Not going on a mate's stag night. Possible?

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Not going on a mate's stag night. Possible?

64 posts & 58 voices | Started 8 months ago by tron | Latest reply from wingnuts

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tron - Member

A mate's getting married in a bit, and he wants to have his stag night in Las Vegas, which is likely to cost around £1-2k by my reckoning.

To put things very bluntly, that's totally unaffordable for me. He, and most of his friends, work at investment banks, and so it isn't a big deal to them. Is a stag do something you can get out of, or it a complete friendship ender?

I'm not the best man, and I've no desire to go along and cadge off people or constantly be putting a damper on things by having no cash.

Posted 8 months ago #
RealMan - Member

Hmmmm. Tricky one. On the one hand, you could talk to him about it, or you could talk to a bunch of strangers on the internet.

Hmmmm.

Posted 8 months ago #
TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsSTR - Member

Not been to a few myself - be honest and say you can't afford it

Posted 8 months ago #
ph0010421 - Member

Unfair to force you to go; there should always be two stag parties - the lavish one for the fortunate ones, and the pissup down the Red Lion IMO.

Posted 8 months ago #
grum - Member

A mate's getting married in a bit, and he wants to have his stag night in Las Vegas, which is likely to cost around £1-2k by my reckoning.

Unreasonable of him to expect everyone to be able to afford that imo. Stag do should be about the people there not having a fancy holiday and splashing the cash.

Posted 8 months ago #
BoardinBob - Member

Yes. Completely unreasonable to expect people to fork out for that kind of stag. In my experience, as each one of my mates got married, each subsequent stag do had to out do the last one. The first one was a working mens club with a stripper. The next was Edinburgh. Then Newcastle. Then London. Then Barcelona. Then Ibiza. etc etc.

Posted 8 months ago #
Drac - Moderator

It's not obligatory to attend a stag do, just tell him you're not going.

Posted 8 months ago #
sweaman2 - Member

I agree - be honest. That is expensive even by stag do standards (I reckon). In my experience the quality of the stag do is inversly proportional to the funds spent... best ones are the ones with a good group and a local pub...

Posted 8 months ago #
portlyone - Member

Can you make the wedding? My mate is having both the stag do and wedding abroad (Barcelona and Cape Town). No shiny bike parts for me for a while!

My mate is cool about it though, knowing it's a lot to ask of people.

He told everyone early on so it's going to be my holiday for next year, already starte looking for mtb opportunities in SA

Posted 8 months ago #
user-removed - Member

I have a good mate who only went to Magaloof (sp?!) for five days. I honestly couldn't think of anything worse - not that I'm a boring old fart or anything But they had those lycra gimp-suit things and everything.

I just said absolutely no fekkin way right from the get-go, and told him why.

Very glad I didn't go when I saw the pics / heard the tales - 24 hour drinking / lapdance clubs / real and proper nasty abuse of Eastern European females (not by my mates, but by the guys who run the clubs).

The whole thing just made me want to go for a ride then open a nice ale later and read my book whilst patting my dog. He didn't take it personally (I don't think...) but he has started riding his road bike more than his proper bike.

Posted 8 months ago #
MrPottatoHead - Member

I just stumped up for the cost of my stag do to avoid this situation (admittedly not quite that cost). I didn't want any of my mates to feel excluded because they couldn't afford to join in.

Tell him you can't afford it and then let him prioritise whether having his friends there is more important than what he chooses to do for the weekend.

Posted 8 months ago #
chakaping - Member

People get really selfish and unreasonable when they're getting married, but if he's really a mate I'm sure he'll understand.

Posted 8 months ago #
kimbers - Member

i missed out on a good mates stag do in munich, because there was no way i could afford it
similar thing - i was a poorly scientist, my mates bourgois IT types

still sad i didnt go but in the grand scheme of things im over it

(it did spell doom for one of my mates who got a blowjob off a lapdancer and another 'mate' let it slip while me my missus my mate and his missus were on holiday- made for a very uncomfortable week till they could go home and split up properly- my point is maybe its a good thing you cant go)

Posted 8 months ago #
tron - Member

I've already spoken to him on the subject. I don't think he twigs how much cash it is...

Posted 8 months ago #
t-obias - Member

Just be honest. A friend of mine is having her wedding in the West Indies. Apparently just under half of their invites have come back saying no. She's now refusing to talk to those people (myself included). Hey ho.

If he's a mate, he'll understand and as said up there ^ nout wrong with having a good piss up in the local for those that can't make it.

Posted 8 months ago #
user-removed - Member

Oh, and my stagger was in Kinloch Rannoch with an open invite and a nice rented holiday house which slept nearly 20! No strippers to bother me out there B'stads did try and chuck me in the loch at one point though...

Posted 8 months ago #
fatmax - Member

Been to lots of stag-do's, some messy, some more low-key, and £1k+ in Vegas is over the top. i've had a real run of them in recent years and even uk-based ones are expensive. Amsterdam last year was £600-700 mimimum and I think that's a lot of money in anyone's book.
say you can't make it and why, and if he's a decent pal he'll be ok with it, and catch up with him for a normal night on the lash before the big day.

Posted 8 months ago #
MrSalmon - Member

As a confirmed grumpy old git I think it's totally out of order for people to expect their mates to pay so much for hen and stag dos. They're totally putting you on the spot.
Just tell him you can't afford it.

