Fresh Goods Friday 322

We are the heart of Nativity Play season. Coughing, sniffing, and occasionally vomiting, everyone gathers together in close proximity to share all their germs, just in time for them to be taking firm hold of the whole family on Christmas Eve. Sitting as far away from one another as the teeny chairs – plus gymnastics benches brought in for extra capacity – will allow, we try and avoid sharing air with those around us while surreptitiously checking our Twitter feeds until our own little darlings appear on the stage.

If you’re lucky, they have lines, which you already know (better than they do), and you recite them with them, willing them to speak up so that people can actually hear their monotone expressionless recitation of the line ‘And it was amazing, there was a bright light, and the angel said there was a special baby born tonight’. Thank your lucky stars that they didn’t get the faintly disturbing line uttered by one five year old about the immaculate conception (which is going to result in a whole series of uncomfortable conversations, hopefully not in front of Grandma over Christmas dinner).

Next up is a carefully choreographed dance which has taken all term to learn. Mandatory Government targets for physical activity at school have been met under the guise of this shuffling, occasional comedy disco moves, and bumping into one another as everyone goes the wrong way. It’s amazing how many different directions are the wrong way when you put a bunch of five and six year olds on one stage.

Everyone carefully accounted for, a part for every class member, the shuffling and mumbling draws to a close as a five year old ‘gives birth’ to a ‘special baby’ (You await the probing questions about childbirth). Polite clapping, and everyone gets ready to put their coats on. But no, there is more to come. First up, the PTFA* raffle, where the first prize is a bubble bath set that obviously came from the TK Maxx red sticker section. Next everyone has to be thanked – the teachers, the teaching assistants, the parent volunteers, the janitor. Everyone in the whole town seems to have played a part in ensuring that this production is a “success”. If only half as much effort went into ensuring little Timmy and Emily could actually read. Thanks finally over (pray that no one is retiring or you’ve got at least another 10 minutes to go), all the parents leap up at once in a scrum to grab their children and escape from this hot house of infection.

*For those of you happily unfamiliar with this acronym, it stands for Parents, Teachers and Friends Association. Members of MI6 on career breaks join up and apply their skills to the aggressive sale of raffle tickets and persuading other parents to volunteer for things like carrying the sick bucket on school trips.

But anyway. Tra la la. Fa la la la. ‘Tis the season to be jolly, and all that. Thank the Lord, that in his goodness and wisdom, that along with angels, Jesus, and comedy camels, He created Fridays. Our rock in the storm, our oasis in the desert, our light when all around is dark. Our true saviour is here. It’s Fresh Goods Friday.

Pure Components C33 Wheelset

• Price: £949
• From: Pure Components

These are 29inch carbon rims built onto Hope Pro 4 148mm/110mm BOOST hubs. With an external wight of 33mm and an internal with of 26mm, they’ll take a recommended tyre size of 2.2-2.5inches. All the wheels are hand built by Pure Components in the UK, to within 0.1mm lateral trueness. They offer a lifetime warranty on the build it self. So if you decide they need re-truing after a big race, or a check over to see if things are OK before a big race, you can send them back for a free once over – you just pay the postage.

Other spokes (there are 32 of them) are available, such as CX-Ray which are £95 on top of the D-light price or Sapim Leader, priced slightly cheaper.

Other builds such as a Shimano XT, Saint, and Zee are available at £849. In the new year Pure Components’ own hubs will be hitting the market and will bring the build in at around £799-850 for a set of wheels.

Shimano S-Phyre XC9 SPD Shoes

• Price: £319.99
• From: Madison

Made from a one-piece surround upper, narrow bottom, rounded heel and slim toe box to provide a glove-like fit, these shoes seek to bring road bike shoe performance in a mountain bike shoe. For riding FAST, off road. There’s a reinforced spike mount for extreme conditions and it’s strong enough to accept optional 18mm spikes. They’re packed with design features to stop your foot twisting in the shoe – so all your power should be going through the pedals. ZOOM…

Happy Bottom Bum Butter Bundle

• Price: £29.99
• From: Charlie The Bikemonger

Charlie will accept the new fivers in exchange for this vegan friendly bum butter and t-shirt. The bum butter is available separately, without the t-shirt, at £14.89 a tub, which could be handy if you’re a vegan and a nudist.

Funn Components T-shirt

• Price: Just for us, you can’t have one, sorry.
• From: Funn

Funn Components Zippa Lite Chainguide

• Price: USD39.90
• From: Funn

Available in E-type Mounting, D-Type Mounting and ISCG Mounting with option of the bash guards, this is the D-Type version of the chainguide for 1x systems from Funn Components.

Black Magic Stud Kit

• Price: USD12
• From: Funn

A box of pins and side caps for customising your Black Magic pedals.

Funn Components Strippa Evo Stem

• Price: USD75
• From: Funn

Available in red, orange, blue or black, this is the 35mm stem for 31.5mm bars from Funn Components. Also available in both 31.8mm and 35mm clamp diameters is a 45mm version.

Endura MT500 Waterproof Trouser II

• Price: £119.99
• From: Endura

Made from breathable ExoShell60™ 3-Layer waterproof fabric, fully seam sealed, with stretch waterproof panels and an extra durable seat. Nice snug fitting round the calves and ankles, so no tangling with your chain.

