My daughter woke up with a nightmare at about 2am and came in our bed. At 4am I woke up feeling cold, then smelled piss, and realise what had happened.

Not her fault, and I’m not quite sure why it made me so fed up – apart from the fact that my matteress is soaked and will now forever smell of wee.

Maybe the fact that I ripped my brand new mech off the back of my newly built Niner on it’s first proper outing yesterday and had to walk two miles home in ill-fitting shoes too has added to my poor demeanour. Hopefully the weekend will get better from here on in.

It happened to me at the Reading festival

Dunno what happened the night before but woke up in a tent that had absolutely nothing inside it apart from 2 (fully clothed) strangers, one of whom had peed their pants

The pee had spread across the bare groundsheet and soaked through my jeans

What a delightful morning that was

That’s a bit more rock and roll though.

I think it might just be the sheer domestic predictability of it all that got me down. Not that I’d have preferred stranger wee.

Funny that jools182 as I woke up in the wrong tent at Reading one year. No pee though.

how old is your daughter? 22?

I was dozing on my mate’s floor one night and froze in horror as he woke up, stood over me and took a slash in the corner of the room.

Later that year, I puked in a box that contained all his important documents. Swings and roundabouts

Daughter’s three, so not the sort of debauched incident the rest of you are referring to.

Bol – just try to think that you’ll remember this and laugh about it soon. My (5 y-o) son thinks its hilarious that he wee’d on me more than once when he was smaller!

i was carrying my mates lil’un on my shoulders and he began to let it flow.

a few days later and his dad was holding him and the lil’un done a horrid, runny, stinking liquid shit over him….

i lol’d.

I once woke up drunk in a mates house in a pitch black bedroom. Couldn’t find the light switch, couldn’t find the door.

I eventually just went for a wee in the corner and was outraged in the morning to find I’d wee’d all over my own jeans.

At least it wasn’t your own shoes

Oh shall i, shan’t i?????
Oh go on then..Pissed myself whilst asleep on some sofa cushions on my mates floor.
In my still pissed state i proceeded to attempt to dry the nylon carpet with a handy iron.
My other mate who was asleep on a 2nd sofa tried to stop me but claims he was laughting so hard he couldn’t speak 😆 😆

Also, has anyone slept drunk at their mates house, got up to use the toilet in the middle of the night and wandered into the bathroom to find his mum sat naked on the bog?

Just me then?

It could be worse

(Safe – links to a Daily Mail article)

very underrated experience in my opinion..

My best mate and former roomie was at one time an unwashed, toothless, cocaine injecting, 8am til midnite cider drinking maniac..

It was a fairly regular occurance at that time for him to confuse bedrooms for bathrooms and toilets for beds during chemically assisted somnambulistic delusions..
It became second nature to have to wake him from his slumber as you realise that he is about to unleash a bladder full of fury onto your sexy girlfriend’s feet in the middle of the night..

my youngest managed to pee in my wifes mouth when she was knelt changing his nappy

Yes, I’ve been reminding older daughter of all the times she’s done similar things. Much to her embarrassment now that she is nearly 12.

The best of the lot though was when younger daughter, needing a wee went and found one of older daughter’s shoes to wee in. Having filled it, she then walked down the hall to find the other one which she also filled. She wasn’t old enough to know the significance, but there’s always been a certain amount of conflict in their relationship.

An old friend of mine was finally asked to leave home and find a place of his own after a rather heavy weekend, he managed to not find the toilet but decided to have a slash on his mum whilst she was in bed…. my how we laughed… even funnier was that same evening prior to giving his mum a wash, we had shaved one of his eybrows off and drawn on him with marker pen … his mum didn’t find that funny either..

Scottish series 2005, rented house 10 blokes. I was on the floor and woke up to a mate of mine pissing on my head.

Yep my head, in my mouth, up my nose and in my eyes. To be fair he had no idea and he went on to be my best man the summer after.

He completely denied it all in the morning but eventually came round and bought all the beer that next night.

I’ve just remembered that I poo’ed the bed once.. it was during the first week that I started sleeping with a new girlfriend..

She was very wonderful in every way and quite possibly way out of my league..
I was very ill after a week or so of debauched self indulgence…
I poo’ed the bed..
She helped me clear up and got back in bed with me.. we fell asleep and I poo’ed again.. I was layed on my stomach.. she said it was like a fountain..

fell asleep and I poo’ed again.. I was layed on my stomach..

Ahh that made me chuckle 🙂 and samurais comments!

I shat myself last week whilst walking the dog…sheizen stained boardies and legs into wellies isn’t a good look on the way back to your house!!

some magic stories here gents!

