Where to start… As above really…

My daughter is very smart (genuinely) and this leads to her really testing both us and her teachers.

She gets very angry when she can’t do what she wants and she talks to us (parents) like dirt a lot of the time.
Every little thing we ask her to do turns into an argument.
Guaranteed she will be the kid that kicks off when we have to leave her friends or the playground, etc.

Her temper tantrums are bordering on insanity. She did her best to kick our bedroom door down a week or so ago when things had spiralled out of control.

We try to maintain a level of calmness and we will listen to her and try to reason with her but she will argue and argue, talk over us and then just get louder and angrier until there is literally nothing we can do to manage her. We always make sure we listen to her point of view but unless she gets her way it will descend into chaos.

School have had to have words with us now as well because she is being disruptive in class. She says she gets bored. Her reading, spelling and maths are top of the class at the moment though which is great.

I could go on…

Aside from that, I love her and wouldn’t change her for the world 🙂

She doesn’t really respond to rewards for good behaviour (behaviour charts, etc) and doesn’t really respond to punishments like taking away treats or privileges (apart from just getting very angry again).

We’ve watched all the parenting programs, read a few articles, etc – and we try to apply certain techniques but that hasn’t helped enough.

So, I’m wondering firstly if anyone has some advice?

Also if anyone can suggest some activities that will help her channel her frustrations?
Someone suggested karate… but I think it might bore her as well.
She does gymnastics every Saturday which she loves.

Grateful for any advice.

(I am not posting this on Mumsnet 😉

Own her with pudding.

thegreatape – Member
Own her with pudding.

Nailed it! Thanks 😉

Dunno that trying to reason with a 6 year old works (it’s hard enough with a 16 year old) maybe you should assert who is boss i.e just do it because that is what you/your wife have told her to do it. Every kid is different and what works with one might not work with another.

I don’t know if this is a good idea – in general or in your situation – but have you tried having a tantrum back at her? I’m not suggesting shouting and bawling is generally a good strategy or for regular use, but if used very sparingly it can have a shock value that makes kids think differently. I have done it twice in nearly 16 years with mine, and it completely stopped them in their tracks, and afterwards they agreed that it wasn’t nice having someone going completely apeshit at them, so they saw it from the other side. Depends on the kid though. I’m not a child psychologist or anything, I’m sure there are plenty who wouldn’t approve of it, but I’ve found giving them a taste of their own medicine can be a most effective way of getting a point across and influencing behaviour. (Last one was ‘Well me and friends are all sarcastic so you’ll just have to get used to it’, which was reevaluated after half a day of constant sarcasm from her mother and I).

Increase the exercise regime, whatever she likes, to deal with all the energy she has. If the family can join in the better as everyone will become healthier.

Also try make some of the Indian Lassi drink (milk with yogurt) for her after meal as that will clam her down to make her sleepy. Lassi is well known as drink to calm children down. Even I get sleepy after an Indian meal drinking Lassi. I love Lassi me.

+1 for lassi 😉

There’s no easy answer but sounds like she needs some sort of mental stimulation, reading might help or give her extra work whilst she’s in the classroom. Then some form of physical activity brownies or other clubs.

I’d not be keen of giving her milky youghurt filled with sugar.

I’d not be keen of giving her milky youghurt filled with sugar.

And ice, Drac, and ice…

Plus cardamom.

Have a read of some of this stuff: http://www.ahaparenting.com/

And also try some Headspace to keep you calm in these situations!

Tell her what to do , if she doesn’t do it send her to her room until she does it
You should be the boss of a 6 year old child, not the other way round
If you take privileges away from her for long enough and stick to your guns she will respond.
She is testing your resolve, and sounds like she is winning .
If my child tried to kick my door down I would take hold of her by the shoulders lead her to the bedroom and keep hold of her until she had calmed down.
My daughter was very smart at 6, but didn’t have tantrums and treat us like shit, in fact she’s 28 now and still is respectful to us .
It’s not easy with a disruptive child, my son was badly behaved, you really have to show them who is boss, I wouldent be listening and reasoning with her until her behaviour improves

Drac – Moderator
I’d not be keen of giving her milky youghurt filled with sugar.

Substitute sugar with honey instead.

Ermmm!

Sounds pretty normal for half the six year olds I know.

I have a 13 year old who tried to batter a door in last week as well.