Here’s Wil demonstrating the ankle zips. We could just have told you there were zips, but then you’d have missed out on this photograph.

Endura MTR Emergency Shell

• Price: £119.99
• From: Endura

This is a lightweight packable jacket made from Exoshell40™ 3 Layer waterproof fabric with fully seam-sealed construction. It’s an athletic non flappy fit with stretch waterproof cuffs and sides, and ergonomically positioned stretch shoulder panels. The hood is detachable.

Now you might think that Wil is looking well equipped for the winter wet. And you’d be right. But you can’t keep Wil in clothes for long. Look out people, are you ready? Put down any drinks not in anti-spill cups now, swallow whatever is in your mouth and ensure your airways are clear.

Are ready? Off we go…

Dhb Seamless Baselayer

• Price: £25.00
• From: Wiggle

This is a seamless baselayer which has been treated with Polygiene™ anti-odour treatment to prevent the build up of bacteria. So you shouldn’t stink. It’s off to our tester Sanny, who has been challenged to wear it for five days straight without washing it. So for the benefit of all Sanny’s friends and family, we hope this works.

Endura Translite Sleeveless Baselayer

• Price: £19.99
• From: Endura

This soft polyester baselayer comes with antibacterial properties to help stop the stink, and a UPF rating of 25+, so Wil won’t be needing anyone to apply suncream to his back.

Endura Thermolite Winter Bib Shorts

• Price: £74.99
• From: Endura

It might be winter, but if you’ve spent all summer working on your calves you don’t want to hide them away, right? These thermal bibshorts with water repellent treatment will keep the very most important bits of you warm, while still letting the world behold your calves. Wide straps and flatlock seams keep the bibs comfortable.

No Quarter Cycle Detailing Kit

• Price: £34.99
• From: No Quarter

No Quarter does custom paint jobs and detailing for bikes, and it makes sense that if you’ve got a lovely custom paint job you are going to want your bike to looks its best. So No Quarter is now offering this kit to help you do just that. The kit consists of a pH neutral shampoo, to clean light oil, mud, salt, grit and general grime from your bike without stripping wax, anodizing, damaging the paintwork or eating into surfaces. The kit also has a carnauba based wax, which protects and enhances the finish of your frame and components – also included is a wax applicator. There’s also a detailing brush and fine pore sponge for agitating and safely removing dirt without leaving scratches and blemishes to paintwork.

Madison Addict 3-Layer Storm Jacket

• Price: £149.99
• From: Madison

A jacket made from fully seam sealed fabric with 12,000mm waterproofing and 15,000gms breathability. The detachable 3D hood has been designed to integrate with a peaked mountain bike helmet, while the front facing chest vents allow you to regulate your temperature while wearing a hydration pack. The chest pockets are fully waterproof, so they’re a safe place to store important things, like jelly babies.

Pro Components Team Compressor

• Price: £79.99
• From: Madison

This is a high volume compressor that will take up to 180psi and blast it into your tubeless tyres, seating them easily without faff. Pop, pop, pop, ping. Satisfaction.

You pump this compressor up using your standard track pump, then flip the switch to release the air into your tyres. It has an ‘EZ doublehead’ so it will fit both Schrader and Presta valves.

This will be in stock available to buy from the end of February.

45NRTH Heiruspecs Flat Pedals

• Price: £99.99
• From: Charlie The Bikemonger

Big pedals designed for use with big boots (or big shoes on big feet). Also designed to shed snow – which may or may not be a bonus, come February. Or March. Or April. Pins of different colours are available separately. 45NRTH have a liking for naming products after bands, and Heiruspecs is a rap band from Minnesota, named after a deliberate mis-spelling of haruspex. A haruspex was someone in ancient Rome trained in a form of divination based on the reading of entrails. Lovely. Although if a pedal pin strike leads to entrails then something has gone really wrong. Anyway, fact lovers, onwards…

Beer!

This week’s beers from our sponsor Honest Brew are:

• Wylam – Hickey the Rake – Limonata Pale 4.2%: An Ultra Pale which emulates almost baneful levels of citrus zing. A nuclear sherbet dib-dab of lemon, lime and tropical pineapple.
• Wiper and True – Simcoe and Rye – Amber Ale 4.9%: Single-hopped with Simcoe. Full-bodied and sweet with spicy, peppery rye malts. A warming beer, that remains refreshing and and packed with evolving flavours.
• Dark Star – Creme Brulee – Milk Stout 5.9%: A dessert in a glass. This beer is brewed using unfermentable lactose sugar, vanilla beans and plenty of roasted malts to provide a sweet, smooth caramel drinking experience. No blowtorch was used in the making of this beer. Whether it’s used in the drinking is up to you.

If this all sounds rather good, there’s a special offer for Singletrack readers for the Honesty Box service. This is a flexible craft beer subscription, and Singletrack readers can start with a Trial Box of 6 different beers for only £9.00 (usually £18.00). Tell HonestBrew what you like and they’ll then match your future 12 beer boxes (£35.90) to your tastes. The service is flexible so you can change you delivery frequency and skip or cancel at any time.

And that’s your lot! All that remains is to give you a little something to put a bounce in your step for the rest of the day.

Extensive research suggests that many of you will be enduring a Strictly Come Dancing themed nativity play. As an antidote to all your pain and suffering, we give you this. Happy weekend.

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