Who's Up For A Swinley Sexy Party Before The Bulldozers Move In? 9th December

There will be mud, sweat and probably wierdo’s with one gear.

Ok, a bit melodramatic, but maybe the last chance for a group ride going the ‘wrong’ way through seagull at least. And my thorough search of the foum says we’ve not had one for at least a year!

So without futher addo – the wording shamefully plagiarised from Phil’s last one…………….

THE Swinley super-sexual super-fun all-welcoming Winter FUN RIDE!

OK, here we go again In the same way staff on planes ask you to pay attention as the safety announcement may have changed since your last flight, there are some changes and additional information in this post!

I have broken it up into sections to try and answer as many questions in advance as possible:

WHAT’S THE BIG IDEA?
Who wants to join us for a chilled not so serious not too fast ride? A ride that is completely devoid of mad skilz, big air and judgement, an afternoon of getting muddy in Swinley…

Equally who wants to meet up with some of the weirdos from this forum and blast through the single track like a scolded yeti?

The last SwingleySexyParty ended up with some confusion at the beginning and we ended up with everyone heading out in one BIG group of just over 45 riders.. this time I think it’s sensible to have a couple of groups:

1 – “The A-Team”, a group of riders so fast and AWESOME that it would be mean and nasty to make them wait for the slower riders…

2 – “The It’s not how fast you ride its how much fun you’re having (but secretly jealous of the extra confident healthy people) Team”

There may be a B-team as well if there’s loads of us.

Guides needed for both groups,
i’ve been away for 2 years and can barely find the entrance to Stickler! But if push comes to shove I’m happy to take a group out and get lost trying to find the corkscrew again.

Conversation and pace should be set by the slowest person in the “TINHFYRIHMFYH(BSJOFECHP)T” group so please dont worry about not keeping up with the mentalists, this should be an afternoon with lots of little stops and no pressure to be amazing. If it wasn’t for a crack down on misogymathingy I’d almost jest it makes it a perfect ride to invite your lady friends along too

If that sounds like your idea of fun, then it would be a pleasure to have you along.

WHERE AND WHEN?
The plan is to meet at 9:00 on Sunday 9th December in the LookOut carpark for fettling, pumping up tyres, admiring my pyjamas/Yeti’s pre-ride stretches and then setting off to ride at some point shortly afterwards, probably 9:30.

Probably getting back in time for lunch.

It is worth emphasising that it is sensible to allow plenty of time to park and, if needs be, use the Coral Reef car park which is across the road from the entrance to the LookOut. There is an Overflow car park that is accessed from far right hand side of car park on the road that exits the car park… It is alongside the B3430 Nine Mile Ride. I’ve no idea how the new parking charges work, I’m too pikey to pay them and ride in.

A webpage with the look out address details (on the right of the map), map and directions is available [link didnt copy and paste very well, just google it)

Once you’ve parked up, unloaded your dandyweapon of choice and checked your “tyre choice for Swinley?” thread then come join me underneath the trees to the right just as you go though the Go-Ape gates.

ARE THERE ANY RULES?
Rules? Wouldn’t that ruin the spirit of such a friendly chilled ride? Well yes it would if it was all taken too seriously, however there are some pointers that are worth getting out of the way now, fingers crossed they don’t come across as super-strict rules.. more pieces of advice to make your ride and everyone else’s that little bit more enjoyable.

1) Bring your own spares,

2) Bring your own camelback/water,

3) Wear a helmet if you’ve got one or do your own risk assessment and dont,

4) Bring your own mid-ride snacks, dont want any “bonking” now do we

5) Route will be decided upon the day by the “leaders” of each group and will be dependent on any trail closures/conditions…

6) If LOTS of people turn up then we might need to break up into more than 2 groups, best to decide this on the day.

7) Lycra will not be judged, relax! (silent judgement may take place)

8 ) We ride at the pace of the slowest rider in each group, or we ride at our own pace and wait at the top of the next hill/section/junction for others to catch up.

9) No pressure on anyone to do things they are not happy with as it’s all about having fun! Walking certain sections/hills will not be frowned upon.