As above, I find that excercise and mental stimulation work well with ours, I can tell when they haven’t had a walk or ride in a day, even more so if too much screen time or sat with homework.

Hi zeesaffa . Read this out to my oh. She said she had been exactly the same when she was a kid to the point where her parents took her to see a psychiatrist. The shrink basically said she was bored and suggested finding something that mentally challenged her. If you can afford it then something like lessons in a foreign language (which is what my oh started) or similar. Apparently this really helped.

She doesn’t really respond to rewards for good behaviour (behaviour charts, etc) and doesn’t really respond to punishments like taking away treats or privileges (apart from just getting very angry again).

http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/positive-discipline

http://www.ahaparenting.com/blog/Does_Peaceful_Parenting_Mean_Kids_Just_Do_Whatever_They_Want

http://www.ahaparenting.com/blog/The_Secret_of_Raising_a_Self-Disciplined_Child

This approach seems to be working pretty well for our elder one (3.5 going on 13… 😉 ), too soon to tell with the younger one. I think the brighter the child, the quicker they see the problems with traditional discipline – and once they’re teenage they often rebel – and once they’re 18 they can do whatever they want anyway.

Don’t expect immediate miracles but I think it’s the right approach.

Not more lessons. She needs to be child too. Try walks in the woods, cycling (come on it STW after all). Also have a watch of this video which explains that we might be setting our kids up for burn out.

Is she an only child?

cycling (come on it STW after all).

No one here actually rides bikes we just lean them against the fence.

Smack?

IANAP

i think dosing the kid with heroin might be considered going a tad far, Donald?

Nothing a damn good hiding wouldn’t resolve I’m sure.

Feel for you . Is it just a phase that needs to be ridden out?

Ask her if she wants the belt or the slipper.

Unless there is an underlying medical/behavioural issues, sounds like she’s just being a brat. LittleMissMC has her moments, but she was never allowed to win when she was little. You are the parent, not her friend, and you set the boundaries.

Does she only do the one gymnastics session a week? Some other sport or skill to learn will distract her and hopefully interest her enough that the threat of missing a session for bad behaviour will make her think. We’ve always had 2-3 activities a week to interest and tire her out.

Limit screen time as well – the more time ours spend on screens the worse the attitude gets.

We try to maintain a level of calmness and we will listen to her and try to reason with her

Dont do this.
Tell her what to do, expect her to do it and mean it. If she doesnt do it. Send her to her room with no pudding.
You have to expect her to do it though. Behaviour management is like a Jedi mind trick.

Christ, our neighbours 7 and 9 year old do floorball twice a week, swimming once a week and running once or twice a week. Then they’ll be out on their bikes up and down the road and round to random mates any spare seconds they have. The oldest even goes round to the guy at the end of the road and offers to take his dog for a run……

No one here actually rides bikes we just lean them against the fence.

Usually poorly stained and obscured by weeds.

Star jumps or burpees, there are very few behavioural anomalies that cannot be cured by a strictly enforced exercise regime.

See here for further info 😀

http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/8-year-old-boys-v-kevin-the-teenager

Really, you just have to train children as you’d train a dog so, in other words, they need to realise that you’re pack leader.

Dogs, humans, I’m sorry, but I don’t get that. Kids need love, encouragement, support.

Kids need love, encouragement, support.

So do dogs….and they both need telling what to do sometimes.

Drac – Moderator

cycling (come on it STW after all).

No one here actually rides bikes we just lean them against the fence.

STW is the answer, but not riding or bike photography!

Get her an account on here, and let her argue to her hearts content!!! After a while of dealing with the Big Hitters, she will understand the error of her ways and become a model child. 8)

If that doesn’t work, try alcohol. Whether for yourself or the child…

Who gets to do the seeking?

My 6yr old son is a gem at school. He told his Auntie that he hated her last week (every 5mins). Acts very very cheeky, back chats and then constantly talks about his bits n Bob’s.

It’s like we have a 14yr old in the house 🙁

Stick him in a kennel then

In our case (6 and 8 yo girls) we’ve found that bad behaviour is directly proportional to screen/stuck inside time.

As a result, they generally get no more than about an hour a day of TV/tablet and play outside as much as they can. It helps that this year they’ve made new friends a couple of doors up to play with in the street.

My Aunt asked him today what he would like to be when he’s older?

He replied ‘a binman’. 😆