Yeah, that’s exactly what I was saying, well done you.
Well could you do the world a favour and think when you talk/type so you don't sound like the sort of parent Weeksy made himself come across as. Language and the use of is important - if you don't what to come across poorly.
But to reiterate, in the best part of 30 years of teaching some of the worst parents I have had to deal with are those with blind love/adoration of their kids, unable to see their floors and help them with them.
Language and the use of is important – if you don’t what to come across poorly.
It did take me a few reads to work out that they weren't talking about the state of their houses!
It did take me a few reads to work out that they weren’t talking about the state of their houses!
Doah! Bit of an own goal there! 🙂
for reminding me why I don’t get involved in these dickhead debates.
Except you already have and by the looks of it are getting very wound up by it .....
It's just a forum and amazingly some people have opinions which differ to you own!
Those 13 did have kids after-all and are too busy out having fun to bother replying.
That those 13 did have kids, but can’t reply as their phones are in a bowl of custard/down the toilet/behind the sofa or being used to watch paw patrol for 5 mins peace.
I say that as a dad to one son aged 3.5yrs.
It’s brilliant.
We wanted kids, tried and didn’t happen, looked at IVF but decided it wasn’t for us. Resigned ourselves to no kids and a life of holidays, biking, snowboarding, disposable income etc etc. Then it happened and he’s now 3 and a half.
Yeah it’s tough at times, but I think well worth it. From family holidays to lads and dads camping trips. He started in a hike trailer, or seat. Then a balance bike, which has now clicked and scooting everywhere and doing 3second track stands whilst laughing and telling me ‘I’m not moving’ spent an hour in a bike shop last week looking at proper bikes for him for purchase in a month or two, he's proper excited.
Some people want kids and can’t have them, some don’t want them but have them. One thing we always found hard/annoying when we couldn’t conceive was others telling us what we should do. If someone asks for advice, a chat then great, but don’t tell others what they ‘should do’ for something so personal.
Only read the first page and skimmed the rest but I feel there are a couple of points being missed here:
1
People without kids who don't regret it - fine, but who's to say they wouldn't have enjoyed life more with kids?
Obviously not a given and will vary by person, but my point is simply that "not regretting" is not necessarily the same as "was the best choice".
Trouble is, you can't know this until it's too late I guess!
2
People saying they can stand kids for short periods and then enough - this simply cannot be compared to your own kids. Night and day difference and something you cannot fully appreciate until you have them.
I never wanted kids when I was younger. Ok with them for short times but hated the idea of constantly living with them, no escape etc...
Now I have 4 young boys, it gets pretty hectic sometimes and my spare time is... what spare time?
Yes it's hard sometimes but wouldn't swap them for the world.
Actually that's another point.
People who don't have kids have a relatively easy answer to "do you regret it?". With kids, life is more complicated, it may be great but yes there are plenty of tough times and compromises as well to balance it out.
1
People without kids who don’t regret it – fine, but who’s to say they wouldn’t have enjoyed life more with kids?
Obviously not a given and will vary by person, but my point is simply that “not regretting” is not necessarily the same as “was the best choice”.
Trouble is, you can’t know this until it’s too late I guess!
Is a fine point - but why did you only phrase it one way? Why did balancing that with the reverse not come naturally to you in a rounded question?
Reproduction is a biological imperative for any successful life form. Only a few of us are strong enough to go against millions of years of evolutionary brainwashing 😉
the most blinkered parents who arguably do a less impressive job at being a parent.
Lol thanks for that
People without kids who don’t regret it – fine, but who’s to say they wouldn’t have enjoyed life more with kids?
Yeah, but that cuts both ways.
People with kids who don't regret it - who's to say they wouldn't have enjoyed life more without?
why did you only phrase it one way?
Just following the feel of the thread... the question "do you regret not having" seems to imply that having kids is generally considered a good thing.
Also biased from my own viewpoint I guess. 🙂
Fair point though, and of course can't be answered either way.
Some things would be better or worse, both ways.