Posted 8 months ago #
ourmaninthenorth - Member

Frankly, I'd be more worried that any friend of mine would think that going to Vegas for a stag do was a good thing....

Be honest. Tell him that it's too much for you and that you hope he has a great time.

Posted 8 months ago #
morgs - Member

tell him it's too much but offer to arrange a local more traditional stag do. I know you're not the best man, but the sentiment counts.

If it doesnt count, then only go to the wedding in order to pull a bridesmaid / the bride to teach him a lesson in manners

Posted 8 months ago #
xherbivorex - Member

one of my best mates is having his stag do in london, which is where he lives. i live in manchester, and being between jobs at the moment i can't really afford to go to london and stay over twice in the space of a few weeks, so i told him i couldn't make it due to the cost.
he's not a dick, so he's absolutely fine with this.

Posted 8 months ago #
passtherizla - Member

like pretty much everyone else has said... If he's a mate he won't mind, it is unreasonable to expect you to spend that much! As if 1K+ is an amount of money that doesn't actually register as money... oh to be a banker.

Posted 8 months ago #
darrell - Member

my stag do was in the Man and Scythe pub in Bolton.

Now that's class

cost about 20 quid. Everyone had a great time, got pissed and jumped up and down to a punk covers band

Posted 8 months ago #
toby1 - Member

Bail - have you not seen movies about Stag do's in Vegas - they ALWAYS end in disaster!

Posted 8 months ago #
5lab - Member

i was a best man for my mate and when arranging the stag do I figured budget was very important. Ended up with a wet weekend in wales, which was just as fun as vegas (but I can equally understand why someone would want to 'go out in style' like that). Even if he's loaded, just explain its a load of money, and you can't afford it. About 50% of the folks my mate invited came along in the end, so I'd say its no deal ender, especially in the circumstances..

maybe put it to him in terms of your rent, monthly salery, annual holiday cost, or something?

Posted 8 months ago #
piedi di formaggio - Member

I suggest watching this documentary on Vegas stag dos

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0124198/

Posted 8 months ago #
deadlydarcy - Member

"Sorry mate, that's a bit high dollar for me. If you're arranging some beers locally before the do, I won't miss it."

is all you have to say.

A stag do in Vegas at that kind of money is bloody ridiculous IMO.

Posted 8 months ago #
andyl - Member

I had to turn down my best friends stag do the other year. At the time I was (only just got my head above wate tbh) struggling to make ends meet as I was finishing my PhD after 3 years self funded. Really wish they had arranged something affordable but that reflects on the others who organised it.

Had to turn down a wedding this year too as it was out in Serbia. Not the cheapest place to get to and the other half had exams 2 days after the wedding date.

Posted 8 months ago #
mboy - Member

Anybody else noticed how their "friends" on high incomes tend to drift into social circles exclusively consisting of other people on high incomes in their late 20's and early 30's?

Seriously though, nearly couldn't make a very good mates wedding, though he and some other friends did help to make it as cheap as possible for me. They let me know the moment flights were available so I booked a return to Pisa from Bristol for £90, booked cheaper accommodation (£100 for the week) for some of us a bit less well off, and made sure I got lifts to and from the airport for free which was helpful. Still an expensive wedding mind, spent about £300 all told for the week (inclusive of flights and accommodation) which wasn't bad, but I've been to cheaper!

Hid stag do on the other hand... 2 nights in a 5 star hotel, a day at Ascot races, and expensive restaurants for food... I asked how much he reckoned it would cost and he said "I reckon you'll be ok with 250 quid for the weekend, I'm taking more though"... Told him flatly at that point, not a chance! He wasnt upset, he understood why...

Posted 8 months ago #
davidtaylforth - Member

He, and most of his friends, work at investment banks

Sounds like it'll be a shit crack anyway.

Posted 8 months ago #
neilsonwheels - Member

Very glad I didn't go when I saw the pics / heard the tales - 24 hour drinking / lapdance clubs / real and proper nasty abuse of Eastern European females

Where do I sign up.?

Posted 8 months ago #
Clink - Member

The whole thing just made me want to go for a ride then open a nice ale later and read my book whilst patting my dog.

Brilliant!

Posted 8 months ago #
Drac - Moderator

Anybody else noticed how their "friends" on high incomes tend to drift into social circles exclusively consisting of other people on high incomes in their late 20's and early 30's

No not at all.

Posted 8 months ago #
Singlespeed_Shep - Member

I went to a mates stag do in the peaks, (no riding) it was just drinking and go karting cost around £500 in total which I though was a lot for a stag do. I said I thought it was a lot of cash but would come anyway.

Two months later my stag do, £25 in the kitty from everyone and it covered all the drinks and a buffet meal. (it was a bike ride round 4 pubs and around 4 miles) Above stag was short of cash and had a cold so didn't think it was best to come out on a bike. It was a class day and everyone enjoyed it.

So i think be honest to him and sort out a piss up at the local. If its cheap and not built up to anything it you'll all have a great time.

Posted 8 months ago #
Houns - Member

Sadly due to reasons i won't go in to on this forum i have missed out on 3 stag do's and weddings recently, i think they have understood why

Posted 8 months ago #