[Closed] Not going on a mate's stag night. Possible?

Its a big ask, be honest.

I went to Hamburg with a few mates for mine (by the sounds of it a lot of people on here would have hated it 🙂 )

For those that couldn't afford it / couldn't make it we had another one back here in the UK which involved a day at the races, meal then club.

Something for everyone, simples:)

When did stag doo's start becoming so lavish??,mines nearly 20 years ago
was a piss up in Edinburgh (i lived there at the time) a tour round the three stripper bars off the Grassmarket i believe known as the pubic triangle a club possibly a kebaaab on the way home job done everyone had a great i had a horrendeos hangover
Im sure as posted above any decent friend will understand if you choose not to go

i told him i couldn't make it due to the cost.
he's not a dick, so he's absolutely fine with this.

^^^this^^^ +1

I'd just say no, sorry, not my thing and I can't afford it anyway.
You can buy a bike for that!! 😉

For my Stag do we went for a weekends riding in The Lakes. Brilliant!

If he can afford it and wants to go to Vegas - let him, its his stag do not any of yours!

Perhaps he just doesn't like you...?

Man up, men are men and mates are mates, if he can't deal with you not coming then that is surely his problem.

i didn't go to a mates stag this summer cos it was £150 for a box at the football. i just don't have that sorta cash. no bother

I love the folks on where whose default position is to have a go.

I just wanted to know if not going on a stag do is a total faux pas or not much of a problem...

Nah - just tell him you would love to go but you just can't afford that sort of money. Ask him if he wants to go out for a few beers separately sometime before the wedding.

To be fair you should really have given us an indication of your pal's response when you told him you couldn't afford it.

People will jump to conclusions if you don't give them all the relevant information.

I have this for my Brothers stag, there was talk of going to Vegas but they decided not to because our other brother would be too young to drink. Now apparently they are thinking about going to Poland to watch Aston Villa play wendyball. Now I don't see my brother as much as I would like to because he lives in Leeds and I live in Birmingham but even if money were no object I don't think I would want to go abroad for a stag do. His circle of friends are very like this and just a couple of weeks ago went to Amsterdam for a 'lads weekend' I'm only a couple of years older but have 2 children and am already married so am well passed the binge drink for a week stage.

I do feel an obligation to go because he is my brother and have told him I don't want to go abroad but am happy to go for a weekend somewhere in the UK.

If he is actually your mate, he'll understand your reasons for not going. Two years ago I was faced with two stag do's in the space of a month and had to turn one down. I was the best man for one, and a close friend of the other. Didn't turn out to be a problem. £1-2k on a stag is crazy money, for me anyway.

It is absolutely fine to not attend a mates stag do- I've had quite a few over the last year or two and there is always somebody who cannot attend one or the other for various reasons- it's never been an issue.

Stag do's are definitely not an unconditional attendance type thing, I honestly wouldn't worry.

I'm sure your mate will appreciate honesty and you being up-front- i.e 'Sorry mate I know I won't be able to afford that but we'll have a night out down town soon to celebrate' or whatever. Better to do that than be the person who keeps saying they'll go, gets included in all the planning and then bails at the last minute causing chaos, because they haven't actually saved any cash or organised anything.

As a rough rule of thumb, the less I've spent on stag do's the more fun I've had - the social aspect comes to the fore when you don't feel compelled to get your money's worth.

I couldn't make a stag do in Biarritz although we had plenty of notice. I didn't really fancy the trip to Paplona and getting gored by a bull, plus the flights were getting mucho pricey by the time I started looking. Was a good friend from school so I felt a bit guilty about not going but he understood. I took it upon myself to organise a mini stag do at his place with some old schoolfriends to make up for it. That was much appreciated and we had a good time.

Seriously its a non-issue, just tell him the truth. I had my Stag in Krakow and a few of my mates couldn't make either due to cost or other commitments.

I didn't hold it against them

OP normally I'd say its an honour to be invited however ANY friend would understand that upto 2k is a big ask.

Plus Las Vegas? **** that. I'd do Blackpool for a good mate I'd grin and bear it but around the world at that cost?

And for me, it less about the money and more about the need to take holidays from work - its not like we all get that many, and certainly once you've kids there aren't enough days just for the basics.

Same as most others, it's not compulsory by any stretch and gets even less so as the cost goes up. just tell him the truth.

Anybody else noticed how their "friends" on high incomes tend to drift into social circles exclusively consisting of other people on high incomes in their late 20's and early 30's

Be honest. Thats what mates are about. Having had a couple of these myself......... Its about people and not places.

First was in the days before they became events. Pub with mates and they're still with me even though she isn't.

The second was eight years ago and I was so scared that they and other mates would do I organised it myself. Told them what to bring and that everything else was covered. Passport and £100. We went to Boulogne to collect beer. Stayed in crap hotel and had a meal that cost more than everything else put together. People still talk about it including me drinking champagne from another custumers shoe. Tasted brilliant!

My best man wasn't there! He was 16 at the time. We went to the pub and he (my son) carried me home.

All these have been great and its because of who was with me. If anybody can't be there, if you value them, you will do something to include them one way or another.

Had some rich friends who got married last summer. £100k wedding!!!! Various things organised from Portugal and New York to the local pub. Nobody was made to feel poor or out of place cause they hadn't been to one bit and not another. I was out of work at the time.