Just following the feel of the thread… the question “do you regret not having” seems to imply that having kids is generally considered a good thing.
Well yes, that assumption/implication (and the questioning of it) is literally the point of the OP's post!
People without kids who don’t regret it – fine, but who’s to say they wouldn’t have enjoyed life more with kids? Obviously not a given and will vary by person, but my point is simply that “not regretting” is not necessarily the same as “was the best choice”. Trouble is, you can’t know this until it’s too late I guess!
I think this is true for most things, though. There are few decisions where you are happy with your choice AND can say with 100% certainty that you wouldn't have been happier any other way. What you studied, who you asked on a date, what jobs you applied for, which house you bought. All you can really say is whether you are happy now. Could I have 'enjoyed life more' if I bought some other house? Possibly. It's very hard to say. Do I regret buying this house? No, I am happy and I like this one.
I think the OP is dealing with the worry that if they don't have kids, it will eat them up in later life. And that's a different question to whether they will be maximising their potential enjoyment of life.
People who don’t have kids have a relatively easy answer to “do you regret it?”.
But it seems a lot of people can’t except the answer “no I don’t regret it” and have to chip in with how we’re wrong, we don’t have full knowledge, you have substitute pets, look at my kids they’re great. Seems there’s no such thing as live and let live with this choice
^ This. The OP’s question is whether people who don’t have kids regret it. Quite why people who actually have kids are chipping in with their opinions is beyond me.
For the record, those with kids have a private, 'was this really worth it' moment most days.
im in my late 40's. never wanted them, so never had them, and i have never once regretted it.
i do sometimes feel cheated that i dont have the 'kids are sick' excuse to have a day off work.
For the record, those with kids have a private, ‘was this really worth it’ moment most days.
For the record - not every parent. Some days I am frustrated by our kids but I can honestly say I have not once thought 'was this worth it' in 13 years of parenthood.
But it seems a lot of people can’t except the answer “no I don’t regret it” and have to chip in with how we’re wrong, we don’t have full knowledge, you have substitute pets, look at my kids they’re great. Seems there’s no such thing as live and let live with this choice
I think if you are reading this thread as someone with children this is a very valid point and why some might come over prinkly. This is a relatively anonymous forum where posting acerbic comments that might be easier than in real life with your mum or your friend's wife etc. A punching bag if you will. Childfree is a choice that comes with a lot of judgment for some of us. If there is a takeaway from this, it's maybe that if you have kids and are happy with your lot think twice before you question the decisions of others you know and love in real life. And when using language about your choice, try to not make it come over as obviously judgemental of others who chose a different path.
Some people are in Bucket A (Have kids) which is great. Others are in Bucket B (No kids) which is also great.
I feel sorry for those who find themselves in the wrong bucket for whatever reason.
But people in one bucket trying to tell others they are in the wrong bucket is often unnecessary and hurtful.
I don't think my sister or BIL would honestly say they don't regret kids. Sister is getting broody, so has just bought a pup, and it's currently being pushed round in a pram. They do walk it, but not far, so the longer walk to the pub is in a pram !
FFS a dog in a pram.
Childfree is a choice that comes with a lot of judgment for some of us.
it's not always a choice! Which makes it worse because then it's like this -
<gruelling series of debilitating miscarriages and hospital visits, etc. Years pass >
- "I don't have kids, and I am now happy with my life"
- "ah, but could you have been happier with kids? Hmm? It's great having kids. You should have done it. I don't see why you didn't want them. Don't you regret it? I would've."
- "HNNNNGGGHHHHHHHRRRRGGGHHHH" <deep breath>
As Blackflag said above, if your not interested in having children and don't have them you'll probably not regret it. If you want children and have them you'll probably not regret it. Those that either can't have children and want them or are encouraged to have children when they don't they are the ones that I feel for.
Also childfree people may sound defensive sometimes but I've had a lifetime of people telling me that I'll regret my decision and sometimes it gets annoying. I'll shortly be too old to have them and have no regrets.