10) Due to potentially large numbers of riders, please don’t bring your dogs as chances are someone will ride into them whilst distracted by their awesomeness…

Drink/nicotine/crack-pipes disclaimer:
I dont really feel the need to tell people to be considerate, so I’ll just say that people are people and will do what they want, but in the spirit of a super-welcoming-ride if people do want to smoke/drink/turn up naked then I’d respectfully ask that people are considerate of those that might be put out by it, and for non-smokers to not make the poor nicotine starved feel guilty with disapproving looks etc.

WHO’S GOING TO LEAD THE WAY?
Someone, maybe me, preferably someone else.

If less than 15-20 turn up then we can all head out in one group and follow a random rider around for the ride, sticking close enough to worry them but when they turn around we can all turn away and whistle like we’re not up to nuffink

DOESN’T SWINLEY REQUIRE A PERMIT TO RIDE?
Why yes it does, you can buy one on the day or alternatively you can buy in advance online…. link to purchase day permit:

[broken link, just google it] then click on the second link from the bottom.

Please, please get a permit, there has been a lot of work put into trail maintainance recently and the permit money does help contribute towards that…. oh and the Rangers are cracking down on permits.

Apparenly theres some deal with parking and permits, google probably knows.

WHATS THE PLAN FOR FOOD? I’M HUNGRY, MAKE ME A PIE!!
Those who survive the afternoon are all invited to a post ride feast in the cafe.

Seating is outside so maybe throw an extra layer in your car for when we get back, and feel free to bring your own snacks and drinks for the feast if you want to save money or treat the group to your own flapjack/cake creations.

Please make sure you eat properly in the morning before the ride too!

SO, ARE YOU UP FOR IT?
If you’re planning on joining in then register your interest on this thread, I will give out my mobile number to those requesting it via email nearer the time.

If anyone wants to bring their helmet cams and DSLRs to record this magical event… awesome! I’d be happy to grab copies of peoples footage and edit something together afterwards.

Feel free to invite your regular riding buddies along to it.

This is going to be fun

Now for the pic of a few of the sexy people who came to Decembers ride:

More photos HERE….

DISCLAIMER:
As this ride is simply a casual ride organised by a group of friends based in a magical digital world, we are not members of any association or federation and therefore are not covered by any insurance.

By the very nature of the sport all-terrain biking does have a degree of RISK and we ask all those who join us to take this into consideration .

I cannot accept any liability or responsibility for any incidents which may occur during this ride and suggest that those who are new to the sport ensure they are prepared for the inevitable, puncture, mechanical,rain shower and odd tumble or two.

It is recommended that your mobile phone has an entry titled “EMERGENCY” or “ICE” (In Case of Emergency) with a contact number of someone you’d like contacted if something goes wrong… which we hope we will never have to use.

Sumary because someone will post I struggle with long sentences in the first 3 replies otherwise

The plan is to meet at 9:00 on Sunday 9th December in the LookOut carpark for fettling, pumping up tyres, admiring my pyjamas/Yeti’s pre-ride stretches and then setting off to ride at some point shortly afterwards, probably 9:30.

If anyone is coming by train or like me too pikey to pay for parking, I’m riding down from Wokingham, 5 miles each way, leaving at 8:30 from Chez Spoon, mail me for details of this top secret location, just off the M4, ample parking for at least one smart car and an orignial Mini, but there’s a whole estate of cull de sacks you can annoy by parking a fraction of an inch over their driveway.

Some frosty looking STW’ers from this time 2 years ago

In.
🙂

As for leading. I’m in the same boat as you, but I could do it at a pinch. 🙂

sounds good. I’m a definitely maybe for the “TINHFYRIHMFYH(BSJOFECHP)T” group.

maybe, if i can rally the troops to get out of bed on a sunday morning!

I did think of doing at the usual time and sparing people the early morning, but that always got complaints of it taking up the whole day. This way anyone with kids, dogs, ferrets or wives to get back to won’t get too many dirty looks.

What’s it like there at the moment? Would I need to fit some flotation tanks and replace the back wheel with a paddle?

In. Can lead although that might sometimes involves umplanned excursions along gorrick made trails…..

Anyone coming from the southish want to save car park charge and meet me on the otherside of the forest (on map due south of lookout out A30) and ride in, email me in profile.

