6yr old daughter behaving like a stroppy teenager… How to handle this?

Viewing 40 posts - 41 through 80 (of 103 total)
  • 6yr old daughter behaving like a stroppy teenager… How to handle this?
  • Tell her what to do , if she doesn’t do it send her to her room until she does it
    You should be the boss of a 6 year old child, not the other way round

    Exactly this.
    Too much “reasoning” and discussion” with kids these days, leading to precocious, rude little brats.

    My 6yr old son is a gem at school. He told his Auntie that he hated her last week (every 5mins). Acts very very cheeky, back chats and then constantly talks about his bits n Bob’s.

    Have a read of some of this stuff: http://www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/school-age

    Good quote: “The only leverage we ever really have with our children is their love for us.”

    Premier Icon Drac
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    The only leverage we ever really have with our children is their love for us.”

    πŸ™„

    Premier Icon BigJohn
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    The clue is in the question.

    As said above – “reason”.

    Reasoning and discussion doesn’t mean you can’t lay down strict rules – but it does mean that rules are more likely to be followed. I’m often very autocratic.

    Drac – exactly how can you control a teenager then? Fear? Bribery? Blackmail?

    Wi-Fi. Seriously.

    Premier Icon Drac
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    Drac – exactly how can you control a teenager then? Fear? Bribery? Blackmail?

    Well I never use my love as leverage it’s easy as said removal of something works a treat.

    Shock collar

    IANAP.

    Drac – so every single time you want them to do something they don’t want to do you have to resort to the removal of some kind of privilege? Would be a pretty angry household if that was really the case!

    Premier Icon Drac
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    Drac – so every single time you want them to do something they don’t want to do you have to resort to the removal of some kind of privilege? Would be a pretty angry household if that was really the case!

    No that would be silly which is why I didn’t say you have to do it every time. Normally I ask them and they do it with a bit of sigh.

    mogrim
    Member

    No that would be silly which is why I didn’t say you have to do it every time. Normally I ask them and they do it with a bit of sigh.

    Sounds like mine, very rarely have to do anything as drastic as taking a phone away or cutting off the wifi πŸ˜†

    Premier Icon weeksy
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    so every single time you want them to do something they don’t want to do you have to resort to the removal of some kind of privilege? Would be a pretty angry household if that was really the case!

    Every time ? Really ? You can’t get kids to do something quickly and easily without discussion or debate ? ok, so there’s the odd 1% of times where my lad will rebel and give me the “why?”… which is mostly answered by “Because i said so, just get on with it”…. But on the other 99% of times, i ask him, he does it, there’s no anger or confrontation… it’s just how the world it.

    I’m the complete pussycat in our household, i’m the one that says yes to anything he asks… but he knows, when the law needs laying down, it’s enforced quickly and without discussion.

    JackHammer
    Member

    If my kids play up I stick the in The Chokey!

    P.s. I dont have any kids.

    But I will say there’s nothing more sad to witness than a hempweave-wearing, sandal shod parent trying to reason with their little angel Tarquin. Seen it many a time when I worked in retail, always ends in tears from someone.

    deker
    Member

    Wow at 6 years old I already knew not to backchat or misbehave with my parents, there was no reasoning, it was a quick whack on the backside and I knew who was in charge, too much political correctness is damaging society, we now have a generation (or two) who expect everything straight away and wont work for anything.

    Teach them respect early and it will be with them all through their life.

    Premier Icon Drac
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    Has health and safety gone mad too deker?

    I bet you played out all day, summers were always sunny and only went home when the street lights came on.

    deker
    Member

    Drac, yes it certainly has!

    I never had to go home that early though πŸ˜‰

    On a serious note, i was still at school when punishment was banned and witnessed first hand kids starting to backchat teachers the very next day after the ban, you could see that once the threat (and that’s all it took sometimes) was removed then the classroom instantly changed.

    JackHammer
    Member

    Could always buy this

    and then chase her until she sees reason?

    Knife optional.