Genuine comment from a person we've never met before (old work colleague) to me and my husband at my mother in laws funeral this year "I think your mums biggest regret was that she never had grandchildren" I mean WTF how did she think that was an appropriate thing to say to anyone.
One of my best mates was quite "we don't want kids" for a long time. Then, when he'd had a few drinks, he opened up about them trying for years. He was really upset by the whole thing and he's previous personna was all front.
Its a deeply personal matter so telling others what they should or should not be doing, even if you think its for their own good, is a bit crass.
Genuine comment from a person we’ve never met before (old work colleague) to me and my husband at my mother in laws funeral this year “I think your mums biggest regret was that she never had grandchildren” I mean WTF how did she think that was an appropriate thing to say to anyone.
FFS. That's shocking.
i do sometimes feel cheated that i dont have the ‘kids are sick’ excuse to have a day off work.
I've never worked anywhere where you get a free day off for sick kids, comes out of holidays! And you often spend the day cleaning up sick / poo.
Some people are in Bucket A (Have kids) which is great. Others are in Bucket B (No kids) which is also great.
I feel sorry for those who find themselves in the wrong bucket for whatever reason.
But people in one bucket trying to tell others they are in the wrong bucket is often unnecessary and hurtful.
Perfectly put.
Some days I am frustrated by our kids but I can honestly say I have not once thought ‘was this worth it’ in 13 years of parenthood.
Only 13yrs you say, perhaps you should come back to us after the next say 6yrs 🤔
Dick 33yrs of parenting & counting, regrets I've had a few 😜
My mate and his Mrs have always said they don't want kids, too expensive, too restrictive, ruin your house etc.
In their infinite wisdom they got 2 very expensive pedigree dogs. They now don't go away as they wont leave them with anybody, all UK holidays have to be close to home as one of the dogs gets car sick. They don't go out as a couple in the evening as the dogs don't like being left alone. They cost a fortune in fancy food, vets and grooming. My mate even changed his car to an estate with a bigger boot for the dogs.
Then to top it all off, one of the dogs ate the corner off a very expensive kitchen unit.
I notice nobody has popped up yet to say they regret not having kids.
*waves* I regret not having kids.
My first wife and I were 'don't knows' for many years, but as we grew older our feelings on the matter polarised. I did, she didn't. By her early 30s she once and for all decided that she definitely didn't. I accepted her decision and we moved on. The subject was never raised again. It would just be 'us two' for the rest of our lives and I was happy with that. So was she.
Thing is, things were never really the same again and for various reasons (many of which I've forgotten) we drifted apart. By our early 40s we were divorced.
Single again, I felt no urge to find another wife and have kids with her. Instead I happened to meet a lovely divorcee who'd had four kids with her first husband (all of whom were teenagers by the time I was on the scene) and didn't what any more - which was absolutely fine. I suddenly had four 'step kids'.
I'd had no experience of dealing with kids/teens but fortunately they were all very independent, strong-willed, and they had a perfectly-good dad still on the scene, so I was very much a spare and not really needed (though I obviously stepped-in when I was).
Soon after, however, her eldest son had a baby - making my GF (now my second wife) a grandmother at 44. Which sorta made me a grandad.
Being a 'grandad' to now TWO small boys whom I've known since birth, has shown me to some extent what I've been missing. It's given me a taster of what being a parent is like. And I love it. I love spending time with them, looking after them, playing with them, teaching them and watching them grow.
I will never forget when I used to pick the eldest grandson up from his Nursery School: his face would light up when he saw me and he'd literally run into my arms. This evening they're coming to stay with us for a week or so while their mum's in Hospital and dad has to work. I cannot wait to see them 🙂
I only have four regrets in my life:
Not having children;
Not realising 1st marriage was over seven years earlier;
Not going to Wembley to see my team win their play-off final and gain promotion;
Not Seeing Anthony Sher’s Lear at the RSC in 2018.
