How do you pee in a motorway traffic jam?

Stuck in a motorway traffic jam, you’re clearly not going anywhere in a hurry and you need to pee. Let’s say you’re in lane 3 if it matters. What do you do?

Do you have a receptacle in the car?

If not, open the door slightly and pee out of it.

Or just go the whole hog and pish yourself, it’s a lovely feeling.

Be grateful that you’re a man. Use one of the empties littering the floor of your car. If you’re a woman you won’t have litter.

Bottle with large opening.

if you’re a woman you won’t have litter.

You’ve never seen my wifes car have you?

Make sure the receptacle used is big enough, as you don’t want to realise it’s about to overfill, panic, and then drop it on the floor of your mates car.

If you’re a woman you won’t have litter.

Not sure what you mean?

No receptical other than a garage glove from the diesel pump.

@ Mark – The wonderful thing about women is they’re all different. The one I knew best had a thing about tidy cars. She’d have taken out the jack and spare wheel…

Pee in to a camelbak bladder

Yes I have done this

No receptical other than a garage glove from the diesel pump.

Well, let this be a lesson to you. Always carry a selection of bottles in the car. As a messy bastard, my car is littered with old lucozade/water bottles used after running or whatnot. Can send you some if you like 😀

stoffel – Member
Bottle with large opening.

swoons

swoons

Unless he is tucking his balls in there as well.

Most blokes can’t hit the toilet with any accuracy, so the larger the opening, the better 🙂

Get out of the car, whip out your whazzer and either have a pee against the central reservation, or the back bumper of the car in front.

What’s with this hiding in your vehicle thing? Are you men or mice?

Just pee into the heater vent.

Piss in a bottle

Ok now what if it is a number 2 … i reckon carrier bag and receipts for toilet paper

Got stuck on the M25 a couple of years ago. Properly solid, not moving. Eventually I could take it no longer, got out the car and had a pee at the side of the road. That was the cue for half the jam the get out and do the same. I think everybody was just waiting. The ladies wandered a little further into the hedges on the verge.

Just make sure you don’t get hit by and emergency vehicle barrelling down the hard shoulder !!

Got stuck on the M25 a couple of years ago. Properly solid, not moving. Eventually I could take it no longer, got out the car and had a pee at the side of the road. That was the cue for half the jam the get out and do the same. I think everybody was just waiting. The ladies wandered a little further into the hedges on the verge.

…and that’s how Nick became known as the Lord Of The Pissers.

I used to know a London cabbie who told me that under some law dating from the 1800s, a cabbie has the right to relieve himself against the offside wheel of his hansome cab. Recently one of his colleagues was exercising this very right while stuck in traffic and along came a Police officer. The cabbie explained that he was exercising his legal right but it just happened that the copper knew the law better then him. Out came the notepad and pencil: “Right then,” says the copper. “So where’s the bale of hay for your horse?”

Funny; I’ve heard that exact same story from at least 3 or 4 different cabbies. 😉

Can’t help thinking that you’ll suffer a bad case of the dribbles if you try to pee into a bottle sitting in a car.

Can’t help thinking that you’ll suffer a bad case of the dribbles if you try to pee into a bottle sitting in a car.

Are you driving? I assume not if your on the phone/tablet/laptop, so just hop out, frogger it across to the hard shoulder and go for a whizz.

You may have to jog a bit to catch up with your ride.

Hard hat. Done it once when had a kidney infection. Also left a stag particiapnt on the central reservation once the traffic started to free up at an inopportune moment (for a few yards) but the look of panic and internal conflict between long awaited and gratifying waz vs survival was priceless.

…and that’s how Nick became known as the Lord Of The Pissers.

It was an awesome feeling of power. To control so many bladders!

I was driving, savd this thread for once the blind panic was over. It was a close call. Just thought it might be nice to have a plan for next time.

Might have to keep an empty bottle in the car. How big does it need to be though?

I can recommend a Nalgene wide-mouth bottle 🙂

I used to know … Recently one of his colleagues …

What’s that I smell? No, not wee wee, something more faecal, and possibly bovine…

It was an awesome feeling of power. To control so many bladders!

I imagine, urine line for some sort of medal.

These threads should have appeared in reverse order on the overview but

bike Using water bottle on underside of downtube? 26 Premier User cinnamon_girl 2 minutes
chat How do you pee in a motorway traffic jam? 31 Onzadog 4 minutes

Got stuck on the M25 a couple of years ago. Properly solid

Did anyone else read that as:

Got stuck on the M25 a couple of years ago. Properly soiled

These threads should have appeared in reverse order on the overview but

Pull over and perform discretely.

slowoldgit – Member
Be grateful that you’re a man. Use one of the empties littering the floor of your car. If you’re a woman you won’t have litter.

Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!
One lovely lady with whom I had, shall we say, a fairly close relationship, drove a 2CV which was basically a small orange skip, from the trash that covered pretty much the entire floor! A heavy silver ID bracelet of mine went missing for months, until I found it between the seats, buried under several inches of old car park tickets, sweet wrappers, make-up plastered tissues, etc., while looking for parking change I’d just dropped.

A mate used to drive back to Kent from Cumbria a few times a year. He went overnight with a large bottle of coke and a couple of the old lenor fabric softener bottles, wide enough and big enough and also came with a handle….

Long drive coming up?

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/CONVEEN-STARTER-PACK-3x-Conveens-Catheter-Bag-Sheath-type-for-incontinence-/271529448882?pt=UK_Health_Beauty_Mobility_Disability_Medical_ET&hash=item3f386a95b2

You could probably dispense with the bag and just leave the pipe hanging out the bottom of the car door 8)

If the cars stopped in a mega shit jam, get out, walk onto the hard shoulder, up the verge, into the trees and have a piss.
Yes I have done this. As did mrs iolo.

Just remember plastic bottles are the order of the day – don’t try and use an old coke can… 😯