You have come to power. Ultimate power. Your first act is…

I’m tempted to say that I would ban ANY advertising for online gambling.

Or make football punishable by death.

Ban religion

Bust Flashy back down to Corporal. 😈

I dunno, my first act would probably be to stand flexing my new power in the mirror for a while.

Pour one self a stiff drink.

Bomb Russia. Unless Vlad says he likes me.

Prosecute restaurants who sell ‘slaw’.

Put that washing machine and Belfast sink in my garage

No use banning religion completely, you need the population to worship you and only you.

Prosecute restaurants who sell ‘slaw’.

If you add “mac ‘n cheese” to that list, you have another loyal voter.

Whole life term for litterbugs

Ban people from saying ‘an istoric’ instead of ‘a historic’

Rachel Riley, twice.

Then use my power to make my wife forgive me 😉

People that don’t indicate to be dragged out of their cars and shot down like the vermin that they are. Bodies to be left as a warning to others.

See also: people that can’t tidy up after themselves in fast food outlets. Dead.

People that “reach out” will be chemically castrated

Provide cake for all

maybe get a new bike

(is “slaw” coleslaw for busy middle-mangers whose time is LITERALLY money ?)

Get a decent email server that can’t be hacked by the Russians again.

And steak bakes as a savoury option

Require all imported good to be made at or above the environmental standards that would be required if the same goods were produced in the uk. If not possible then a tax on the imported goods.

Or simplify the tax system by removing tax thresholds creating steps and walls of tax by have continuous tax functions that take on different shape (probably sigmoidal curves) depending on the tax suspect matter.

Make the STW forum remember I’m logged in.

I like your first option flashy

~for me – shoot the rich and crush all cars

Make the Sussex Alps real, with a big volcano as well.

Open a naughty kids school….

Maths Teacher – Gove
Dinner Lady – Johnson
Lollipop Lady – May
Geography Teacher – Corbyn

Dirty Old Man in the Caretaker’s Cupboard – Farage

Force Jambalaya to tell the truth and apologise for the lies he has told.

How ultimate is this power?

Full English. Followed by a nice nap.

Require all imported good to be made at or above the environmental standards that would be required if the same goods were produced in the uk.

This is far more serious than I expect from STW. But I applaud you sir and you can count on my vote.

Public and brutal execution for people how let their dogs shite and not pick it up

Cancel Brexit, and declare a national holiday marking the day. On that day, everyone will have to find at least one immigrant and say something nice to them.

Belt fed Greggs steak bakes.

And Rachel Riley

Mandate that when your organisation, be it public or private, has been reorganised 4 times you can retire on full pension. Then the muppets might leve us to get on with the job. 😈

Grab Trump by the balls just to see how he likes it. Woof!

Or make football punishable by death.

If you add “mac ‘n cheese” to that list, you have another loyal voter.

Belt fed Greggs steak bakes.

And Rachel Riley

These. The other suggestions are silly.

Get hold of an uncut copy of ‘Caligula’ and make notes.

Ban capitalism.

Admittedly, that’s la-la land, but it’s a lovely land if you think about it.

Anybody who misuses the term “literally” in normal conversation shall be beaten in public with a wet kipper.

Repeat offenders will be hit in the face with a haddock.

Upon every third Thursday of the month the entire population shall affect a Sean Connery accent when speaking, except for Sean Connery himself , who will instead have to talk like Roger Moore.

Upon every third Thursday of the month the entire population shall affect a Sean Connery accent when speaking, except for Sean Connery himself , who will instead have to talk like Roger Moore.

YESH! YESH, YESH, YESH!

Anybody who misuses the term “literally” in normal conversation shall literally be beaten in public with a wet kipper.

Repeat offenders will literally be hit in the face with an actual haddock.
Literally fixed.

Personally I’d really **** sh1t up. Some ideas:

– dismantle the nhs and sell off the remnants
– destroy the welfare state, targeting the poorest the hardest
– hammer the education system with a bizarre mix of forced academisation and new grammar schools
– abandon the renewable energy industry and put our energy security in the hands of an outdated, expensive technology and with a massive subsidy for the next 40 years
– hold a referendum without telling anyone what it really means or what the rules are, but use the result to justify whatever right-wing crazy sh1t I wanted (maybe start off making ominous lists of foreigners and such like)

You know, real reckless evil stuff like that. Mwahahahah

Meh, or maybe just buy myself a T6 out of public funds.