Your worst christmas/birthday present?

Prompted by the arrival in the post box this morning of a package addressed to Mrs Stoner from “The Sock Company” and the looming feeling of the need for a new patio on boxing day….

…what’s the crappest present you’ve ever received?

My mum once got me an A-Level Physical Geography Course book, because “You like that kind of outdoors thing”. I was 24.

This.

Beat that.

Pants.

Get some every year. Use them as bike cloths.

A lampshade.

Thanks love.

I got a stapler and paper punch set once.

[in-joke alert]

I got a stapler and paper punch set once.

Mrs CFH has a new log in?

[/in-joke alert]

my mum bought me an empty Ostrich egg last year.

Raliegh Marauder when I had spent a 1.5 years saving up for an Offroad Sport and the cost of the Marauder would have been the balance….

I was so sad. I had to wait another 2 years before I got a real MTB

Can’t think of a present I’ve been unhappy to receive. Worst present I’ve given was a packet of modeling balloons to an asthmatic, never realised how vein-poppingly difficult they were to blow up.

An electric toothbrush ‘because you clean your teeth too much’.

Some travel dominoes ‘because you like metal things’

A battered old metal Coca Cola patio chair ‘because we saw and thought that’s really you’

A toiletries set – for women ‘because it’s excellent quality’

TheI love my parents dearly, but sweet lord they choose terrible presents.

Can’t think of a present I’ve been unhappy to receive.

You’ve never been given a trouser press then.

An electronic toothbrush off th ex, as a kid the old man did the old orange nuts and some coins and made me wait a couple of hours before presenting a new MX bike the git ….

A box of York-Fruits.

They went down but they were just one of them “WTF” type pressies.

Bottles of wine, I’m bi-polar & don’t drink. Re-gift the lot.

yamyamblade – Member
An electronic toothbrush off th ex, as a kid the old man did the old orange nuts and some coins and made me wait a couple of hours before presenting a new MX bike the git ….

Now that I like 😈

I once wrapped my 3 year old some nappies and some wipes – then asked her to get me something from the dining room where the battery operated trike was waiting for her… 🙂

A copy of the book ‘Hairy Hunks’

Why? ‘Because I wanted you to feel better about being hairy and hunky’

Do I have a problem with being hairy then? ‘oh. um. I suppose not’

No.

My Man Utd supporting colleague just got a Man City mug and kit bag in our secret Santa. Ho Ho Ho

I once got a gold knitted tie. Oh, and a rusty penknife.

You’ve never been given a trouser press then.

You’ve clearly never used yours for making cheese toasties 🙂

bottle of next aftershave.

it smelt like diesel !. Made the fire roar though.

old spice

I got £13 of M&S CREDIT vouchers for my birthday once. 😐

Harry the Spider +1

Except to make mine even shitter, i was at University at the time. And to make it appear that I wasn’t an ungrateful shit to my parents, I then had to take it up to uni with me rather than leave it at home.

On the rare chance that a female ever accompanied me back to my room ‘for coffee’ the trouser press usually unsealed that deal pretty quickly.

A bar of Soap with the words “You Stink” on it.

I was mentally wounded for 11 years after that.

I now wash with Bleach.

An alarmingly large thing to hang off a key ring with two buttons on it and a two foot long list of instructions of how to program it. It was for letting you know when your parking ticket would expire!

I was pretty speechless at that, what with owning a watch, being able to tell the time and have a rudimentary grasp of memory.

That really was a solution looking for a problem!

An Aunt on my wife’s side buys brandy filled chocolates from the pound shop to give to people…I get them every year.

They’re like little chocolate barrels filled with petrol.

A bath brush in the shape of a Giraffe when I was about 8.
Things like that scar you for ever.

They’re like little chocolate barrels filled with petrol.

Do you have a video camera and a match? Sounds like a youtube winner!

Driving gloves.

My Auntie Betty bought me a car cleaning kit in a leather pouch when I was about 12. Thanks.

Best present as a kid..

Came down the stairs into the living room and there on the mat, on it’s stand, was a Grifter. That mental image will always be with me. Utter childhood joy.

Easy….riverdance tickets in Nottingham from my sister when I was 25 and living in Colchester and into hardcore/punk/Indie. a 4 hour round trip to watch a 2nd rate Flately….I just asked whether I had my mums present by mistake and when she said no I politely informed her I would not be going to that and gave them straight back.

Nothing I’ve really loathed, but plenty of pointless stuff like aftershave (makes me cough and wheeze).

TBH even with the really nice things, my guilt sense goes into overdrive and I can never really enjoy them for feeling that I don’t deserve such kindness.

I’d prefer not to receive gifts.

An aged 12 jumper.. I’m 34
A sickly purple colour t shirt with C3-P0 on it.
Got my outlaws some comet vouchers this year

Actually, thinking back quite some time……. a present to our family from an aunty. A set of paper cut out battleships that you’re meant to float in the toilet and sink them by shitting on them.

A set of paper cut out battleships that you’re meant to float in the toilet and sink them by shitting on them.

I think I need some of those!

I’m often accused of being tight by my family, but I’m a firm believer that shit presents are worse than no presents! Last year my sister got me a wind up hamster in a clear plastic ball. WTF? Apparently it wasn’t even meant as a toy for the cats? I’d really rather she just made me a cup of tea or something!

Except to make mine even shitter, i was at University at the time. And to make it appear that I wasn’t an ungrateful shit to my parents, I then had to take it up to uni with me rather than leave it at home.

Is this you?

A jumper from my aunt, complete with fleas.

A plastic reproduction two-sided station clock, for the garden shed I do not have.

A selection of episodes of Danger Mouse and Quackula taped off the telly.

I’m sure I can think of many many others …

My mum bought me a denim shirt one year (not in the 70s mind). gawd it was awful. We had fun for a few years wrapping it up and giving it to another brother (from the same mother) and subsequent Christmases.

Best though was a house number sign my Dad-in-law made. I lived in a road with a bird’s name and he tried to make the bird out of wood on the sign. It was bad. I can’t describe how funny it was though.
My mate was actually crippled with laughter when he saw it.
Never made it on to the front of our house.