I’ve only seen the standard mates pissing in the corner of a room and another mate pissing over another mates head whilst one of them had their head planted in the toilet vomming.

When i was in colllege in the hostel, a room mate used to piss out of the upstairs window when drunk,one day he got up late , and pissed out right in front of all the senior college staff on a visit, they where not amused and he disapeared from the course that day.

ha Id just forgot my best 2 actually!

My best mate at uni, pulled a girl – woke up in the middle of the night (she noticed) pissed all over her laptop, ipod, clothes and coursework and went back to bed….. she broke it to him on their 5th year anniversary hahaha.

I lived in a house with my best mate and his misses 2 years ago and he was telling me how he’d pissed in her shoes and stuff (this thing must be really common?) when sleep walking anyway that night i woke up to here him pissing like mad on my bedroom door and his misses shouting her head off at him – I pretended to be asleep and tried to stop crying with laughter.

pulls up chair this is getting very funny. only mishap i had was on way home on school bus and pooed my pants things got a little worse as i had shorts on and it fell out onto bus floor in front of all the other kids..knowing how keen the mods are to closing theads these days cannot see this going on much longer 🙄

A friend of my dad was out on Christmas Eve and came back rather pissed. Waking up in the middle of the night, he confused the toilet with his wardrobe. This being the same wardrobe in which the turkey was being defrosted….

Turns out that the plastic wrap on a frozen turkey keeps most odours and liquids out…

Doing some work in a care home for people suffering from Dementia, now called alzheimers, this poor lady decided to wee just as she walked over the extension cable,she just missed my drill, it was so sad to see it happen in front of me, thankfuly due to her medical condition, she probably wasnt aware of what she had done, and showed no signs of horror,embarasement or awareness of what had happened.

my brother was using a 100W surround sound amp as a stereo (travesty). He wee’d on it in the middle of the night and it sounded like hell was being decompressed into his bedroom. Glad it didn’t hurt him though.

my favourite ‘drunken piss story’ is my mate who got seen in town one saturday buying a full set of pillows from bhs – bit unusual for a 19yo home from uni for the weekend – turns out in his confusion over uni/ parents house he had turned the wrong way and pissed all over his parents bed whilst they were asleep!!

to top it off his dad pissed all over the new pillows a few months later!!

5hit happens and do does pi55 apparently!

My parents always remind me when I was toddler that I had pee’d my pants seeing Dad’s friend (6ft6 body builder) wave hello to me and I ran off with wet trail behind me.

So think of the funny revenge stories you can embarrass her future husband with etc.

Google mattress cleaning? hope you can get it pee free.

You should all join the Army – you’d fit right in.

My 18yr old girlfriend wet our bed twice after getting pissed. Was philosophical about it the first time, really **** me off when she did it again…

My brother pissed in his laundry basket one night. His wife worked that one out a few days later.

My brother also shat himself in front of my dad, while sitting on a cream-coloured chair 😉

last time I was drunk at the in-laws I pee’d in MILs favourite slippers..
and stole courgettes

I’ve down It loads of times Pishing over my record collection and even opening the door to the fridge whilst guttered. Once when I was a kid of about 7 my brother let rip and thinking I could out fart him I forced one out and shat all over the bed sheets. Fearing a hiding from my dad , I tried to hide the bedsheets only to be grassed up by my brother.
Also cacked my WHITE jeans back In the 90’s after some dodgy recreationals. 😳

Norovirus and unrestricted bedtime farts.

no no no no no no no no 😳

child story – my 2yr 10 month old daughter poo’d her bed last night. Not something I like cleaning up on a Saturday morning.

ex girlfriend story – i once accidently wee’d in my ex girlfriends mouth once when she was [cough] on the job. She was remarkably good about it. I remember it like yesterday!

A few of us staggering back from the pub one night, popped down an alleyway for a piss up against the wall, I remarked to my mate that bloody typical its just started to rain then heard a maniac laughing. It was his brother standing on top of a wall behind us peeing on our heads.

On ice hockey road trips as the B team we used to get the cheap coach with no toilets on it, so it was a case of ‘aquiring’ a large bottle or pint glass on the post match drinking session, to utilise to pee into when the coach driver finally got fed up of pulling over for p stops all the time and wouldn’t stop anymore. I remember emptying a pint glass out of a coach skylight, for someone to say shut the skylight at the back of the coach as it had started raining and it was coming in.

Some absolutely tremendous efforts on this thread, make me proud to be British.

I once got up during the night for a piss after a sesh. My wife, upon wondering why she had heard the front door opening,found me standing naked in the front doorway pissing on my car. 😀
I also once woke my son up in the wee hours having a leak onto his computer chair. 😀

Go me……. 😳