    Premier Icon Drac
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    I was at school when it was banned too. Noticed no difference the cheeky kids were still cheeky it’s we had to stay in at playtime which was worse.

    FunkyDunc
    Member

    What the OP has written about sounds similar (ish) to what our 6yr old lad is like at the minute.

    A simple stop it was sufficient, now he continues to do whatever it is, but more so. We get answered back “how are you going to stop me doing it?”. On the naughty step he now asks how long he has left, and says it doesn’t work. Sometimes he will randomly ‘play fight’ with one of us, hurting us a little, we tell him it hurt and to stop, so he does it more, we end up having to restrain him, and then walk away.

    Sounds bad, but 99% of the time he is actually a great kid.

    Afterwards he says he doesn’t realise he has done these things, and we actually believe him (stupidly?). We think its a stage thing. Certainly his brain is developing and he is learning that he has independence, we think this is just how it is manifesting at times. He is genuinely upset after.

    All I would say to OP is do you make her aware of the consequence of her actions. ie does she know she will have to pay for damage ie no money for treats/pocket money etc.

    zeesaffa
    Member

    Thank you all for the advice. That website look very good so I’ll definitely be spending some time on there.

    Some unusual pieces of advice as well… always good to have last resorts!

    yunki
    Member

    My bright 4 year old was spiralling out of control for a bit.. I ramped up the discipline as some here have suggested and it just totally exacerbated the problems.. Some kid’s wills cannot be broken (thankfully)

    I was at a complete loss.. It had been going on for months and was just getting worse..
    My partner took over all handling of him for a while and killed it with kindness.. Patience, distractions, a little pandering and a lot of love and understanding did the trick.. Firm but fair with no room for negotiation..
    The kid is now a little angel, well able to control himself and full of jokes and joy..

    It seemed counter intuitive to me to give this naughty kid kindness but he just needed love and to break the cycle of thinking that all his behaviours would be met with negative reactions..

    Our household is much like weeksy’s above

    Supernanny stuff works if you and your kids are a bit dim probably.. If there was a simple answer to the problems of parenting the world would be unrecognisable

    It’s not about breaking their will. Just the real world of actions having consequences. In my example, be polite/respectful and carry on using the Wi-Fi, keep on being rude and don’t have it, your choice.

    Premier Icon I_did_dab
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    +1 for Yunki

    the most useful phrase I use with my kids (13 and 8) is “What’s the matter?”. It’s a great opener for them to tell you they are behaving badly because…

    Premier Icon Cougar
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    We get answered back “how are you going to stop me doing it?”. On the naughty step he now asks how long he has left, and says it doesn’t work.

    Are you answering him?

    Sounds to me like he’s craving attention, as long as you keep responding he’ll keep pushing. Ignore him other than to put him back on the step if he moves off and reset the timer, then give him plenty of attention when he’s not being a little shit.

    IANAP.

    FunkyDunc
    Member

    Are you answering him?

    Yes we do, and reading my initial post it comes across as we do not engage, that to me is just all the given stuff…

    Sounds to me like he’s craving attention

    I think there is some truth in that (hard to say as a parent). My wife works very long hours and doesn’t get to see much of Jnr FD, and then when Mrs FD is at home it is my only opportunity to get out on the bike/run, so he gets little time with us both at home. πŸ™

    Don’t get me wrong though, we make every effort we can to do joint family stuff that doesn’t involve TV !

    Premier Icon BillOddie
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    This sounds horribly familiar…

    I have 2 kids, 8 and 6.
    The 6 year is a bit special, autism, sensory processing, adhd, all of the above? Dunno, too young to get a reliable diagnosis. But gets 1to1 attention in school.

    The eight year old does what he’s told by in large.
    The 6 year old – not so much.
    Ask him to do anything that takes him away from what he wants to be doing and it’s either WW2 or ignorance.

    Remember you’re the Daddy (see what I did there).
    When Dylan is kicking off not wanting get dressed, I get him dressed. By the time I get to the socks he’s given up.

    When I need him upstairs for teeth, I know I’ll have to shout him 3 times, so I start the shouting 5 mins before I need him upstairs.

