Today… I won in a fight 🙂

Weapons of choice for Rat… feet and a broom head.

Finish Him!

Do mice count.

Posted 2 months ago

I reckon I could beat a beached whale on points.

Posted 2 months ago

there is a sign on the road into Inners say’s “Danger Red Squirrels” and that got me proper worried… I had visions of one flying in through the open window and going straight for the neck…. so I try and keep the windows up now

Many years ago, driving a small van up to Glentress, we saw a sign saying “Caution, Peacocks”

We were like – WTF, how likely is that?! – went round the next bend and right in the middle of the lane was a huge peacock with a great long tail.

It flapped a bit and managed to get airborne enough to slide up the bonnet then the windscreen. Turned out it was some stately home just off that road and they obviously allowed the peacocks free roam of the whole estate.

I imagine that, like swans, a pissed-off peacock could probably break your arm.

Posted 2 months ago

I always thought I could take on a red squirrel…. I know they have vicious teeth but

Posted 2 months ago

For all those belittling the mighty rat…

What happens if you put him down with a well aimed punch, but he manages to get in a last gasp bite whilst you finish him off at close quarters..

You later contract the plaque or some other hideous rat Bourne disease and die a slow and excruciating death

Does that count as a draw or does the rat win on countback?

Posted 2 months ago

Today… I won in a fight 🙂

Weapons of choice for Rat… feet and a broom head.

So, not unarmed then. Technically therefore you are DQ, and it beat you.

Posted 2 months ago

crazy-legs
Full Member

I imagine that, like swans, a pissed-off peacock could probably break your arm.

We had mental swans at my old work, I used to tell the kids that there is actually no recorded incidence of a swan breaking a human’s arm. There is, however, at least one confirmed murder.

I fought a whole load of canada gooses once. Arguable whether it was a draw or a win for me, I’m claiming a strategic win. But since we know that gorillas and elephants totally shite it off of gooses, I reckon this establishes a pecking order

Me being defeated by a swan

https://vimeo.com/223488296

Posted 2 months ago

As for large dogs, my dad used to be a dog handler there were a few folk who thought they could take on large dogs, generally the dog always won.

People are generally pretty soft, internet warriors especially 🤣

Posted 2 months ago

I would not take on a rat unarmed. They don’t eat, don’t sleep, they don’t feed, they don’t seethe, bare their gums when they moan and squeak.

Posted 2 months ago

I reckon I could take a coked up grizzly bear.

Posted 2 months ago

Skunk.

Me.

No contest😂

Posted 2 months ago

“nah – bear maybe but if a cougar wants to hurt you, you likely won’t even see it”.

LOL – or something

A few years ago on holiday I narrowly avoided* being eaten by a big** cat whilst taking photos of an agouti. I’d been squatted down still for a good few minutes when I heard a crunch of leaves behind me, I stood up and spun round to see a large cat making a very very quick bee line towards me/the agouti. It pulled up short as I stood and exclaimed quite loudly “oh that’s a surprise” or words to that effect then just sauntered round me, and decided to go find something else for dinner.

It was quite terrifying that it was completely silent except for the leaves both before and after I knew it was there.

*I’m assuming the agouti was to be dinner not me.

**I’m pretty sure it was an ocelot given where I was, it was yellow ish and spoty so either ocelot or jaguar. If it were a jaguar I don’t think it would have stopped when I turned out to be 6’4 not 2′ tall. That said I reckon it was biiig dog sized, like a big alsatian or something which makes it big for the former.

Either way, but for luck, if it wanted me dead I’d never have known what it was beyond big and hurty.

Posted 2 months ago

I would not take on a rat unarmed. they don’t seethe,

Lucky really as you can’t fight the seether.

Posted 2 months ago

Not bears, this guy only just got away

A Bear Is Ripping Off My Nipple

I think I’m most worried about animals that can run faster than me and/or climb trees. Actually that’s all of them..

Posted 2 months ago

A shark could definitely outswim me, but I could easily outrun one, so in a triathlon it would come down to who could cycle faster……….

Posted 2 months ago

so in a triathlon it would come down to who could cycle faster……….

Dont triathlons start with the swim?
So it would be too full for either the run or ride.

Posted 2 months ago

Dont triathlons start with the swim?

They start and end there to be honest, they’re almost all lost in the water*, especially against a shark.

*Maybe less so at the pointy end, but that being said imagine the pointy end of a shark is probably more likely to win in the water.

Posted 2 months ago

Yeah, but technically that’s your big, bad wolf. There must be a few small, convivial ones surely? I read as a boy, what you do is jam your forearm in it’s mouth and push it’s head back to break it’s neck. As a nine year old I wasn’t sure how realistic this scenario was.

Let me get this right. The wolf is trying to eat you, so you start stuffing body parts in its mouth. Well, it’s a plan, I suppose. Mainly the wolf’s plan, but there we go.

Posted 2 months ago

Surely be a wolf you just climb a tree then jump on it, what with dogs not being able to look upwards and all.

