34…single… probably interminably commitment-phobic…am I normal?

Just wondering, like..?

Cos the past ten years or so have seen a succession of girlfriends come and go, some with me ending it, others probably ending it for me, probably because of me being somewhat less than easy to deal with. Had a few flings here and there along the way too. I’ve never quite felt like I’ve met the right one. (Or did I just not realise it at the time..?)

Along the way, I think I’m coming to realise that, if I’m honest, I’m probably using my cycling addiction that has grown over the last 2 years as some kind of defence – in that it now renders me more or less incompatible with any sort of relationship. I just don’t have the time for one, or even for meeting anyone, because of riding a bicycle.

As a result, I’m single, 34 going on 35 and sometimes at a loss when I receive invites for things like the University’s reception this evening which invited myself…’and partner’. Everyone else had a partner, except me. I’m beginning to feel a bit like that harmless yet oddball middle-aged uncle, you know, the one who lives alone and collects coins, or breeds frogs for a hobby. I’m starting to wonder how long this will go on for, or whether I am simply incompatible with a long term committed relationship. Are there other people out there living similar lives.

So I thought I’d try a mountain biking website for help :wry smile:

(Off home from work now, so I will check this again first thing tomorrow morning – apologies if I don’t respond to the general pi$$ taking 😉 )

Everyone else had a partner, except me. I’m beginning to feel a bit like that harmless yet oddball middle-aged uncle, you know, the one who lives alone and collects coins, or breeds frogs for a hobby.

That’s me that is 🙂

What about the non-harmless oddball middle-aged uncle who lives alone and collects skulls and breeds misery and despair…?

Does no-one care for him? 😥

What is your opinion of Doris Day?

You don’t live in your parents basement as well do you ?

Have you ever watched ‘friends’?

It might help you.

are you ugly/weird? I can’t ever imagine not being able to find a partner for a social

When you wonder how long this is going to go on for, is that done with a desire that it will end soon or a desire to make it last a bit longer?

You sound happy enough…bring on the coins and frogs?

Cos the past ten years or so have seen a succession of girlfriends come and go

Have you been dating pandas?

Charlie, are you assuming he dines them first?

No idea if you’re normal but you sound a bit like me. Though I’m younger and probably more attractive. Had a run of relationships that just weren’t it, got a bit disillusioned… I’ve had the real thing and since then nothing else really seemed like it was going to compare, I’ve seen people settle for less but I don’t want to, I’d rather be single tbh.

But tomorrow that might change.

Do we get to guess who you really are? 🙂

Yeah, that describes me too (except I’m a few years older). And I think I’m almost normal.

Nothing wrong with breeding frogs as a hobby.
They’re not as interesting as newts though.

this thread is useless without pics of your ex girlfriends!

If you’re happy with your situation then keep going.

If you’re not then grow up and look to settle down, except that relationships demand compromises and deal with what you’re going to have to change.

Those are your two options.

have you any frogs you would like to swap?

Are you “normal”?

In the grand scheme of things no, you’re almost definitely not. If however you aspire to being “normal” by STW standards, I’d say you’re hitting the nail pretty much bang on! 😉

Sadly, I’m only 4 years behind you though, and aside from 2 girls who I each thought were “the one” (who have both since gone), I sound more and more like you by the day according to my mates! 😯

Be careful not to become a self fulfilling prophecy. I’m not the easiest person to get along with either, but a little introspection and a moderation of your ways are sometimes needed in life, as samurai more or less said.

Like any pastime or hobby cycling’s important but it’s ancillary to having a decent, meaningful relationship with somebody who cares – for me anyway. Unless of course you really do prefer your own company (and that’s fine), but given that you have gone to the trouble of posting here I suspect this not to be the case.

I was 35 before I met my wife. Looking back, all the relationships I’d had up until that point amounted to nothing other than vacuous polyfilla.

I know it might be easier said than done, just get out there and mix it up. Remember, although it’s a vomitous phrase ‘every pot has a lid’ 😀

I could gather a selection of frogs for all the STW singles to collect/trade/dismember…

But i’ve no coins to offer, i can however get hold of a collection of Stamps from the 1890’s-1930’s.

What is this “Normal” of which you speak? seriously. What have you got in your head that you think is supposed to be “normal”?. Everyone is a bit weird in their ways. Nowt wrong with that. You’re better off asking “what are the norms of society so I can follow them” if you’re not sure!

I was 39 or 40 when I met my wife and have just had our 14th wedding anniversary yesterday. Like you I’d had a string of GFs and disasters, some quite painful and one or two that I now regret terminating. I reached the stage that I suspect you have; I was ready to settle down. I (and my wife) had also realised that we weren’t going anywhere unless we actually got out there and marketed ourselves so I began looking at the personal ads in the paper. I was mad about mountaineering, skiing and mountain biking and she was a committed and experienced diver spending most weekends away in Scotland or Wales, we both despaired of our chances of meeting the right person. Eventually she placed a personal ad in The Times and I saw it; it was about mountains, sea and snow and we met up. It wasn’t a mad infatuation but we both knew we could probably tolerate each other through life’s ups and downs so we did the deed. 2 years later a sprog came along, which is a big commitment and obviously takes precedence over everything else for many years. Having a child is a huge joy though and nobody ought to miss that experience.

