Why do I feel like this?

I split from my GF about 7 months ago, but didn’t leave the house we shared until about 5 months ago, I had been living at my Dads and at the age of 42 this was only a temporary arrangement. The decision was mine to end the relationship after months of domestic abuse, but we have a baby girl which complicates the situation, but I do see her regular.
I ended the relationship it was my choice and I know there is no going back but I have just moved into a new house on my own a week ago and over the last few days I have been feeling very down and all I can think about is being at home with my ex & daughter – but I know deep down I dont want to be with her but I can’t help feeling really down and where does my life go from here. I feel like total crap, I think I might be starting to grieve over the breakdown of my relationship because at the start I was ok.
Has anybody else been through this?

PS I know a bike ride won’t sort it out only time!

There’ll be some telling you to MTFU but… when you’re down, properly down, get reading. When you feel ok go and see your GP and ask to be referred to a counselor. Seek professional help, you’ll have tools to help yourself in the future.
Good luck!

First step is to assure yourself that there is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling how you do, most of us have been there, many of us are still there, and the rest soon will be!

Loneliness is a terrible thing, but as they say, far better to be lonely because you’re alone than to be lonely despite being with someone.

yeh thanks for that – I know I am probably feeling a bit sorry for my self and it will get better, but I don’t understand why I feel like this as I don’t want to be with my Ex anymore!

There was a thread on here not so long ago about depression, which went into several pages IIRC. Some useful advise (and opinions) from both sides of the camp ( medication vs. sort it out yourself)

to make matters worse, I moved 4 years ago to be with my ex, away from all my friends, family etc etc so I know very few people where I live, however I cant move away otherwise it will make it harder seeing my daughter.

I know Im a sad case!!

hat’s off to you mate to come on here and get it out. Unfortunately life is a bit of a bastard.

It’s a phase, and it will pass.

You’ve clearly done the right thing, but you’re at the point where your brain suddenly goes “oh my god what the hell have I done, no girl’s ever going to look at me ever again and I’m doomed to spend the rest of my days masturbating over reruns of Baywatch!” This too will pass.

Chin up(*) and good luck, fella.

(* – otherwise you’ll get it in your eye)

I know Im a sad case!!

No, you’re not.

How about getting some of your old mates to come visit? Have a lads weekend…riding, beers, curry, dancing, camping, walking, surfing? If they’re good mates, they’ll come and see you when you’re down. If they’re not, then time to make new ones (as easy as that sounds, I know it’s not, but hopefully you know what I mean).

Completely normal – I don’t want to be with my ex anymore, but the feelings I felt at the end (and still do feel) are exactly like grief – grief for life I used to have, the life I thought I was going to have etc.

It will get better, it will take time.

Stop that talk right now!

You’re in a really tough situation, and that will not help you feel any better, so no talking about being a sad case. Seriously, listen to the [sensible] advice here and get yourself sorted out. You are not alone and there are people out there that can help you.

I’m not talking about tequila-wielding hookers either. Tequila in no way helps with a break-up or emotional trauma. It took me a good few tries before I realised that.

yeh thanks for your advice, i went to CYB a few weeks ago with some mates, we had a good time but it only happens a few times a year.

I am just feeling a bit crap today and I have got to work a 12 hr night shift tonight – joy!

There are quite a lot of people on here (myself included) who know exactly how you feel just now.

this thread was a pretty good one

Try talking to mates/family if you can. It really helps.

Where are you based… hang out with some miserable feckers off here for a bit.

Hang out with me… you’ll instantly feel better about yourself.. that’s a fur clad guarantee.

Yeh I live in Lincoln, my normal riding haunt is the Peak District, I may go for a ride Sunday with some peeps I have met off here!

Split with my ex just over a year ago. We lived in the same house for 6 months while everything got sorted (had to sell up and pay her off). When I moved into my new place the first few weeks were ok, but then I collapsed. The things that got me through it were riding (LOTS) and my mates…this last bit might be tough if you’re new to where you are, so maybe find a riding club local that you can get out with.

I think the main thing is keeping busy – and talk to people about how you feel; I’ve found that even if they don’t know what you’re going through just getting it “out there” helps.

Feel free to drop me a line if you want…