6yr old daughter behaving like a stroppy teenager… How to handle this?

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  • 6yr old daughter behaving like a stroppy teenager… How to handle this?
  • thegreatape
    Member

    Own her with pudding.

    zeesaffa
    Member

    thegreatape – Member
    Own her with pudding.

    Nailed it! Thanks πŸ˜‰

    falkirk-mark
    Member

    Dunno that trying to reason with a 6 year old works (it’s hard enough with a 16 year old) maybe you should assert who is boss i.e just do it because that is what you/your wife have told her to do it. Every kid is different and what works with one might not work with another.

    thegreatape
    Member

    I don’t know if this is a good idea – in general or in your situation – but have you tried having a tantrum back at her? I’m not suggesting shouting and bawling is generally a good strategy or for regular use, but if used very sparingly it can have a shock value that makes kids think differently. I have done it twice in nearly 16 years with mine, and it completely stopped them in their tracks, and afterwards they agreed that it wasn’t nice having someone going completely apeshit at them, so they saw it from the other side. Depends on the kid though. I’m not a child psychologist or anything, I’m sure there are plenty who wouldn’t approve of it, but I’ve found giving them a taste of their own medicine can be a most effective way of getting a point across and influencing behaviour. (Last one was ‘Well me and friends are all sarcastic so you’ll just have to get used to it’, which was reevaluated after half a day of constant sarcasm from her mother and I).

    chewkw
    Member

    Increase the exercise regime, whatever she likes, to deal with all the energy she has. If the family can join in the better as everyone will become healthier.

    Also try make some of the Indian Lassi drink (milk with yogurt) for her after meal as that will clam her down to make her sleepy. Lassi is well known as drink to calm children down. Even I get sleepy after an Indian meal drinking Lassi. I love Lassi me.

    ulysse
    Member

    +1 for lassi πŸ˜‰

    Premier Icon Drac
    Subscriber

    There’s no easy answer but sounds like she needs some sort of mental stimulation, reading might help or give her extra work whilst she’s in the classroom. Then some form of physical activity brownies or other clubs.

    I’d not be keen of giving her milky youghurt filled with sugar.

    ulysse
    Member

    I’d not be keen of giving her milky youghurt filled with sugar.

    And ice, Drac, and ice…

    Premier Icon Drac
    Subscriber

    Plus cardamom.

    Have a read of some of this stuff: http://www.ahaparenting.com/

    And also try some Headspace to keep you calm in these situations!

    zeesaffa
    Member

    Where to start… As above really…

    My daughter is very smart (genuinely) and this leads to her really testing both us and her teachers.

    She gets very angry when she can’t do what she wants and she talks to us (parents) like dirt a lot of the time.
    Every little thing we ask her to do turns into an argument.
    Guaranteed she will be the kid that kicks off when we have to leave her friends or the playground, etc.

    Her temper tantrums are bordering on insanity. She did her best to kick our bedroom door down a week or so ago when things had spiralled out of control.

    We try to maintain a level of calmness and we will listen to her and try to reason with her but she will argue and argue, talk over us and then just get louder and angrier until there is literally nothing we can do to manage her. We always make sure we listen to her point of view but unless she gets her way it will descend into chaos.

    School have had to have words with us now as well because she is being disruptive in class. She says she gets bored. Her reading, spelling and maths are top of the class at the moment though which is great.

    I could go on…

    Aside from that, I love her and wouldn’t change her for the world πŸ™‚

    She doesn’t really respond to rewards for good behaviour (behaviour charts, etc) and doesn’t really respond to punishments like taking away treats or privileges (apart from just getting very angry again).

    We’ve watched all the parenting programs, read a few articles, etc – and we try to apply certain techniques but that hasn’t helped enough.

    So, I’m wondering firstly if anyone has some advice?

    Also if anyone can suggest some activities that will help her channel her frustrations?
    Someone suggested karate… but I think it might bore her as well.
    She does gymnastics every Saturday which she loves.

    Grateful for any advice.

    (I am not posting this on Mumsnet πŸ˜‰

    Premier Icon easygirl
    Subscriber

    Tell her what to do , if she doesn’t do it send her to her room until she does it
    You should be the boss of a 6 year old child, not the other way round
    If you take privileges away from her for long enough and stick to your guns she will respond.
    She is testing your resolve, and sounds like she is winning .
    If my child tried to kick my door down I would take hold of her by the shoulders lead her to the bedroom and keep hold of her until she had calmed down.
    My daughter was very smart at 6, but didn’t have tantrums and treat us like shit, in fact she’s 28 now and still is respectful to us .
    It’s not easy with a disruptive child, my son was badly behaved, you really have to show them who is boss, I wouldent be listening and reasoning with her until her behaviour improves

    chewkw
    Member

    Drac – Moderator
    I’d not be keen of giving her milky youghurt filled with sugar.

    Substitute sugar with honey instead.

    Premier Icon Drac
    Subscriber
    Premier Icon matt_outandabout
    Subscriber

    Sounds pretty normal for half the six year olds I know.

    I have a 13 year old who tried to batter a door in last week as well.

    As above, I find that excercise and mental stimulation work well with ours, I can tell when they haven’t had a walk or ride in a day, even more so if too much screen time or sat with homework.

