I reckon I could take Gerald the giraffe, it’s well known that despite being very good at standing still and munching shoots off trees, he’s no good at running around as he buckles at the knees. (I’ve read this book a lot)

Giraffes use their heads as clubs

And kangaroos are the bouncers, but that’s not important right now.

Giraffes use their heads as clubs

If we are in a fight to the death, ill thought out tactics for cheating at poker just isn’t going to cut it.

Giraffes use their heads as clubs

That was on a David Attenborough programme – they can apparently break a lion’s back that way.

I reckon I could take Gerald the giraffe

Gerald was a gorilla, everyone knows that.

My dog tried to take on a house cat, and ended up scampering off looking very sheepish with a bit of cat claw stuck in his cheek.

Cat’s are badass when they’re riled.

Unless the dog is a seriously badass MF, in a general run of the mill doggo Vs devil in a cat suit altercation, there’s only ever one winner

Does Dave have retractable Blades?

Ants aren’t on that list, they can be nasty.

Certainly don’t tread on an ant, you’ll end up black and blue. Seemingly, if you cut off his head, legs come looking for you

Giraffes don’t appear to like cyclists.

I was going to say hedgehog, but I’d still want appropriate PPE, those spines are sharp!

Maybe a qokka?

I have two Bengal cats.

One is the perfect moggie, he’s gentle and will chirp a thank you when you open a door for him and he loves people. The other one is a complete knob. He scratches things, yowls and jumps onto my office desk at home, showing his hoop to all of my work colleagues in Teams chats. He adores affection right up until he bites your hand. This wee bugger will square up to me when I tell him off, if then -for whatever rare reason- he feels like he can’t best me physically he’ll go and triumphantly shit in the bath.

How do you fight that?

Re: the ‘chimp’ vs ‘poultry’ argument, the porcupine in question, nothing with any sense whatsoever takes on a porcupine…

Cat’s are badass when they’re riled.

Our cat used to object to our landlord or my boss riding thier horses past our house on the farm track – it would rush out and square up, all bottlebrush tail and hissing…
Same cat saw off a Limousin bull which escaped over the wall into our garden….

I have defeated many slugs, armed only with a salt cellar, they don’t like it on em Captain Mainwaring.

Although , I think snail’s habit of wearing armour constitutes cheating.

I have defeated many slugs, armed only with a salt cellar

Once again, the thread is “What animal could you take on in unarmed combat” and by arming yourself with chemical weapons not only have you contravened the Geneva Convention, but you’ve also been DQ’ed and therefore technically got beaten in unarmed combat by a slug.

Same cat saw off a Limousin bull which escaped over the wall into our garden….

We used to have cats and I’ve felt a cat’s claws in my leg or foot more than once. I’ve also seen a clear point of attack in the picture of that bull. I too would have been back over the wall and **** off to the far side of fuckoffsville

(what a beautiful looking bull by the way. I’m inspired almost to recite the Jeff Wode speech out of Withnail)

“Imagine the size of his balls. Imagine getting into a fight with the f**ker!”

What is that fool in the giraffe video doing? Basically sauntering around a bush whilst the giraffe slowly follows. Worst attack video ever.

He wants to get the bugger in a headlock

He wants to get the bugger in a headlock

Or throw the bike over the Giraffes head, giving it a permanent necklace…

No one canbeat this chap

Not a cat – mine caused me to spend a weekend in hospitals by biting and infecting me when I put it in the cat carrier to go to the vet. The infection working its way up my arm was apparently not a good thing.

So mouse or small insect for me.

This thread is amazing!!

I have occasionally thought about this sort of thing whilst driving long distances…usually late at night.

What @nickc said about the chimp….you wouldn’t stand a chance!! The King Cobra only needs to strike once, but he’s had thousands of years to perfect that. A rat has the heart of a lion and can move fast and they can jump and i believe that they go for the eyes. A wolf?!?! Forget that. I once saw a demonstration of security dogs at a country show again, you wouldn’t stand a chance…

Maybe that’s why humans have developed the way we have to use weapons rather than going toe to toe with animals. I don’t think we’re that hard when compared to other species…we can’t move that fast, don’t have that much power or endurance etc….

