Workplace double entendres

There’s a lot of ATM in my job. You might not want to Google it.

It’s only a small prick, you won’t feel a thing.

The oldies are the best. 😀

This is a right arsole:

A compound of arsenic that some of my colleagues work with. 🤓

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arsole

Qlikview: FlushLog

Access VBA: Me.dirty

Stumbled across this in someone else’s SQL the other day:

Where
xxx like ‘%sex%’
and zzz like ‘%pain%’

Good to know I work with a sadist 🙂

I worked in sales at an international company where the head office was in Paris. The Dutch guys used to refer to the sales forecast as a pipe, as in pipeline. Asking Natalie, the lovely young French girl, for a pipe never used not to be funny for them.
Presumably On One and Cove have the same sense of humour.

You don’t see the spine lines that we can’t use. They’re mostly my doing.

how about the alt-text for the leader photo when each new issue is announced on the front page?

Presumably On One and Cove have the same sense of humour.

Yeah the time I searched for Pompino at work I did not have safe search turned on.

At my last place of work we had a storage area nicknamed “the perineum,” because it was between the front doors and the back doors.

Same place, we had “pre-stage work instructions” – PSWI, pronounced phonetically.

There is an ironmonger in my town called S & M Supplies. I laugh every time I walk past it. Always tempted to go in and ask for a gimp mask.

I run the wholesale division of the company I work for including the US operation. Rejected or clearance lines get put inside a Gaylord. I’ve had so much fun over the years with this. “How much can you squeeze in to the Gaylord” “What’s your average Gaylord weigh” etc etc. They are oblivious which just makes it funnier. Yes I am a man child.

Also at a previous workplace we had annealing kilns branded ‘Homo’… small homos and large homos.

So your workplace is filled with flaming homos?

So your workplace is filled with flaming homos?

Nah, electric ones 🙂

In reference to someone working late at the computer. So and so was in past closing banging away up stairs. Apparently it was inappropriate that I was laughing for for the rest of the meeting.

In lift at work, or any lift – “are you going down?” always leaves me wanting to answer in a better way than I actually did. Same with “are you going up?”

Small minds hey

Worked in a pot-bank in Stoke one summer holiday on the vibro machine with 6 females. Vibro was a round container filled with wood that we all stood around…………I learnt a lot that summer

Temping in an office years ago and was left in an office on a very quiet afternoon, with one other temp and the boss.

Boss: “Go on then, it’s a quiet day. Do you two want to get yourselves off?”

Me: “What, here?”

not work, but a bunch of us were trying to borrow one of my friends, dads boats. Half way through the conversation she said, its all right dad, they’re all hardened sea men. Amazingly he allowed the use of the boat.