Urinal Etiquette

Sorry for the poor tone of this post, but where else do you ask?

Is it acceptable to pass wind when stood next to someone at a urinal? I think not but seems to be common practice lately.

If can’t let go at the urinal then where can you?

Good point, that is why I am struggling a bit with this one.

Yes, but a mumbled ‘scuse me’ is considered good manners.

If it the smell that’s offending you, you might be in the wrong place 🙂

And if the tone is poor, you need to work on your technique.

It’s not only acceptable, it’s de rigueur. You’re not in the Ladies frank.

Bloke in the pub did it on Saturday night – he found HILARIOUS but to be fair it was pretty epic.

Suppose it’s better there than at the bar.

There was a young fellow from Sparta.
A really magnificent farter.
On the strength of one bean
He’d fart “God Save the Queen,”
And Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata.

He could vary, with proper persuasion,
His fart to suit any occasion.
He could fart like a flute,
Like a lark, like a lute,
This highly fartistic Caucasian.

This sparkling young farter from Sparta,
His fart for no money would barter.
He could roar from his rear
Any scene from Shakespeare,
Or Gilbert and Sullivan’s Mikado.

Nobody could play the classics finer,
As he showed me one day in the diner.
I had a bagel with lox
While he played from his buttocks:
Chopin’s Etude #12 in C-minor.

He’d fart a gavotte for a starter,
And fizzle a fine serenata.
He could play on his anus
The Coriolanus:
Oof, boom,er-tum,tootle, yum tah-dah!

He was great in the Christmas Cantata,
He could double-stop fart the Toccata,
He’d boom from his ass
Bach’s B-Minor Mass,
And in counterpoint, La Traviata.

Spurred on by a very high wager
With an envious German named Bager,
He’d proceeded to fart
The complete oboe part
Of a Haydn Octet in B-major.

His reportoire ranged from classics to jazz,
He achieved new effects with bubbles of gas.
With a good dose of salts
He could whistle a waltz
Or swing it in razzamatazz.

His basso profundo with timbre so rare
He rendered quite often, with power to spare.
But his great work of art,
His fortissimo fart,
He saved for the Marche Militaire.

One day he was dared to perform
The William Tell Overture Storm,
But naught could dishearten
Our spirited Spartan,
For his fart was in wonderful form.

It went off in capital style,
And he farted it through with a smile,
Then, feeling quite jolly,
He tried the finale,
Blowing double-stopped farts all the while.

The selection was tough, I admit,
But it did not dismay him one bit,
Then, with his ass thrown aloft
He suddenly coughed…
And collapsed in a shower of s—.

His bunghole was blown back to Sparta,
Where they buried the rest of our farter,
With a gravestone of turds
Inscribed with the words:
“To the Fine Art of Farting, A Martyr.”

johhners +1
The great ape + 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Rusty Spanner – Member
Yes, but a mumbled ‘scuse me’ is considered good manners.

You must NEVER talk at the urinal, even in this circumstance.

thegreatape

Outstanding, I might have to memorise that!!!!!!!!!!!!! EPIC

my favourite toilet moment: standing there with the usual eyes forward mind your own business etiquette only to be distracted by the arrival of a very drunk and vociferous chap who then fumbled about and pulled a bollok out and held it over the urinal leaving his gentlemans vegetable in situ and then wee’d down the inside of his jeans. The fact he let out a long satisfied “arhhhhhhhhhh” followed by pause and then “ohmygod” had me in stitches.

The Ancient Romans used to treat going to the toilet as social pastime, sure they wouldn’t of been offended by a fart, there should be an LED sound scale by the urinals to measure the loudness of ones fart, make having a wee a bit more entertaining.

Somewhere between franksinatra and flippinheckler theres a happy middle ground

Proud farting in the Gents’ rules, only the weak hide theirs.

On a different note! My 90 year old nan is a great farter, you can hear them downstairs,when she lets one go,while sat on the pot.gawd bless her

welcome to the internet, 1997 edition
http://www.purely-games.com/toilet_etiquette_game.html

An oldish bloke I teach lets off the odd trouser trump, completely without noticing it himself it would seem, or perhaps he sees them as no more out of place than a delicate cough to clear ones throat.

Personally, If at all possible, I would much rather not breathe in the excess gas found residing in the human rectal cavity and so would kindly ask that you keep your atmospheric donations to yourself until such a time that you are alone. 😀

Never mind farting, there was a guy in the cinema toilets the other week using his touch screen smartphone two-handed while stood at the urinal.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

The England & Bath Rugby union prop Victor Ubogu did it next to me in green park station Bath many years ago, never did rate him…..

Starman, so that’s how he split those shorts!

APF

Never mind farting, there was a guy in the cinema toilets the other week using his touch screen smartphone two-handed while stood at the urinal.

So he’d only got a very small one then?

passing wind is ok, but I draw the line at onanism

Yes, but a mumbled ‘scuse me’ is considered good manners.

^ The British way.

For the OP, I have to apologise, that may have been me.

I’m afraid I was too embarrassed to apologise at the time, however straining to lift and hold a heavy object like that does sometimes lead to a little parp sneaking out 😳

‘How lucky you English are to find the toilet so amusing. For us, it is a mundane and functional item. For you it is the basis of an entire culture.’

😉

Hang on a god-darn cotton pickin minute!

Is it acceptable to pass wind when stood next to someone at a urinal?

😯

Just

😯

And you’re complaining about Etiquette!

whats de riguer when a celebrity pulls up next to you? Tom Jones once did a jimmy-riddle next to me and I think he caught me squinting down at his tadger, I’m not gay or nowt- but surely its the done thing if its a famous one?

@lobby_dosser PMSL (well so to speak)

This no talking at the urinals must be a souther. Thing, is it?

It’s perfectly acceptable to talk about the Sunderland back four whilst having a scoit.

Is it acceptable to pass wind when stood next to someone at a urinal?

Needs must on a busy day.

Is it acceptable to pass wind when stood next to someone at a urinal?

Extra points if you then mutter “oh christ not again” and shuffle awkwardly toward a cubical.

Stood/Standing.

It’s important.

I’ve been known to blow out a large one then shout “who did that?”

It’s hilarious I can tell you.

Real men spit whilst pissing and farting.

I once let go a real beauty in Edinburgh airport. The airport was pretty quiet and the only people in earshot were a mother and her son who must have been 7 or 8 years old. The lad and myself were trying to suppress laughter but I could tell the mother was not impressed. The look I got when I turned back to my wife could have cut steel. I thought I was going to get a smacked bottom. I was 30 years old at the time.

Tom Jones once did a jimmy-riddle next to me and I think he caught me squinting down at his tadger, I’m not gay or nowt- but surely its the done thing if its a famous one?

lobby dosser, it’s not unusual.

b’dum piss. 😉

as i share an office the urinal is the only place to release one.

paulosoxo – Member
This no talking at the urinals must be a souther. Thing, is it?

It’s perfectly acceptable to talk about the Sunderland back four whilst having a scoit.

That’s because they are toilet.

igmc

Well done sir!

I was on a treadmill with my iPod on and let rip, I could tell by the blast that it had been heard, just looked along at the other folk running and shook my head as if it was the bird next to me.