    All that being said after a Xbox related altercation, he made this for me and stuck it to my chest:

    Premier Icon ransos
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    Teach them respect early and it will be with them all through their life.

    Violence towards children doesn’t teach them respect, it teaches them fear.

    JackHammer
    Member

    Violence towards children doesn’t teach them respect, it teaches them fear.

    Perfect!

    gonzy
    Member

    OP…you think you’ve got it bad…my 4.5 year old daughter is already doing this (minus the door kicking…she tends to slam them instead)
    she’s as good as gold at school but at home she has her moments when she goes into full on mental tantrum mode
    this normally starts off with her pulling a face and sulking, then comes the stamping of the feet, then comes the screaming and shouting, then comes the lying on the floor kicking and screaming and then the slamming of doors and throwing of toys etc
    its normally over trivial little things
    example 1:
    she was going upstairs and was halfway up. i asked if she wanted to carry her up or if she wild go up quicker..she wanted me to carry her..so i did. she didnt like this…told me to put her down. i had to go back to the bottom of the stairs and ask her if she wanted carrying then i had to wait for her to come back down and then i had to carry her back up
    example 2:
    asked her to come and have her breakfast as we were running late due to her earlier tantrum over school uniform. she refused as she reckoned i’d just shouted at her. after she finished having her second mini meltdown of the morning i said i was sorry and asked her to eat her breakfast,. she then told me i didnt apologise nicely. so i did. then she said that i didnt call her by her name. so again i said im sorry amelia but can you eat your breakfast now. but still she wasnt happy as i didnt call her a princess. so again i said im sorry princess amelia now can you eat your breakfast. her response was “you didnt say please”

    she is the middle child though and most of the time she is good as gold but when she goes off on one she really does go off on one

    Premier Icon ransos
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    Perfect!

    I’d rather my young girls didn’t do what I ask because they think I’m going to hurt them. YMMV.

    Premier Icon cinnamon_girl
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    Too much “reasoning” and discussion” with kids these days, leading to precocious, rude little brats.

    +1

    Premier Icon MoreCashThanDash
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    Too much “reasoning” and discussion” with kids these days, leading to precocious, rude little brats.

    Plus many, having seen how many kids struggle with Beavers, Cubs and Scouts. Simple clear instructions, with consequences explained, seems to work much better. The number of parents who are astonished how well their kids will behave away from the home environment, but don’t seem to get that only difference is the way the adults treat them. πŸ™„

    Premier Icon scandal42
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    asked her to come and have her breakfast as we were running late due to her earlier tantrum over school uniform. she refused as she reckoned i’d just shouted at her. after she finished having her second mini meltdown of the morning i said i was sorry and asked her to eat her breakfast,. she then told me i didnt apologise nicely. so i did. then she said that i didnt call her by her name. so again i said im sorry amelia but can you eat your breakfast now. but still she wasnt happy as i didnt call her a princess. so again i said im sorry princess amelia now can you eat your breakfast. her response was “you didnt say please”

    Wow, some of the behaviour I see out and about is starting to make sense.

    She’s got you well and truly by the delicates mate.

    Premier Icon cinnamon_girl
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    I think that some parents can struggle with being ‘disliked’ by their children for disciplining and having behavioural expectations. Nobody wants to be that bad person but it is necessary.

    Premier Icon BillOddie
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    I think that some parents can struggle with being ‘disliked’ by their children for disciplining and having behavioural expectations. Nobody wants to be that bad person but it is necessary.

    You’ve met my wife then!

    I am THE ENFORCER…s’ok make me feel like Dolph Lundgren.

    Premier Icon cinnamon_girl
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    πŸ˜† @ The Enforcer.

    gonzy
    Member

    She’s got you well and truly by the delicates mate.

    not really…she ended up on the naughty step for 10 minutes!

    Premier Icon scandal42
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    not really…she ended up on the naughty step for 10 minutes!

    Yea but admit it, you had to ask her nicely πŸ˜‰

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