    Hi zeesaffa . Read this out to my oh. She said she had been exactly the same when she was a kid to the point where her parents took her to see a psychiatrist. The shrink basically said she was bored and suggested finding something that mentally challenged her. If you can afford it then something like lessons in a foreign language (which is what my oh started) or similar. Apparently this really helped.

    She doesn’t really respond to rewards for good behaviour (behaviour charts, etc) and doesn’t really respond to punishments like taking away treats or privileges (apart from just getting very angry again).

    http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/positive-discipline

    http://www.ahaparenting.com/blog/Does_Peaceful_Parenting_Mean_Kids_Just_Do_Whatever_They_Want

    http://www.ahaparenting.com/blog/The_Secret_of_Raising_a_Self-Disciplined_Child

    This approach seems to be working pretty well for our elder one (3.5 going on 13… πŸ˜‰ ), too soon to tell with the younger one. I think the brighter the child, the quicker they see the problems with traditional discipline – and once they’re teenage they often rebel – and once they’re 18 they can do whatever they want anyway.

    Don’t expect immediate miracles but I think it’s the right approach.

    Premier Icon Sandwich
    Subscriber

    Not more lessons. She needs to be child too. Try walks in the woods, cycling (come on it STW after all). Also have a watch of this video which explains that we might be setting our kids up for burn out.

    Premier Icon cinnamon_girl
    Subscriber

    Is she an only child?

    Premier Icon Drac
    Subscriber

    cycling (come on it STW after all).

    No one here actually rides bikes we just lean them against the fence.

    donald
    Member

    Smack?

    IANAP

    ulysse
    Member

    i think dosing the kid with heroin might be considered going a tad far, Donald?

    oldtalent
    Member

    Nothing a damn good hiding wouldn’t resolve I’m sure.

    Premier Icon howsyourdad1
    Subscriber

    Feel for you . Is it just a phase that needs to be ridden out?

    km79
    Member

    Ask her if she wants the belt or the slipper.

    Premier Icon MoreCashThanDash
    Subscriber

    Unless there is an underlying medical/behavioural issues, sounds like she’s just being a brat. LittleMissMC has her moments, but she was never allowed to win when she was little. You are the parent, not her friend, and you set the boundaries.

    Does she only do the one gymnastics session a week? Some other sport or skill to learn will distract her and hopefully interest her enough that the threat of missing a session for bad behaviour will make her think. We’ve always had 2-3 activities a week to interest and tire her out.

    Limit screen time as well – the more time ours spend on screens the worse the attitude gets.

    We try to maintain a level of calmness and we will listen to her and try to reason with her

    Dont do this.
    Tell her what to do, expect her to do it and mean it. If she doesnt do it. Send her to her room with no pudding.
    You have to expect her to do it though. Behaviour management is like a Jedi mind trick.

    Christ, our neighbours 7 and 9 year old do floorball twice a week, swimming once a week and running once or twice a week. Then they’ll be out on their bikes up and down the road and round to random mates any spare seconds they have. The oldest even goes round to the guy at the end of the road and offers to take his dog for a run……

    Premier Icon Sandwich
    Subscriber

    No one here actually rides bikes we just lean them against the fence.

    Usually poorly stained and obscured by weeds.

    cheekyboy
    Member

    Star jumps or burpees, there are very few behavioural anomalies that cannot be cured by a strictly enforced exercise regime.

    Premier Icon cinnamon_girl
    Subscriber

    Really, you just have to train children as you’d train a dog so, in other words, they need to realise that you’re pack leader.

    Premier Icon paulosoxo
    Subscriber

    Dogs, humans, I’m sorry, but I don’t get that. Kids need love, encouragement, support.

    Kids need love, encouragement, support.

    So do dogs….and they both need telling what to do sometimes.

    Premier Icon JoeG
    Subscriber

    Drac – Moderator

    cycling (come on it STW after all).

    No one here actually rides bikes we just lean them against the fence.

    STW is the answer, but not riding or bike photography!

    Get her an account on here, and let her argue to her hearts content!!! After a while of dealing with the Big Hitters, she will understand the error of her ways and become a model child. 8)

    If that doesn’t work, try alcohol. Whether for yourself or the child…

    Premier Icon aracer
    Subscriber

    oldtalent wrote:

    Nothing a damn good hiding wouldn’t resolve I’m sure.

    Who gets to do the seeking?

    hora
    Member

    My 6yr old son is a gem at school. He told his Auntie that he hated her last week (every 5mins). Acts very very cheeky, back chats and then constantly talks about his bits n Bob’s.

    It’s like we have a 14yr old in the house πŸ™

    Premier Icon paulosoxo
    Subscriber

    Stick him in a kennel then

    gerti
    Member

    In our case (6 and 8 yo girls) we’ve found that bad behaviour is directly proportional to screen/stuck inside time.

    As a result, they generally get no more than about an hour a day of TV/tablet and play outside as much as they can. It helps that this year they’ve made new friends a couple of doors up to play with in the street.

    hora
    Member

    My Aunt asked him today what he would like to be when he’s older?

    He replied ‘a binman’. πŸ˜†

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