[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sedG1kBtn1M[/video]

never fails.

zhat is not my dog.

I fancied joining my local rambler’s club, but when I phoned up to ask about membership the guy just went on and on and on…

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CWfPUrmeiU[/video]

Can’t post the video because there’s a swear, but “obviously you’re not a golfer”

Two of those make no sense, so surely aren’t one liners…

Can’t post the video because there’s a swear, but “obviously you’re not a golfer”

You used IMG tags not the Video ones.

[pedant] if there’s a set up then it’s not a one liner.

That is not my dog is brilliant but only funny because of the previous bit.

You can even possibly argue that Morecambe’s ice cream van isn’t a genuine one liner as the siren is the set up. Without it – no joke. But I’ll let it pass, and add this one in similar vein:

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6b_OooPn_Mk[/video]

“how far away are they” I say it every time we drive past a field of Shetland ponies near us (and the wife does that roll-y eyes face)

Genuine one liner: Milton Jones.

“The man on crutches wearing camouflage clothing who stole my wallet – you can hide but you can’t run”

I like Simon Munnery’s…

“Clowns Divorce. Custody Battle.”

None of these are one liners then

Tim Vine is the master:

I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7t0t-lG0L1k[/video]

Yeah, agree that Tim Vine is current master.

Got any pistols….

Hey, you! What are you doing in my garden?

edit
Or is it get out of my garden?

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndBjraV-3UY[/video]

Sadly, he doesn’t anymore.

Got any pistols….

Lol.

Another Tim Vine one liner

Car park crime, wrong on so many levels.

Multi storey Car park crime, wrong on so many levels

FTFY

Velcro what a rip off

I was a trampoline salesman, off and on.

bodgy – Member
Got any pistols….
Lol.

POSTED 4 HOURS AGO # REPORT-POST

+1

NME many years ago had a regular smart-ass one-liner feature, the best one I remember was “Lowell George knew my father”

Living in a bungalow has one major flaw.

I never wanted to believe my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

First bit of dialogue in this scene

[video]https://youtu.be/NtgFKdWcKXY[/video]

I like Jesus but he loves me, so it’s awkward.

[/url]screengrab[url=https://certificity.com]certificity.com[/url][/img]

My lad said to me one day..
” Dad you smell”

“I can wash, you’re ugly” was my response.

Tim Vines ‘ wrong on so many levels ‘ isn’t his.

I was a trampoline salesman, off and on.

Surely…..

I was a trampoline salesman, it had its ups and downs

There’s a lot of fail on this thread, although I chuckle at the (accurately quoted) Tim Vine ones.

My wife asked for a double entendre, so I gave her one.

Mitch Hedburg was brilliant.

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWH5XubGKLA[/video]

Well I’m disappointed as he never did his grape joke.

My wife asked for a double entendre, so I gave her one.

Then a roadie came in, and gave her one too.

You can even possibly argue that Morecambe’s ice cream van isn’t a genuine one liner as the siren is the set up. Without it – no joke.

The only thing that defines a ‘one liner’ is that its short and funny (just like your mum). But its typically a short funny response to a situation so they can be a funny response to something. Its not all self contained within the one line.

Tim Vine’s jokes for instance – he sets up a scenario and follows it with a one liner. His set ups are also very succinct but the one-liner is still the second bit.

Can’t remember where I first saw or read this but I thought it was pretty good . In response to his partner saying that he never gives her compliments she is told ” For a fat bird you don’t sweat much . ”

Tim Vine’s jokes for instance – he sets up a scenario and follows it with a one liner. His set ups are also very succinct but the one-liner is still the second bit.

Eh?

A one liner is the whole joke in one line. Hence the the name.