and as to Gerald the Giraffe I lost the will to live when he rhymed scarf with bath

Our group of mates often debates the question “What is the biggest animal that you could knock out in one punch?”.

After some debate, the definitive answer was a pregnant leopard seal – the thinking was that the carrying of the pup would weaken the mother seal, and that the pregnancy made the seal larger / counted as two

A leopard seal is one of the very last predators I’d want to be anywhere near. Wiki says [edited]:

leopard seal attacked a member of Sir Ernest Shackleton’s Imperial Trans-Antarctic Expedition of 1914–1917, when the expedition was camping on the sea ice.[45] The “sea leopard”, about 3.7 m long and 500 kg, chased Orde-Lees on the ice. He was saved only when another member of the expedition shot the animal.[46]

In 2003, [a] biologist… of the British Antarctic Survey was killed by a leopard seal while snorkeling

Leopard seals have shown a predilection for attacking the black, torpedo-shaped pontoons of rigid inflatable boats, leading researchers to equip their craft with special protective guards to prevent them from being punctured.

[However] Paul Nicklen, a National Geographic magazine photographer, captured pictures of a leopard seal bringing live, injured, and then dead penguins to him, possibly in an attempt to teach the photographer how to hunt.[50]

So I guess if you’re lucky they might try to train you up, but that’s a lot of weight to gain even for the average middleaged mountainbiker…

Another hospitalised by a domestic cat. Long story but cba short version is: attempting to help the sod, ripped me to pieces (chest, back, leg and torn ear – in about 1.5 seconds), infection throbbing up my arm within two hours. Hospital. 10 day course of 4.5g/day heavy duty antibiotics, with no booze. Ended up not drinking for three years.

Back on the sauce now. Cat still around too.

After some debate, the definitive answer was a pregnant leopard seal – the thinking was that the carrying of the pup would weaken the mother seal,

I suggest you and your mates have not spent much time around pregnant women.