Mr Poddy – you fancy a warm up across Barossa?

What’s it like there at the moment? Would I need to fit some flotation tanks and replace the back wheel with a paddle?

Whatever floats your boat. Swinely drains reasnobly well it just suffers from trafic in places. Normal all-round tyres will be fine.

I’m a maybe baby.

Tis the morning after a big c*******s do so in a Duncan bannatine sylee, “Ahm oot”

Tis the morning after a big c*******s do so in a Duncan bannatine sylee, “Ahm oot”

I have no idea what you just said, but enjoy it whatever it is.

I’m in too.

I will lead if you wish…or follow, baa baaa.

I will recce a couple of times next week and post up the mud depth so you know which tyres/dinghy to bring.

PaulD

I’m a newer STWer but having been trying to get guided around Swinley for ages

I have a Yeti 😀 , so can I come?

Joe – want to night recce next Wed?

would love to Rich but cant. Appoinment to see my wedding pics that evening.

I have a Yeti , so can I come?

Only if it’s house trained, the last one we had malted everywhere

Im a maybe, wanted to get up there for a while but must check with the boss…..

mr spoon on the basis of what has been said in the other thread….I am in. Really very in.

G

I’m not aware of the “other thread” so whats the deal – just turn up circa 9.30 and look for a group of people arguing about Tyres/which bike to use/Thatcherism? 😀

I’m not aware of the “other thread” so whats the deal – just turn up circa 9.30 and look for a group of people arguing about Tyres/which bike to use/Thatcherism?

Pretty much, look for the sexiest group of people you can see hanging arround opposite go-ape and ask them if they want to sexyparty. We’ll be the ones nearby laughing as you get chased arround by an angry dad who thinks you’ve just propositioned his 18year old daughters birthday party.

The Bulldozers have already moved in!!

In the diary awaiting other halves approval. As it is our 10 yr anniversary I will have to say I’m a ‘tentative’ for now….

If anyone fancies a quick group let me know – I’m happy to lead. No constant stopping for a chat, though!

GB

count me in 🙂

i’m up for it, probably will be ss’ing it if thats ok…..

i’m up for it, probably will be ss’ing it if thats ok…..

It’s not, but you’re among friends so we’ll love you anyway.

Hopefully can make this .
Happy to roll at PaulD’s pace.
The best day was when it was frozen , surprisingly grippy and rolling fast . Couldnt catch your breath though as it was -5’C .

Gutted, I’m working and can’t get cover 🙁

Happy to roll at PaulD’s pace.

He can rip your legs off, that Paul D, you know? 😉

Happy to roll at PaulD’s pace.

He can rip your legs off, that Paul D, you know? 😉

Sounds good, i have that weekend off as well! Not sure if I’ll be able to get up early enough though, it all really depends on whether I’m out drinking the night before!

Some frosty looking STW’ers from this time 2 years ago

I was there! And I was cold!

Anyone got a post code for the car park ive no idea where it is but dont think im that far away and would like to come and get muddy 🙂

Argh for goodness sakes! Away that weekend. Was just thinking there had been no mention of a sexy party ride recently and that one was overdue! Have fun all 🙂

Should be ok for this. Rich, might join you and ride in for a warm up.

Here you go Parkesie… really easy to find.

The Look Out Discovery Centre
Nine Mile Ride
Bracknell
Berkshire
RG12 7QW

I’ll be up for this. If anyone wants a lift in from Portsmouth way, there’s room

Looks like the ‘new’ Swinley trails are a bit wide

He can rip your legs off, that Paul D, you know?

Oh Yes . I can keep up with him by being brave through the corners , only just though.

GB . Would love to ,in my mind . In reality the ‘lets ride every trail in 4 hours’ group will be fine for me.

m0rk . I live on HI and depending on Debz’s domestic care duties might well be after a lift . I will buy cake / pay with beer.

I can lead, but will need a bike… 🙁 That’s Son1 on the far right of the photo. He’s come on a bit since then. Just don’t try and keep up with him downhill 🙂 And he’d need a bike too. So I’ll see what happens with the insurance first.

This sounds great. Hope to see you all there.