One of my greatest pleasures as a son is calling out parents inward looking, old person thinking and getting them to open their mind (a bit). 🙂
One of the best things about having children is that they are brutally honest with you and make you open your mind (a bit). 🙂
People saying they can stand kids for short periods and then enough – this simply cannot be compared to your own kids.
Why?
Are they like farts, everyone else's stink but your own smell of lilac?
Why?
Are they like farts, everyone else’s stink but your own smell of lilac?
Blinded by love 😍
Oh and they can definitely stink. The farts and the kids.
I knew when I was about 14/15yrs old that I didn't want to have kids.
53 this year and have never regretted never having kids.
My brother however has six children by three different mothers!
My only regret regarding kids is waiting so long - i was 34 when we had our first and 37 when we had our youngest - i think i always knew i wanted to be a Dad, but, much to my wife's frustration kept putting it off.
However, i was previously in a relationship with a girl who was absolutely adamant she didn't want kids, and my wife went through some health issues during which we didn't think we were going to be able to have kids - during both periods i'd got a long way along the road reconciling myself with the fact i would not be a Dad - and i think i'd have been cool with it.
Daddy
Yes, son
Wha-what does-what does regret mean?
Well, son, a funny thing about regret is
That it's better to regret something you have done
Than regret something you haven't done
By the way, if you see your mom this weekend, be sure and tell her...
Why?
Are they like farts, everyone else’s stink but your own smell of lilac?
There's no rational explaination but it's something like that. You'll just have to trust those that have experienced both sides of the coin as oppose to your opinion formed from one side of
Do you regret never owning an elephant?
Every, single, day.
For those thinking that having the nephew and niece over for an evening or borrowing a friends kids gives insight in to being a parent, it really doesn’t. Very difficult to explain and not meant to be patronising, but it’s very different when they are yours. Nothing I hate more than other peoples kids. They can all piss off. My own though, well they’re mine and just looking at them fills me with all sorts of emotions.
Thinking back to when Funk Jr was a toddler. We went to the local Fun for Nobody and a bigger kid, about seven, pushed him over and made him cry (proper crying too). I could’ve cheerfully kicked that small child and his mum in to low Earth orbit. Someone else’s kid, even a family members, m’eh! Wouldn’t care
No one who hasn’t had kids can make an informed decision as to whether they regret it.
you are wrong.
i can’t help thinking that when people with children vehemently defend their decision or criticize other peoples’ decision and their reasons to not have children, or say “when they first ride a bike/read/whatever it’s the greatest day ever” are trying to fool themselves that being a parent is great. that, or they are in denial. (i’m exaggerating, by the way.)
witnessing these things does possibly make for the best day ever, but in the big picture they are a very small part of being a parent.
i’m a parent. i love my son with all my heart and the vast majority of my life is spent with him and doing things to keep him alive and prepare him for the next step. i just don’t understand all the gushing that goes on about how great being a parent is. it’s not all doom and gloom and fights and trips to the naughty step, but a lot of it is. and my son is an angel compared to some of the children in our neighbourhood and that isn’t a blinkered opinion.
Are they like farts, everyone else’s stink but your own smell of lilac?
not exactly, but you can learn a lot about yourself from experiencing them.
Be at peace with whatever decision you make (or what life gives you). Life is too short and inconsequential to get hung up about this.
^^^ This.
You choose your path. Make sure you are absolutely sure about the path you are taking in life and any form of doubts will crush you heavily near the end of life when you are alone. Live without regrets and depart without regrets.
Why?
Are they like farts, everyone else’s stink but your own smell of lilac?
Oxytocin
Recent events in my life have led me to ponder this question again. Im 61 a widower and alone in the world. Aging parents still around. Sister and family live abroad.
Im still content to be childless. It was my choice and one I am happy with.
My life has been adventurous and free
I would make the same decisions if i was 25 and knew then what I know now.
I would make the same decisions if i was 25 and knew then what I know now.
I sure as shit wouldn't.
Still wouldn't have kids, though.
(-:
I would definitely take the same decision again to become a parent; my ex would, I know as a statement of fact, say and do exactly the same.
No regrets at all - not now, not ever.
