The best one liner ever….

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  • The best one liner ever….
  • Premier Icon flashinthepan
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    zhat is not my dog.

    ninfan
    Member

    I fancied joining my local rambler’s club, but when I phoned up to ask about membership the guy just went on and on and on…

    Premier Icon Nipper99
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    [video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sedG1kBtn1M[/video]

    never fails.

    Premier Icon Northwind
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    [video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CWfPUrmeiU[/video]

    Premier Icon Northwind
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    Can’t post the video because there’s a swear, but “obviously you’re not a golfer”

    Premier Icon njee20
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    Two of those make no sense, so surely aren’t one liners…

    Premier Icon Drac
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    Can’t post the video because there’s a swear, but “obviously you’re not a golfer”

    You used IMG tags not the Video ones.

    Premier Icon theotherjonv
    Subscriber

    [pedant] if there’s a set up then it’s not a one liner.

    That is not my dog is brilliant but only funny because of the previous bit.

    You can even possibly argue that Morecambe’s ice cream van isn’t a genuine one liner as the siren is the set up. Without it – no joke. But I’ll let it pass, and add this one in similar vein:

    [video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6b_OooPn_Mk[/video]

    “how far away are they” I say it every time we drive past a field of Shetland ponies near us (and the wife does that roll-y eyes face)

    Genuine one liner: Milton Jones.

    “The man on crutches wearing camouflage clothing who stole my wallet – you can hide but you can’t run”

    Premier Icon maccruiskeen
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    I like Simon Munnery’s…

    “Clowns Divorce. Custody Battle.”

    cynic-al
    Member

    None of these are one liners then

    Premier Icon jimdubleyou
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    Tim Vine is the master:

    I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again

    fongsaiyuk
    Member

    [video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7t0t-lG0L1k[/video]

    onlysteel
    Member

    Yeah, agree that Tim Vine is current master.

    daftvader
    Member

    Got any pistols….

    jontykint
    Member

    Hey, you! What are you doing in my garden?

    edit
    Or is it get out of my garden?

    hols2
    Member

    [video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndBjraV-3UY[/video]

    Sadly, he doesn’t anymore.

    Premier Icon bodgy
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    Got any pistols….

    Lol.

    zanelad
    Member

    Another Tim Vine one liner

    Car park crime, wrong on so many levels.

    Premier Icon MoreCashThanDash
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    Multi storey Car park crime, wrong on so many levels

    FTFY

    Premier Icon howsyourdad1
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    Velcro what a rip off

    paulneenan76
    Member

    I was a trampoline salesman, off and on.

    Premier Icon Wookster
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    bodgy – Member
    Got any pistols….
    Lol.

    POSTED 4 HOURS AGO # REPORT-POST

    +1

    CountZero
    Member

    NME many years ago had a regular smart-ass one-liner feature, the best one I remember was “Lowell George knew my father”

    Premier Icon Onzadog
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    Living in a bungalow has one major flaw.

    MarkBrewer
    Member

    I never wanted to believe my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

    But when I got home, all the signs were there.

    Pigface
    Member

    First bit of dialogue in this scene

    [video]https://youtu.be/NtgFKdWcKXY[/video]

    Rorschach
    Member

    I like Jesus but he loves me, so it’s awkward.

    vongassit
    Member

    [/url]screengrab[url=https://certificity.com]certificity.com[/url][/img]

    tymbian
    Member

    My lad said to me one day..
    ” Dad you smell”

    “I can wash, you’re ugly” was my response.

    tymbian
    Member

    Tim Vines ‘ wrong on so many levels ‘ isn’t his.

    alpin
    Member

    I was a trampoline salesman, off and on.

    Surely…..

    I was a trampoline salesman, it had its ups and downs

    Premier Icon njee20
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    There’s a lot of fail on this thread, although I chuckle at the (accurately quoted) Tim Vine ones.

    Premier Icon Drac
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    My wife asked for a double entendre, so I gave her one.

    aphex_2k
    Member

    Mitch Hedburg was brilliant.

    aphex_2k
    Member

    [video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWH5XubGKLA[/video]

    Premier Icon Drac
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    Well I’m disappointed as he never did his grape joke.

    Premier Icon theotherjonv
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    My wife asked for a double entendre, so I gave her one.

    Then a roadie came in, and gave her one too.

    Premier Icon maccruiskeen
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    You can even possibly argue that Morecambe’s ice cream van isn’t a genuine one liner as the siren is the set up. Without it – no joke.

    The only thing that defines a ‘one liner’ is that its short and funny (just like your mum). But its typically a short funny response to a situation so they can be a funny response to something. Its not all self contained within the one line.

    Tim Vine’s jokes for instance – he sets up a scenario and follows it with a one liner. His set ups are also very succinct but the one-liner is still the second bit.

    Ramsey Neil
    Member

    Can’t remember where I first saw or read this but I thought it was pretty good . In response to his partner saying that he never gives her compliments she is told ” For a fat bird you don’t sweat much . ”

    Premier Icon Drac
    Subscriber

    Tim Vine’s jokes for instance – he sets up a scenario and follows it with a one liner. His set ups are also very succinct but the one-liner is still the second bit.

    Eh?

    A one liner is the whole joke in one line. Hence the the name.

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