Friend of mine has found out hes going to be a Father for the first time (not planned/a shock). Hes kinda mixed up- Fear/scared, reluctant (and scared). Is this normal?

Thought all fathers to be were supposed to be grinning, cigar-smoking happy-types? 😯

Totally normal!

What is the situation? Married? One nighter?

Makes a huge difference!

Longterm (and very happy) relationship

Longterm (and very happy) relationship

A good start!

Do they want the child? Are they both career minded?

Recession, not a goodtime is it?

If he really enjoys his lifestyle now – things are going to change radically
Whether or not he'll enjoy his new life as much is up to him

Friend of mine

Hang on, we have heard that before on STW!

Whether or not he'll enjoy his new life as much is up to him

That sounds about right – he can't change what is now a reality so he should learn (quickly) to embrace it. I am loving being a father (just over six week old twins), but then again we went through IVF and lots of heartache to get where we are and wanted it badly.

When I found out my GF was pregnant I experienced some pretty negative emotions. We had been together less than a year and neither of us wanted kids. We had a massive row over it and things were unpleasant for a while but I MTFU, accepted my responsibility and when our daughter was born 3 weeks ago I was absolutely over the moon. We are back together and looking forward to a future as a family 😀

don't worry Penguinious, you will be fine. 😉

Its totally normal to be scared/apprehensive/reluctant when you first find out. Its also totally understandable to be concerned about money.

You will cope. You will learn how to make a quid go further, you will learn how to get by with less sleep and less free time and, most importantly, you will also realise that you never really knew what unconditional love actually was until you hold your own child in your arms.

He needs to ask the following:

Does he place a high value on an active and varied sex life?
In fact: ANY sex life?
Does he like sleep?
ANY sleep?
Does he quite like having a disposable income that amounts to more than the loose change he can find down the back of the sofa?
Does he think mountain biking at weekends is over-rated?
Would he much rather be spending the days looking for …. oh I don't know… a decent nursery?

Recession, not a goodtime is it?

it's never a good time financially cos they cost a fortune.

Changing bikes/parts less often will actually be a blessing. A purpose/new focus so to speak. Its the fear about money mainly.

and why have you changed your name hora?

you will also realise that you never really knew what unconditional love actually was until you hold your own child in your arms.

Jeez – I almost feel like blubbing just reading that – it is sooooo true. The way they look at you as you hold them is magical. I could stare into my two's eyes forever, hold them non-stop. 🙂

ha ha – it's Hora 😀 😀

Have you finally succumbed then Hora? I thought you were immune to her badgering?

And I thought there had been laws passed about you being allowed to breed 🙂

and why have you changed your name hora?

Everyone has that dual name feature on their profile?

mastiles_fanylion- going to remember that when they are screaming at you for not letting them drive your car or see their new squeeze..

going to remember that when they are screaming at you for not letting them drive your car or see their new squeeze..

A long time till I need to worry about that one – I choose not to think about it yet 🙂

I could stare into my two's eyes forever, hold them non-stop

wait until they get to 2 or 3!

wait until they get to 2 or 3!

or 12 or 13 🙂

They don't HAVE to cost a fortune. Buy sensibly, avoid all the latest, must have baby lifestyle malarkey and it's not too bad. Can't see I've noticed a huge impact on my disposable income, but maybe the not going out is balancing out the cost of nappies, and so the status quo has been maintained 🙂

It's ace, end of. I was shanghai'd (sh*t on , p*ssed on and puked on) by junior w2k t'other day and all I could do was laugh!

You know one of the first things he thought? Will need to get rid of all the bike kit and buy a fully rigid Swift that will last 20yrs 😆 😥

right the money thing:

1. Gnless you are on amazing money you will get assistance from the state – child benefit, tax credits and your partner is entitled to 12 months maternity leave, 9 of it paid and her company will have an additional scheme in place where she'll get approx 90% of her salary for a set period.

2. Got a mortgage? take a mortgage holiday for 3/6 months

3. Start putting a few quid a week away now – it adds up

4. DO NOT stress about cots, pushchairs etc ebay is your friend and believe me there will be people queuing up to sell you stuff at cheap rates if you don't get everything from family and friends

Kids cost money, there's no getting away from it but you will get through, you will learn to budget far better than you do now and it will be alright.

reluctant grandad to be………….
as i type my 17 yr old son is at the hospital with his 17 yr old girlfriend, who is being induced today………… 😥

They don't HAVE to cost a fortune

Are you sure?

Twins starting uni this year & another one next

I meant initially uplink. No doubt they are a financial drain in later life!

Buy sensibly, avoid all the latest, must have baby lifestyle malarkey and it's not too bad.

This is hora we're talking about. He will kickstart the economy on his own with the amount he'll be spending on designer baby clothes

oh and congratulations Hora 🙂

or 12 or 13

My nieces have just turned 11 and 12 (sisters) and I adore them – if our two are the same, I will be happy. In fact, I am just chatting to them both at the moment on MSN as they both got iPhones for their birthdays (spoiled I know)!!!

let alone the amount of cots/prams etc he'll get through before deciding which is the right one.

Seriously though, congratulations to your "friend" hora 🙂

DO NOT stress about cots, pushchairs etc ebay is your friend and believe me there will be people queuing up to sell you stuff at cheap rates if you don't get everything from family and friends

For your first child its easy to get sucked into the whole baby merchandise thing and been convinced you must buy everything. We bought loads of junk we never really used and never replaced it by the time our second came along.

This was also true of food and sterlising: for our first, everything was sterilised to within an inch like as if everything was carrying H1N1 and food was all organic baby food. For the second we were much less disciplined with sterlising and our second was on solids much quicker.

Perfectly normal to be apprehensive. It's a big change, but then again it's going to happen anyway so no choice but to get on with it.

It's like Invasion of the Body Snatchers – once you've become a parent you can't understand why you worried. Apart from the lack of money, time, sleep, and being the least important person in the house from now on.

On the other hand in many ways it makes life a lot simpler – you now have a purpose in life so no existential worries. Just practical ones.

12 months maternity leave, 9 of it paid

6 + 6 months isn't it, 26 weeks paid – remainder at discretion of employer

Congratulations mate. I cannot believe there are to be baby Hora's

My nieces have just turned 11 and 12 (sisters) and I adore them – if our two are the same, I will be happy.

yeah TBH – that's not a bad age really
13-15 for daughters is difficult for a lot of folks

On Cots etc. My 'friend' has already started on this…with the 'green' angle on his SO (reuse friends's kit etc- dont waste the planets resources). Don't buy many toys as the dog will have them…let friends buy/donate things.

My mates son is 14. His Stepmum (a good friend of ours) walked in on him 'learning about his body' is probably the best way of describing it. She then made the mistake of telling me and ever since I wind her up royally!! 😆

13-15 for daughters is difficult for a lot of folks

I bet it is – I have crucified my brother relentlessly for the last 11 years about having two girls coming into their teen years so close together and all the hassle it would bring.

Then have twin girls of our own. LOL!!!!

Kids are both the most rewarding thing in your life and the biggest source of stress all at the same time.

They are, however, ace.