Posted 2 months ago

The wolf is trying to eat you, so you start stuffing body parts in its mouth. Well, it’s a plan, I suppose. Mainly the wolf’s plan, but there we go.

🤣🤣

I’m sure I read somewhere (maybe something like the SAS Survival Handbook…?) that reaching as far down the animal’s throat as possible was supposed to be the way to choke it but I can imagine that’s one of those things very easy to write and much more difficult to put into practice since the default reaction is to try and pull your hand out of its mouth, not push it further in.

And yes, chances are you’ll still end up with a broken arm and a lot of blood loss.

I still think befriending the wolf is the way forward. It worked in Dances With Wolves.

Posted 2 months ago

You later contract the plaque

Which will cost you in dentist fees

or some other hideous rat Bourne disease

you wake up not knowing who you are, with a full set of assassin skills

Posted 2 months ago

I’m pretty sure it was an ocelot

I know how to titillate an ocelot*.

(*Apparently you have to oscillate its tits a lot.)

Posted 2 months ago

I’m sure I read somewhere (maybe something like the SAS Survival Handbook…?)

Or maybe a book by a historical reenactor who always wears full plate armour. Since in that case it is a pretty sound plan although just standing there laughing whilst it breaks its teeth is another.

Posted 2 months ago

Jokes about rats aside I’ve got some rodent in the downstairs ceiling… upstairs floor…
If I can get it to come out I’ll face it down .. otherwise a bit stuck as to how to catch the bugger without finding how it got in … short of traps through light apertures not sure how to proceed… deffo don’t want to poison the poor sod inside the roof/floor space

Posted 2 months ago

The typos in this thread are great.

things like cougars, dears, hippos, bears that sort of thing.

Little old ladies can be very vicious.

rat Bourne

Just don’t let it get its paws on a pen or you’re done for

Posted 2 months ago

This is the most entertaining thread in ages.

Posted 2 months ago

I would not take on a rat unarmed. They don’t eat, don’t sleep, they don’t feed, they don’t seethe, bare their gums when they moan and squeak.

Nice use of Pearl Jam lyrics.

Posted 2 months ago

Little old ladies can be very vicious.

cougars or dears?

Posted 2 months ago

hat reaching as far down the animal’s throat as possible was supposed to be the way to choke it 

This is true, this article covers large dogs, a wolf is a large dog right 😬

Combative Anatomy: How to fight a dog

Posted 2 months ago

I’m sure I read somewhere (maybe something like the SAS Survival Handbook…?) that reaching as far down the animal’s throat as possible was supposed to be the way to choke it

I read about this (though I think it was a panther rather than a wolf) in one of the ‘Adventure’ books by Willard Price. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adventure_series_(Willard_Price)

Theres lots of advice for surviving attacks by all sorts of animals, including elephants.

Posted 2 months ago

KAYAK23…..Just shot hot chocolate out of my nose after reading your pigeon post.

Posted 2 months ago

I’m sure I read somewhere (maybe something like the SAS Survival Handbook…?) that reaching as far down the animal’s throat as possible was supposed to be the way to choke it

Not recommended for crocodiles

Posted 2 months ago

I would not take on a rat unarmed. They don’t eat, don’t sleep, they don’t feed, they don’t seethe, bare their gums when they moan and squeak.

Suicidal rats near me are pretty stupid. Rather than ending their lives crossing the 4 lanes of 60~70mph traffic, they chose the parallel farm access road and scuttle under my bike wheels and I feel a soft bump.

Posted 2 months ago

Some cyclist, up whom I cannot be bothered to look, once said:
“Training is like wrestling a gorilla. You don’t stop when you are tired, you stop when the gorilla is tired.”

Posted 2 months ago

I imagine that, like swans, a pissed-off peacock could probably break your arm.

A nasty peck at yer balls, most likely. There’s no chance whatsoever of any bird damaging a human with its wings. Their beaks and claws, however…

Any bird that can crack open a brazil nut with its beak has to be treated with respect, same goes for birds that can take down something like a fox or a deer.

Posted 2 months ago

Giraffe

Posted 2 months ago

Who thinks they could take on a Giraffe? Bit of a wild card! I’m in two minds to be honest. Half of me thinks yeah, they’re big but they seem brittle and appear to move in slow motion. The other half has visions of being trampled (in slow motion) or whacked with that freaky neck.

Posted 2 months ago

We’ve had a (big) family of rats living under the decking, taking advantage of Mrs STR giving the local bird population lots of food.

They are far more scared of me than I of them. Just have to be careful with leptospirosis. I made her cut the food source down and they left anyway

Posted 2 months ago

Once you had it in a headlock it’d be game over, you’d be too heavy to lift (well, i would be) and it couldnt bring its legs to bare against you.

All you need to do now is fogure out how to get a giraffe in a headlock.

Posted 2 months ago

Giraffes use their heads as clubs

Posted 2 months ago