Nowadays I forget the good bits about marriage and sometimes wish I was still footloose and fancy free. Then I remember the loneliness, the depression and introspection and the selfish lifestyle and on balance I know I’m better off married.

Before I married I got the impression some people thought there was something wrong with me, especially my overseas colleagues and customers in Africa and the Middle East who had all married young and had lots of kids. Being married gave me a respectability in their eyes and also, ironically the self confidence I never had before, to waltz up to just about any woman I wanted to and start chatting with her. I guess that’s harder when you fear rejection and easier when you don’t really care.

If it really bothers you, join an online dating thingy; you may not meet Ms Right but you’ll have some fun and various girlfriends will help you shed that verneer of singleness, which can be a bit off-putting.

34 is no age to be worrying. If you’re happy, get on with it. Who knows – you might meet the girl of your dreams out on the trail.
In the meantime, have some coins.

😳 they aren’t mine, honest, i’ve just borrowed them for research purposes, you understand. 😀

Globalti.

Thats a great story, I’m happy for you.

I’m at the age now, you were at then, ish.

So, there may be hope for me yet.

😀

My story differs slightly though as I’ve come out of a 21 yr relationship.

Some insightful pearls of wisdom there, combined with pithy taking of the urine. Thanks! At least I don’t feel like the only one, even if life, social gatherings, weddings, drinks receptions, etc. appear to be telling me otherwise.. 😉

STWers aren’t exactly ‘normal’, whatever that means, and I’m not either.. 😀

Lovin’ the coins…

Here’s my frog and coin collection:

Jus’ spotted a similarly-veined thread on the Chat forum that appears to have been running for the last 2 weeks – hopefully not boring people to death with this Bridget Jones-type stuff! 😳

Similar situation here, about to turn 31, not long out of a 6 year relationship that wasn’t going anywhere for me. I could have settled for it and plodded through life but i’d rather take my chances and hope I do meet the right person.

Remember though, no matter how lonely you get, your hand will never desert you. Unless you have no hands and are unable to beat the balls off yourself, that’d suck.

You’ve just not found the right person – still loads of time left, you’re not dead yet!

34 and single? What you need is a granny on the side.

We are talking chainsets here aren’t we?

So noobie here… jumping in with both feet and expecting to drown ;-)…

When I was 34 I could have said the same (except I guess I’d be the wierd Aunt, breeding cats??)

I was just divorced from a embarrasingly short marriage, had a string of relationships in the past and was wasting my time with a guy in a on/off relationship that was going no where. In retrospect I struggled in my relationships because I didn’t get the time I needed on my own, and it made me frustrated and grumpy (without really knowing why).

Then I took a job 300 miles away, moved to a city where I knew no one and got out more and more on my bike. Got fit, rode Kielder 100, entered a load of No Fuss events and started to have the time of my life. Didn’t really think about relationships, just had fun.

Last year I met a guy on a ride, he has two amazing young kids that he loves spending time with. I’m happy to join in with the kids, but use some of that time to get out and ride with my friends, which is what I need. I’m nearly 40 and never thought that I would feel as settled as this.

Life is good, take it as it comes, try not to worry and wait to see what happens!!

just come out of a relationship after 6 years that wasn’t doing either of us any good. now just me and the spaniel. 😀
turn 38 this year. if someone turns up then that’s fab, but i’m not wringing my hands about it. err..

Del you’re younger than me 😯

Del you’re younger than me

He does look a bit ‘Help the Aged’ doesnt he. 😉

If you were a woman the solution would be simple – start taking in stray cats!

Define normal!

Whatever makes you happy (legally) is normal 😀

There’s no such thing as ‘normal’ (believe me, I know all about not being ‘normal’…).

If you’re worried about why you don’t commit, then maybe it’s something else. I’m very much a believer in that you must love yourself before you can truly love someone else. If you need to change things to get there, get on with it – no-one will do it for you.

(wow – just read that back before posting and it sounds a bit harsh. It’s not meant to be at all, just a nudge into thinking things through from another perspective)

Rachel

If you need to change things to get there, get on with it – no-one will do it for you

Yeap, I reckon thats just about right.

😉

I’m in the same boat at 31.

Last time I started seeing a girl I found I was getting annoyed at the weekend drinking that was ruining my biking plans (probably wasn’t going to work as if it was I wouldn’t have been bothered about biking the next day!!).

What I find annoying is the hard time certain mates give me. They can’t understand that I’m not looking and have got too selfish to be bothered just now. Will probably change my thinking in a few years – the doubts occasionally creep in now, but at the moment it’s too good having my free time for what I want.

Always amuses me that the guys who give me a hard time about finding someone are usually the ones who moan that they can’t get time for golf, cycling, drinking or whatever they like.