you wrap it around a brick and put it through his window.

Why pander to the ****? Escalate the spat to Defcon 1 now.

I’d be out there every 5 minutes locking and unlocking my car. What does the **** do when the sun comes up, have a word with God?

I would take the partridge option.. And video the next encounter for our pleasure…

Go and see him,take him some chocolate eggs ,apologise for losing control (fair play by the way ) and then quietly tell him if he ever looks at you or your kids again you will kick him in the slats.
Or option 6 – get on to channel 5 for the new series of neighbors from hell.

No one likes having a handshandy interrupted with flashing lights. Plus, a barking dog is a total mood killer too. Not a wonder he was cross with you. Forget the letter and the olive branch, what this guy needs is a pair of sunglasses and some earplugs.

edit: turns out you can’t say ****. What a weird site this is. Childish bickering is tolerated and/or encouraged but **** is bad??? Changed to something else…

Me, I’d phone the Police and open an investigation, make it sound as bad as possible but within the limitations of what happened. Tell them your kids have been having nightmares about the scary man over the road etc.

either that or I’d pin him against the wall by the throat and tell him i’ll kill him if he ever speaks to me again.

Both should work equally well.

Bin the letter.

Torment the dog with a laser pen.

Complain about the constant barking.

Euro – You used to be able to use the colloquial for masturbate willy nilly on this site, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I abused the freedom and thus it got made into a dirty word

FWIW I don’t think the OP’s letter contains enough swearing..

More seriously, if you really have to respond, perhaps a milder letter sent to the fellow’s mother informing her of her naughty boy’s behaviour. Add a polite request that she discipline him, and a request that you be allowed to discipline him yourself in the event of a recurrence

My neighbour is 70 and lives with his mum. You simply have no idea of the surreal descent into the twilight zone that you are about to experience once you go in for that cup of tea.Sanity will be but a distant memory for you. I went in some 5 months ago for that cup of tea and have been going in every day since. At the end of this which must come at some point, the mother is 97 in May, then I reckon I’ll be needing PTS councelling!

But do I wish I’d not gone in 5 months ago? No way, were all surrounded by lonely people with problems desperate for human contact and company but with no idea how to interact with people. You don’t have to live alone to be lonely either, if your neighbours relationship with each other is anything like mine they need other people in their lives.

And I’m not sure whether your intention is abject sarcasm or you feel bad, at least from the letter.

Bit of both, to be honest. It was mainly written as a bit of a distraction from what I really wanted to do which was more along the slats/bombers/slippers school of thought…

And then I posted it up on here so that you lot can have a giggle at my misfortune 8)

Thanks a bunch Yunki you ****** 😀

Weird double post

Thanks a bunch Yunki you ****

Is it Shandyhander?

In my view, I wouldn’t give the neighbour the satisfaction of knowing it annoyed you.

I wouldn’t respond, but from now I’d make sure to flash my lights, and give him a cheery wave and a smile every time I saw him.

Sure to drive him bat**** crazy.

a nic confrontional option iv), with ‘ref cam’ style go-pro footage to youtube please. In fact, if you could get hold of a whistle and blow it loudly to stop play everytime he turns a little puce, that could only improve things.

Good letter and well written but…. as others have said, I would go over and say those things to him. I’d start by explaining that I like living in harmony with my neighbours and I’d like to put the record straight about the headlights etc. then explain in very clear language that, in the same way as he loves his doggie, I love my children and will react with the same level of anger if anybody threatens them.

Currently we are dealing with a disgusting level of unresonable and insulting behaviour from my BIL over an inheritance; what’s shocking is to see how somebody you previously thought intelligent and just a bit wierd can suddenly turn so unreasonable and viciously insulting.

Wait till darkness falls then it has to be dog shit doorstep,a fresh pile of dog shit wrapped up in newspaper and set alight on his doorstep,run of back home and when he tries to put it out with his slippers flash the car headlights.

I had/have a very similar problem with a neighbour except it was at the end of a share access road and they had just built a glass fronted extension that looked directly onto it. Apparently my driving to the end of this road to allow me to reverse into my drive was upsetting their dog and waking their daughter. The fact that the dog barks whenever it sees anyone anywhere is neither here nor there. I decided that the best thing to do was to ignore them as it really was a problem of their own making. I thought about suggesting curtains but de used not to antagonise things further.

My advice is ignore it and carry on with your life.

Great letter! It only remains for you to soak it in wee and have it sent recorded delivery

Shag his mum.

I have no idea how you have the time to be writing letters, I’d be too busy changing the headlight bulbs and testing their alignment.

Option 5) get a projector and project it through his window so he can read it on the back wall.

winner!

I’d sit inside the house randomly unlocking and relocking the doors from the remote keyfob at random times day and night.

Great letter!

I actually think it might be better to buy a mains powered directional strobe, and set it on timer at random points in the night and make his dog bark.

It’ll go down really well with them and their neighbours

Or as an alternative, that no-one could get upset about . . . its never too early to start celebrating christmas.

Dear V8Nighty.

Firstly let me offer an unreserved apology for my behaviour yesterday, living with mummsie can be a trifle challenging and I can find it quite hard to communicate other adults who aren’t still tucked into bed by their Ma-Ma. However that is no excuse.

I’m also very sorry that yesterday was the first time I had left the family home in the last few months and this excess of fresh air caused me to feel slightly dizzy and your assumption that I tried to punch your car was simply an attempt to steady myself lest I fell to the ground.

Regarding the children I do rather think you had the wrong end of the stick, when I said “How would you like me to flash in your kids window?” I obviously meant would you be happy if I conquered my fear of leaving the house, took driving lessons, passed my test and raided dear ma-ma’s pension pot to buy and car and then parked it in your back garden and flashed my lights into the darlings windows as they slept.
I fear you somehow felt I meant something altogether more seedy and sinister.

Please feel free to pop by for a nice cup of pee tea and we can iron out our misunderstandings.

xxxxx

Mental Geof

i think you need suplimentary lighting.

My vote goes to perchy and his laser pen plan.
You could also shout “BITTY?” every time you see him with his mum

My neighbour 2 doors down lives with his mum. He didn’t always, but he moved back in a little while after his dad died because his mum was badly affected by her husband’s death, plus she was getting on a bit and becoming forgetful. She’s also at that time in life when her friends started dying, just because of the passage of time really. He thought he could help alleviate her growing sense of loneliness and isolation a bit by moving in and helping out where he could.

I have to admit his thread has made me think though, maybe he’s really just some kind of weirdo.

After reading johnners sobering post above, i’m going to plus one the ‘shag his mum’ post.

or shag his dog?

My neighbour 2 doors down lives with his mum. He didn’t always, but he moved back in a little while after his dad died because his mum was badly affected by her husband’s death, plus she was getting on a bit and becoming forgetful. She’s also at that time in life when her friends started dying, just because of the passage of time really. He thought he could help alleviate her growing sense of loneliness and isolation a bit by moving in and helping out where he could.

Oh bless. What a lovely chap. Does he fill his empty evenings by abusing his neighbours too? 😆

As you’re worried about his threats and the safety of your children and property then installing some really bright pir security lights would be common sense

After reading johnners sobering post above, i’m going to plus one the ‘shag his mum’ post

That’s the spirit!

UPDATE;

I popped the letter through his box.

Couple of days later, in a conversation with a not bonkers neighbour, it transpires that his mother may actually be his wife. Ahh, Errrr… Oh well. She must have had a long paper round. I’m still not 100% convinced, and he’s still an unstable nobber. 😯 😯

Just smack him in gob, it works wonders for those type of people.

Double post

t his mother may actually be his wife.

😆