I think though if i had to have a fight with something it would have to be some kind of mid sized rabbit.

I once watched a documentary on the Honey Badger – i’d run a mile if bumped into one of those – highly unlikely based down in the south east!

I read about this (though I think it was a panther rather than a wolf) in one of the ‘Adventure’ books by Willard Price. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adventure_series_(Willard_Price)

Theres lots of advice for surviving attacks by all sorts of animals, including elephants.

The Hunt brothers best weapon was making friends with the animals, before condemning them to a life sentence in some random zoo.

I once watched a documentary on the Honey Badger – i’d run a mile if bumped into one of those – highly unlikely based down in the south east!

Was that Stoffel? Couldn’t keep him imprisoned, he’d break out of anywhere, including into a lion cage to have a crack at a lion. 🙂

Nowhere does it state that the animals can’t be baby versions, in which case I could probably deck all of them.

I don’t think we’re that hard when compared to other species…we can’t move that fast, don’t have that much power or endurance etc….

Endurance is actually one of the things humans are good at (potentially anyway if not in fact for most of us nowadays).
The need for it dropped with better tools but there is a hypothesis that it was our ancestors secret weapon for a time.

Wasp
Sloth
Anne Widdicombe.

Someone mentioned Steve Irwin a while back. His favourite puppet show was Fireball XL5. But he said he always had a place in his heart for Stingray.

I have two Bengal cats.

One is the perfect moggie, he’s gentle and will chirp a thank you when you open a door for him and he loves people. The other one is a complete knob. He scratches things, yowls and jumps onto my office desk at home, showing his hoop to all of my work colleagues in Teams chats. He adores affection right up until he bites your hand. This wee bugger will square up to me when I tell him off, if then -for whatever rare reason- he feels like he can’t best me physically he’ll go and triumphantly shit in the bath.

How do you fight that?

Chuck it out the cat flap.
Thats what my cats get if the get uppity.

My cats are tiny, anyone who picks either up goes ohhh, they’re small. Might not work with something lion sized!

The Hunt brothers best weapon was making friends with the animals, before condemning them to a life sentence in some random zoo.

I know that now, but God, I loved those books when I was in primary school.

A clawless, toothless Honey Badger. 😆

Someone mentioned Steve Irwin a while back. His favourite puppet show was Fireball XL5. But he said he always had a place in his heart for Stingray.

Savage but funny 🙂

Was that Stoffel? Couldn’t keep him imprisoned, he’d break out of anywhere, including into a lion cage to have a crack at a lion. 🙂

The sense of purpose Stoffel had was amazing. He didn’t walk so much as swagger down he trail…

I know that now, but God, I loved those books when I was in primary school.

Same. I even kept one. Tried to introduce them to my kids who showed absolutely no interest whatsoever. Then I started reading one again and the whole catching animals for the zoo didn’t go down too well.

A Budgie…. i could knack a Budgie

Trouble is, the only creatures I’d be prepared to take on unarmed, are things that aren’t a threat anyway, in which case it’s pointless.
Now, scratchy, bitey things, they deserve whatever’s coming, if if it’s an unprovoked attack on me.

I saw a motto, painted on the back of a painting in the Courtoulds Gallery in London. Dated around 1380-1430, in Old French, and it’s going to be one of my next tattoos:  Je he ce que mord – I hate things that bite. Something I think we can all relate to!

What is that fool in the giraffe video doing?

Trying to avoid being kicked to death. Giraffes run at 40mph, so cycling away is likely to end painfully.

On a night ride I once punched an owl.

On a night ride I once punched an owl.

Did Akela intervene and rally the rest of the cub troop?

that tricked me wasn’t expecting some upfront data but I am totally bemused that US and UK people look pretty happy to take on a kangaroo

this local to me and pretty sure passed the injured person a few times (not while injured!)

joggerattackedbyroo

… need to go back and check the data as I was going to run with Guinea pig …looks like a badger but is lot lot smaller..all sqeak and no fight